Being an alpha male is not for everyone. This becomes more and more clear to me as I pursue the alpha male journey and devote myself to it.
And in this post, I will explain why.
If you have doubts about whether being an alpha male is for you, then hopefully this blog post will help to answer that question for you and shed some light on the things you should be looking at.
Let’s dive in.
(Note: for an incredible discussion about what it truly means to be an alpha male, check out this TED Talk by Frans De Waal. Truly an amazing talk from a man who truly understands what alpha-male mentality truly is… as evidenced by our very close relatives, the Chimpanzees!)
Being An Alpha Male: What It Really Means
Being an alpha male means many things. In fact, you can view my personal alpha male code, the Oath of Kings, to see exactly what being an alpha male means to me.
But if I were going to boil it all down to one really specific definition, I would say this…
Being an alpha male means pursuing excellence and mastery in your life, prioritizing self-mastery first and foremost. This pursuit will also directly cause you to rise to the top of the most important social dominance hierarchies in your life, and will also, quite directly, increase your sexual marketplace value… which will lead to more real, genuine success with women.
(Note: Most of my content refers to male/female relationships in a heterosexual context. But you can still be an alpha male regardless of your sexual orientation. You can also be an alpha if you are a female, as the mindset is not only limited to men! Just a disclaimer!)
If you follow this journey, and set yourself to the task of being an alpha male and climbing the ranks of your life’s most important social dominance hierarchies, you will inevitably become a leader.
And that is no small detail. Being a leader is not easy… and there are simply many men who do not want to exist at the top of more than one, two, or even zero social hierarchies.
(What does the alpha male journey have to do with winning with women? Check out this post to learn the answer!)
You Can Also Adopt Alpha-Principles Without Wanting To Be The Leader… And That Is Fine As Well
This is where I make what I feel is an important distinction.
Every man and woman can benefit from adopting alpha principles into their lives. This is self-mastery, and I believe that every human, regardless of what they want, would be happier if they did.
But not every man and woman will want to be a leader.
And some might want to be leaders of only a very small or limited number of hierarchies.
For example… a man might want to be a leader for his family, but nothing else.
Another man might want to be the leader of his own company, but nothing more.
Another man might want to be president! These are all very different levels of leadership.
The core concepts are the same… but there is one very measurable metric here that varies.
The more people you are leading, the greater the benefits… and the greater the responsibilities.
Being An Alpha Male Is Not Easy
Existing at the top of a social dominance hierarchy provides many awesome benefits.
In general, life is better at the top.
But unless you are a bully or a tyrant, it also comes with a great deal of personal responsibility. And the higher you climb on the ladder of leadership, the more of a servant you will actually become to your position.
As a leader, you must be strong for the people you lead.
You don’t have the option of caving in under pressure.
When you fail, everyone gets hurt and there is no one to fix the mistake.
When someone else gets overwhelmed, it may fall to you to make sure that their tasks get accomplished.
But if you get overwhelmed, you will still need to make sure that everything gets done.
Becoming a powerful, capable leader means to be many things. It means to be wise, hard-working, ambitious, calculating, intelligent, empathetic, understanding, balanced, disciplined… the list goes on and on.
You can read more about becoming an effective leader in my post about leadership.
But at the end of the day, the truth of the matter is that it is not easy being an alpha male.
How Do You Know If The Alpha Male Path Is For You?
This is a very difficult and complicated question. And to be honest, I am not sure that it can be answered accurately for every single person with one blanket statement.
But if I was going to give some kind of catch-all answer to it, here is what it would be.
If you are constantly driven to make things better, to improve life for yourself and other people, to solve problems that are bigger than yourself, and to gain control of your social hierarchies because you care about them and genuinely want to see them succeed… and are more concerned with seeing great things accomplished than you are with getting rich or amassing wealth for your own gain, then it is possible that the seed of true alpha mentality is already growing within you.
How Do You Know If You Shouldn’t Be An Alpha Male Leader?
If you would just rather be left alone, not deal with other people’s problems, and just want to make your money and not deal with anyone else’s plight for survival or betterment… then it is very, very possible that you are actually not the type of person who should be, or wants to be, an alpha leader.
Taking this a step further… if you are the kind of person who crumbles under pressure, who needs to be directed to succeed, and who struggles with taking control of situations… then it is possible that you are a natural-born follower, or that you simply have a lot more to learn before you are ready for leadership.
But, with that being said, the most capable leaders are also those who learn how to follow well first.
It takes a lot of hard work to become a leader, and while some come by it more naturally than others, it certainly doesn’t happen overnight.
So just because you are not a leader right now doesn’t mean that you will never be one!
What Are You If You Are Not An Alpha Male?
That is a good question. The opposite of an alpha male is usually thought to be a beta male, or an omega male.
And in alpha-male circles, betas and omegas are generally looked down on… but I do not think that this is the right way to look at it.
When I talk about beta-male behavior as being less desirable than alpha-male behavior, it is not because I see beta males as bad people. It is because I see beta behavior leading to lower levels of happiness and fulfillment in life than alpha male behavior.
But I also believe that there are also regular men… men who exhibit a few alpha male traits, but who don’t really desire to take on so much leadership and responsibility.
And so, just because you are not an alpha does not necessarily mean that you are a beta, either.
[Check out this post to learn the difference between an ‘alpha’ man and a ‘regular’ man!]
In Conclusion: How To Know If You Should Be An Alpha Male
This is a choice that only you can make.
But I will tell you this.
If taking responsibility, never complaining, and always being willing to be the one who provides answers and solutions sounds like it would be too much for you… then it is possible that you are not really ready to be an alpha male.
And that is totally fine. Some people want to be lead by, and support, other people… and that is not only fine, but it is necessary.
But… if you are driven to see more good accomplished in your tribe, and are willing to stand up and start providing more value… being a more instrumental part of the success of everyone around you, then it is possible that the alpha male mentality is actually something that has already taken hold of you.
Being An Alpha Male Isn’t A ‘Flowers And Rose Petals’ Path… It Is Very Difficult
You need to be tough as nails… but also incredibly compassionate to be a leader. You need to be able to lay down firm boundaries, but always do it in the best interest of not just yourself, but also the members of your tribe.
You must be consoler-in-chief… but also be ready to go to war for the people you love and care for.
And last, but definitely not least, you need to be dedicated to always being the best man in the room. You need to be the hardest worker, the one who plans ahead, the one who sees problems before they become emergencies, and the one who is willing to take responsibility when things go wrong and need to be fixed.
You also need to be a good delegator, and you need to learn how to get the system to work well and support itself within your tribe.
If you think you have what it takes… then maybe being an alpha male is in your destiny, after all!
I encourage you to meditate on these things, and find the true path for you.
Never give up your power, my brothers and sisters. Go with grace, and find your true path. I hope this post has helped to give you at least a little bit of a better perspective on things.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus