Be careful about who you spend your time with.
This post is for the ladies and the gentlemen.
There are many ways to answer this question. Potential dating partners will vet you on many complex and multifaceted attraction markers whilst trying to figure out if you may be the best choice.
But today, I am going to talk about one attraction marker that makes a very big difference to how foundationally attractive you are…
And that is who you choose to hold company with.
You’ve probably heard it said that in five years, you will end up like the 5 people you spend the most time around.
This is absolutely true in almost every situation I’ve ever witnessed or experienced, and it has been 110% true in my own life.
Why does it matter? And how do you fix it?
Let’s jump into it.
A Few Weeks Ago, I Had A Weird Interaction With A Work Client
There was a situation not long ago where I had a work client who was getting frustrated toward me about some things I was doing in the project.
They briefly mentioned the problem once, and I took action and thought that I had corrected it.
But apparently I had not corrected it to their liking, because they continued to be frustrated… though they never said anything about it again.
Apparently, it continued to sit and fester.
I was actually a little bit confused by this. We went from having what I considered a fairly vibrant working relationship, to them always pretty much sounding annoyed with me while we were talking… and it got to a point where they would barely even speak to me.
I asked them about it, and all of this frustration started pouring out.
And in all of that mess, I will admit that I probably reacted a bit strongly.
I basically chided them for not being open with me about the problems, and asked them to be more open and communicative with me in the future.
They didn’t take this so well, though, and kind of came after me… inquiring as to why I was doing things the way I did them, and basically obviously getting aggressive and pushing me in the conversation while trying to maintain the guise of ‘just wondering why I did those things.’
It was fairly obvious that they were trying to belittle the way I did things and make me feel small.
Well, when they asked me why I did things the way I did them, I was posed with a choice.
- Submit to their pushing and answer their questions like a dutiful freelancer
- Stand up for myself and end the situation right where it was
(There is a point to all of this, I swear! This absolutely factors into choosing the right company and being more attractive… just stick with me!)
I made a choice and stood up for myself, telling this client that I didn’t owe them any explanation for why I chose to do things the way I did them… but that I would gladly change how I worked on their project to suit their needs.
I was trying to stand up for myself while also being respectful and diplomatic.
Anyway, they obviously didn’t like hearing that… and they sort of disengaged after that. I haven’t heard from them since, and assume that our working relationship is over.
Here Is Why It Matters
Here’s the thing.
I didn’t handle this situation as well as I could have. But I also feel decent about how I handled it. I mean, I feel like this was not a good situation to put me in as a professional, and it isn’t like I started it.
So I don’t really have any regrets about it.
But it did affect me for a few days. For a few days, I got really anxious, and was very bothered by it… mostly because I’ve had a history with humans who bottle things up and then let them explode.
I have found this type of behavior to be really destructive in my life… and it is possible that I still have some trauma left over in my psyche from dealing with it as a child and a teenager.
Anyway, this situation really got me worked up for a few days.
I started doubting things. I started struggling with my goals, second guessing myself, wondering if I was on a one-way track to failure… etc.
But Then, I Started Putting More Effort Into Getting Some Positivity Into My Life
I started doing a lot of thinking about this situation, and realized that I had isolated myself in it.
I hadn’t taken any time to step back and get a bigger perspective.
It was around this time that I made the effort to revive my old habit of listening to podcasts.
Honestly, I was looking for something to calm my anxiety… but what I learned was that listening to podcasts by people I admired and looked up to really gave me a better perspective.
It Shifted My Worldview, And Pulled Me Back To The Center
In particular, I was listening to Jordan B. Peterson… who is probably my foremost thought mentor these days, in the sense that I try to consume everything he puts out.
I also listened to Gary Vaynerchuk, Mark Cubin, Rich Cooper, Dwayne Johnson, and some other men I really look up to… and over the course of the next few days, I realized something about myself.
- I had been getting lost in my client relationships because they became the predominant driving force of my psyche, when my thought-mentors should have been the driving force
- I realized that, in neglecting to spend time learning from my thought mentors, I had gotten more caught-up in my emotions over this event
- I realized, for the thousandth time in my life, that listening to thought mentors needs to be a regular staple in my life… not something I just do ‘once in a while’
It is like eating a vegetable. You don’t just eat good vegetables once a month and call it good. You need a steady diet of them in order for them to be actually beneficial.
And so, going back to my habit of listening to a thought mentor every day really helped me to shift my center back to where it was supposed to be all along.
I should have realized right away that this client and I were incompatible, and I honestly had no business continuing to work with them as long as I did.
That’s it. That’s where I went wrong.
It was my mistake, and I realized that I needed to take ownership over it.
It is hard work to replace clients. And to be honest, this fear drove me to continue trying to make this relationship work long-past when it should probably have ended.
But, I need to show up and do the work… not shy away from it.
Now, Let’s Talk About Why This Makes Us More Attractive
When I started down the road of getting ‘worked up’ over this client, even though it was only for a couple of days, the changes in me were pretty significant.
I went from being confident, optimistic, and full of hope for my future… to suddenly doubting myself and my entire plan.
Obviously, those were just initial emotional reactions… and later on, I figured out that they were not my reality.
Rationally speaking, I almost never have issues with clients. So this was most certainly an outlier, and not something that usually happens.
But what if I had NOT come around to realizing this?
What if it took me 3 years to realize that, instead of 3 days?
Or worse… what if these people were my biggest social influences, and I felt pressured to cave-in to them and compromise myself just because they had an issue with me… to give away my power and cower before them, putting my validation into their hands?
The reason for why I realized it and was able to bounce-back so quickly is because…
- I make it a point to spend time with high-value people in my life who keep me focused on the reality that I want for myself and my future
- I am constantly listening to very high value thought mentors on a daily basis… and this helps me to re-center and re-focus my thinking
This is also part of what makes high value, effective, critical-thinking, problem-solving humans so attractive as potential mates.
I am at a stage in my life right now where I have never been so confident and successful in my dating life.
I literally get inboxed so much that I cannot respond to it all the time.
Because I am leveling up, striving to become a high value man, and living the alpha lifestyle.
I am minding my business, getting money, and pursuing my purpose.
This gets people’s attention… and it makes us more attractive.
The Lesson To Be Learned Here Is This – Make Sure That You Spend Time Around High Value People Who Influence You In All Of The Right Ways
In this particular example, there is a lesson to be learned.
One way to answer the question ‘how to be more attractive,’ is to make sure that you are spending time consuming a limited amount of content (books, videos, podcasts, blogs, etc.) from high-value performers who you look up to and aspire to be like one day.
Consuming their content will keep your vision focused, and will help you to analyze and adapt to the issues going on around you.
But it will also have an added benefit to your attraction levels.
This will make you a more attractive man or woman, because people will see that you are centered, focused, and on your game.
They will see that you are not tossed and turned by the chaos of your emotional reactions, and that you walk through life with a functional compass, pointing you toward your purpose.
I cannot tell you enough how important this is.
It is so vitally important to be on our game and on our purpose.
Getting lost in the chaos of small-picture problems will distract us from going where we need to be going.
It will push us off course. Or worse yet, it will slow us down and stagnate us.
In Conclusion – How To Be More Attractive
It is amazing how something as small as how you deal with work clients can impact your attraction levels.
But… it has everything to do with it!
It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman… if you can’t get your life on-track and start to head toward your purpose, you are going to flounder and struggle.
And this is going to hurt your attraction levels as well.
So figure out what direction you want to go in, start listening to high-level thought mentors, and start spending more time with people who are in the place you want to be in 5 years from now.
I promise that all of this will help you!
Go with grace, my friends. And never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus