Get my free ebook. Create an AMAZING dating life!

Subscribe for free weekly emails. It’s time to fix your dating life. 

Flaky Girls

Flaky Girls – Why Do Women Flake And Ghost On Dates?

Thank you so much for stopping by!

This post contains affiliate links. If you click on a link and make a purchase, we earn a commission at no additional cost to you. Learn more

Hello, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another blog post. Today we’re going to be talking about ghosting, flaking, and why women do it. 

This post is more for the gentlemen in the room, and covers a common question I get.

Flaky girls – why do women flake and ghost on dates? 

I recently recorded a video on this topic, which you can find here. 

I’m a dating coach. And basically the purpose of all of this is to help men and women level up their dating lives and increase their attraction, giving them more success in the dating marketplace. 

That’s the whole gig here. 

That is what I’m passionate about. 

Alright, let’s dive in and talk about flaky girls. 

Flaky Girls – What’s Up With The Flaking And Ghosting?

I got this question from an internet thread. These dating advice threads, I’m not a huge fan of them TBH.

I see so much nonsense and bad advice on them that it blows my mind.

But today, I saw one that really caught my attention. 

Here was the post.

“Wow. So three chances I gave this girl, and she bailed out each time for dates, even though we messaged each other every day. Like, why do they do it?” 


Okay, so this definitely sounds like flaking, ghosting, etc. 

And obviously, this guy seemed frustrated—and for good reason. 

It’s kind of frustrating to try to set something up with someone, only to feel like they are not putting in any effort to make it work on their end. 

I’ve experienced this number of times myself, even as a dating coach. 

And you know, as much as I know about dating, it still happens to me sometimes… though by now, I can usually predict it.

Which is kind of funny. 

Like, I can usually kind of sense if it’s going to happen. And I’m almost 100% right about it, most of the time! 

Alright. Let’s talk about why it happens. 

Flaky Girls – Why Flaking Happens And The Mindset Behind It

flaky girls 2

Okay, so first of all, it’s very important to understand that women always make time for the man that they actually want to spend time with. 

That’s so important to understand. And it is the first thing you need to solidify in your mind. 

So if a woman either doesn’t message you back very quickly, or she doesn’t seem very excited to talk to you, or she makes plans with you and then forgets about those plans, or she makes plans and cancels or reschedules, or just in general seems flaky… 9.99999 times out of 10, it’s because there’s another man in the picture who she actually wants, and you’re the backup guy. 

That’s just straight facts. 

Online Dating Makes Flaking And Ghosting A Lot More Common. Here’s Why

Flaking and ghosting are also perpetuated by online dating. 

This is another criticism I have of online dating. 

I think that online dating perpetuates these things, and for good reason. 

Here’s the thing. 

Women, when they are swiping right on dating apps, are gonna match up dozens and dozens and dozens of guys. 

I’ve seen women match with hundreds of men… most of whom they will never EVER speak to!

But there’s one guy, out of all of those dozens of guys, that she actually wants. 

I’m telling you, this is the real thing.

You may not want to hear this, because it makes it sound like you have little chance of success—but god’s honest truth, this is what is going on. 

There’s one guy that she actually wants, the top tier man in her view, and he is the one that she wants

That’s the guy she has her eyes on. 

Women go for high value. They want the highest value man in the room

And when you’re swiping online, all those guys are kind of in the same room, right? 

She wants the highest value, man. That’s the guy she actually wants. 

Now, she may message three or four, because in her mind, she wants to keep some of them as backups. 

And she probably also thinks to herself that she doesn’t want to get hung up on one guy, even though she actually is probably already hung up on one guy.

Once A Woman Chooses A Man, She Makes It Real In Her Mind And Focuses On That Guy

flaky girls 4

The thing is, she hangs on the whim of the guy she actually wants. 

And that’s the difference between him and you.

If he texts her and says “Hey, you want to meet up for a burger?” she is there! 

It doesn’t matter if she’s working three jobs. It doesn’t matter if she has kids, she’ll find a babysitter so that she can meet with him. She may even take her kids along to meet with the man she actually wants to meet. 

I’ve seen women do wild things, and jump through crazy hoops to meet-up with the man they actually want.

Like, if she really wants to make it happen, she will move heaven and earth to make it happen. 

Women are crazy for the men they actually want.

That is the thing about women that you have to understand.

Women Are Highly Motivated To Spend Time With The Highest Value Man In Their Field Of Vision

They are highly motivated to spend time with the man that they actually want to spend time with. 

Now the back-up men, I hate to tell you this… but women actually don’t care about them. 

And if the number-one guy completely gets removed from the picture somehow, then she will start looking for another guy. 

But here’s the rough part of this for men who don’t understand it. 

She’s not going to go to the backup guys if it doesn’t work out with the number-one guy

That’s another thing that you need to understand. 

She may even bang one out with a backup guy. Then, after she’s done, she will probably lose his number. She might even block him.

She will find a new top man to replace the guy she actually wanted, but lost.

So the backup guys are always backup guys. That’s how she is going to conceptualize them unless you radically shake up the situation.  And usually the only way to do that is through person to person contact. 

And even then, it isn’t always possible unless you completely leave her frame of vision for 6 months to a year.

You can’t do that over text. You’re not going to do that over a phone call, either.

And honestly, it’s not something that you should be focused on anyway. 

How to Handle Wishy Washy, Flaky Girls

If she is flaking on you and acting wishy washy, that’s almost always a sign that there’s another man. 

And I’m going to shoot you straight on this. Your odds of making it work with this woman are very, very slim to none if this is the experience you’ve been having, because she’s just not into you. 

Straight up. 

She may even be leading you along a little bit, because she might like the attention you give her—and having you hitting her up makes her feel wanted and validated. 

She may even think to herself “Well, there’s a chance. He’s such a nice guy.” 

But honestly, the odds of her actually giving you that chance are slim. 


Because to her, you are not the highest value man in the room. 

You are stuck in ‘nice guy’ land, when what she really wants is the bad boy of her dreams.

Alright. So what do you do about it?

The best thing you can do about it is to just stop engaging

Like for me, if I notice that a woman doesn’t return my texts in a timely fashion, that is plenty of evidence for me to see that she’s just not into me, and to just leave it alone.

How Do You Handle Ghosting?

If we agree to meet up somewhere, and she doesn’t show up… I’m not going to speak to her again. Ghosting is obviously very disrespectful. You don’t make a plan to meet someone, and then not show up. 

Do not give those women another chance. Do not give them another thought.

What If She Agrees To Meet, And Then Cancels?

If we agreed to meet and she cancels, that’s a bit different.

First of all, it’s much more polite to cancel than to ghost, right? 

However, what I will do in that situation is put the ball in her court to set up the reschedule. Because if she really wants to see me, she will be motivated to reschedule. 

Here’s another thing. I’m telling you… almost 100% of the time when a woman cancels the first scheduled date, she does not reschedule—because she’s not interested. 

And that’s all it is. She’s just not interested. 

What happened is she probably scheduled with you, thinking “Okay, yeah, I’m gonna expand my options. I will give this guy a chance.” 

But then number one guy messaged her, or another guy who she liked more tried to make plans with her, and she dropped everything to accommodate him. 

That’s What Women Do For The Men They Actually Want 

flaky girls 3

They drop everything to accommodate him. 

You do not want to be the other guy. 

You want to be the number one guy. 

So the point is to find the lady that considers you her number one guy, right? 

And you become a number one guy by chasing excellence, pursuing the alpha mentality, and leveling yourself up to become a true high-value man. 

That’s how you become the kind of man that people want, the kind of man that women will drop everything for. 

That’s how you become the number one guy.

If She Cancels, Do This

If she cancels, you put the ball in her court. 

You say “Hey, I understand. No problem. If you want to hang out again, hit me up with a time and place, and we will reschedule.”

And then you leave it alone. 

  • You don’t chase. 
  • You don’t message her again, ever!
  • You don’t check-in and say hi, you don’t send a ‘friendly’ text to remind her of you… because she’s not your friend
  • And if she needs to be reminded of you—you’re just not the man she wants

She’s someone you have a sexual interest in. She’s not your friend.

And if you start trying to be her friend, thinking that being friendly is going to get you sexual access…  you’re going to end up in the friendzone

Straight facts.

So don’t bullsh*t. Call it what it is. Be a man, and label her as a sexual interest. 

And if she’s not giving you signs that she’s into you, walk away and start talking to some other beautiful women.

What If She Won’t Nail Down An Actual Date And Time?

If she acts wishy washy, and says things like “Oh, I want to get together, but I’m just so busy…”

If you try to schedule a time and place to meet up, only to have her make excuses… bail. 

She’s not into you. 

If you were the number one guy, she would agree to it. She wouldn’t even care if she had anything else planned. All of the other stuff she has going on would get rearranged.

Or, she would immediately be hitting you back with an alternative plan.

If she actually wanted you, it would feel effortless.  

I’m telling you, this is how it goes. 

If that’s how she plays it, leave it be. Go find another lady. There’s nothing wrong with that. She’s just not into you. You’re just not the number one guy for her, and that’s fine. 

But Here’s The Problem – A Lot Of Men Chase After Women Like This

 A lot of men get trapped into that state of mind where they think “oh, maybe I have a chance with her. She’s just busy.”

No, she’s not just busy. You’re just not the guy she wants. 

When I met my current girlfriend, she was literally working the equivalent of three jobs. She has two kids. She was a very busy woman.

And she still found the time to hang out with me within like two days of us meeting each other. 

Even better—she displayed huge interest by adding me on social media first.

I’m telling you, if a woman wants to spend time with you, she will move heaven and earth to spend time with you. 

You can count on that like you can count on gravity, death, and taxes. 

Take it to the bank. 

In Conclusion – How To Win With Flaky Girls

The way to win with flaky girls is not to play their games. 

Disengage, and chase excellence instead. 

The better you become as a man, the more women will start seeing you as the number-one guy. 

That’s what it’s all about. 


That’s all I got for this one.

Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power. 

See you on the next one. 

Joshua K. Sigafus