As a business owner, entrepreneur, freelancer, alpha male, and someone with a very fast-paced, high-pressure life—dealing with stress and anger is a battle I fight every day.
Not that I have anger issues. In fact, I dare-say that I have a much healthier relationship with my anger than most people I encounter in the world. And part of that is due to the fact that the anger management activities I’m about to outline for you in this post are actually really useful.
They help me to keep the demons of my stress and anger at bay, and help me to focus and succeed at remaining calm, rational, and in a positive frame of mind.
But I’ve also noticed that I need to stay committed to doing these things on an almost daily basis.
The fact of the matter is this.
No matter how good your life is, you are still going to have stress, anger, and frustration to deal with.
But if you don’t learn how to manage these things, they can really spiral out of control and send you down a bad path.
In this post, you’re going to learn what anger management activities I use to keep my anger under control.
Let’s dive in.
11 Anger Management Activities – How To Maintain A Positive Alpha Mindset
1. Know Your Boundaries And Enforce Them Rigorously
Boundaries are far more important than most people understand.
I used to have no sense of boundaries for my own life. And as a result, I spent a huge portion of my energy every day trying to help other people, make other people happy, etc.
But here’s the problem.
If we are not discerning in how we spend our time and energy, we are going to get exhausted.
You need to be highly strategic in how you spend your time, energy, and focus.
And that’s why every alpha minded individual needs to have healthy boundaries in place.
Learn to say ‘no’ when you don’t want to invest your time into something.
Learn to say ‘no’ when it’s not your problem and you have no vested interest in solving it.
Let people dig themselves out of their own problems.
Some problems are just not yours to solve.
Make sure that you are only spending time and energy on problems that you want and need to spend time on.
2. Own Your Shame
Shame is so fundamental to negative emotion. And if you look closely enough, all negative emotions can be traced back to shame.
Wikipedia defines shame as such:
“An unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of the self; withdrawal motivations; and feelings of distress, exposure, mistrust, powerlessness, and worthlessness.”
Does any of this sound familiar?
We need to learn to come to terms with our shame.
If I could recommend one book to help you come to terms with your shame, it would be the book To Be A Man: A Guide To True Masculine Power by Robert Augustus Masters.
I’ve also written an in-depth post on the topic of Sexual Shame, which you can read here.
When we hold onto deep shame in our lives, it impacts every area of our life.
When things happen that drag us through that shame, we suffer. It brings up all kinds of negative emotions and sends our emotional reaction system into an overload state.
Learning to understand your shame and bring it to light is an important process for men and women. And dealing with your shame on a regular basis can do wonders for helping you to overcome your anger on a day to day basis.
3. Vocalize (Out Loud, To Yourself Or A Trusted Friend) The Things That Make You Angry
If I face particularly frustrating situations in my life, I find it helpful to get by myself and talk about it out loud.
This can also work really well with a trusted friend who will listen to you consciously rant.
I will be completely honest with myself as I vocalize these things. I may say things like:
“I am so tired of feeling like I’m the only one doing anything.”
“I am so mad at *blank* for being so ignorant about *an issue*.”
“I am so angry that *name* is such a fool. Their actions literally hurt everyone around them. I am so angry that they are allowed to behave this way and don’t face consequences.”
The point of this is to just get those feelings out of my body.
I will say exactly how I feel—but I am careful to only do it alone, or with a trusted friend who won’t repeat any of it to anyone.
Why is this important?
Because I don’t actually want to say these things to the people involved. I want to handle those situations with wisdom, rationality, and a due measure of kindness.
But in order to do that, I need to keep my anger and frustration under control. So rather than allowing those feelings to build up, I make sure to say how I feel out loud.
This is very therapeutic. And I can almost always tell a difference in my emotions after venting like this.
4. Figure Out What Tends To Trigger You, And Back-Engineer It To Find Out Why It Affects You
Does a certain type of thing tend to make you angry?
If so, it may be important to pay attention to it.
We don’t always know why we get angry. Sometimes, we are not getting angry because of the specific thing that happened, but because the thing that happened triggered something inside of us, and caused an emotional reaction.
For example. I have lately become aware that when I’m asked direct questions about what I plan to do in my life that don’t directly pertain to what is being discussed, I tend to feel triggered and angry.
I used to think it was because I didn’t like people meddling in my business. But since then, I’ve done some self-realization work, and realized that these types of questions actually trigger an emotional reaction in me because of past trauma.
When people ask me specific questions about what I plan to do, it reminds me of being young and having no control over my life—and it makes me feel like people are trying to control me, when that may actually not be what is happening.
See, it is important for us to understand why we are getting triggered.
So next time you get triggered and feel angry, write down your feelings and try to explore the deeper reasons behind it.
5. Take Time To Be Alone, In Peace, To Stay On Top Of Your Emotions
Every day, I try to take at least one walk around the neighborhood, by myself, to get away and be alone with myself.
Being alone is actually really important.
We need time to think and process.
It is also important to maintain radio silence during these times.
Turn off your music. Turn off your phone. Stop watching videos.
Unplug, and commit to being truly alone with your thoughts.
Talk to yourself. Talk about what is stressing you out, and why.
Ask yourself questions, and then try to answer them.
You may be surprised at what you learn!
Try to do this for at least 20 minutes every day.
When I am regularly performing this kind of self-talk and aloneness with myself, I notice that my anger and stress is much less problematic.
This helps me to keep my emotions under control.
It’s like monitoring your bank account. If you don’t keep track of it, how will you know if you’re starting to run out of money?
You may not realize it until it’s too late, and your account is already overdrawn!
6. Understand That You Are Not A Bad Human For Getting Angry
We are human. Life happens. And no matter how perfect you try to be, you are still going to get angry.
And that’s ok.
In fact, anger is a useful emotion. And sometimes, we need to get angry to get motivated.
Anger can be a powerful motivating force to spur us to action.
So, in this sense, anger is definitely not always a bad thing.
Sometimes, the worst part of getting angry is how angry we get at ourselves for getting angry in the first place.
Well, try to remember that getting angry doesn’t make you a bad person.
Losing your temper does not make you a bad person.
So if you are here because you lost your temper today, you are doing the right thing. You are trying to figure out some anger management activities to help you.
But one thing that you shouldn’t do is get mad at yourself because you got angry.
Forgive yourself. Learn to be better, and try again.
Understand that it happens.
Don’t carry around that guilt. It isn’t going to help you. You already felt it and it already taught you its lesson. So now, let it go.
7. Understand That Life Is Not Fair
Life isn’t fair.
And to a point, this should anger us. But this anger shouldn’t control us, either.
Life is a brutal, dark, violent, malevolent experience, filled with chaos, entropy, and suffering.
But—that’s not to say that there isn’t a lot of good in it, as well.
We need to come to terms with the fact that life isn’t always sunshine and roses.
We also need to come to terms with the fact that we are not entitled to anything good in life.
Instead, we need to understand that experiencing good in life is rare, and that we should be tremendously grateful for it.
Life is not fair. But we can also make it better by taking charge of it, creating order, and making it a better experience for ourselves and our loved ones.
This gives our lives purpose and meaning.
Life doesn’t have to be fair. We can create some fairness and make it better through our own hard work and effort.
And that is no small thing.
8. Look At Your Most Stressful Battles As Challenges That Give Your Life Meaning And Purpose
Since discovering the alpha mentality and realizing my life’s purpose, I’ve faced challenge after challenge.
But I’ve also realized that these challenges are not all bad.
My divorce, for example, felt like a huge pit that I would never climb out of.
It was expensive and emotionally draining, and it plunged my life into utter chaos.
But once I learned to deal with it, regulate my emotions, and climb out of the hole, I realized that I was so much stronger as a result.
I gained so much more power over my own anger and emotions through that experience. And after it was over, I took those new lessons into my life and made it so much better as a result.
This isn’t to say that we should want bad things to happen to us. But it does show us that surviving challenges can help us to grow and become stronger.
Maybe, one day, you will get strong enough that you will be able to live in true peace.
Such a thing is never guaranteed. But if we overcome enough challenges and work hard enough to create order in our lives, we have a fair chance at making it happen.
And that’s a great thing.
9. Look For Solutions – Stop Beating Your Head Against The Wall
When I was younger, I used to be too stubborn to look for actual solutions.
If things made me angry, I would just get mad, complain, and act like a victim.
Poor me. Why does this always happen to me?
But after adopting the alpha mentality and leveling-up my life, I realized that being a victim was pointless.
When we act like victims, we give away all of our power.
Instead, I learned to look for actual solutions to solve the problems.
And of course, in the long run, this did a lot more to help my anger than complaining ever did.
Sometimes, overcoming the anger isn’t the solution. Anger is, after all, a natural human emotion.
Sometimes, we need to fix our lives so that frustrating things stop happening (at least as much as we can).
So look for real solutions to the problems that make you angry, instead of just complaining about them.
10. Talk About Your Anger Using ‘I’ Statements
Whether you are talking to yourself, a trusted friend, your house cat, or your counselor, I have found that one of the best ways to process angry feelings is with ‘I’ statements.
This does two things.
- It helps to keep us from complaining and blaming other people for our problems
- It helps us to be honest about our feelings
Speaking our problems out loud is powerful.
It helps us to vent emotions and flip the ‘pressure valve’ switch.
Now, make no mistake. When I say do not complain, I don’t mean to never voice your complaints.
I mean that we shouldn’t make complaining a habit. Instead, we should make a habit of only complaining strategically, to vent our frustrations—and only around people we trust, who will keep our words in confidence.
This isn’t to say that we should never be honest about how other people are affecting us.
But the point is that we should always incorporate ‘I’ statements when we vent to ourselves or trusted friends, because when we are honest about how we truly feel, we can confront our true-selves and understand what is going on.
And when we fully understand how we feel, we give ourselves the best possible chance to overcome the anger.
11. Remember To Incorporate Some Zen And Spirituality Into Your Life
I’m not a super-spiritual person by nature.
I do not necessarily prescribe to any religion or specific spiritual practices.
But I have come to understand that some zen and spirituality are essential to living a healthy, balanced, orderly life.
If you are religious, prayer and meditation may be the best way to incorporate this into your life.
If you’re not particularly religious, you may find peace and zen in mantras, meditation, and solitude.
I sometimes write down mantras and meditate on them. Or, I will take a quote that speaks to me, and meditate on it—trying to unravel my feelings and figure out why I feel the way I feel.
Spirituality helps us to reflect on ourselves, how we feel, and what is going on inside of us.
It can also help us to feel more connected to not only ourselves, but to others.
It can ground us and help to re-enforce our sense of purpose and meaning in life.
In Conclusion – These Are The Anger Management Activities That Have Helped Me The Most
I’m not a counselor or psychologist.
And if your anger is especially problematic, you probably need to talk to a professional.
But I have had my own bouts with the demons of anger, stress, resentment, bitterness, rage, and frustration.
And if there is one piece of advice to remember, it is this.
Do not hide from your demons. Confront them and do battle now, because they aren’t going to get any weaker with time.
The longer you allow your anger to go unchecked, the more dominion you give it within you.
These 11 anger management activities are a great place to start.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
Until next time:
Joshua K. Sigafus