It can be difficult to navigate the world of dating as a woman.
We’ve all heard about how hard it is for some guys nowadays, but what about the ladies?
Well, trust me. As a dating coach who often coaches women, I understand that women are every bit as confused and bewildered by the modern dating landscape as men… if not more!
We live in a world where women are torn between two very important, yet crucial worlds.
On one hand, they need to be assertive and dominant so that they can embrace the alpha mentality, mind their business, get their money, and pursue their purpose in life.
But in the wake of these lifestyle choices, many women also find that their relationship lives suffer.
Many women feel like men are intimidated by strong women.
Many women also feel like there just aren’t that many good men left!
Well, in this post, I’m going to deal with all of these issues, and lay out exactly what you can do, as a woman, to be successful in dating.
Let’s cut through the bullshit and get down to business.
Step 1: Understand Feminine Frame
When it comes to attraction, men are primarily looking for these attributes—which I call the primary female attraction metrics.
- Youth
- Beauty
- Fertility
- Fidelity
- Agreeableness
Feminine frame is basically the practice of embracing behaviors that broadcast these primary female attraction metrics out to potential partners.
You display youth, beauty, and fertility by focusing on beauty cues.
You display fidelity by always striving to act with integrity and loyalty, and to uphold a respectable position in the world as a woman.
You display agreeableness by striving to be pleasant, likable, and peaceful toward the men you are interested in and attracted to.
One thing that a lot of men and women are confused about is the question of whether or not you should strive to be liked by others.
Here’s the thing. Masculine frame demands that men be effective over being likeable.
But feminine frame actually requires the opposite. It demands that women be likeable over being effective.
That’s not to say that men do not value effective women. It’s also not to say that women don’t need to strive to be effective.
But it does mean that high value men are going to show favoritism toward women who are beautiful and likable, and that they are more likely to vet out women who don’t display strong beauty cues, regardless of whether they’re effective or not.
In other words, being effective makes a woman a higher earner and a better worker, manager, or CEO. But it doesn’t necessarily help her to attract a high value man on the dating marketplace.
For women, effectiveness is a secondary female attraction metric. Beauty, on the other hand, is a primary female attraction metric.
One of the biggest misconceptions about feminine frame is that many women think they’re supposed to date like men.
My personal belief is that women tend to think this way because succeeding professionally in the business world requires them to take on many masculine attributes.
To succeed in the business world, women often need to prioritize effectiveness over agreeableness. This is highly effective in helping women to climb the corporate ladder, but it works against them when it comes to attraction.
To put it simply, women who prioritize feminine beauty and agreeableness will increase their odds of attracting high-value men.
Step 2: Entice Men To Approach You
The next step in being successful in dating as a woman is to understand that while men are the ones tasked with pursuing the woman, the woman can help her chances of success by learning how to effectively entice high-value men to approach her.
This is best accomplished by focusing on beauty cues (makeup, fashionable attractive clothing that highlights feminine fertility cues, wearing hair in a style that is feminine and attractive, etc.), expanding your social circles so that you come into contact with more of the high-value types of men you would like to date, and learning how to interact with these men in such a way as to entice and encourage an approach from them.
The best example for this is the classic “come hither” maneuver.
Make sure that you’re situated in an easily accessible spot in the room. Then, find a way to make eye contact with the man you’re interested in, smile at him, then turn your head away while giving your hair a graceful flip.
This sends him a powerful subconscious message.
Hey, I’m noticing you. You should introduce yourself!
Sometimes, men won’t get the hint the first time around. You may need to signal your intent a few times to elicit a positive response.
But if he’s interested in you, and if he’s motivated at all to meet a beautiful high-value woman, and if he finds you attractive enough, this maneuver and other similar types of subtle body language messaging can be highly effective in getting him to approach you and introduce himself.
Men who are given the ‘green light’ to approach women before any direct interaction takes place are much more likely to take time away from whatever they were doing to actually approach her.
This is called a ‘choosing signal.’
Basically, women want to send ‘choosing signals’ out to attractive men to let them know, in a subtle and indirect fashion, that they’ve been ‘chosen,’ and that he should approach and open up a dialogue.
Step 3: Reward High Value Men For Approaching You
Some women really struggle with this part of the interaction.
This is especially true with women who tend to be shy, introverted, or highly suspicious of men who approach them.
When a high-value man approaches you, engages with you, and tries to start a conversation, it’s important that you perform a quick analysis to decide if you think that you’d like to pursue this engagement further.
In other words, decide if you like him enough to talk to him.
If you do, then it’s in your best interest to reward him for taking the initiative and approaching you.
The best way to do this is by smiling warmly, greeting him with a handshake, and trying your best to act interested, excited, and happy that he decided to approach and engage with you.
A high-value man who senses that he’s being received well will be encouraged to continue to pursue you.
By contrast, if such a man doesn’t feel that you really want him to pursue you, he’ll usually decide to end the process and walk away. He does this out of respect for you, and also out of respect for himself. No high-value man wishes to pursue a woman who doesn’t have an interest in engaging with him.
Step 4: Understand That High Value Men Will Never Tolerate An Alpha Struggle With A Woman
Some women feel the need to put up a front when talking to a man for the first time.
Kezia noble actually calls this a ‘bitch shield’ in her book The Noble Guide To Seducing Women.
But women who do this risk giving off a powerful negative signal to high value men.
Personally, I’ve experienced this a handful of times.
If I sense that a woman is trying to argue with me, trying to control the frame of the date, trying to control the frame of the engagement, or trying to challenge me beyond the normal level of what you would expect for purposes of determining whether or not you’re truly a high-value man, then I’m quick to vet her out and move on.
Why?
Because high-value, alpha mentality men will never tolerate a power struggle with a woman.
Read this post to get an in-depth description of why this is the case.
If a high value man senses an alpha struggle, and if he senses that this woman is going to be unwilling to relinquish control of the frame of the engagement, then he’ll most likely walk away and move on to other beautiful women who won’t try to engage in an alpha struggle with them.
Step 5: Date Several Men Until You Reach The ‘Agreement Stage’ With One Of Them
It’s in a woman’s best interest to date several men at a time while she’s vetting partners and trying to decide which man is the highest value man on her radar.
Women who put all of their eggs in one basket, and commit to only spending time with one man too quickly, risk giving off low-value markers that actually take away from their attraction levels.
If you haven’t reached the agreement stage of the relationship, you can be absolutely sure that the high-value men you’re dating are also dating other women. So it is vitally important that you do not give this man boyfriend or committed partner status in your life if he hasn’t entered into an agreement with you.
Some women inherently struggle with this. This is especially true of women who feel like it’s really difficult to find a good man, and/or women who are really eager to settle down.
But here’s the truth.
You’re much more likely to find a high-value man faster and more efficiently if you date multiple men at once, and only choose to become exclusive with one man when the time comes to enter the agreement phase of the relationship.
Step 6: Learn To Vet Partners And Recognize High Value Markers
Learning how to vet partners, filter out the good men, and choose the ‘high value man’ is honestly where the vast majority of women go wrong on the dating marketplace.
To learn how to spot green flag behaviors in high value men, check out this blog post.
To learn how to spot red flag behaviors in low-value men, check out this video.
To put it into the simplest terms, you want to find a truly high value man.
You want to be able to identify which men are actually walking in masculine frame, and figure out which men are actually worth your investment.
Make sure that you only take men seriously who:
- Embrace the alpha mentality in life
- Are walking in true masculine frame
- Are minding their business
- Are getting real money
- Have a purpose in life
- Are committed to leveling up mind, body, and spirit
- Have wealth, power, status, and strong tribal connections
- Are willing to share their resources with a committed partner
Step 7: Understand That It Is Up To The Woman To Initiate ‘The Talk’
As a woman, it’s in your best interest to initiate ‘the talk’ when the time comes to lock down a man.
I cover this in a bit more depth in this blog post, in point number 2.
But here’s the simple take on it.
- High value men live in sexual abundance
- They have their pick of the highest value women on the marketplace, because while women hold the keys to sexual access, men hold the keys to successful relationships
- Women want high value men
- But high value men are harder to tie down, because they can pretty much always have a wide range of women to choose from
- Men still want to pair-bond, however… but they only want to do it with a woman who truly stands head and shoulders over the rest. They’re only willing to consider ‘settling down’ with a high value woman who’s a true complement to their life… the best woman on their radar, the best woman they believe they’ll ever get
- But since a man is giving up his ‘free and single’ life to settle down, and since he is actually the ‘relationship prize’ in the context of the committed relationship, it is up to the woman to request for him to give up his single man ways and agree to be in a committed relationship with her
That’s kind of an overly-simplistic way to say it.
But that’s the short version.
FAQs
How Can I Find Great Guys?
As a woman, it can be difficult to find truly high value men.
Why?
Well, let’s face it.
There aren’t that many truly high value men around!
The best way to find great guys is to start expanding your social circles and rubbing elbows with the types of men who you would actually like to date—high value, alpha mentality men who are minding their business, getting their money, and pursuing their purpose in life.
How Do I Find A Worthy Man?
You find a worthy man by dating many high value men at once, and not putting all of your eggs into one basket until one man truly starts to seem like he’s the best man you could possibly get.
In other words, he’s your favorite.
Then, you start to say ‘no’ to other men and start letting this guy know that he’s truly special to you.
Then, after a while (but without waiting too long), you’ll want to initiate ‘the talk’ with him, where you tell him that you’re serious about a relationship and that you want to make relationship agreements to enter an ‘official relationship’ together.
To maximize the effectiveness of this, you need to be willing to walk away and start over if he won’t commit.
You can read more about this process in the later half of this article.
How Do I Attract A Good Man And Keep Him?
To answer this question simply, you do it by:
- Being the highest value woman in the room
- Dating him (and other men) effectively and driving up his desire for you
- Coming to a point where you give him the choice to either girlfriend-you-up or walk away, because you’re serious about getting into a relationship
It’s obviously more complicated than that. But that’s the nuts and bolts of it.
In Conclusion
There you have it!
Hopefully, this post has helped you to answer the question: How can I be successful in dating as a woman.
As always, go with grace my friends. And never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus