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abundance mentality dating

5 Abundance Mentality Dating Principles For Dating Success

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What is abundance mentality dating?

Abundance mentality dating is the process of dating with an action-oriented mentality of optimism, intention, and positivity in which you plan to succeed as opposed to planning to fail. It doesn’t mean that you’re delusional about the facts. It simply means that you plan to give yourself every possible opportunity to succeed – and thus, you have faith in yourself and in your own abilities to create the dating life outcomes that you desire.


Back when my marriage fell apart in 2017, I felt like my dating life was going to be hopeless.

My life was full of problems back then. But one of my biggest problems was that I desperately wanted to understand how to succeed at dating.

But alas; I didn’t even know where to start.

This led to a 2-year process where I threw myself into the task of trying to teach myself how to succeed on the dating marketplace – and honestly, it turned out to be wildly successful.

In fact, that’s where this entire platform came from. Nowadays, I strive to help other men and women to embrace the alpha mentality, to improve their lives in the areas of dating, relationships, business, and fitness, to help them achieve true alpha-level success in all of the ways that matter.

But one thing I learned along the way was that the concepts of ‘scarcity’ and ‘abundance’ were crucial to my failure and success in my dating life.

And until I learned how to eliminate my scarcity mentality and embrace a true abundance mentality, I was doomed to continue to repeat the failures of my past.

Thankfully, I learned how to do this. And today, I’m going to teach you some of the most important steps to begin this process for yourself.

In this post, you’re going to learn 5 abundance mentality dating principles to help you succeed in your dating life. 

This post is for men and women… because the abundance mentality is important for both. 

In many ways, abundance mentality dating is the opposite of dating with a scarcity mindset

You’re about to learn why you need to date with an abundance mentality if you want to truly win in your dating life. 

Let’s get into it. 


Note: If you’re interested in the content matter of this post, then you’ll definitely be interested in our master guide to dating. Make sure to check that out to get a complete rundown of the entire dating process, from beginning to end.


Abundance Mindset Dating: What Is It?

Dating with an abundance mentality speaks right to the heart of the alpha mentality

It’s an attitude and a way of thinking. 

It’s the attitude that says:

“I’m high value. And as such, I know that I have unlimited dating opportunities. If I want a partner, I’m confident that I can find one. I don’t need to be desparate. I’m in a position of sexual abundance in my life.”

This stands in stark contrast to a scarcity mentality. 

A scarcity mentality says:

“I’m not positive that I’m a high value human. Therefore, I need to try as hard as I can with each dating opportunity, because I may not ever get an opportunity like that again. If I lose a partner, I may not be able to find a replacement. This makes me desperate to hang onto relationships even when they aren’t 100% good for me. I’m in a position of sexual scarcity in my life.”

Do you see the difference? 

What Is The Abundance Mentality?

At the root core, an abundance mentality is a mentality that says “I know that I’m high value… therefore, I know that I’ll be successful in the dating marketplace. Therefore, there’s no reason to stress about it or act desperate. I’m already assured of the outcome.”

When you navigate the dating marketplace with this kind of mindset, you change the tone of everything you do. 

You give off higher-value signals to potential mates. You become more attractive. You become the type of person that other people want to date… a confident, self-assured, alpha-mentality human who is in control of their dating life and destined for success. 

This is the type of person other people gravitate toward. 

To learn more about this crucial concept, read this guide: How To Get Someone To Love You – In 20 Magnetic Steps.

It also speaks to abundance theory, and deals with a very important question that affects every facet of our life… from dating, to finance, to friendships, etc. 

Do you have the power to change your dating destiny, or are you fated to be alone forever? 

What Is Scarcity Mentality?

A scarcity mentality is basically a mentality of negativity and cynicism, and a general overall lack of faith in yourself and in your own ability to succeed at the things you care about.

For example, if you have a scarcity mentality in regard to dating, you’ll basically start out with the belief that you cannot succeed. Thus, all of your efforts will likely be half-hearted, because they won’t be fully backed by the strength of your own internal belief.

And this can quickly lead to negative, failure-oriented self-fulfilling prophesies wherein you believe that you will fail; and then, due to your scarcity mentality, you put less effort into those endeavors than you’re capable of, and thus, fail due to your lack of effort; thus, seemingly proving to yourself that you were right to doubt yourself to begin with.

Scarcity Mentality Vs. Abundance Mentality

The scarcity mentality tells you to doubt yourself and to believe that you’ll probably fail, whereas the abundance mentality tells you to believe in yourself and to believe that you’ll probably succeed.

This is a fundamental mindset shift. And honestly, it’s incredibly important to understand this if you want to succeed at dating.

To put it simply, dating with a scarcity mindset is much more likely to lead to failure; while dating with an abundance mindset is much more likely to lead to success.

What Is Abundance Theory?

Abundance theory, in theory, isn’t that complicated. 

According to psychology.wikia.org, abundance theory is described as such:

“In psychology, psychotherapy and management theory, abundance theory postulates a benign universe in which any individual with the correct attitude, training, or spiritual alignment can acquire personal abundance which should lead to material abundance: wealth regardless of economic or social circumstances (reality).”

Psychology.wikia.org

This concept has been attractive to optimistic philosophers for a long time, and for good reason. It acts as a direct counter to the idea of fatalism…which is the idea that people do not have the power to change their fate. 

Abundance theory dictates that as long as you do the right things, you have power to change your fate and create the kind of life you want for yourself. 

I believe with 1000% certainty that the abundance theory is the truth.

We absolutely have the power to change our lives and create the kind of dating life we want for ourselves

You just have to know what to do. 

How Do You Cultivate An Abundance Mindset In Regards To Your Dating Life?

Alright. 

This leads us to the big question. 

What abundance mentality dating principles can you adopt to help cultivate a true abundance mindset?

These are the 5 most important principles that helped me to cultivate a true state of sexual abundance in my own life. 

Meditate on these principles and practice them every day. As you make them habits, you will begin to see the world in a different light. And you’ll realize that you have the power to change your fate as you see fit. 

How To Have An Abundance Mindset In Dating

  1. Stop complaining about your dating life
  2. Instead of complaining, create solutions and speak them into existence
  3. Decide on one thing you want, and start learning how to get it
  4. Learn to operate with a radically self-responsible mindset
  5. Practice extreme gratitude in all situations

Alright. Now let’s go over all of the steps required to date with abundance in detail.

1. Stop Complaining About Your Dating Life

Stop complaining

I’m serious, and I mean this literally. 

Stop allowing complaints about your dating life to come out of your mouth. 

This is absolutely crucial. 

Every time you speak, you give your words power over your life. So when you just use your words to complain, what you’re actually doing is speaking the power of failure over your own life, and giving away your own alpha power to the chaos of the universe.

Instead of complaining, do this…

2. Instead Of Complaining, Create Solutions And Speak Them Into Existence

It’s super simple. 

Instead of saying:

“I’m so tired of people ghosting me.” 

Say to yourself:

“Ok, I notice that a lot of ghosting happens with online dating. That just means I need to start meeting people in person instead of online.”

Create solutions with your words instead of speaking complaints into existence. 

This is far more important than most people understand!

To learn more about how to do this in your life, read this guide: How To Embark On The Hero’s Arc In Your Life Journey.

3.  Decide On One Thing You Want, And Start Learning How To Get It

When I was single, I desperately wanted a girlfriend. 

But I realized that I wasn’t getting anywhere. 

So I stopped, and took a good, hard look at myself. 

“Josh, you keep doing the same things… and they don’t work. It’s time to learn how to succeed at this.”

And so, I started looking into the science of human mating behavior. I educated myself. 

I figured out that if I wanted to succeed at something, I needed to learn about it and become a master of that particular skill. 

But a lot of people never do this. They just try, fail, complain, feel sorry for themselves, and blame their failure on other people. 

In short, they adopt a victim mentality way of thinking.

This actually speaks to the importance of finding your purpose in life. And this process will also help you to create dating success as well. To learn more about it, read this guide: How To Find Your Life Purpose And Achieve It – In 11 Steps.

4. Learn To Operate With A Radically Self-Responsible Mindset

Once you adopt this principle and start to take it seriously, it will start to radically transform every single part of your life. 

Did you miss the bus?

Don’t blame it on your brother because he took too long in the bathroom. Blame yourself for not getting ready 30 minutes earlier. 

Did that girl ghost you? 

Don’t blame feminism, or entitlement, or our current generation’s lack of manners, etc. Blame yourself for not understanding human mating behavior enough to understand what was happening. 

Did that guy not pay you back the money you loaned him?

Don’t blame him for lying and taking advantage of you. Blame yourself for making the mistake of trusting someone who was untrustworthy… and determine within yourself to learn from it and not make it again. 

When you get into the habit of treating every problem like it’s your responsibility to solve it, you end up taking responsibility for every problem in your life

And guess what happens when you take responsibility for problems?

You start to take your power back into yourself, and you start fixing the problems instead of persisting in them.  

5. Practice Extreme Gratitude, In All Situations

Did that girl friendzone you?

Be extremely grateful that she spent time with you anyway. 

Did that guy sleep with you and then bail?

Be extremely grateful that you got some (hopefully) good sex out of the deal. If not, be thankful for the lesson, and learn from it.

Did your friend freak out at you?

Be extremely grateful that the problem isn’t worse, and that you have a good chance of solving this issue with a bit of care, empathy, and patience. 

Did someone treat you badly?

Be extremely grateful that you’ve had an opportunity to learn this lesson, and determine not to make the mistake of trusting this person again (or other people who display similar red flags). 

You see, everything in life is a lesson. 

Both the good and the bad things serve to help us make progress. 

but only if we treat every situation as a learning opportunity, and continually strive to better ourselves. 

What Is Sexual Abundance?

purpose for your life joshua sigafus

Sexual abundance is the life state of having enough sexual opportunities that you can be reasonably sure that if you ever want to engage in sexual activity and/or intimacy, you’ll have the means and opportunity to be able to do so – basically at will.

Women are almost always naturally sexually abundant, while men are almost always naturally sexually scarce. This is why men always need to be focused on becoming high-value in life so that they’ll be able to create sexual abundance for themselves. This is also why women must always be focused on leveling up their own value as well so that they can leverage their sexual abundance into real, organic, genuine relationships with men who are willing to commit to them.

What Is An Abundance Mindset Relationship?

An abundance mindset relationship is a relationship in which you carry your abundance dating mentality into your committed relationships, to stay consistent with them even within the context of that relationship. These are the best and healthiest types of relationships – but they do require you to commit to living with an abundance mindset within the context of your own life first. This must become something that you do intentionally and under your own power.

You don’t want to adopt an abundance mentality just to succeed at dating. Rather, you want to adopt it for real, as your true mode of being in life as an alpha-mentality man or woman.

What Are Scarcity Mentality Relationships?

Scarcity mentality relationships are relationships where one or both partners are living with a scarcity mentality in their own life. When you live with a scarcity mentality (i.e. a mentality of negativity, cynicism, and a general overall lack of faith in yourself and in your own ability to succeed at the things you care about), this mentality permeates everything that you touch and come into contact with – including your intimate partner.

And this sets your relationships up for disaster because when you act with scarcity upon them, you won’t be putting the full force of your own positive, abundance-mentality momentum behind your actions.

This is definitely not an alpha-mentality mode of being or living.

Books To Help You Master Your Dating Life, Starting Today

By David M. Buss

If you truly want to understand the foundational principles of human mating behavior, this book is an alpha mentality MUST READ. 

By Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss

This book is a MUST READ for anyone who wants to understand the complex nature of female mating behavior from a scientific and real-life perspective. 

By Helen E. Fisher

If you want to truly understand the brain chemistry behind stuff like love, lust, attraction, desire, infatuation, etc. Then this book is a MUST READ. 

By Vanessa Van Edwards

Every alpha must learn how to be charismatic – and this book is a MUST READ due to how well Vanessa Van Edwards teaches these skills within it. If you want to master your own charisma and level up your ability to succeed with people, this book is crucial! 

The Best Dating Books For Men

By Kezia Noble

My favorite all-around dating book for helping men to understand how to interface with women – with plenty of awesome insights that’ll doubtlessly help you with your dating game. 

By John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams

If you want to learn how to interface with women successfully – both in a dating capacity and in relationships, then this book is a MUST READ. 

The Best Dating Books For Women

By Matthew Hussey

If you’re an alpha-minded woman who wants to increase your odds of dating success, then this book is a MUST READ.  

By Stephan Labossiere

If you keep finding yourself getting stuck in the same dead-end situations with men who say one thing and do another, this book is a MUST READ. It’s full of practical wisdom to help women understand some of the confusing things men do and say while dating.  

In Conclusion – Abundance Mentality Dating 

Follow these principles, and you can be sure that you’ll succeed in cultivating a true abundance mentality in your life. 

It’s vitally important to do this. 

Stop being a victim. Stop blaming other people for your problems. 

Understand that if you’re experiencing scarcity, you can change it. 

You just need to figure out how to change your behavior. 

Do the right things, and you can change your entire life. 

Go with grace my friends, and never give up your power. 

Joshua K. Sigafus