What are the signs he wants you bad?
How do you know that he actually wants YOU, and not just SEXUAL ACCESS TO YOU?
I hear this question from women all the time.
And I understand it.
Women who are serious about a relationship want to know that men are in the same place. But vetting partners in a world where men often lie and mislead women can be a daunting task.
As a man, women used to be mysterious to me. And now, I am starting to realize that men are just as mysterious to women!
But as a man, I can also safely say that men aren’t that difficult to figure out.
And if you’ve been talking to a man, dating him, hanging out with him, or even having sex – you probably want to know if you’re wasting your time, or if there is an actual future with him on the horizon?
Let’s talk about it.
How Do You Know If A Man Sees A Future With You?
If a man sees a future with you, he will begin to invest in you and spend resources on you. Some of those investments will look like this.
He Will Invest Time Into You
Is he spending more time with you? Is he scheduling dates, showing up to dates, calling you on the phone, and spending time to message you?
If he’s just in it for a quick bang, he’ll try to keep his investment to a minimum.
He Takes Time To Listen
A man who is only interested in getting into your panties isn’t going to be super interested in learning about you.
On the other side of the coin, a man who is potentially interested in a future will absolutely want to learn about you.
He will ask good questions and listen to your answers.
He will want to listen to your ideas, your passions, your plans, your goals, and how you think about the world. If he’s truly into you, these things will matter to him a lot.
He Will Legitimately Show Care And Concern For Your Wellbeing
On one hand, it isn’t a man’s responsibility to take care of you.
But… if a man is truly interested in a future with you, he will have a vested interest in caring for you.
If you’re sick, he will show genuine concern. If you run into a problem, he will likely want to do his part to help you navigate it.
If tragedy strikes, he is going to want to invest in you and stand beside you as you deal with it.
Men who aren’t interested in a future with you, on the other hand, will tend to disappear when hard times strike – because they won’t want to deal with the problems or put in that extra effort.
He Wants To Learn About You And Takes An Active Interest In Your Life
Does he ask questions about your life? Is he interested in what you enjoy and how you spend your time?
Does he seem legitimately interested in your work, family, social circles, hobbies, projects, passions, and goals?
A man who sees a potential future with you will want to know about these things, and will take an active interest in them.
His Communication With You Is Consistent
Now, don’t get me wrong. A high value man is probably not going to be blowing up your phone constantly. He will be busy with his business, his life, his family, his friends, etc.
But – he will still make an effort to communicate with you, and he does so consistently.
He may not text you every hour on the hour, but you shouldn’t find yourself confused. He won’t ‘disappear’ for days and days. He won’t ghost you and then randomly show back up a couple weeks later.
Even if he is very busy, he will still make sure to communicate consistently – even if that means just a couple of texts every day. Most importantly, he won’t disappear and then reappear off and on!
He Makes It Clear That He Is Interested
Guys who are not technically interested in ‘you’ will sometimes quasi invest. They may be interested in certain elements or parts of you or your life, but not in you, as the human and woman you are.
With that being said, men who are actually interested in you will make that interest known.
They will say things and do things to let you know that they are actually interested in getting to know you better, spending quality time with you, learning about you, and potentially building a future with you.
He Won’t Mind Paying For Dinner
We live in a modern world where men and women are equal. And so, a man shouldn’t be expected to always pay for dinner – especially not at first, and not all the time!
But, with that being said, as a man, I can tell you full well that men’s core sexual programming is based on provision and protection.
And that still manifests itself in many ways – and as small a thing as it may seem, buying dinner is one of those ways!
I often describe it like this. If I’m into her enough, just the act of paying for her dinner is satisfying to me and brings me joy and pleasure.
Sometimes, men will buy dinner in the hopes of a reward. But sometimes, they offer to pay because they are genuinely interested!
Signs He Wants You To Be His Girlfriend
Entering the ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ phase of the relationship is an important step. It is usually marked by relationship agreements, and an ‘official’ level of status that more casual relationships don’t hold.
Here are some ways for you to know that he’s legitimately interested in making you his girlfriend.
He Lets You Into His Emotions
When I talk to women I’m not interested in, I never really divulge my emotions.
Why? Because this requires me to exhibit a certain level of vulnerability. And as a high value man, I’m careful about who I allow into that part of my life.
So if I share emotions with you, telling you about my stressors, confiding in you about how I feel about something – that is a good sign that I’m actually interested in you.
He Talks To You About Deeper Things
I will talk to almost any woman about my business goals, my passions, my plans, my goals, and the activities of my day.
But I almost never talk about deeper issues with women unless I plan for them to become a more permanent fixture in my circle.
Family issues, anxieties, personal challenges, the demons that I face in my life, the darker experiences of my past that I am still working to overcome – these are the types of things I reserve for discussion only with partners whom I want to stay close to and invest in.
He Actually Takes You On Dates, Or At Least Puts Effort Into Time Spent Together
Meeting up to watch a show and eat some pizza can be considered a nice date – but pay attention to how much effort he is putting into it!
Is he inviting you over at 11 pm to hopefully score a hookup? Or, is he asking you to formally hang out and spend time with him at a decent hour of the day?
If I am actually into a woman, I will try to plan a date with her at a reasonable time and mark that time off on my calendar. I will also put some effort into trying to make it a fun and memorable experience!
He Openly Communicates With You On Social Media
I’ve talked to so many women who complain that men won’t ‘publicly’ communicate with them on social media.
Now, don’t get me wrong – going ‘social media official’ is a step that takes some time!
But if he’s not tagging you in anything, ever, then you may be looking at a situation where he doesn’t want other people on his friend list to know that he’s talking to you.
Do you get the sense that he’s trying to ‘hide’ you? If so, you may be looking at a sketchy situation!
He Laughs At Your Jokes And Genuinely Seems To Enjoy Your Company
When I met my girlfriend, I tried to spend time with her as often as I could. I also genuinely enjoyed her company, laughed at her jokes, and found myself just enjoying her presence.
If a man seems to legitimately enjoy you as a person, that’s a good sign. As men, we don’t always feel that way about a woman.
Does he laugh at the things you say? Does his face light up when you give your opinion about things? Does he seem excited to hear what you have to say?
Does he seem to get excited when the two of you make plans?
If you can answer ‘yes’ to these things, he’s probably legitimately interested in you and is at least thinking about the next step.
He Cares About Fitting In Well With Your Family And Friends
A high value man is going to understand that your friends and family are an important part of your life.
Therefore, he is going to respect that, and he is going to do his best to integrate well with them when the time comes to meet them and interact.
A high value man would never make a woman he cares about feel like she needs to choose between him and her family/friends, unless she is legitimately surrounded by unhealthy people.
I may not have a lot in common with my girlfriend’s family and friends, but they still matter to me – and I try my best to make my relationships with them positive and meaningful.
Signs He Wants A Relationship
Some men just want sex. But… There are high value men out there who are looking for relationships.
How do you spot them? Here are the number-one signs.
He Introduces You To His Friends And Family
I would never introduce a woman to my family unless I was serious about her.
If I think that a girl could be a good friend or potential girlfriend material, I will also introduce her to my friends. But I would never introduce a random hook-up to my friends!
Take notes from this, ladies. If he wants to bring you into his circle, it usually actually means something to him!
He Takes His Time And Doesn’t Rush It
Men who are controlled by their emotions may rush into a relationship with you and try to push it fast.
But this is not healthy!
A high value man will realize this, and will be able to find a way to let you know that he is still interested while also taking things slow and giving it the time it needs to properly cultivate.
Respect a man who will slow things down while still investing time into you! It’s a sign that he may actually be serious about you.
He Rarely Cancels On You, And He Never Flakes For No Reason
I sometimes need to cancel plans with my girlfriend for work. But that is pretty much the only reason I would ever cancel.
And I would never just flake on her!
That is so disrespectful, and it only shows that I do not care about investing time.
If a man just dips and flakes on you, he’s not respecting you. If he needs to reschedule, a high value man will connect with you, apologize for the inconvenience, and respectfully suggest a specific time and place for rescheduling.
He Cultivates Honesty
Does he show you that he’s honest, and that he cares about honesty in return?
If so, then there is a good chance that he is actually interested in you for the long-term.
Here’s the thing – total honesty can take a lot of work. And short-term flings or hookups may not be worth the effort to him!
But an actual relationship? That is worth a lot more. And a high value man will understand that cultivating honesty with you from the beginning is important.
He Compliments You On Your Looks
When I’m legitimately interested in a woman, I’m not going to gush over her or put her on a pedestal – but I will complement her style and let her know that I really enjoy it!
I will make an effort to let her know that I’m into her.
Whereas, if it feels like you can’t even pry some compliments out of your guy – there is a chance that he may not be ‘that into you,’ and is just spending time with you to have something to do!
He Makes It Known That He Wants You Sexually, But Doesn’t Make That The Focus Of His Attention
Now, some men struggle with this. They might struggle with sexual escalation because they don’t want to offend or cross boundaries.
But with that being said, a high value man will make it known that he desires you, but he won’t make sex with you the sole object of his focus.
He will want to learn about you. He will want to understand you, build trust, cultivate honesty, and study you a little bit.
If all he’s interested in is the sex, that is a sign that there is a probem somewhere! He may just be trying to get laid.
What if you can’t figure out if he’s into you sexually, though? Let’s talk about that as well.
How Do You Tell If A Guy Wants You Sexually?
Obviously, some men don’t have a problem making this known.
But I also know that sometimes it isn’t so easy to tell!
Some men are shy, and they don’t come right out and let you know.
So here are some tips to let you know if that guy you’re hanging out with is actually interested in you on a sexual basis, and not just as a friend.
He Responds To Messages Rather Quickly
If I’m sexually interested in a woman, and I get a text from her, it immediately grabs my attention.
I may not respond right away if I’m busy. But it WILL be on my priority list!
If your guy is taking days to respond, he is probably not actually that interested.
He Tries To Spend Time With You
Does he try to set up dates?
If he seems to be acting really friendly, and is also trying to schedule a date – there is a chance that he is too shy to escalate, and is hoping that you will get the ball rolling!
He Goes Out Of His Way To Include You In His Life
Men who have a hard time escalating sexually will still usually make an effort to include you in their lives.
They will invite you to things, communicate with you, message back in a decent amount of time – etc.
Does he invite you to hang out with his friends? Is he inviting you to parties? Does he want to go to a movie with you?
Even if he hasn’t made a move yet, these are the types of invitations that suggest that he is into you, and is either working up to escalation or biding his time and waiting to get the courage!
In Conclusion – Signs He Wants You Bad
Hopefully this post has helped you to understand when men actually want you bad.
I get it. Men can be difficult to figure out sometimes.
But by taking a close look at what he’s doing, how he is acting, and where in his priority list you seem to fit in can tell you a great deal about whether or not the future you are imagining is, indeed, imagined, or very possible!
Go with grace, my ladies. And never give up your power!
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus