Today we’re going to be talking about a concept called control what you can control.
Now, this is actually a quote by Andre Agassi, who is a very, very famous professional tennis player.
And this quote sticks out to me for a few different reasons.
The first thing being that a lot of people feel like they have no control in their lives, right?
This may be absolutely true of not only your dating life, but this could also be true of your financial life, this could be true of your relationship life, it could be any of those things.
And that’s not a very good place to be… to feel like you don’t have any control over anything.
And this speaks directly to the importance of the alpha mentality in your life.
Do You Feel Like You Don’t Have Control Over Your Life?
The most important thing to understand is this.
If you feel like you don’t have control over your own life, that’s the most dangerous, worst place to be.
And as humans, that’s what we want to avoid. And if we’re stuck there, we want to get out of it.
So here’s the thing. For the most part, a lot of people give up their power, and they give up control.
They do that by making small concessions, and by compromising on themselves.
They do that by saying “yes” to things they don’t really want to say “yes” to.
They do it by being too nice to step on toes.
Maybe they need to draw healthy boundaries, but they don’t do it.
Instead, they just go along with the things other people want them to do.
For A Lot Of People, ‘Giving Away Their Power’ Becomes The Norm
So, if this happens once or twice, okay, whatever… it’s not that big of a deal.
But the problem is that most of us get into a regular habit of doing it.
And we start giving away our power on a regular basis… and we do it over years of time.
I Was A Prime Example Of This
For example, when I was in my mid 20s, I started making concessions for people and trying to please people… trying to be a nice guy.
Even in my teens I did this.
Well, by the time I got to my mid 20s, I woke up one day and realized that my life was just a fabricated construct.
A lot of important decisions in my life, up until that point, were made because I thought that other people wanted me to make those decisions that way.
And if we’re really being honest with ourselves, we’ll understand that there’s a certain amount of our life that exists because of that, because we made concessions, because we said “yes” when we didn’t really want to… but we did it either to please someone, or because we “owed someone something.”
A lot of the time, it has to do with money.
For example… you may say “yes” to what your parents want, because they’re funding your life, they’re paying for your car insurance, or whatever.
So we say “yes” because we can’t afford to have them displeased with us, and because we don’t want them to pull that financial support away, right?
So, a lot of us lose control of our lives, because we’re relying on other people.
And that’s a really dangerous way to live, actually. It’s a very, very dangerous way to live.
But it goes even deeper than that.
It Feels “Safe” To Do What Other People Want Us To Do… Until We Wake Up And Realize That We Swallowed A Lie
Why does it feel safe to do what other people want us to do?
Because we think that when we do what other people want, we build up a sort of relationship equity, and that the more we do things other people like, the better off we will be in our lives.
But that’s actually the opposite of being true.
The truth is that the further away from we get from where we actually genuinely want to be, the more dangerous life gets.
And this is why.
Because the reality that we build for ourselves in those settings isn’t even real.
The reality that we’re living in such cases isn’t a real reality.
What is it?
It’s an artificial construct that we create with actions that we do not believe in.
It’s a false castle, created out of fear of the unknown.
So, it’s disingenuous. But it’s also self-destructive.
Sure, it comes with benefits. But the downsides are definitely not worth the temporary illusion of ‘safety’ we buy ourselves.
And there will come a day when a reckoning will come in your life. It always happens. For me, it happened when I was 27.
I was lucky that it happened when I was 27, and not when I was 77!
Hopefully, it comes sooner rather than later, so that you realize what you’re doing, and that living and making concession after concession for others is not actually what you truly want to do with your life.
This is why the quote control what you can control is such a good quote, and why I believe in it so much.
Because you have 1000% control over your life.
You just need to decide to take action, and do what needs to be done to transform your life into the life you truly want.
So when I hear this quote, control what you can control, I think of it as foundational to the alpha mentality.
We must take responsibility for our lives. And to do that, the first thing we need to learn to control is our own self.
Regret Is A Terrible Thing – Don’t Sell Yourself To It
I’m going to be real with you right now. I have talked to people in their late 60s… people who have admitted to me that all of the foundational choices they made in their lifetimes were probably the wrong ones.
They admitted to me that they probably should have done other things, and chased the lives that they truly wanted for themselves.
They regretted where they were, but they also believed that it was too late to change… because they were just stuck.
That’s a tough thing to hear.
Imagine saying that. Imagine realizing that you don’t believe there is any way to escape the nightmare of a life that you’ve gotten trapped in.
That’s some real shit. That’s not where you want to be.
It’s Never Too Late – But You Also Need To Act Quickly
First off, I need to say this… It’s never too late to change your life.
I don’t care if you’re 11 or 111… it’s never too late.
I think that we can always change. I also think that we owe it to ourselves to pursue what we truly want and desire in life.
We owe it to ourselves, and have a responsibility, to adopt and pursue a grander purpose for ourselves.
But it’s better to do it today than tomorrow, right?
Better to do it today than two years from now.
It doesn’t matter how old you are, it’s also important to understand that the deeper you get into that artificial reality, the more difficult it is to break away from it and escape from it.
The deeper you get into that ‘fake’ life, the more ‘chained’ you become to it.
Remember… control what you can control.
It all starts with you.
I believe that each one of us has the ability to take control of our lives, and to change the course of our lives if we want to.
Where There’s A Will, There’s A Way
If we really want to, and if we’re willing to face our fear to do it, we can change our destiny forever.
This is what I did when I started my freelance writing business.
At the time, I was working construction. And to be honest, I wasn’t really liking it.
I wasn’t in a good place in my life. I had a terrible relationship with my boss, and it was a weird situation.
I had a weird marriage, and a weird home life, and nothing was really very good.
Within a couple of years, after leaving high school, my life had just really deteriorated to the point where I was very depressed, and I was anxious.
And everything I was doing was either work, or escapism.
There was no real forward momentum going on.
I was lost, because all of my decision were being made to please other people.
I Was Lost
And that was because I lost myself. Part of it was ignorance on my part, part of it was making concessions for other people… and part of it was because I thought certain things were expected of me, and I did them.
But you know what? I own that.
All of it was my fault, because I was the one who decided to make the choices I made. And as soon as I came to terms with that, my life took a drastic upward turn.
I wasn’t thinking for myself, I relied on other people to do my thinking for me. This was my way of being lazy and expecting other people to create an awesome life for me.
And I got myself into a really bad situation because of it. I got to a place where I was like, “something has to change.”
And I did a whole bunch of things, trying to find a way to change it. Eventually, that mindset was what led me to discovering the alpha mentality.
In Conclusion – Control What You Can Control
Here’s the real shit, ladies and gentlemen.
The real shit is that you can control ALL OF IT.
By starting with taking direct control over your own body, mind, and soul.
By embracing the alpha mentality. By creating your own destiny. By being willing to face the fear that comes from being 1000% genuinely you… and by not giving anymore fucks about what other people think of your choices.
Mind your business, get your money, pursue your purpose… embrace the alpha mentality.
That’s how you win in this life, in dating, in business… in all of it.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
Until next time,
Joshua K. Sigafus