Well met, gentlemen and ladies! In this post, I am going to talk very specifically about how to become a true, powerful alpha male.
If this is your first time on my blog, welcome!
There is a lot to this discussion. A lot of people ask me exactly what this means. A lot of people also ask me what it takes to become an alpha.
(Note: Looking for some information on how to be an alpha female? Read this post.)
Is he a leader? A bully? A tyrant? A misogynist?
Is he mean and hateful, with zero regard for treating women well?
Well, these are great questions. And in this post, I am going to do my very best to give you a basic understanding of what the Alpha Male Journey really is.
Let’s dive in.
What Exactly Is An Alpha Male?
First, let’s define the term. It is difficult to put an exact definition onto what the term means. But this is really, really close.
An alpha male is a powerful, wise, effective, high value leader who strives to pursue excellence and mastery in his life, who exists successfully at or near the top of all of his most crucial social dominance hierarchies and social circles. He is a man of high value, who never stops leveling up to make himself the best man that he can possibly be.
(Want to fast-track your journey? Check out this post on How To Be An Alpha Male – 23 Steps To Begin The Alpha Male Journey.)
There was a time when I didn’t understand what this meant.
How to become a true, effective, powerful man… this question eluded me, for many years.
In the past, when I thought of alphas, I almost always thought of dominant ‘Chads’ at the gym who screamed when they lifted weights and called each other ‘bro.’
I thought of them as men who were just trying too hard… men who didn’t understand women enough to understand that males were not that different from females.
But as it turns out, my perception was very wrong.
Let’s dig into this, and I will explain what I mean.
Dispelling The Misconceptions About Alpha Males
Let’s just take a moment to talk about what alphas aren’t.
They are not…
- Woman haters
- Acting tough because they are insecure
- Trying to subjugate or control women
- Insecure about other men and trying to put on a mask to hide their fear
If you think that any of these are true alpha traits… then you are dead wrong and do not understand the true science of human dominance hierarchies.
Actually, once you understand what a high-value man really is, according to the science of human behavior and social dominance hierarchies, you will realize that they are actually the total, complete opposite of these things.
But… make no mistake. Alphas are strong. They are powerful. They are tough as nails, they are masters of their craft, they know what they want, they win with women, they control their own destinies, they always push themselves to be the best men in the room, they help to lift other men and women up, not push them down… and they are constantly striving to win.
Want to know how to achieve such an interesting blend of strengths, while avoiding the stereotypical weaknesses described above?
The Idea Of The ‘True’ Alpha Male
My own journey of self-realization as a man really started when I was just a young boy.
But it really started to kick into full gear back in 2016. I’ve gone through a lot of difficult challenges since then… but one thing that has always remained constant for me was this idea I had in my mind of what I wanted to be one day.
I could see what kind of man I wanted to be in the future, and this inspired me to continue to press onward, despite the difficulties I faced in life.
I pieced this picture of the perfect ‘alpha male personality’ together from many different sources.
Real life men I had known over the course of my life helped to shape this image for me, as did the authors of books I read, and even some of the fictional characters I enjoyed reading about/watching in books and movies.
There were celebrities, entrepreneurs, body-builders, and other well-known figures I looked up to as well, and I constantly kept a list of ‘mentors’ who I would study, learn about, and try to emulate.
And then, later on in my life, when I started to really hit my stride, I started noticing when other men around me were on a similar path as me… and I would make every effort to spend more time around them.
All of these things helped contribute to my growth and self-awareness along my journey… and helped me to figure out exactly what it means to be an alpha, dominant male.
These ‘Alpha Male’ Influences Began A Change In My Mindset
I started becoming more intentional with my studying. I started reading books that helped me to understand the natural role of men in life and society, and started slowly reprogramming myself to understand basic alpha male strategies.
I also studied females, and how men and women could find true happiness and fulfillment in their interactions with one-another.
Human mating behavior became one of my favorite topics. I loved reading about masculinity, beta males, status hierarchies, and anything related to the science of human social and mating behavior that I could get my hands on.
(Wondering what the difference is between an alpha and a beta? Check out this post.)
I wanted to truly understand why males and female humans had such a hard time understanding each other.
I also wanted to learn how to succeed with female partners. I wanted to learn how to be successful with women, and considered this topic to be among my favorite topics to study.
I began to realize how wrong everyone’s ideas about life and relationships seemed to be. Not necessarily their political ideas or their religious ideas… but just their general attitudes toward life, their mindset, and how they framed relationships in their minds and lives.
I started to realize how quick people were to give away their inner-power. I realized how quick many men were to submit to the women they loved. I realized how these actions created power dynamics that left the women unfulfilled, and the men unhappy and depressed.
I started following different alpha-male speakers, coaches, and authors.
I also found wise and insightful women to follow, listen to, and learn from.
Some of them I found a lot in common with, others not so much. But I learned from all of them.
And as my beliefs slowly began to take shape, and as I slowly began to understand the widths and depths of this journey that was shaping me into the kind of man I had always dreamed of becoming, I slowly started to realize just how many men know nothing of what it means to be a true, powerful, effectively masculine man.
So, What’s The Real Problem?
So what is the problem?
What do I feel needs to be solved for men in today’s culture?
Well, here are just a few observations.
Keep in mind that, as a younger man, I reached a point where I was very angry with women.
But I have since learned that women were not the ones robbing me of my power.
Let me be very, very clear. As a man who strives to be high-value, who also strives to better myself every day, it is very important for anyone reading this to understand that I do not hate women.
I do not blame women for my problems, and I don’t even want women to change anything in regards to how they handle their relationships with men.
In fact, the truth is quite the opposite.
I love women. I love having relationships with them, I love spending quality time with them, and I have a lot of fun with them.
But also understand this…
I do not try to put women into any sort of cultural, societal ‘box’ either! I do not expect for women to do anything other than to act in accordance with how nature and evolution have shaped them.
I do notice, however, that A LOT of men try to box women into traditional heteronormative parameters. And that causes these same men A LOT of fucking pain, misery, and sadness!
So, how can we fix it? How do we become true alpha males?
Let’s take a moment to talk about some of the biggest problems I see today in regards to how men live their lives.
I Notice That Many Men Act Like Beta Males, And Are Very Unhappy With Their Relationship Status
Many men are completely unhappy with their relationship status.
I see men who can’t get girlfriends. I see men with broken hearts. I see men struggle to hold a woman’s attention. I see men struggling to find the kinds of relationships with women that they want.
I also notice that many men who have girlfriends or wives seem to be really unhappy with how their relationships are going.
Some of them feel powerless. Some of them feel like their sex lives have dwindled down to nothing. Some feel like every conversation turns into an argument.
Now, keep in mind that being a high-value man is not all about women.
In fact, it is almost the opposite. The true key to being a dominant, strong, high-value man is not to make women, sex, or dating relationships the focus of your life.
Rather, you need to focus on yourself first. You must learn to make yourself a priority.
A true, powerful, effective man makes himself the focal point of his effort and life. A woman is simply a pleasurable, valuable, high quality addition to his life and tribe… not the focal point or focus of it.
I Notice That Many Men Have A Lot Of Trouble Attracting Women
It is no secret that a HUGE percentage of men seem completely unable to compete for the attention of the hottest, highest-quality women on the sexual marketplace.
For many years, my mindset was just like the mindset I see in many men around me… that the hottest women are just stuck-up bitches who will only date extremely attractive or rich men, despite how those men treat them.
I, like many men, used to feel a lot of anger about this. I used to believe that if you don’t fit into the ‘super hot and rich’ box, you really have no hope of getting a chance with these women.
But since then, I’ve learned a lot about women, attraction, and the high-value male mentality… and while I am still learning every day, I am now much more secure in my ability to attract, sleep with, and engage in fun relationships with high-quality women than I have ever been before.
I went from feeling like I had no choice in who I slept with, to feeling like I could basically choose to have whatever kind of dating or sex life I wanted.
But a lot of men around me are still having problems with it. And once you begin to look at life from a truly healthy masculine perspective, you start to see why this is the case, and it all starts to make sense.
I Want Men To Succeed
My heart goes out to men. Not every man needs to be an alpha to be happy. But every man could add a lot of benefits to his life by adopting a basic high-value mindset.
It is my belief that most men in the world want to…
- Have great relationships with women
- Have great sex lives
- Succeed with money
- Have power and control over their own lives
- Feel free to live the kind of life they want
- Earn and demand true respect from the people around them
- Be successful enough to help their community, team, and tribe
And I love all of these goals. I believe that men deserve the chance to understand the skills it takes to level up their status, achieve a higher state of dominance over their lives, win as often with women as they desire, have the kind of awesome social lives and sex lives with women that they want, and have plenty of money, wealth, and success to show for their hard work.
Alphas are simply men who understand how to achieve all of this the right way. This stands in contrast to beta males, who are generally unhappy, sad men who blame everyone else for not having the kind of life they want.
The real difference, to be quite honest, between an alpha and a beta is simple.
- Alpha males power themselves with self validation
- Beta males rely on outside validation to sustain themselves
That’s it. That’s the difference!
The simple fact of the matter is that many men limit themselves with a beta male mindset. And that mindset is playing a huge role in holding them back from their true potential.
I Notice That Many Men Feel Angry And Disenfranchised When It Comes To Women
Many men feel completely powerless in their relationships with women.
They feel that women not only hold all of the sexual and relational power, but that they turn their nose up at any man who isn’t considered insanely attractive or incredibly wealthy.
There are also a lot of men who straight-up hate women… usually because they have been deeply hurt by them in the past.
The truth that a lot of men and women don’t want to face is that almost every man in our culture grows up dreaming of a wonderful marriage with a beautiful, sexy wife, and having the dream-life with her together, filled with romance, fun, and adventure.
He dreams of her loving him forever, being faithful, and never turning away to look at (or chase) another man.
But while this is possible, it is definitely not realistic… especially not in the way that a lot of men think about it.
And the more you learn about nature, evolution, and how men and women have evolved… the more you will come to learn that you must cast aside all former notions of these things.
You must embrace one simple, powerful fact… that life is best for everyone when all humans do and say what they truly want to do and say.
And you can’t win by trying to assert dominance over a woman, either.
You can only win by asserting dominance over your own life, and becoming dominant over your own levels of discipline, your own work, your own habits, etc.
There Is Massive Hope For Men, Though… And I Can Show You How To Turn This All Around
When you start to study women and understand them from the alpa male perspective, you quickly realize that with a few simple mindset shifts, you can go from a powerless man desperate for a woman’s attention, to a powerful man who can command the attention and desire of many beautiful, high-quality women at the same time.
The truth is that we live in a modern-day jungle, and our sexual and romantic lives are not governed by fairy-tale dynamics… but the harsh, unrelenting forces of evolution, competition, reproduction, mating behavior, and nature itself.
In other words, as high value men, we need to shift our mindset.
We need to stop imagining life as a fairy tale, and realize it for what it truly is.
A competition. A war against chaos. A struggle against our own inner demons. Survival of the fittest.
And when you learn how to think like an alpha male and own this mindset, you will start to behave like the apex-predator that nature designed you to be… not like soft beta males, constantly pushed aside and dominated by the other humans around you, eager for someone to validate you so that you can feel good about yourself for a moment.
Instead, you will become dominant in your own life.
You will achieve dominance over your own human weaknesses, and learn how to work your way up the social status dominance hierarchies that are considered important to your life and goals… which are also, as it turns out, very important to our human relationships.
I Notice That Many Men Are Making Moves In Life That Are Directly Working Against Their Own Happiness, Well-Being, And Natural Roles As Alpha Males In Our World, Society, And Culture
This may pertain to women, the workplace, or even family/friendship dynamics.
In any case, every day, all around me, I see men do things that directly contribute to them giving up huge amounts of their own personal power to other people.
This is the number-1 sin of the alpha male. You NEVER give up your power!
If we want to be powerful, effective men, then we must constantly strive to take our power back from the chaos around us, and reclaim it for ourselves.
Keep in mind, this does not mean that you will try to control other people or assert dominance over them. In fact, it is quite the opposite.
True Alpha Males Are Not Bullies… They Are Empathetic Leaders
A true, apex, high-value man and leader doesn’t need to control or assert dominance over anyone! People follow him, love him, respect him, and desire him without him needing to control anything other than himself!
I am talking about having control over yourself, and over your own destiny.
The key to all of this is completely contained within our mindset and behavior. Once you conquer these things, you will understand that the only person capable of holding you back in life is you!
This is considered your greatest challenge. We must work to use our dominant powers to take full control over ourselves.
But another thing that many people do not understand is that true alphas are not tyrants or bullies.
They actually act as strong, effective leaders for the people who are on their team.
They are ‘consoler in chief’ for the other members of their tribe or team.
Once you understand how this works, you can start using your changed mentality and behaviors to reclaim control of your inner-power. This, in turn, will give you the power to forge your destiny and build the life that you’ve always dreamed of living.
It’s mind-over-matter… but it is also about using nature’s own programming to find the best, happiest, and most fulfilling way to live as a man.
You need to shift your thinking away from the mindset of a prey-animal, and adopt the mindset of the apex-predator.
You shift away from acting like a sheep, and shift toward acting like a father-wolf, protecting the pack, hunting to gather food, and making its survival a key part of your priorities.
How Do You Start To Shift Your Mindset Away From Being A Beta, To Become A Powerful Alpha Male?
This is a very deep and large question… and everything on this blog is going to be dedicated to helping you answer it.
But the most important way to get started is to recognize that we have the ability, as men, to dictate a great deal of our own destiny.
With our actions.
Men are incredible creatures. We are strong, powerful, determined, and full of energy.
But many men reduce themselves to the status of beta males because they give away their power to the people around them.
So how do you stop this from happening?
My Own Personal Alpha Male Journey
I have spent countless hours thinking, researching, and experimenting… all in an attempt to answer this exact question.
At one point, after my marriage ended, I hit rock bottom.
For some reason, I had failed to keep my marriage together.
This is when I realized that something wasn’t working.
I realized that I had two choices. Up until this point, I had been a nice guy. I tried so hard to make other people happy that I was bending over backwards. I literally lost everything, including my family. I was so obsessed with making other people happy that I practically gave my power, and consequently, my family… away.
I was everyone’s whipping boy. I was a sorry, sad, pathetic, submissive man who only cared about the validation that other people could provide me.
I had no self-esteem. I had no strength. I had no grit.
So when things finally got bad enough to wake me up, I realized that I had to make a choice.
I could either continue to live this way… as a sad, lonely, depressed beta male.
Or… I could take control of my life, step into my own masculine power, and change my mindset. I could put myself first, take responsibility for my life, use my resources to make my life better, and stop acting like a victim.
This Is When My True Alpha Male Journey Began
I knew that living as a beta would only continue to lead me down a road of sadness.
So I changed. I flipped the switch. I dove headfirst into learning what it meant to be a truly high value man.
Keep in mind, I had already been on this journey for a while. But when I hit rock bottom, I kicked my effort into overdrive… and it radically changed my life.
Here are just a few things that radically changed as I started to embrace the alpha mindset…
- I went from earning barely enough money to pay the bills, to quadrupling my income
- I went from feeling like I couldn’t score a single date with a hot woman, to seeing several hot, high-quality women at the same time. I literally gained the power to have whatever kind of dating and sex life I desired.
- I went from feeling self-conscious and ashamed of myself, to feeling proud, confident, and accomplished with myself
- I went from being a submissive, shy beta who was afraid of conflict, to being a strong, powerful man who commanded (and got) respect in my relationships, both with men and women
- The quality of my relationships improved drastically. Fake friends fell by the wayside, while my true friends stuck with me… and our bonds became even stronger as we became a stronger tribe together
- I went from feeling hopeless and alone, to feeling strong, confident, and hopeful for the future
- I went from feeling depressed and anxious most of the time, to feeling like I was a mountain. Instead of feeling afraid or intimidated by new things, I felt powerful, and was constantly hungry to challenge myself even more
- I started working out and taking care of my body, and went from looking like a sad, frumpy potato to a strong, muscular, dominant man. My posture improved, I dressed better, I looked better, I felt better… I simply got better
- I started to become more dominant over my own habits. I worked harder. I pushed myself to set goals and stick with them. I started making intentional choices about what I wanted in my future, and pursued them
These are just a few of the changes I saw within myself. They took time, of course. Some took longer than others.
But the key is to start changing now, and never to stop.
But how do you get started on these changes? How do you stop giving your power away to other people, while also living up to your full potential and becoming the kind of man you truly desire to be?
In other words… how do you begin the process of shifting into the role of a high value man in your life?
The first thing to understand is that it doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, it can take months, or even years, to embrace the formula and crack the alpha-male code inside of you.
But in my years of study, I have found a method that actually works.
I have compiled my research, practice, and experiences on the alpha male journey into a set of 18 vows.
I call this “The Oath Of Kings.”
The Alpha Male Journey – The Oath Of Kings
(Click here to read the Oath of Kings for yourself, or check them out toward the end of this post. I seriously recommend that you do this. These vows have the potential to radically transform your life. I am living, breathing proof of that.)
Why do I call this system of principles an Oath of Kings? Because I believe that this is what nature wants us to become.
It wants us to be Kings. Apex leaders. Powerful men.
Look at the animal kingdom. Watch how the most powerful and influential male animals interact with the other, less dominant animals around them.
If we study them as we learn to be alphas, we can learn a great deal about ourselves… and while I am not going to go too deep into that topic in this post, the fact remains that humans are simply one of the most socially complex species in the animal kingdom.
So being a king, and an alpha-man, amongst other humans is not as simple as being the strongest or the most agile.
It involves a complicated interweaving of a core set of attributes that decide what positions we achieve in our social dominance hierarchies… and the more of these hierarchies we claim dominance over, the greater our social influence will be… and the greater our chances will be of achieving the kind of life, power, and sexual companionship that we desire.
It all comes down to these 18 vows… The Oath Of Kings.
I Follow These Tenants Every Day – And They Are Radically Transformative
As I set myself to the task of following them, and I make it a point to follow each one of them on a daily basis… I find myself growing moree and more in power, value, and influence.
I become a stronger man.
I become a more capable man.
I become a more self-reliant man.
I become a more desirable man.
I become a man that other people look up to with respect and honor.
I become the type of man that both men and women of high quality want to spend time with… and I become the kind of man who, every day, gains more and more power to choose the life and destiny that I want for myself.
So here they are… the 18 vows of the Oath of Kings. A true code for high value men.
Read through them, think about them, and meditate on them. Over time, I will be compiling guides for each one of them, to help you in your journey and give you valuable insight into what each one of them means.
As men, if we dive deeply into each one of these crucial vows, my hope is that we can all grow together… learning to become powerful, capable men with the freedom and power to choose our own destinies as we see fit.
Here they are.
The 18 Vows Of The Oath Of Kings
- I vow to reclaim my power from the chaos outside of me.
- I vow to love myself truly and firstly, and to set others free from the requirement to do the same.
- I vow to never again allow a complaint or a confession of weakness to be issued from my mouth.
- I vow to always pursue wisdom in my actions, and to refrain from acting rashly… that I may find balance, and calculate the risks and probabilities of my endeavors with as much accuracy and forethought as possible.
- I vow to never again allow fear to control my destiny.
- I vow to allow respect and kindness to rule my interactions with others… even if they are my enemies, and even as I defeat them in battle.
- I vow to take ownership of my choices, to choose my path intentionally, and to accept my consequences fully.
- I vow to be steadfast in my position… never wavering, never allowing or tolerating disrespect, dissent, or weaker thinking a place in my circle.
- I vow to practice gratitude for every good thing I experience.
- I vow to practice honesty, and to recognize lies, manipulation, and avoidances for the manifestations of the weaknesses they stem from.
- I vow to make myself the best man I can possibly be… to continue to nourish and develop my mind, soul, and body in every possible way, to the best of my ability.
- I vow to strive for excellence in everything I choose to set my hands to.
- I vow to practice the art of true leadership, to build for myself a circle, a family, and a tribe who loves, honors, and respects me… and who I lead, honor, nurture, and protect in return.
- I vow to practice wealth-building, to build for myself a treasury, a throne, a castle, a kingdom, and an empire… and to use these riches to the benefit of those who stand truly by my side.
- I vow to pursue order in my life, to practice rationality and reason, and to abstain from giving control of my thoughts and actions to my human emotional-self, which is prone to chaos.
- I vow never to relent in anything that I set my mind to… only to adapt, and never to the detriment of forward progress.
- I vow to adopt and follow my own true purpose… that it may act to shield me from the chaos around me, and give me the strength and direction to live out my days pursuing something meaningful… and to leave a lasting legacy for those who follow me.
- I understand that every day is a battle… and that there is no guarantee of victory tomorrow. So I vow to live gloriously and wisely on this day of days, setting my sights on the battle before me, without losing sleep or hope to the unknown horizon.
Hopefully, this article has helped you to gain a better understanding of the alpha-male mindset. Over time, I plan to add to it and make it even better… creating a more complete resource of information for men who are on this same journey.
In the meantime, please feel free to leave comments and continue the conversation. If you have questions, I would love to help answer them to the best of my ability.
Go with grace, my friends… and NEVER give up your power!
Until next time.