Understanding how to attract a man in the confusing modern landscape of the current dating ‘jungle’ can seem confusing, to say the least.
This is true for men and women. But today, I’m talking specifically to women who are interested in men.
Earlier this week, I got to jump on a Zoom call with B. Wiley—one of my favorite life and dating coaches. I love hearing Brooke’s perspective on dating and relationships—and together (albeit with a few technical difficulties), we came up with a pretty fantastic segment on this topic, which you can watch here.
(Note: This blog post is meant as an addition to the above video. For best results, watch the video and read this blog post, as there is some information given in the video that isn’t present in this post, and vice-versa.)
But for this blog post, I wanted to get down-and-dirt with an actual number of tips that women can utilize right now to attract the man they’re truly interested in.
This is going to basically be a condensed, pocket-sized version of the interview.
Let’s jump in. Here’s what you need to know to understand ‘how to attract a man’ as a dynamic, modern woman in the modern world.
1. Stop Depending On Men To Support You
Stop relying on men to support you, and/or hoping to find a man who will financially pay your way in life.
High-value men in the modern world understand that the landscape has changed. Women can now earn on-par with what men can earn, and they expect women to come to the table willing and able to contribute to the partnership as a monetary equal.
So start leveling-up those high-value skills, and start bringing in the kind of money you would expect for any high-value man to bring to the table.
2. Step Entertaining Low-Value Men
I can’t stress this enough. When I see a woman entertaining low-value men, it automatically makes me wonder why she’s doing it.
Is she not capable of attracting a high caliber of man? And why is she spending all of her time on men that seem to be dead-end guys who don’t have a purpose or a mission in life?
I’m not saying that a man needs to be rich or powerful. In fact, it takes years for some men to achieve higher levels of status, power, and financial wealth.
But is he at least trying to mind his business, get his money, and pursue his purpose in life?
Are you entertaining men who are working hard to better themselves every day in a meaningful way?
If not, you may want to re-think the type of man you are entertaining—because men who are on their purpose take notice when a woman gives her time, attention, and energy away to men who are ‘freeloaders.’
3. Stop Entertaining Your Exes
On-again, off-again relationships with your exes will make high-value men avoid you like the plague.
This may sound harsh, but I don’t mean to be a dick. It’s just so true, and it is important that you understand it.
If a high-value man thinks that you are just going to run back to your ex at some point, he’s not going to invest anything meaningful into a relationship with you.
He may be interested in casual sex. But when the time comes that you want more than that, he will probably ghost you.
Because he doesn’t see a relationship with you as a sound investment when you keep entertaining men you used to be with, but have since broken up with.
4. Stop Putting All Of Your Eggs Into One Basket
I see it almost every day.
Women will develop feelings for a guy, and instantly ‘cancel’ all of their other options.
They will start ghosting, flaking, and ignoring any man but the one they’ve got the hots for.
But this is such a bad idea.
So many women say that “this is just how they are. They don’t want to give themselves to more than one man at a time.”
Well, listen… dating multiple men doesn’t mean that you need to sleep with all of them.
But when you are dating and getting-to-know multiple men at once, it sends a strong signal to the men who approach you and interact with you.
- I am a strong woman who takes her life (and potential dating life) seriously
- I’m NOT going to get hung up on one man before I know it’s time to invest in him, because I’m wise and understand that high-value men will want to take their time
- I ALSO want to take my time, because I’m not a slave to my emotional state of mind
- I’m not desperate for a man. Therefore, I plan to date for months before I even consider cutting off other options
If you are ‘just not that kind of girl,’ I have tough news for you.
Become that kind of girl—or suffer the cruel odds of a dating market that punishes women for restricting their options.
5. How To Attract A Man – Develop Real-Life Skills That You Can Bring To The Table
As a high-value woman, it is imperative that you learn real-life skills that will support you and give you the power to create your own destiny in life.
I hate to say it, but being a ‘good homemaker’ is a fantastic skill—but it isn’t a high-value skill that is going to pay for freedom or a place of your own in this world.
Take up some kind of high-income skill, and work on it tirelessly. For me, this was freelance writing, and I used that skill to quit my 9 to 5 job so that I wouldn’t be dependent on the ‘system’ to provide for me.
When I was starting this blog, I used to stay up all night writing posts to help grow it (even this post is being written at 11:52 PM).
I choose to work on this instead of partying and spending my time on escapism—because I wish to continue leveling up my income. And in order to start that process, you need to make sacrifices.
Work on your high-income skills instead of partying and wasting time on meaningless escapes.
It is truly a modern woman’s world. If you don’t develop a high-income skill, you’re going to get left in the dust. Even worse, you may find yourself financially dependent on a man. And that is NEVER something that you should allow for yourself.
6. Put Time And Effort Into Your Appearance
Do your makeup. Do your hair. Wear clothing that flatters your body. Put time and energy into your appearance every day.
Make it a point to go to the gym. Adopt a Yoga routine. Jog, run, dance, or box.
Eat healthier foods. Cut out garbage junk food.
You don’t need to be super-model skinny.
But you do need to be leveling up your attraction, and striving to be healthier and better-looking every single day.
Yes, it takes extra work. But I’m going to shoot it to you straight. Men love beautiful women. And to men, beauty usually means healthy and the appearance of fertility.
They simply don’t take women as seriously if they aren’t noticeably attractive. And there is nothing wrong with that. That is nature’s way of making sure that the species survives.
So don’t fight that. Embrace it for the super-power that it is… because to a high value man, there is nothing in this world as attractive as a beautiful woman who cares for herself and takes thought for her health and appearance.
So do the work. Level up your looks a little bit every day. Slowly but surely, your dating pool will widen—and you’ll start getting the attention of many more high-value men in your life.
7. Be Happy, Upbeat, Positive, and Outgoing
Once again, this takes time and effort.
Teenage boys may be interested in sad girls—but grown men who have their sh*t together are not.
Grown-ass men are interested in women who are happy, upbeat, positive, and outgoing because these are the attributes that signal success and a winning mindset.
No quality man is going to settle for someone with a bad attitude—and neither should you.
If you are not truly happy, upbeat, positive, and outgoing in your life, start going to therapy or doing whatever it takes to get you there.
You are going to need to learn happiness on your own. No man can give that to you.
So develop it for yourself—and carry it with you into a better future.
8. Have A Mission And Be Committed To It
We live in a world where men and women struggle to have any sense of purpose or mission in their life.
Most people are either just seeking pleasure, or just seeking to make more money—or both.
So let me ask you a question.
What is your purpose in life? What great problem do you hope to solve with the time you have left?
As humans, we should all be seeking to make a positive dent in the universe. And as a woman trying to learn how to attract a man, this mandate should be a priority on your radar.
So figure out what that means for you, and start making that the mission of your life.
Ironically, making finding a man the mission of your life is one of the most unattractive things that you can do.
Yes, men want to be wanted. But they do not want to be your mission in life. They want you to come alongside them, so that the two of you can pursue your missions together.
9. Touch Yourself In Front of Him
No, this isn’t a hot seduction tip, and I don’t mean it like that. I actually mean it in a very practical sense.
When you’re engaging a guy in conversation and are interested in him, touch yourself innocuously while talking. Touch your hair, your own shoulders, your collar bone, your own arms, etc.
This really gets his attention and can be a great way to pique his interest during an otherwise fun and innocent conversation over dinner or drinks.
Use this subtle technique to send him a silent message.
“Hey, I may not mind if you touched me like this!”
10. Smile And Make Eye Contact
This is another practical tip that can make a huge difference.
When you meet a man you’re potentially interested in, smile at him and make direct eye contact. Make sure to hold that contact as well—at least for a couple of seconds.
Eye contact is a powerful signal that causes a release of oxytocin.
And when it is accompanied by a genuine smile, it can be a great way to get him interested in learning more about you.
11. Find Excuses To Get Close To Him
Men notice when an attractive woman gets ‘close’ to him.
Maybe stand a little bit ‘too close’ to him while waiting for your drink, before turning around to talk to him.
Maybe when you walk past him, you linger for a moment within a foot of him, just letting him be aware of your body being close to his.
Men pick up on these things. Trust me.
If he’s at all attracted to you, the fact that you are standing so close to him will register with a massive impact on his senses.
This will absolutely get him to notice you. And if he’s even a little bit into you, this will work in your favor. His attention will be much more likely to focus in on you and tune out competitors.
12. Find Subtle, Innocent Ways To Touch Him
If standing close to a man will get his attention (and it will), then touching him will super-charge that attention.
I was once playing a card game. There were three men and two women playing. And at one point, one of the women stood up to go get something to drink.
She had been making eye contact and smiling at me the entire game. But back then, I was pretty clueless about those things—so I just chalked it up to her being friendly.
But when she walked past me, she placed a gentle hand on my shoulder, leaned down, and talked to me about what drink she was going to get.
Her beautiful hair brushed against my shoulder. I could smell her perfume. It was intoxicating, and she managed to completely distract me from everything else going on around me and get my sole attention on her… all with one innocent-looking bit of physical touch and proximity closeness.
I was too inexperienced to make a move, and she was honestly so attractive that she terrified me (I was really really afraid of beautiful women when I was younger).
But looking back on it, I am 100% sure that she was making a move on me in that instant—and it totally worked. Had I known even half of what I know now about women, I would have pursued her advances in a heartbeat!
13. Be Aware Of Sexual Overperception Bias
Men operate with a functionality known as sexual overperception bias.
In other words, they are more likely to see positive interactions with women as sexually motivated, even when they are not.
There are complicated evolutionary reasons for this that I won’t go into right now, but here’s what it means for you.
If you’re interested in a man, you should know that even subtle hints will surely register on his radar.
In some ways, men are clueless. They may need to see more than one sign to believe that you are making a move on them.
But make no mistake. Men will usually notice the signs—especially if they are experienced men who have made an effort in their life to learn about women.
14. Don’t Be Afraid To Approach Him
If all else fails, don’t be afraid to pursue a man yourself.
If he doesn’t take the hint and ask you for your number, feel free to take the initiative.
Give him your card. Ask him out for coffee. Walk up to him and hand him your number.
Be willing to step out of your comfort zone to do this. But do it in a way that feels natural to you, and in accordance with your own style as a woman.
I’ll be honest with you. Nowadays, in the wake of the #metoo movement, some men are so timid around women that they are legitimately too afraid to make a move, lest they offend someone or be labeled as ‘creepy.’
In such cases, they may be waiting for you to give them a sure sign.
And it doesn’t get any ‘more sure’ than handing over your card and telling him to call you sometime!
15. Use The ‘Two For One’ Method
If you want to attract a man, get his attention, and get him interested in you, don’t be afraid to use what I call the ‘two for one’ or ‘three for one’ method.
You may need to give him two or three signs for every ‘one’ you think you ought to be sending.
Because once again, some men don’t want to make a mistake and approach a woman who may not be interested.
Men may see one, or even two signs as accidental.
So if you drop more than two hints, odds are good that you will definitely get your point across.
Of course, being up-front and honest doesn’t hurt anything either.
16. Be Genuine And Authentic – Be Yourself
Last, but definitely not least… at one point in my interview with B. Wiley, I talk about the value of being authentic and genuinely you. This is actually important. And here’s why.
Be genuinely you. The rules of natural attraction will always remain the same. The rules of society are usually pretty structured, but are more likely to change. And every social setting may call for slightly different contextual decisions. Be aware of your environment, and always try to act in accordance with the social demands of the moment.
But always do your best to be a genuine and authentic version of yourself.
This should shine through everything.
When you dress well, dress according to your personality. When you do your makeup, express yourself through it. When you style your hair, be you and do your hair the way YOU would want it done.
When you tell a joke, tell a joke that you think is funny.
Sometimes, when women hear dating advice, they think that they are being told to change who they are.
But this is never the objective.
The objective is to get better at dating and to level up your skills of attraction, while also remaining completely and genuinely YOU.
‘You’ are the magic ingredient that pulls everything together.
High-value men don’t want a robot or a woman who is just a ‘pretty, but empty vessel’ to look at.
They want a woman with her own personality and thoughts. They want a woman who will add character and color to their life.
So be you, through and through. Just level up your attraction and dating skills as well while you are at it!
In Conclusion – How To Attract A Man
Aright, that’s all I’ve got for this one.
Take these tips, go forth, and conquer!
Need some extra help? Feel free to message me. I would love to give you some extra advice.
Go with grace, and never give up your power.
Until next time,
Joshua K. Sigafus.