why men get ghosted

Why Men Get Ghosted, And How To Stop It From Happening

Ghosting. It happens to the best of us. 

But as men, how can we stop it from happening?

First, let’s define the term. 

What Is Ghosting In Dating?

getting ghosted

For those of you who don’t know, ghosting is when someone you are talking to goes from talking to you or texting you regularly (or at least somewhat regularly), to suddenly disappearing and ‘dropping off the radar.’ 

This happens for a multitude of reasons, and it is actually a trend that tends to happen a lot more with online dating

In this article, I’m going to explain why this happens, and outline some steps that men can take to keep from having it happen in the future. 

Nobody wants to get ghosted.

But what most people don’t understand is that ghosting is actually a really powerful tell about the person you are talking to… and even though it is characterized by a ‘drop off’ in communication, it actually says volumes about the person you are speaking with. 

Let’s dive in. 

What Does It Mean To Be Ghosted?

what-is-ghosting-in-dating

You match with someone online. You start talking to them… exchanging some messages back and forth. 

Then, after a couple of days, or even after a couple of weeks, the person suddenly ceases communication… and seems to drop off the face of the planet. 

In my experience, ghosting is less likely to occur once you have met your match in person, but that doesn’t always keep you from experiencing it. 

I once met up with a woman not just one time, but twice, and we even made-out the second time. It seemed that we had pretty good chemistry, and it certainly seemed like we were having fun together. 

She even scheduled a third date with me, and was blowing up my phone talking about how much she was looking forward to it. And so, you can imagine my surprise when she didn’t show up for our planned third date. 

She completely ghosted. She didn’t call, she didn’t text… I literally never heard from her again. To me, this was bizarre, and a more extreme case.

But it does happen. 

Obviously, you are more likely to be ghosted by someone you haven’t met before. And if you’ve generated an actual, true connection with someone, ghosting is even less likely. 

But make no mistake, men. We are all susceptible to it. It still happens, even to me, and while I have learned how to keep it from happening to a point, it is still important to understand the dynamic for what it is. 

And to be honest, there are some times when you don’t want to keep it from happening

I will also explain this in a moment. 

But first, let’s explain why.

Why do women ghost men? 

Here is some insight that may surprise you. 

Why Do Women Ghost Men?

ghosting-psychology

There are a few different reasons for why this happens. And obviously, due to the non-communicative nature of ghosting, you may honestly never know the exact reason for why it happened to you

But in my experience, these are the primary reasons for why ghosting tends to happen to men. 

1. Her Ex Came Back Into The Picture

This is especially true with online dating, and tends to happen more with online dating than dating in the real world.

Many, many women jump online to start dating when they break up with their ex, without being fully ready to move-on and commit to someone new. 

So if you start talking to someone, even if there is a lot of chemistry, it is highly likely that an ex coming back into the picture is going to make them drop everything else and try to get him back. 

I’ve actually had women talk to me for a bit, ghost me for months when their ex shows back up at their doorstep, and then hit me back up after it didn’t work out with their ex again.

It happens. And to be honest, I would highly advise men to be careful with women who behave like this. 

If a woman will drop everything to run back to her ex at a moment’s notice, she is honestly not the kind of woman you want to invest in as a romantic interest anyway

This is wishy-washy, chaotic behavior. It isn’t stable, and it isn’t something you need in your life if you’re trying to ascend to greatness and be a high-value man.

If all you want is casual sex, it can sometimes pay to keep in touch with women like this for the one-off occasions when they’re in the mood to hook up. But to be really honest, women who have exes coming and going in their lives are a recipe for trouble. 

As alpha men, we want to invest in high-value women who know what they want and are committed to moving forward in life… not re-hashing their past over and over again. 

Even if the only purpose in dating is to hook-up, you still don’t want to be wasting time investing in someone who doesn’t know what they want or have any specific direction in life.

If a woman can’t move on, it is usually better to just walk away from her and look for someone who is ready for the same things that you are ready for. 

2. She Found Someone She Is More Interested In

This one can be hurtful if you let it get to you… but yes, many women will drop their conversation with you if a man they like more starts talking to them. 

Let me put this into perspective. If she considers you a 6, but a 9 starts chatting her up… she will usually drop you and focus all of her efforts on the 9.

This is especially true if she drops in and out of contact with you, seemingly willy nilly. 

What is usually happening here is that another guy, a guy who she is more interested in, is gaming her… and when he stops talking to her, she gets bored and falls back to you.

Then, when he chats her up again, she will drop you and go back to chatting with him. 

She may not even totally stop talking to you, either. But you may notice that her texts will stop displaying the same depth that they had before. She may give you one-word answers, take forever to reply, etc. 

Once again, women like this are bad news for you. As high value men, we should expect more out of an interaction than this… and my advice is to walk away from a woman like this and stop talking to her. 

But this is also why I encourage men to become high-value men.

The higher your value is on the sexual marketplace, the more attention you will get from attractive women… and the more likely it will be that you will be to be the 9 in the situation, instead of the 6! 

3. She Got Bored With You

This one is actually the guy’s fault most of the time… which is why it is so vitally important for men to level-up their attraction skills.

If he is really interested in a woman, shoots his shot, and gets her attention – he has a pretty brief window of time to get her interested and reel her in. 

He does this by acting like a masculine, powerful, effective, confident alpha male… not a needy, low-self-esteem, dependent, emotionally insecure beta. 

Men who try too hard, come off as too needy, or come off as too clingy, will often drive a woman away. 

Why? Because she loses interest in men like this. 

When you love-bomb her, give her all kinds of compliments, and let her know that she can virtually have you whenever she wants, you have given up all of your power. You have already validated her! She got you without even giving up sex for it! 

Why would she be interested in a man like that? She wants a high value man… a man of status and power, who is attractive enough to warrant a challenge. 

If you act desperate or eager, that is her first warning sign that you are actually not a high value man.

Whereas, if you are a challenge, are being pursued by other women, and/or are the one evaluating her, instead of the other way around… well, those are all signs of a high-status, highly desirable male.

Women will very quickly get bored with men who get too excited too quickly. 

Before I Learned This, I Ruined So Many Opportunities With Women

Dating Tips

They would hit me up, want to hook up, and do everything they could to get me to agree to meet up with them. 

My mistake, then, was that I would start to feel secure enough in their attraction to me that I would let loose, pay them some compliments, and get super wrapped up in the conversation with them.

I would let my excitement show through. 

But this is a huge mistake. Sure, you can look forward to it. But you can’t seem too eager.  

So many women have ghosted me over the years for this, and it was all my own fault.

Had I learned how to properly engage a woman without giving away all of my power and showing all of my cards, I could have succeeded far more than I did

But hey. It’s a learning experience! We live and we learn! This is why practice makes perfect!

4. She Was Never Serious About Meeting Up In The First Place

This is so, so common… and guys, to be honest, there is very little you can do about it. 

A lot of women will make online dating accounts, say things like “I don’t know what I’m looking for, I hate this app, lol,” and then they will just swipe and match with guys for validation. 

They’ll get a few convos going, get some confidence, get through a few lonely nights texting some men who are desperate to bang, and then she’ll get hit on by that guy at work, delete the app, and try to have babies with him. 

It happens so, so much. 

Obviously, not all women are like this. Some women actually want to try to find relationships and love on online dating apps. 

Some women are also legitimately interested in hookups. 

But it is actually pretty obvious to tell when a girl isn’t serious. She will act wishy-washy, she will say she would like to meet but won’t commit to the specifics of a date, she will say that she’s busy, she will go days without texting back, etc. 

It is so important to recognize these signs and drop women like this. Do not give them the attention! You’re just wasting your time and making yourself look like a beta chump in the process. 

How To Avoid Getting Ghosted

How-to-avoid-getting-ghosted

Alright. Now that you know some of the most common reasons for why women tend to ghost men; let’s talk about what men can do to avoid getting ghosted

Learn To Disengage From Women Who Are Not Really Interested In You

This is a big one. 

If she doesn’t text you back promptly, doesn’t put the same energy into the conversation, and doesn’t meet you half-way in making plans to get together, drop her and lose her number. 

Save your energy for a woman who is going to put more effort into the conversation. 

I Recently Had An Experience That Might Show You What I Mean

Not too long ago, a woman I was talking to over text, whom I met online, stopped texting me rather abruptly. We hadn’t met in person yet, so I dropped her for a bit, and just let it sit for about a week and half. 

I figured that she had just lost interest. So, no big deal!

One day, about a week and a half later, I hit her up again with a ‘hey, how’s it going?’ 

I already knew that another guy had probably entered the picture, because she didn’t text me during that week and a half to see why I hadn’t texted her. 

And women always text if they are interested. Do not misunderstand this! If she wants you, she will damn-well make it known!

And sure enough, she told me she was interested in another guy! 

I actually really appreciated her honesty here, to be fair. I want to see everyone find what they are looking for, so I’m not bitter about these types of things.

I told her good luck!

She then messaged back pretty much right away, and told me that she would still like to be friends and get a drink together sometime. 

Now, I’m absolutely not opposed to having female friends. So, I said sure.

But this girl had not yet proven herself to be a real friend to me, so I did not take the initiative to set up a time to meet. If she wanted to have a drink, and if she really wanted to be my friend, she could choose the time and place and invite me

[Why? Because I’m a high value man, and my time is valuable. That’s just straight facts. If I want to spend time with a beautiful woman, I can. I’m not desperate. I’m only going to invest my time into someone if I think that they are going to be worth it! Men, this is the attitude we need to have about women.]

She didn’t text me to set it up, though. So, that was that. To be honest, what was happening here was that she was trying to keep me as a backup guy in case the first guy flaked on her.

I knew this. But I was chill about it. I just let it ride, to see what happened.

Now, I should point out, I would not usually advise men to keep talking to a woman like this at this point. But… for me, this was an experience where I wanted to watch it play out and see what happened.

About two weeks later, I woke up to a text from her out of the blue. 

“So things aren’t going anywhere with that guy. Do you want to get a drink with me still?”

Now, this was an interesting move on her part. She actually showed her hand by sending this text. She was outright telling me, in no uncertain terms, that I was her second choice

Truth be told, my engagements with her were really only motivated by a desire for the potential for a casual thing. She was honest. She showed her hand. I decided to continue engaging with her, to see where it went.

But then again, I also knew better than to get invested in her. That’s the thing! As high value men, we need to understand where we want to invest, where we shouldn’t invest, and where we need to see through the veil and understand what is actually happening.

I knew that there was probably a 90% chance that this was all a waste of time. But to me, it wasn’t really a waste… because I was learning.

This is another thing to keep in mind. Always try to learn lessons from every woman you interact with!

I said sure to the drink, and also took the initiative and gave her a time and place. She agreed to it. 

And that was it. I didn’t talk to her any more, planning to wait until we met in person to continue our conversation.  

I was definitely not going to waste my time in a text conversation with someone so wishy washy. If she wanted to meet, I would meet. But I wasn’t interested in wasting any more time with her. 

Besides… odds were really good that she was going to flake. 

And guess what? She flaked

The day that we were supposed to meet, she texted me and told me that a ‘family emergency’ had come up, and asked if we could reschedule. 

I said “sure, no problem. Just let me know when and where you want to reschedule.” 

You see, I was now done with this woman unless she literally did 100% of the work involved to meet me. And even then, it would probably depend on my mood. 

I feel like it is pretty obvious that the other guy had come back, and so she was flaking because he was the guy she actually wanted

And that is fine. The point here is that since I understood this entire situation from the beginning, I had no feelings invested into it. 

I knew what it was, and honestly the reason I let it drag on for so long was because I was interested in finding out if I was right about it. 

I am, after all, very passionate about helping men with dating advice. And so, I sometimes chase these ‘rabbit trails’ in the hopes of learning new things about women. 

And I do! I learn every day!

This is how women are, gentlemen. They are interested in you until they are interested in the next guy. And if you’re not a high-value man who can command a certain amount of respect, beautiful women, who can pretty much have their pick of all the horny guys out there, will play you and play you!

Few men can match a hot woman’s game! They are very good at what they do!

They are not evil creatures. They are just doing what they can to make their lives better. And as men, we should take a lesson from this, and prioritize ourselves to do the same!

The Point Here Is This – If A Woman Wants You, She Will Make The Effort

It is effortless to get a girl to spend time with you when she really wants to

So if it feels at all like it is complicated, just drop her. It isn’t worth it. Trust me! 

Get out there, meet some new women, and find yourself one, or two, or three girls who actually want to spend time with you, and who make a real effort to do so

I Also Highly Advise Alpha Males To Stop Online Dating

I understand that, for some men, this is a very attractive option. 

Online dating is convenient. But it also serves as a breeding ground for attention-seeking women who have no real interest in meeting up or pursuing anything that is going to mean anything!

You see, in my story above, there is a reason for why the girl I was talking to was online dating. She was dating online because she didn’t want to put in the effort required to meet high-value men in the real world.

Be very careful of these types of people! If someone wants something, they will put energy into it. If a woman really wants to meet men, she will put energy into that mission!

She will go out and meet real men in the real world.

There are a lot of lazy people in the world! And attractive women have it easy online. Dozens of men will blow up their phone! And they can lazily send out a text and get dick whenever they want it, no effort required!

But that is entirely different from putting real energy into finding a high value man.

We also need to take a lesson from this. As high value men, we need to be willing to go out and meet real women as well! We need to be willing to show up, go out, and put in that work.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some good girls on online dating sites. And you can certainly get hookups that way. 

But in all real seriousness, high value women are very unlikely to use online dating apps, because they are meeting and dating high value men in the real world

There are so many reasons to put down the smartphone, hit the town, and meet women in real-life. 

And the more I learn, the more I realize that online dating isn’t for alpha males. 

The Best Way To Stop Getting Ghosted By Women? Mind Your Business, Get Money, And Pursue Your Purpose

And so, we come back around full-circle to the number one best way to avoid getting ghosted

Become a higher-value man. 

Mind your business. Get some real money. Build your empire. Build your assets and your businesses. Become a master at your chosen craft. Carve out a truly great place for yourself in this world. 

Work on your tribe. Work on leaving a lasting legacy for your family and community.

I’m telling you, when you learn to focus on these things, while also building attraction skills and tribal connections with women into your lifestyle, you will have so many high value women in your life that you won’t even be able to find time to date them all!

This is how you truly win with women. By becoming a truly high value man, and pursuing the alpha male journey

Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power. 

See you on the next one. 

Joshua K. Sigafus

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