When discussing alpha males, one question that comes up a lot is this.
Are alpha males lone wolves? Do they spend most of their time alone, rejecting deeper connections to other humans?
This is actually a really good question. And I decided to answer it in this post because I’ve been dealing with this a lot on a personal level.
A lot of people think that true alpha males are cold, devoid of feelings, etc.
But this is most certainly not the case. But, it is difficult for most people to understand this from the outside looking in.
Let me give you a little bit of background.
In My 20s, I Was ‘All Play’ And ‘No Work’
When I was a younger man, I was all about chasing women, spending time with my friends, and partying.
I was building my business, of course. But to be honest, I wasn’t spending near enough time or energy on it.
Of course, this all came crashing down when my marriage ended.
Suddenly, I had to move out. I was no longer part of that ‘marriage team.’
I was on my own. And I quickly realized that I needed to get more focused.
So this really jump-started me on the alpha male journey.
I had to level up, stop complaining, and start putting more time and energy into my business, leveling up as a man, and taking control of my life.
Challenge After Challenge Slammed Into Me, Like Massive Waves In The Middle Of A Tumultuous Ocean
If you’ve ever seen the Ocean during even a moderate bit of wind, you will quickly realize how dangerous and deadly those monstrous waves can be!
Well, that was how I felt after my marriage ended. My life consisted of challenge after challenge… each one bigger than the last.
They slammed into me like waves, threatening to topple my poor, helpless, shoddily-crafted little vessel!
At first, I got depressed and kind of shut down.
But that didn’t last long.
You see, I reached a point where I was done being pushed around by life.
I decided to become a true force of nature in my own right.
I decided to stand up to the waves, and push them back on my own.
And so, the true birth of the alpha male mindset was born inside of me.
Beating These Challenges Required Me To Keep Leveling Up
Every new challenge required greater mental fortitude. Each one required more money. Each one required me to grow tougher.
I was literally forced to either give up and perish, or fight like an animal, leveling up constantly to stay ahead of the crushing fate that followed me around.
But two interesting things happened.
- Each time I leveled up, I got a little bit more comfortable with not being comfortable.
- Each time I leveled up, I became more and more different from the people I usually spent time with.
And this is where we get to the question of are alpha males lone wolves.
I Do Not Shun Human Connection – But It Does Get More And More Difficult To Find Humans Who I Can Connect With On A Satisfying Level
Well, if you are usually a farmer in a feudal kingdom, you are probably used to getting along with the other farmers.
Why? Because you have a lot in common with them. You all work on the farm, you all grow vegetables… you all face similar challenges, and you can find kinship and common ground in those things.
But one day, you are attacked by a dragon. This dragon will destroy you if you don’t defeat it. So you fight it, and somehow, you manage to slay it.
This sounds like good news, and it is. You suddenly realize that you have power that you never realized you had before.
You also realize that you can earn a lot more gold slaying dragons than farming crops!
So, you start your new life as a dragon slayer.
The Only Problem Now Is That, The Friends You Used To Find A Lot In Common With… They Don’t Understand You As Well
Because you are learning more and more about fighting dragons, you realize that you need to constantly train.
Because you may have killed one or two dragons. But you also know that, one day, you will fight a much more formidable foe… and unless you train and prepare for that battle, you will be destroyed!
So instead of working the normal farmer hours you used to work, you are fighting dragons during the day, and training hard to level-up at night.
Your friends, who were initially proud of you for killing the dragon, suddenly get a little bit annoyed that you never seem to spend time with them anymore.
You try to tell them that you need to do this. It doesn’t mean that you care any less about them. It just means that you are trying to do big things with your life… and that if you don’t work on it, you won’t accomplish it.
They understand to a point, especially in theory, and they do love you and care about you.
But still, the differences in your lives slowly pull you apart. And if the alpha male isn’t careful about how he handles this, it can really leave him vulnerable and alone.
This is why alpha males need to be focused on investing in their tribe. Otherwise, it can be very easy for alphas to find themselves alone on their journey.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
You Also Notice That You Are Spending Your Time And Resources Differently From Your Friends
As you get deeper and deeper into your training, forcing yourself to learn more and do more, you start to realize more and more how much time you used to spend on things that, before you were a dragon slayer, seemed important… but now seem meaningless to you.
You watch as your friends drink, have fun, and party at night instead of training or leveling up.
Of course, you know that there is nothing wrong with that. But it still makes them different from you.
To a point, you know that they simply do not understand you or why you are doing what you are doing.
And you also know that they do not believe that your path is the right path for their life.
And this makes it less and less likely that you will find a deep connection with any of them.
Because part of what enables us to build connection is mutual understanding and shared experiences.
And so, this makes you a bit of a lone wolf… not because you don’t love your friends, but because your lives and experiences are becoming so different, that connecting deeply with them just becomes nearly impossible.
This Is Why Alpha Males Can Seem Like Lone Wolves – They Kind Of Are, Though Not Because That Is Ultimately What They Want
I believe that every true alpha male will care deeply for his tribe. But I also know that most ‘tribes’ will not be able to relate to him.
They will not understand the sacrifices he needs to make to achieve what he achieves. They do not see his victories, or his struggles.
I can relate to this very much, and it becomes more pronounced over time.
As I get deeper into my craft and work harder to achieve success, I find that fewer and fewer people can really offer me true connection on a level that would have satisfied me before.
But… this is also key. Because we do not need the same level of connection that we used to have with people.
As alpha males, we can be content with the connections we do form, and be grateful for them.
And so, I satisfy myself instead of relying on other people to do it.
I celebrate my victories with myself. I face my challenges by myself. I push myself.
I still have awesome friends. I still have a girlfriend. I still date other women as well. I still have family, a tribe, and kinsman.
And I value all of these people very highly.
But I also need to understand that most of them do not completely understand me or how it feels to live a life like mine.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
My Advice For Alpha Males Who Find Connection Difficult
My main advice for lone-wolf alpha males is this.
Do what you can to nourish your relationships and build the best connections possible… but don’t automatically expect for anything deep or profound to come from them.
Sometimes, we do find deep connection with the people in our lives. And when this happens, we should be grateful.
But we must also understand that human connection is not a perfect science, and we need to stop being disappointed when it doesn’t happen the way we think it aught to.
We also need to learn to be grateful for even the smallest things.
- Receiving a text from a friend
- Getting a message over social media
- Having someone tell me how they feel about me
- Having someone take time out of their day to have a drink with me, join me for dinner, or go on a walk together
- Having someone open up to me to tell me about their day, their feelings, or their struggles
- Having business colleagues who message me about business, but who also stick small personal messages into the conversation as well
- Having sex and/or intimacy with someone who I have a lot of chemistry with
All of these things are things that I used to take for granted. But now, living life deeply entrenched in the alpha male mentality, I am so grateful for them.
Because I honestly do not connect as deeply with humans as I used to.
Because that is the path. There are just fewer and fewer humans on the path who can relate to me in a real, meaningful way.
This doesn’t make me better than anyone else, and it doesn’t make anyone else any less valuable.
We just need to shift our perspective. As alpha men, we need to learn to appreciate what connections we do form, and learn to be grateful instead of demanding more.
Hopefully this post has helped you to understand the idea that alpha male men are lone wolves.
It’s kind of a complex issue, to be honest!
But… with a healthy dose of gratitude and a higher level of self-awareness, we can bridge the gap and continue to connect with the other humans around us… even if these connections aren’t quite as powerful as they used to be.
Treasure your tribes, alpha males. They are a tremendous blessing, and we should be eternally grateful for them!
Go with grace, and never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus