Are submissive women more attractive?
Do women need to be submissive to attract alpha men?
Are alpha men truly intimidated by alpha women?
There is a huge misconception going on in our culture and society today.
A lot of people are talking about what women need to do to attract a high-value, alpha male man.
And I’ve noticed that most people are getting it wrong.
With that being said, I’ll also admit that there aren’t many people in the dating space talking about the importance of this dynamic.
Mainly… Can an alpha woman and an alpha man truly enter a relationship and be happy together? Or, will they constantly be butting heads?
Is it impossible for alpha women to attract, and keep, alpha men?
Some People Are Saying That Modern Women Are Not Submissive Enough To Appeal To Modern Alpha Men
Most women, at some point, want to get married, have a family, and have a husband (or at least a man/partner) who is willing to be there, help them, and support them as they go through pregnancy and stay at home (at least for a little while) with their newborn baby.
But then again, hasn’t that been the plight of all women throughout history?
This has really always been the goal. At least, it always has up until recently.
Women have always desired high-value men to walk beside them, support them, provide for them, and protect them as they bear children and strive to raise those children safely to adulthood.
This is what women expect in return for sexual access to their more valuable reproductive equipment.
Women are, after all, highly sought after… especially young, attractive, beautiful, sexy, fertile women. Men love women, and for good reason. They literally evolved to desire them.
Now, Here’s The Problem. And I Believe That This Problem Is Shared By Many Women Out In The Modern Dating Marketplace
We live in a modern world.
We live in a world where women have, for the most part, left the home to join the modern workforce.
We live in a world where, more and more often, women are getting degrees, getting high-paying jobs, and living more like men have always traditionally lived.
We live in a world where women are encouraged to develop their own careers, to make their own money, and to create their own success in life.
For the record, I’m 100% in support of this.
I believe that this is how alpha women need to think and act, at least to a certain extent.
More than ever, women need to cultivate personality traits that we’ve always traditionally associated with ‘masculinity.’ Traits like disagreeableness, aggression, being ‘tough as nails,’ etc.
And there are many benefits to women chasing, and achieving, their own financial success in life.
If a woman places all of her trust and well-being into the hands of a man, and doesn’t take responsibility for her own destiny, she’s never guaranteed anything in life.
I’ve heard too many stories of women being dependent on low-value men to advise anything else.
I don’t believe in that road (of women being dependent on low-value men for their survival), and would never recommend that a woman give any man so much control over her destiny.
But here’s where the problem comes in.
Women Are Finding Out That Getting Into Solid Relationships With High-Value Men Becomes More Difficult As They Earn More Money, And As They Strive To Create Success For Themselves
Women have learned that if they want to succeed in this world in a business sense, they need to be determined, aggressive, disagreeable (to an extent, in the same way an alpha male needs to be disagreeable sometimes), and more than willing to go to war to fight for their own survival.
They need to be willing to compete with, and defeat, men who are competing with them in the business/career arena.
Women have become (and are continually becoming) more and more like men have always traditionally been… striving to earn more, to create success for themselves, and to achieve as much financial wealth, power, social status, and street credibility as possible.
They want to be taken seriously… just as seriously as men.
And they want to have control over their own destinies.
And once again, I support this and understand it.
I would even go as far as to say that I believe in this path for women, because it’s the only path where they can 100% create their own destiny for themselves and be in control of their own fate.
But, Women Also Run Into An Attraction Problem When This Happens…
According to human mating behavior, women are drawn to effective men who display high value, alpha mentality characteristics.
But… men are NOT necessarily drawn to women who display these same characteristics.
It doesn’t necessarily ‘hurt’ a woman’s attractiveness to chase a career and aspire to a greater level of personal wealth.
But it also doesn’t really ‘help’ her in the attraction department, either.
If alpha women want to solve the problem of being more attractive to high value men, they need to behave more like alpha females, and less like alpha males in the specific areas where these different types of behavior matter.
Let Me Explain Some Of The Basics Of Human Mating Behavior, To Make This Easier To Understand…
What Do Women Want?
For the most part, women are interested in men who have:
- Social status
- A strong, masculine presence, body, and mindset
This isn’t a secret. We all know this intuitively.
Women are traditionally naturally drawn to men who have the capability of generating resources, but who also have a willingness to share those resources with her in the quest to produce offspring and raise them safely to adulthood.
In other words, the type of man who would increase her odds for survival if she were to pair-bond with him. Women want high-value, successful, effective men.
Women want men who have the capability of generating wealth, who are capable of securing a powerful spot within the social circles of the tribe… a man who can guarantee that she’ll have ample resources to make her life (and the lives of her children) safe, secure, and comfortable.
This, really, is what gives rise to the idea of the ‘traditional family dynamic.’
But here’s where things get a bit complicated.
See, men and women value different things, and they tend to find different things attractive.
What Do Men Want?
Men value these things in women:
These are the things that attract men to women, and the things that draw men to desire the women they desire.
Men are sexually attracted to women based on these factors, because these are the factors that subconsciously spell out that this woman could be a good candidate for producing healthy offspring.
These characteristics also give man information that tells him that this woman would be a pleasant, helpful, and agreeable partner, and that sh would be worth investing-in for the long-term.
For the most part, ‘beauty’ and ‘the appearance of fertility’ go hand-in-hand.
This is why, first and foremost, men want beautiful, youthful-looking women.
But fidelity is also important to men; not necessarily for fidelity’s sake itself, but to solve the problem of paternity.
Men want young, beautiful, fertile women who are trustworthy enough that the paternity of any children born to the couple can be sure of being ‘his,’ because paternity matters to men… because their legacy lives on in the DNA of their children.
For the most part, alpha minded men do not desire to spend their valuable resources on other men’s children. They want to spend their resources on their own children; because that’s the only investment that will lead to true paternal legacy in the years and generations to come.
Agreeableness is also incredibly important to men.
Because men want to know that they’re going to find ‘peace’ when they come home. They want a woman of beauty, agreeableness, and pleasantness; a woman who makes the home a place of happiness, as opposed to a warzone.
Men value peace, because their entire life is mostly characterized by a violent struggle to become high value men.
This process, contrary to popular belief, is not an inherently peaceful process; but a violent process characterized by facing obstacles, embracing conflict, and overcoming challenges.
For men, these are the primary attraction metrics that drive the onset of sexual desire.
So now, having said all of this, let’s get back to the original question.
Is A Submissive Woman More Attractive To Men?
In our society, men and women struggle to answer this question.
Because on one hand, implying that women should be submissive implies that they aren’t fit to be leaders.
It implies that, due only to the reproductive equipment they were born with, they should submit to men based solely on the merit that the man is a man.
Now, I would hope that all of us could agree that men and women are, and should be, equal… but that they’re different.
It’s also true that we evolved to value different things in our sexual partners.
Women value men for certain things, and men value women for different things.
Here’s where I believe women are running into problems, however.
Women are finding that it gets more and more difficult to get real relationship attention from high-value men as they (the women) make more money, become more successful, act more ‘alpha’ in their day-to-day lives, become more assertive, and cultivate the kind of ‘disagreeableness’ it takes to succeed in the cut-throat environment of the modern business landscape.
Women who choose to put a lot of time, effort, and energy into making money and succeeding in their careers usually start to notice that:
- They tend to only attract beta-minded men
- They tend to struggle to keep high-value men interested in them in the long term
- They struggle to attract a man who is ‘good enough’ for their higher standards
- They struggle to get with a man they can have respect for
See, high value, high-performance alpha women (who are still hypergamous by nature, by the way) by default are already setting themselves up with a much smaller dating pool than women who don’t earn as much, or put as much effort into their career.
In a very real sense, it seems like successful women get penalized for working hard and being professionals, because their dating pool of eligible men is super-small, and they struggle to compete with younger, perhaps more attractive, perhaps more ‘submissive’ women who don’t care about a career, making money, or generating wealth.
Check out this video to see exactly what I’m talking about.
This is something that I’ve been hearing a lot from women.
And I’ve even had women ask me this question.
“Josh, by being a career-minded alpha woman, am I ruining my chances to get married, settle down, have children, and have a good relationship in my life?”
I’ve also heard women say this…
“Men seem to be intimidated by intelligent women. Why aren’t men ‘alpha’ enough to date intelligent, alpha women?”
Well, I’m going to do my best to answer these questions by presenting several ‘truths’ that women need to understand about men, the dating marketplace, and the dynamics between men and women.
See, here’s the truth.
It’s a misconception that men are intimidated by alpha women.
Instead, I’m going to explain what’s really going on.
See, Here’s The Issue…
I don’t believe that making more money or having a successful career is the reason for why alpha women struggle to find high value, long-term, alpha male partners.
These types of women think that they intimidate men.
But in reality, it isn’t an intimidation issue.
It’s an attraction issue.
And it really all comes down to frame control.
In short, alpha women try to continue to control the ‘frame’ of the relationship when they get into relationships with alpha males.
Because this is what they’ve always done. It’s what they’ve always needed to do to achieve success and create their own destiny.
But this is an inherently masculine trait. And alpha mentality men simply aren’t attracted to it.
Alpha mentality men will always control the frame of their own lives… period.
This doesn’t mean that alpha women need to act submissively, necessarily.
But it does mean that these women must accept how the alpha lives, and that they’re not going to change him.
Either they will relinquish the need to control the frame of the relationship, or he’s going to walk away and find a woman who will relinquish that need to control his frame.
And guess what types of women generally have zero problem doing this?
Young, attractive women who want a man over a career, and a family over their own business success.
These types of women aren’t tempted to put their career over their relationship because they’re not particularly interested in a career to begin with.
See… this is where alpha women can start to feel like they’re getting penalized just for being alpha.
And to a point, they’re right… at least in terms of relationships with alpha males.
But this can be avoided if they can learn how to continue to be an alpha female while also being willing to relinquish the ‘frame control’ of the relationship to the alpha male.
Let’s talk about 4 specific situations (truths) where this comes to the surface.
4 Truths That Modern Women Need To Understand About The Alpha-Female, The Alpha-Male, And The Attraction Metrics That Exist Between Them
1. A High-Value Man Won’t Tolerate A Woman Trying To Run His Life
First of all, there’s nothing wrong with being a high performance, high earning alpha female.
However, it’s important to understand that you can’t expect an alpha male to let you come into his life and make decisions for him, his money, his business, his purpose, or anything else he chooses to do.
This is one reason for why high performance alpha females struggle so hard to find relationships with truly high-value men that actually work.
If you’re a woman who can bring a substantial amount of financial wealth to the table, you’re probably also the kind of woman who understands that if you don’t take charge of situations in your life, things don’t tend to get done right.
This is one of the foremost complaints I hear from alpha minded women who make a lot of money… that they struggle to attract a man who is ‘better’ than them in this respect.
Because women are hypergamous, they want a man who can bring at least as much financial wealth to the table as they can, preferably more.
Anything less, and they’ll struggle to be able to maintain respect for him.
And what do you get when a woman can’t respect a man as a leader and a provider?
You get a relationship where she’s not going to have legitimate burning desire for him.
This automatically shrinks the dating pool for professional, successful women by a significant margin.
Because the more a woman earns, the more she’ll find that fewer and fewer men match up with her in terms of their ability to generate enough wealth to meet her on equal footing.
There are only so many six-figure earners among men, and there are even fewer six-figure earners who are single, who live within the proper geographic area, and who fit within the proper age-range that would make them suitable for dating.
So, what tends to happen?
Since these high performance, alpha minded women can’t find the man they actually want to date, they tend to ‘settle’ and date men who don’t earn as much as they do, who aren’t as industrious as them, who aren’t as ambitious as them.
They end up settling because they’re left with little choice… because the math just doesn’t add up.
There aren’t enough high-value men to go around.
Now, don’t get it twisted. I’m not talking about having a scarcity mindset.
But when you start putting more serious restrictions on who you’ll date (for example, if he has to be a single, good-looking, monogamous man who earns six figures…), you start to realize that the dating pool gets a lot smaller.
To be really honest, these types of men are truly rare.
These are true high value, alpha males… and they have their pick of the hottest women on the marketplace.
As expected, alpha women in this situation who settle for men who earn less end up struggling to be able to respect him.
This may also lead to her trying to change him… pushing him to earn more, to expand his business, or to bring home more money, because at the end of the day, what he earns isn’t enough for her.
She’s done the work. She deserves a man who can meet her on equal or better footing.
But here’s the issue. This is missionary dating all over again, just at a different level.
In other words, what happens is that she tries to lead him in the relationship.
She tries to create or reshape his destiny, instead of just walking alongside him in solidarity as two individuals.
Instead of being a couple who respects one-another, it’ll be two individuals in different financial places, with a woman who feels that she deserves better, with an underlying current of resentment toward the man who hasn’t come as far as she has in her professional life.
This is a big problem, though… and I don’t see it as being a question of whether or not a woman should be submissive.
I see it as a problem where women need to understand how alpha-minded men think and operate.
As an alpha male, I can tell you this with 100% certainty.
An alpha male would never put up with a woman or anyone else trying to run his life, make decisions for him, pressure him to earn more, or reshape his destiny in any way.
Alpha men are not interested in this type of relationship.
They are much more likely to skip the alpha woman and engage in a peaceful, lower pressure relationship with a woman who doesn’t earn as much, but who still brings beauty, peacefulness, a healthy sexual appetite, and a true burning desire for him into the relationship.
A woman who can still be a valuable complement to his life and bring genuine feminine balance to his world and frame, minus the head-butting or the demand for compromises.
Plus, men don’t really care how much money the woman makes. That’s not what’s attractive to him.
Remember, men are looking for:
2. An Alpha-Mentality Man Won’t Enter Your Frame – You Must Enter His
An alpha mentality man will never enter a woman’s frame.
This is a concept that I don’t think many alpha females understand.
He will seek to create his own place in the world, and he’ll invite high-value, beautiful women into his life to join him.
It will never be the opposite.
For example, I would never sell my house and move into a house that my girlfriend owned.
That would be a perfect example of me entering her frame, and giving her control over the frame of not only my life, but also the relationship overall.
It would be 100% expected that if she wanted to be with me, she would need to move into a home with me… not the other way around.
An alpha mentality man will always maintain control over his own life, frame, and domain. He will be seeking to create his own empire, and to build his own kingdom.
At the end of the day, he’ll see that moving into a woman’s house would just be backsliding into a beta mindset and position.
If they were going to live together, he would insist that she move-in with him.
Or… he would insist that they maintain separate living spaces and just sleep-over when desired.
Taking this foundational concept into account, it’s easy to see why higher earning women struggle to find alpha men willing to date them.
This is especially true if she earns more than the alpha men she’s trying to date.
Let me give you an example.
If I was earning $30,000 a year, and dating a woman who was earning $100,000 a year, what do you think would happen if we discussed the possibility of moving-in together?
Well, the quality of my house would likely be nowhere near the quality of the type of house that she could afford. Since she’s further along on her financial journey, she would already be used to a certain standard of living.
Would she be willing to downgrade her living situation just to accommodate my need and desire to manage my own frame and domain?
Women in such a position would be far more likely to insist that I sell my cheaper house to move into their more expensive, higher-value house. And thus, it is easy to see how quickly a power struggle for frame can develop in such a relationship.
Don’t forget. Above all else, men value beauty in their female companion; not how much money she makes, or what kind of house she owns.
For this reason, if the alpha woman refused to leave her frame and enter my frame (move into my house instead of me moving in with her), I would be much more likely to just walk away from that relationship and start dating a woman who earns less than me, who would be thankful and excited to move into my smaller house with me, and to join me in my frame, walking beside me to help me build my kingdom and empire, supporting me in that endeavor while exhibiting a strong, burning desire for me (as opposed to the internalized resentment that the higher-earning woman might feel if she was ‘forced’ to compromise on her desires to move-in with me and level-down in her own standard of living).
See, how much a woman earns has very little impact on how much men are going to be sexually attracted to her.
In fact, if the size of her income leads to any type of alpha power struggle, then it quickly becomes a liability in the relationship, not a positive benefit.
In such situations, an alpha minded man would be much more likely to walk away from the higher-earning woman and settle for a beautiful woman who earns less, but who is willing to enter his frame and continue to allow him to guide not only his own destiny, but also the direction of the relationship.
This may not seem fair to women who have put so much effort into earning a lot of money or building a successful career for themselves.
And in truth, it isn’t fair.
But, life isn’t fair, and the instincts that drive human mating behavior dictate what men and women are attracted to; not our feelings about what those things should be.
3. An Alpha Male Won’t Fight A Woman Or Engage In An ‘Alpha Struggle’ With Her
He will, instead, just walk away if he senses that some kind of ‘alpha power struggle’ is in the works.
Because he has many options, and he simply won’t tolerate anything less than a woman entering his frame.
Higher earning alpha mentality women need to understand that any sort of power struggle is going to show up as red-flag behavior to an alpha male.
A high-value man will simply not partake in any kind of power struggle with a woman, regardless of how much she earns her brings to the table.
At the end of the day, high value men don’t care how much money you make.
They may want you to be able to pay for your own stuff to a degree; but they have their own money, their own purpose, and their own goals to increase their wealth.
More than anything else, they just want the woman by their side to be beautiful and agreeable.
This is very, very important.
This is what men truly desire in a woman.
Alpha men value soft, sexual, peaceful, inspirational feminine beauty, friendly companionship, and genuine burning sexual desire in women over everything else.
See, this is where the disconnect exists.
An alpha woman, like an alpha man, will feel the desire to control her own frame, and to resist being pulled into another man’s frame.
For exactly the same reasons that a man wouldn’t want to leave his frame for a woman.
Because they worked like a dog to create their own value, and they’ll be damned before they leave their frame and give someone else any control over their destiny.
But women, unlike men, erroneously believe that compromise can serve as a tool to create a successful union between the alpha female and the alpha male.
Alpha men, however, don’t think this way.
In fact, alpha men see this as being a very dangerous path to tread, and for good reason.
Alpha men understand that they must be 100% in control of creating their own destiny, and that they must be the king and captain of their own fate, in every situation, at all times.
This is what makes an alpha male effective.
This is how he increases his value, creates his own destiny in the world, and works to create a lasting legacy of greatness.
To ask a man to compromise on this isn’t only a bad idea; it’s an idea that no real alpha male would ever compromise on.
It’s also an idea that no knowing woman should ever want a man to compromise on.
Because these are the very things that male ‘alpha mentality men’ attractive to high value women in the first place.
Do you want to know what happens when men start to compromise on this?
Women start to lose respect for them.
Take a look at almost any failed marriage where the woman ‘fell out of love’ with the man.
It’s a tale as old as time.
In fact, this was exactly what happened in my own marriage.
Here are the usual step:
- Man is strong, confident, effective, and sexy
- Women is attracted to man
- Man and woman get together
- They get married
- Then, the man slowly starts making little compromises that turn him into a ‘husband’ or ‘partner’ instead of making decisions that lead to him becoming a ‘stronger alpha man’
- Woman falls out of love with man because he’s not the ‘alpha man he once was,’ and files for divorce, has an affair, or just dips out
See, high value men understand the vital importance of this… that there can be no ‘compromising’ to end an alpha struggle between a man and a woman.
Men need to be alpha to make their lives successful.
Women, on the other hand, can succeed by the merit of their beauty.
Therefore, it isn’t fair or rational for a woman to ask a man to compromise on his alpha principles.
And so, when asked to compromise, alpha men will opt to walk away and date beautiful women who don’t earn as much, but who aren’t going to ask them to compromise on the creation of their own destiny.
4. A High-Value Man Will Be The King Of His Kingdom… No Exceptions
Never forget, the only way for a man to win in this world is to be effective.
And the only way he can be truly effective is to take complete control of his frame, destiny, and journey.
Women cannot completely understand this struggle.
Women, unlike men, are born into a certain degree of sexual abundance due strictly to the fact that they are women.
The vast majority of men do not inherit any such luxury without working hard to create enough value to achieve it for themselves.
As a general rule, women are born to be liked and desired.
Men, on the other hand, are born to be valued by women only if they create enough value to solve a problem, or if they can manage to bring enough resources to the table to make them a more attractive option than every other willing man who desires sexual access to her.
For this reason, an alpha male will always reserve the right to choose his best option, and to create the destiny and kingdom he truly desires for himself.
The difference between a high-value man and a low-value man is that a low-value man hasn’t put in the work to earn his value, while a high-value man has put in the work, so that he has more wealth, more power, and more options in his life.
High value men work hard for their value. So, they’re going to be picky about who they choose to share it with.
I’m going to say this one more time, because it is so important for women to understand.
Alpha men value soft, sexual, peaceful, inspirational feminine beauty, friendly companionship, and genuine burning sexual desire in women over everything else.
Women may hold the keys to sexual access.
But in all actuality, it is high value men who hold the keys to relationships.
This is the balance of nature. This is how men and women come together to form equal relationships.
High-Value Men Will NEVER Tolerate A Power Struggle
He doesn’t want a power struggle.
He doesn’t want a woman to ask him or expect him to leave his own frame.
If any woman is unwilling to enter the alpha male’s frame and respect his need to be the author of his own destiny, then she will have a 0% chance of getting his serious attention long-term.
He will always opt for a woman who is just as beautiful, who earns less money, who is less alpha, who isn’t trying to get him to leave his frame or force him to compromise in a power struggle.
See, being an alpha female is a choice that every woman can make. And for the record, I believe that every woman should strive to create her own destiny, much in the way that an alpha man creates his.
But the flip side of the coin is this.
If any woman wants a high-value, alpha male man to take her seriously as an option, and to choose her as a companion to walk alongside him as he creates his own destiny, then her alpha mentality must not require him to compromise on creating his own frame.
He must bring the woman into his life, not the other way around.
She must enter his frame, not the other way around.
This could be seen as a submissive gesture, because in order for a woman to do this, she must believe in the man completely.
She must trust him as a leader, as a king, and as a powerful high-value man who is worthy of her desire and admiration.
She must also have a great deal of desire for him to even consider this as an option.
Any woman who tries to get an alpha male to compromise on this, however, is going to end up frustrated.
Any woman who refuses to relinquish the frame of the relationship to the alpha male in her life will chronically attract beta minded men, and men who aren’t strong enough to stand up to her when she tries to pull them out of frame.
She will also be sending a powerful subconscious signal… that her agenda is not to bring soft, sexual, peaceful, inspirational beauty, friendly companionship, and genuine-burning desire to his frame.
Instead, she’ll be sending a different message.
I don’t respect you, trust you, or desire you enough to leave my frame to enter yours.
What Can Alpha Women Do To Make It Work With Powerful, Alpha-Mentality Men?
Alpha men are not intimidated by you because you’re beautiful, intelligent, and more successful.
The truth is this:
Alpha men refuse to power-struggle with you over the frame of the relationship.
Therefore, if you want to be an alpha female while also being attractive to alpha men, you need to learn to do the following things.
- Learn to relinquish control of the frame of the relationship, and let the man lead
- Not try to change the man to fit what you desire for his destiny
- Support the man in his destiny and his desire
- Not get involved with men if you don’t believe in their potential or their destiny
- Understand that alpha men succeed in life by leading and creating their own destiny; so if you cannot allow the man to lead you and create his own destiny with you by his side, then leave him alone and find a man you can do this with; or choose to date beta men instead
- Commit to embodying soft, sexual, peaceful, inspirational feminine beauty and friendly companionship in the context of your relationship to the alpha
- Have zero confusion or mixed feelings about bringing genuine burning sexual desire to the relationship. If you aren’t confident in any of these areas, consider dating beta men instead of alpha men
Those are really the main things you need to do to make your relationship work with an alpha male.
If you can successfully do these things, it won’t matter how alpha you are. If his desire for you is strong enough, these steps will help to avoid the ‘power struggle’ that ends quality relationships between alpha women and alpha men before they can even get off the ground.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus