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How to ask a woman out

How To Ask A Woman Out – 14 Proven Steps That Work

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Learning how to ask a woman out is a skill that most men want to level up in.

So today, we are going to jump right into it.

In this post, you are going to learn the 14 steps required to ask a woman out successfully.

Ready to score some dates? Let’s get it.

1. Always Make Sure You Look Good

Before you leave your house, make sure you look presentable.

As high-value men, we need to stop looking like bums.

Wear a nice shirt. Wear some decent shoes. Make sure your clothes are clean.

Level up your fashion, and make sure you look nice!

2. Scope Out The Setting

how to ask a girl out

Does this situation seem like a good situation to be asking her out in?

Does she seem really busy?

Does she seem stressed or frustrated?

If she’s having a hectic day, you may want to put off your plans to ask her out until later.

Give yourself an advantage by waiting until she is in a positive frame of mind.

3. Study Her, But Don’t Make It Obvious

study her

Send a few glances her way.

Do you ever catch her looking at you?

Does she ever smile at you?

If she seems to notice you, make eye contact, and/or smile at you, then your odds of getting a ‘yes’ may be better.

But make no mistake, this may just be a friendly gesture.

One of the best ways to figure out if she’s just being friendly is to continue to engage with her. 

See how she acts. 

If she seems excited to continue the interactions, your odds are good that she’s vibing with you. 

If she seems like she’s in a bit of a hurry to leave—she’s probably not feelin it. 

4. Engage With Her

Walk up and introduce yourself.

Say hi, hello, or how’s it going! 

Some men use pickup lines or find unique ways to introduce themselves.

I say, use the approach you feel comfortable with. 

Don’t force pick-up lines if they don’t feel natural.

If a simple hello sounds or feels boring to you, feel free to come up with something a bit more interesting.

In any case, it is important that you engage with her. That’s the main point. 

You will never learn how to ask a woman out if you never engage.  

If you never walk up to her and introduce yourself, you will never land a date.

So get bold, and shoot your shot!

5. Be Confident

Alpha Male Body Language

Make sure you display confident body language. 

Keep your shoulders straight, make sure you have an open posture, keep your head high and your gaze level, and smile.

Confident body language will make her feel more at ease—and it will have a huge impact on her first impression of you .

6. Think Positive Thoughts 

Visualize your success.

A lot of men defeat themselves by visualizing failure.

Don’t fall prey to this!

If you really want to succeed in learning how to ask a woman out, you need to be positive. 

Engaging with a woman with the intent to connect, flirt, sexually escalate, and close is a lot like selling a car. 

If you believe in it, and act completely at ease, that will help her to feel at ease as well.

7. Act Like You Are Enjoying The Interaction

Happy man

Whether you are walking up to a woman at the club, flirting with a waitress, talking to someone at a party, or attending a speed dating event, always act like you are enjoying yourself.

This sends out a strong, positive, masculine, nonverbal statement.

I am a happy, content, positive person. I am in control of my life, and I’m having a good time!

This is important. If she detects that you are happy and content with your awesome life, it is going to make her more interested.

Being happy with your life is a high-value marker!

Do not act desperate or put out a sad-boy vibe!

That sh** will make her panties dryer than the Sahara Desert! 

No high value woman wants a sad boy. 

8. Try To Tailor The Engagement To The Situation

Asking a woman at a sex party if she likes to be double fisted???

Maybe acceptable, considering the context. 

But asking your waitress the same question at 8 in the morning, while you are sitting down to a breakfast of pancakes and waffles, may earn you a coffee straight to the face—and to be honest, I wouldn’t blame her for dumping the syrup on you either!


Because context is incredibly important to your approach! 

We need to establish that we are socially adjusted early-on in the conversation. 

Being well-spoken, conscious of social cues, and aware of what is and isn’t appropriate to the current context are all very high value markers for men. 

Men who are well-socialized give off a higher-status energy, and are seen as more charismatic. 

And the best way to show her that you are charismatic is by engaging her with context-relevant conversation.

9. Have A Plan In Mind

Have a plan in mind

What are you going to propose to this woman?

Are you going to ask her to go to a concert with you?

Are you asking if she wants to join you for a cup of coffee?

Are you asking her if she will go to dinner with you tomorrow night at 7 p.m.?

I always advise men to have specific times and activities in mind when proposing a date to a woman.

Asking her if she wants to come to a specific concert with you at a specific time shows that you are a man who is living his life and doing his own thing. 

And as a high-value man, you are displaying an interest in her and inviting her to join you for the ride. 

This sends a much better signal than a man who simply asks if she wants to hang out next week.

What’s the difference?

One word.


In the first example, the concert is your mission.

In the second example, she is the mission.

Pay attention, men. Women do not want to be the mission of your life.

They want to join a man on his already awesome mission. They want you to want them along for the ride, not to be the focus of it. 

Making the woman your mission is what we refer to as ‘putting her on a pedestal,’ and it sends out a strong low-value marker.

It tells her that you are desperate, needy, and lonely. And that you are trying to solve your negative problems by adding a dating partner to the mix.  

Trust me, men. Nobody wants to inherit a project.

High-value women want a man who already has his s*** together.

10. Engage Her In A Bit Of Conversation Before You Invite Her To The Date

Don’t come right out asking for a date.

Interact with her naturally for at least a few minutes, if possible.

Flirt, build some connection, and sexually escalate a little bit. 


Partly Because You Don’t Want To Seem Too Eager

You are a strong, high value man, who may or may not be interested in her.

You are testing the water. You are trying to decide if you want to ask her out or not.

Secondly, you want to be tactful.

Coming right out and asking for a date before you have even had a regular conversation shows that you are way more preoccupied with finding a date then you are with her as a person.

And she will definitely see that as a low-value marker.

When two practical, tactful humans interact with each other, they are testing the water and exploring the potential for attraction.

Jumping too quickly into a dating plan indicates, once again, that you are needy, clingy, and desperate.

Don’t be these things! 

Spend some time engaging, connecting, and building some sexual tension before you go in for the close. 

11. When The Time Comes To Ask Her Out, Be Confident And Sure Of Yourself

Smile, make eye contact, be upbeat and positive, and lay it out there.

I’m going to a baseball game tomorrow at 7 pm. Would you like to come with me?

I’m thinking of going to see that new horror movie tomorrow night. It shows at 7. Would you like to go?

Would you like to go out for drinks and sushi on Saturday night? At 8 p.m.?

It’s that simple. 

You are the man. You propose the time, place, and activity. 

Be specific. You gave a specific request, you expect a specific answer. 

No bullshit, no dilly-daddle-not-sure-if-I-want-to, no wishy-washy nonsense. 

If she can’t give you a straight answer in return, you smile, kindly say farewell, and walk away. 

You’re better than that. You have higher standards than non-answers. 

12. Don’t Explain Yourself

After you ask her, give her a chance to respond. 

Some men make the mistake of talking too much, or trying to explain themselves.

For example…

Say this:

I’m going to the mall on Saturday at noon. Want to go?

Then be quiet, and let her give you an answer. Don’t try to explain yourself, or justify why you are asking her.

DO NOT follow it up with something like this:

I just thought I would ask. It’s no big deal if you don’t want to. We could do it a different time if that time doesn’t work for you.

When you keep talking or try to explain yourself, it gives off a low-value signal. It tells her that you do not think you are actually worth hanging out with, and that you need to try to convince her to go.

Alpha up, gentlemen. 

If you’re high value and worth a date, she should be jumping to say yes. 

Otherwise, she’s not the lady for you. 

13. Pay Close Attention To How She Reacts After You Ask Her

pay close attention to how she reacts

Man, take note.

If a woman wants to go on a date with you, she will jump at the chance to say yes.

You both know what this is. You’re both socially adjusted adults. 

You don’t have to call it a date. You don’t need to label it. You don’t need to define it. 

You simply invite, and wait for the answer. 

If she is not available at the time you invited her, but is genuinely interested, she will eagerly let you know that she is unavailable at that specific time, but will let you know that she would like to schedule it for a different time.

But she will still make it clear that she wants to get together.

Men, listen very closely to what I’m about to say.

If she does not seem super eager to jump at the chance to spend time with you, she is not interested.

I’m going to let you in on a secret.

Women are very good at finding ways to spend time with the man they want to spend time with.

And they are very good at politely declining the invite of a man they are not really interested in without giving him a hard ‘no.’

She may say no, but leave a little bit of hope that you could reschedule.

She may say something like:

  • I’m not sure, I’ll see
  • I’ll have to check my schedule. I’ll let you know
  • I may have something going on that day—I’ll have to see

Nope. Nope. NOPE. 

All of these answers are polite ‘nos.’ She is just trying to let you down easy, without conflict. 

Be gracious, and take it for what it is. 

Either she eagerly accepts and makes it clear that she wants to hang out, or the answer is a no… regardless of what she says.

A lot of men get hung up on a no answer, hoping that it just means that she is busy and that she will want to reschedule.

But I am telling you… 100% straight facts….

There is no such thing as a woman who is too busy to hang out with the man she really wants.

When I met my current girlfriend, she was working 3 jobs. And yet, she still found time to come over to my apartment and spend time with me! 

Why? Because that’s what she wanted. 

Don’t get hung up on those ‘maybe’ answers.

A maybe is a no.

14. Whether She Says Yes Or No, Walk Away With Your Head Held High

A lot of men struggle to work up the confidence to even ask a girl out.

If you asked, and got a no, you still made huge progress.

You had a learning experience, you put yourself out there, and you should be proud of yourself for trying.

If she said no, that’s okay. There are many women in the world. All you have to do is stay on your game, continue to become a high-value man, and keep your eye out for the next opportunity.

Never get mad at a woman for declining your advances.

This sends a serious low-value signal, and will instantly make her glad that she said no.

But even more importantly—as an alpha male, you are better than that. 

You have more self-worth than that. 

Getting a ‘no’ does not hurt your ego or your feelings because you self validate yourself, and provide your own self-worth through your awesome life, business, goals, and purpose. 

When I get told no, I just smile and say:

Hey no problem! Thanks for the chat. Have a great day!

In Conclusion

Hopefully this post has helped you to understand the proper steps to asking a girl out.

It isn’t rocket science, men.

Continue to level up, continue to improve yourself, continue to learn about women, and continue to develop your own alpha male confidence.

Keep your eyes open for the next woman who catches your gaze, and don’t be afraid to talk to her when the opportunity presents itself.

You got this!

Go with Grace, my friends. And never give up your power.

This is Joshua K. Sigafus, signing off.

Joshua Sigafus Consulting