The internet is full of dating advice for men. And to be honest, a lot of it is a jumbled mess!
For this post, I wanted to bring something new and different to the table.
And so, I invited Jolene Clifford to be a part of this YouTube video I filmed for my channel.
Jolene has been helping me more and more behind the scenes, as I seek to uncover the best methods, dating tips, and ideas to help men win with women, score better dates, and level-up their attraction!
And in this post, I’m going to share the 3 crucial tips Jolene shared with me during our interview – The 3 crucial things men get wrong the most when talking to women!
Let’s dive in!
[Also check out: How To Keep A Conversation Going With A Girl: 4 Expert Tips!]
Tip #1 – Don’t Start Off Asking For Nudes!
Jolene said that this happens to her a lot, but that it is not the way to get a woman to like you!
“Don’t start off the conversation asking her for nudes,” Jolene said. “Or even bringing up sex in general!”
“You can flirt, but until she brings it up herself, just don’t do it. It’s very unattractive.”
I asked her why it comes off as unattractive. I also said that, to me, it feels desperate when men come right out asking for nudes/talking about sex right away.
“Yeah, it absolutely is,” she replied. “I understand if you want to have the sex and want to do all that. That’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with that. But be honest about it and open from the get-go. Don’t try to date somebody if you’re only trying to have the sex.”
She then went on to say this.
“If you want to seriously date someone, just be chill. Just talk about things you are both interested in. Even talk about the weather before you bring up any of that (nudes/sex) stuff! Let it naturally happen between the two of you.”
I feel like this advice was super valuable. A lot of men get goal oriented about sex, and don’t just relax and let things unfold!
What About A Hookup?
I asked her if it made any difference to her if it was just supposed to be a hookup. Are women just as thrown-off when men ask for nudes if it is only supposed to be a hookup? I also asked about dick picks. Should men send them?
Her answer was pretty straightforward, and I agree with her!
“If it is like Tinder, that is mostly for hookups, so it is expected. But if you are in a place where you seriously are wanting to date somebody, then no, you shouldn’t do that (ask for nudes/send dick picks).”
“But even on Tinder, send a winky face. Start the flirtation. Let it be known that it is there, and if she wants a dick pick, send her one. But if she doesn’t ask for it, don’t send it. It isn’t flattering to be sitting there, having a conversation, being asked what your favorite color is… you say blue, and in response, you get a dick pick!”
She summarized her thoughts on the ‘should men send a dick pick’ question with a pretty common-sense call to action for men.
“Don’t do it. Just don’t do it.”
Tip #2 – Don’t Have Immediate Expectations
Jolene went right into this one with some pretty sharp dating advice for men that I totally agreed with, that I believe mirrors one of the most powerful alpha-male tenets… that high value men are self sufficient, and don’t rely on a woman to validate them!
“Sometimes, a guy will want you to drop everything. He won’t want you to talk to any other guys, or any other girls. He will want you to focus specifically on him.”
She then immediately explained why this was such a turn-off.
“Dating is dating. That doesn’t mean you are immediately (only) with that person. You are dating around. You are talking to people. You are trying to find a good fit. So if you start talking to a girl and you immediately tell her that she has to do this or that, it is controlling. It feels like it is controlling. We feel like we are immediately losing our freedom, and it is a big turn-off.”
Desperation Is A Huge Turn-Off For Women
I chimed in on this by sharing that, from my standpoint, it looks like a lot of men get really desperate because they don’t feel like they have any good dating options.
This can lead to men feeling like they need to hurry up and try to ‘seal off the rivals’ before the girl moves on.
But… this is low-value male behavior. And if we act like this, men, we will absolutely drive women away!
Being comfortable, confident, and secure are big turn-ons! But controlling behavior/desperation are definitely the opposite!
Insecurity Is Also A Major Turn-Off For Women
I asked Jolene what she thought this kind of ‘controlling behavior’ was caused by. And she seemed perfectly ready with her answer.
“Probably insecurities, for sure. I know that a lot of guys, and a lot of girls, have their own insecurities. But yeah, they get jealous, and it shows that they already can’t trust you.”
“When you first start talking to somebody, it shouldn’t matter what your ex did to you. It shouldn’t matter what your parents did to you. It shouldn’t matter why you have certain triggers. It doesn’t matter. They are not that person, so trust them… let them have their thing. If they want to be with you, it will happen. Just don’t have an expectation of it. It’s just like the sex thing, or the dick picks. Let it be natural.”
I actually really liked this advice. I feel like this absolutely mirrors the alpha-male ideology, that men need to be self-sufficient and emotionally strong!
I asked her if controlling behavior felt like a low-value signal from men. She definitely confirmed that the answer is yes!
“I don’t really know how to word it. It just makes you feel like you don’t have any options whenever a guy does that immediately. It just comes at you, it feels like you are being attacked. Say you want to do certain things with your friends, but then he tells you to come out with him instead. Don’t do that!”
“Encourage her to have fun with her friends! Encourage her to go shopping, or whatever it is that she likes to do! Join in the fun if she wants you to! But let her have her own life, and stop expecting her to be your wife immediately.”
Tip #3 – Don’t Be Clingy!
“This ties in with the desperation thing, honestly,” Jolene explained.
“Clinginess. It also ties in with letting her do her own thing. You know, double texting, triple texting, all of that; over and over and over again. It’s not cool. It feels like you are being suffocated.”
She went on to clarify, however, that double texting is not always a bad thing.
“I mean, of course if you are having an in-depth conversation, and you say, what is your favorite collection series? Or do you like comic books? If they double text you to send you two comic-book titles, that’s not double texting. That’s just conversation.”
She also offered this valuable advice for men when it comes to texting.
“If she doesn’t text you back within ten minute after sending her the text, don’t text her again. Some men do this, wait 30 minutes, and then say “well I guess you’re too busy to speak to me,” or something negative like that.”
“This happens to me a lot! I get men saying things like ‘well, nevermind then.’ It’s like, I have children, and also, I don’t always want to be on my phone. I want to watch my shows, or clean something, or paint, or whatever. It’s just better if you’re not clingy. Just keep it smooth. Try to be casual about it, and let her breathe, for sure!”
At What Point Should Men Realize That She’s Just Not Into Them?
I asked Jolene during our sit-down… What’s the tell? What is the sign (over text message) that a woman just isn’t interested?
“Her texts will end up being shorter, for sure. They won’t be conversations with long texts back. It will be maybe a sideways smile emoji, or like a ‘yeah, sure. That sounds fun.’”
“At first, it might be that she’s busy, or she may be like me, and just doesn’t want to text at that moment, because she doesn’t want to. We don’t need to have a reason why! We don’t need to excuse ourselves. Neither do guys!”
“If you text her the next day, and she doesn’t text you back for a few hours, and/or it’s very dry, with short answers, if you want to continue on and think it’s worth it, more power to you. But usually, she has a lot of other people in her inbox whom she is more interested in.”
This only confirms that if a woman wants you, she will make it known… especially if you make it a bit easier for her by putting yourself out there, engaging with her, and showing an interest.
There was a lot of valuable conversation in the video that didn’t make its way into this post, so make sure to check that out.
As men, it does us well to listen to women. We can learn a lot about what women are looking for by keeping an open ear and an open mind, and I am very thankful to Jolene for stepping in and talking about this with me!
Well, this is where I’m going to cut it off for this one.
But until next time, go with grace, my friends… and never give up your power!
See you on the next one.
Joshua K. Sigafus