Note: This is the transcript of the following podcast episode, titled “How I Became A Dating Mentor/Online Dating Coach – The Real Story.” I hope that you enjoy it!
Hello, ladies and gentlemen, Joshua Sigafus here, recording another episode of my YouTube and podcast.
This is a pretty important video today. I’ve been thinking a lot about this video. I’ve been listening to some Gary Vaynerchuk content that has inspired me to record this.
This video is the real truth.
This is the authentic truth of my life as it pertains to my dating coach business.
I’ve always been of the mind that I wanted to be honest about my story… Like, really honest and transparent.
There are a lot of fake gurus out there, who will try to tell you how to date and how to pick up women.
There are a lot of fake gurus out there who’ll try to teach women how to win with men. Some of them know what they’re talking about, but not the fake ones.
But there are people out there who are really good, who know what they’re talking about.
I’ve learned from some amazing people who I continue to learn from on a daily basis, right?
There are people who are good at a lot of things. But then there are people who are not good at it, or they’re people who just take content and then regurgitate it for other people.
It’s getting more and more difficult to figure out who’s real and who’s not.
And So, I Want To Be Totally Transparent
Let’s cut to the chase. This dating coach business is very important to me.
I love human mating behavior. That is where my passion is.
I love dating. I love meeting new women. And I love helping men and women with that part of their lives.
Okay, but here’s the thing. I also want my audience to trust me… because I DO legitimately know what I’m talking about.
So I’m going to be real with you right now.
It’s October 16th. I’m recording this video in the fall of 2020. This has been a wild year. And here’s what you need to understand and know about me as a man and as a dating coach, and where I’m at… because I want to cultivate complete and total honesty and transparency with my audience.
Back In 2017, My Marriage Fell Apart. It Is, To Date, My Greatest Failure
I had been married for 10 years. My ex wife and I, we dated for two years before we got married. We were together for a total of 12 years, and had two children.
We had a pretty conservative upbringing and marriage.
The thing is, if I would have known then what I know now, and I don’t just mean 2020 hindsight, like I literally mean, had I understood women, dating, and human mating behavior back then like I do now, I would have realized that my ex wife and I were not a good fit to begin with.
But see, I didn’t know. I had no idea. I just thought that that’s what you do:
- You grow up
- You find a nice girl
- You get married
- You get a job
- You have some kids
- You contribute to society
You try to save up enough money to go on vacations once a year. You buy a house, you have two cars in the garage, you have a dog and a cat, and you take your kids to soccer practice.
That’s the American dream, right?
And you go to church.
I was a Christian as well. I was a very religious person, so I thought that I had figured out what it was all about.
But because of my ignorance, it all came crashing down on top of me.
I Was Really Blindsided When I Turned 26
I started looking into my religion, and I realized that there was a lot of stuff that didn’t really add up.
And this isn’t a video to talk about religion, because that’s a whole different topic. And you know, and there are people who know a lot more about that than I do.
But I learned enough about it when I was 26 years old that I did this really big study, and I came to the conclusion that I didn’t believe in my faith anymore.
And so that started me on a pretty wild ride.
I lost a lot of friends when I left the faith, and became a bit isolated. I was also dealing with the aftermath of a very bad almost breakup with my ex-wife.
I won’t go into the details. But there was another man involved. There was some stuff that went on that caused me to not be sure if I could trust her.
And as it turned out, I ended up going ahead and trusting her and staying together when I shouldn’t have… continuing with the relationship, because I didn’t know any better.
Again, had I known anything about women, had I known anything about attraction and human mating behavior, I would have seen all of the red flags that were showing me that the end was near.
But I ignored them.
I overlooked them because I was ignorant and stubborn.
I just didn’t know any better. And failing to learn was my ultimate downfall.
I Was Also Making A Lot Of Mistakes
I wasn’t an alpha mentality man back then.
I didn’t know how to be a strong, masculine man in a relationship. I mean, I wrecked the hell out of all of it by failing to understand my own natural role as a man.
So I definitely own my half of it. I burned it to the ground with my own ignorance and lack of knowledge.
I’m not gonna lie and say that it was all my fault, because it wasn’t.
But half of it was my fault.
Had I been on my game and understood how important it was to be on my alpha mentality, maybe none of the problems would have happened.
Maybe I could have taken what was a bad matchup to begin with, and salvaged it into something good… Because that’s what we can do as men.
We have the power to change our lives and change other people’s lives. We have the power to be incredibly effective.
But I didn’t understand that, and I didn’t know how to do that.
And I just failed at it anyway.
Next, My Wife And I Turned To Non Monogamy
I have an interesting relationship with non monogamy.
A lot of people think that non monogamy, on its own, is a problem.
And it is for some people.
For a lot of relationships, when they dip their toes into non-monogamy, it’s a sign of the beginning of the end.
But the reason for that isn’t because of non monogamy itself.
The reason for it is because they’re trying to use non monogamy to solve problems that they’re too afraid to solve the right way.
Most of the time… not always, but most of time… 90% of the time, when someone wants to be non-monogamous, it’s because they don’t actually want their partner anymore, but they’re too afraid to walk away from the relationship.
Most of the time, that’s what it is.
And in my case, it wasn’t that. But it may as well have been.
I didn’t know any of that anyway, so it didn’t do me any good. And it (the marriage) continued to be a whole series of bad choices and bad circumstances.
Anyway, so we dipped into non monogamy, lived a wild couple of party years together, just doing all the stuff we never did in high school because we were young conservative, church-going, religious people who were trying to be straight laced… and we really broke out of that mold.
We did a lot of wild stuff.
I Got My First Real Taste Of Diverse Dating Experiences In That Environment
I didn’t know what I was doing.
But eventually, it all fell apart. The marriage dissolved in 2017.
I moved out and got an apartment. It was officially over and done. I walked away from it, and I was finally wising up.
She ended it. I mean, she virtually ended it. I was the one who decided to move out first and walk away from it.
This Was When I Crashed And Burned The Hardest
That was when I realized how little I knew about the world.
I started trying to date. I was like, “okay, whatever, I’ll find another girlfriend… easy. I’ll replace her.”
And, I just crashed and burned.
I didn’t know how to deal with women. I didn’t know how to date. I didn’t know what I was doing.
It was a train wreck.
And that’s when I realized “something isn’t going on right here. I need to learn.”
And so I really started trying to back engineer the problem.
I Started Studying…
It was not a good time.
But I learned, and I learned, and I learned… I kept practicing and practicing… and long story short, I got really good at it.
I really mastered pickup, game, dating, understanding women, how to get girlfriends, understanding how to keep girlfriends, etc.
Like, I practiced and got really good at those things.
And so, that part, I’m actually really good at… and I continue to get better at it, to this day.
So I know my game, right? I know my game.
Am I the best in the business?
I know there are men out there with a lot more experience than me.
But do I bring something unique to the game?
I think that I occupy a very niche space in the dating coach business because I use a little bit of game, but I also talk about why game isn’t the “be all, end all,” and why you need to be a high value man to win with women.
And then for women, there are important things to understand as well. I understand the differences between men and women.
I understand how their alpha female game needs to be a little different.
And that’s maybe even more important.
So Here’s Where The Transparency Comes In…
My dating coach business has really been mostly me posting content and helping people that way, right?
A lot of people have been helped by my content, my videos, my blogs, my podcasts, etc.
They’ve sent me messages telling me how much I’ve helped them. You can read some of the testimonials on my home page.
I’ve also had some consultations with coaching clients who have contacted me, and were like, “I need you to help me with this situation.”
And I’ve helped my friends and such as well.
But to be really honest, I’m just getting started in my coaching business.
And I’ll be super honest with you right now… I don’t necessarily know how to grow a coaching business, to be really honest.
So I’m running that game every day, as someone who doesn’t know what’s going on.
I built my freelance writing business, starting when I was 22 years old.
And so, as a freelancer wanting to get out there and do a freelance skill… yeah, I conquered that monster.
And I continue to do that to this day. And I love it.
And I write for some really great publications.
But when it comes to building a coaching business with coaching clients, that is a new game for me.
And so, that’s what I’m learning.
I’m getting ready to roll out my Mastermind Tribe.
(Update: I’ve since already rolled it out. Check it out here…)
I’m trying to figure out a great way to help people. I want to help guys and girls have better relationships.
I want to help people with their dating lives, help people level up their attraction, help them embrace the Alpha mentality… to help them understand the vital nature of human mating behavior so that they can avoid the big pitfalls that I fell into.
That’s Why I Decided To Become A Dating Mentor/Online Dating Coach
And so I’m recording this video to try to be really transparent with you, to let you know where I’m at with it.
And to let you know that I’m here to help.
And if you have questions about dating, mating behavior, etc. If you’re thinking, “well, is this a bad idea? Should I not be doing this thing? Is this a good person to date? Is this NOT a good person to date? What are the red flags? What should I be doing to increase my attraction?”
Those are things I can help you with.
Also, if you’re in a relationship, and you’re like, “how do I keep it together? How do I keep it from falling apart? What are the signs that it is falling apart?”
I can also help you with these things.
The best way is for you to either join my membership tribe.
Or, you can just message me and talk to me, because I’m here to help.
That’s what I want to do.
I want to make this business thrive, and I want to help people while doing it.
And of course, I have to get paid for it.
I want to build it and monetize it so that I can really invest into it.
I would love to get 20 people to sign up for my membership tribe. It’s way cheaper than one on-one-coaching. It’s like way, way, way cheaper.
I Want To Help People Succeed Where I Failed
I learned about these things later on in life.
If I could help some younger people figure it out before they go down into the same hole I did, awesome.
But even if you’re older, that’s fine. You got this. It’s never too late to start.
One solid year, or even six months of learning can completely change the course of your dating life forever.
It can change the rest of your life.
Your relationships, your life, your dating life… it can all be better.
You can increase your attractiveness… you can have the types of relationships that you actually want in life.
Life can be so good.
But if you never learn what to change, it’s never going to change.
And that’s the hard part.
That’s what I’m here for.
I am a firm believer in my process, and in the things that I’ve learned.
And the things that I’ve learned seem to be proven true in my life.
Not just for me, but also for people who have taken my advice.
All right, that’s all I got for this one.
Ladies and gentlemen, go with grace.
Never give up your power.
Hit me up if you have any questions, and share this blog post.
If you ever hear my name mentioned, share this blog post with them.
This is probably the most important post I’ve ever made, because I just want to be completely transparent and honest with all of you.
I don’t want any misunderstanding about who I am, what I am, and what I want.
I want everyone to understand that I’m here to help.
Peace out. see on the next one.
Joshua K. Sigafus