How to be your authentic self.
This is a tall order, for even the mightiest among us.
If we want to win at dating, improve our attraction, and truly embrace the alpha mentality… we must learn to project our authentic, genuine selves to the rest of the world.
Far too many people only show a small part of who they really are—a veritable ‘husk’ of their true soul.
It’s a shame. It does them a disservice. And perhaps most importantly, it handicaps them and keeps them from truly succeeding in the dating marketplace and the tribal hierarchy.
I’ve done a lot of soul-searching to unveil what this means for me. And I’ve done a lot of self-work to get to a place where I know how to truly be myself.
So how do you do it?
Let’s dive right in.
5 ways to be your authentic self… no bullsh*t included.
1. Figure Out What You Really Want
This is actually easier said than done.
And no, I’m sorry… but a generic answer like “I just want to be happy” doesn’t count for this one.
You need to be really, really specific.
This is difficult at first. But it gets easier with time and experience.
There are two parts to this. We must determine what we want to do for others, and we must also figure out what we want for ourselves.
Right now, I could list what I truly want in life to a pretty specific degree.
- To one day be recognized as the world’s foremost authority on the topic of human mating behavior
- To build a tribe of people through my work who are leveling up their dating game, winning in their relationships, and truly embracing the alpha mentality
- For the people I help to go on and do big things in the world while pursuing their own passions
- To build a business so successful that I can provide jobs to the people I care about whenever they need it
- To build a massive, beautiful, sustainable house that has so much extra room in it that I can invite friends and family members to stay with me if they fall on hard times
- To date many, many incredible people over the course of my life while also nurturing and enjoying my relationships and leaving my dating partners better than I found them
This is just the tip of the iceberg. But, it shows that I have very specific goals in life, and this helps me to understand myself and where I’m headed.
And in turn, this helps me to be truly authentic.
2. Stop Being Dishonest
It’s easy to be dishonest. We sometimes don’t want to ruffle feathers. Sometimes, it’s difficult to say what we really mean out of fear that other people will be bothered by it.
But here’s the thing. When we start compromising on what we really think out of a fear that other people won’t like it, we start to lose a part of ourselves. We become more ‘generic’ and less ‘authentic.’
Start being honest, even if you know that other people won’t always like it.
Sure, some people may not like you for it. But the people who do like you will like you far more than they ever would have.
3. Stop Playing It Safe
When I was younger, I used to play it safe.
My goal was not to ruin relationships. And I would accomplish this by not doing anything that could really cause other people to dislike me.
But this is a very defensive and safe mindset. And to be completely honest, it ends up making us seem bland and uninteresting.
Nowadays, my goals with relationships are a bit different.
I will be exactly who I am, without apology. Those who don’t like me just won’t like me, and those who DO like me will like me EVEN MORE.
This is so true. Stop playing it safe. Stop filtering yourself out of a fear of not being liked. Be your true, authentic self, and let that ring true.
4. Don’t Be Afraid To Hold Others Accountable
I used to have a really difficult time holding other people accountable. This was especially true in my dating life.
If a woman told me something that I thought was nonsense, I was very unlikely to challenge her on it.
Well, she’s entitled to her opinion, right? Who am I to try to tell her I disagree? Plus, then she may decide that she’s not interested in me because I didn’t agree with her.
But in the end, this is a huge cop-out. And to be honest, even this mentality alone is a huge low-value marker and a turn-off.
Yes, she has a right to her opinion. And I have a right to mine.
And when I shy away from my opinions just to let her have hers, I’m sending a powerful low-value message.
My thoughts are not as important as yours are. This makes you better than me.
This hurts my masculine frame, and it makes me look like a weak, beta-minded b*tch.
And guess what? This is very unattractive.
But this is also true for women. Alpha-minded women who stand their ground inspire respect from high-value men and filter-out men who don’t want women who think for themselves.
I think it is very attractive when a woman thinks for herself.
But low-value men are threatened by it.
So in the end, you have nothing to truly lose by being yourself and holding others accountable.
Nowadays, I make sure to voice my opinions. And if someone says something that I don’t think makes sense, I speak up and address it. Of course, I also remain kind and respectful… but in taking a stand for what I believe and holding others accountable for their words, my character takes on new depth… and any attraction women may feel for me is magnified as a result.
5. Be Willing To Be Alone Rather Than Spending Time Around The Wrong People
This used to be a tough one for me.
I used to hate the idea of being alone. This ‘fear’ caused me to compromise on who I was so that I wouldn’t ‘chase other people away.’ But when you act out of fear like this, all you do is destroy your own genuine authenticness.
And guess what?
This, ironically, makes you even less likeable.
People pick up on ‘fake’ really quickly. It comes off as bland, weird, and dishonest… even if all you’re doing is trying not to ruffle feathers.
It is so much better to be yourself, and to be willing to walk away from people and be alone if that’s what it takes. Some people are just not good for you. But if you’re always willing to do whatever you need to do to please others, you’re going to end up losing yourself and becoming even less popular.
It is very important to be brave enough to be alone. Ironically, as a side effect, you will probably become even more likeable as a result.
That’s all I have for this one.
Keep leveling up in the alpha mentality, and keep striving to be better than you were yesterday.
Keep leveling up your attraction, and understand that being your true, authentic self is really important to your desirability.
This doesn’t mean that you aren’t accepting of others. In fact, you will probably be even more accepting once you learn to be unabashedly you, and find peace in that.
Go with grace, ladies and gentlemen, and never give up your power.
This is Joshua K. Sigafus, signing off.