How to attract women. This is something that a lot of men struggle with.
Even I have struggled with this.
But like any other skill, attraction can be learned.
It can also be practiced.
And the great part of this is that, once you get really good at it, you will find that talking to women does not become a game of ‘win or lose.’ It becomes a truly enjoyable activity that often ends very well, for both the lady and the gentleman!
Let’s say that you’ve already covered the basics.
You’ve already dressed nice. You hit the gym, and have a good body. You have a great job or own your own business. You work hard and have learned how to be productive. You have some money. You have your life in-order.
Hopefully, if you aren’t running your own business yet, you’re also working on creating your own money as well. You’re looking to do some investing, start a business, or start a side-hustle to eventually take total-control of your financial life.
You also know what your purpose is, and you choose to chase excellence every day as your primary modus operandi!
These are basic things that every alpha should do to not only live his best life, but also to be more attractive to high-value women.
But what next?
How do you actually attract women to you?
How do you develop that alpha-male magnetism that makes women want to come to bed (or at least go on a date) with you?
Great question! Let’s dive in.
Step 1: Get Confident
This is an essential step. Become confident in yourself! Get comfortable in your own skin.
If you’re struggling with this, do two things.
- Fake it as well as you can, and stick with it
- Start working on the things that make you insecure, level them up, and beat your own insecurities
There is 0% room in an alpha male’s life for insecurity. He has too much going for him. He is too successful and too full of ambition to waste effort on an idea like low self-confidence.
Step 2: Play To Your Strengths
You’re going to need to approach women. There is no other way to put it.
Women may approach you… but as an alpha, when you see what you want… you go after it.
When you see a woman you want, don’t be afraid of starting the conversation.
And when you do… play to your strengths.
If you’re super funny… make her laugh.
If you’re really good at talking about movies, try to talk to her about her favorite movies.
Let your passion flow through you and make you comfortable.
When we are natural, talk about what we love, and let ourselves be authentic, we ‘come alive’ to the person speaking with us… an that makes us that much more interesting!
Step 3: Learn About Her And Let Her Talk
One of the worst mistakes that men make when they are learning how to attract women is that they don’t let her talk enough.
The conversation must be equal, but you need to let her do some, or even most, of the talking.
Ask her questions that are too deep to be answered with a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no.’
Ask her what her favorite movie is… then, ask her to explain why it is her favorite movie.
As she explains this to you, she will introduce little parts of herself to you, and open up.
This is an incredible opportunity to get to know her on a better level. Try to understand her, and don’t hog the conversation!
Step 4: Be Kind And Respectful To Her, But Also Challenge Her
Some men think that insulting a girl or making fun of her is the best way to get her attention.
In truth, there is some merit to the idea of poking a little fun at her in some cases… but until you are very good at this, you could really run the risk of actually coming off as a jerk and pissing her off.
So until you feel it out and get really good at that technique… cool it, and speak to her kindly and with respect.
This does NOT, however, mean that you should buckle to her challenges or let her dominate the conversation.
Instead of poking fun at her, gently challenge her ideas. Don’t do it in a spirit of meanness or to belittle her. Instead, do it in a spirit of desiring to learn more about her, to see if she can explain her ideas and beliefs to you.
When she says something really progressive, challenge her to defend it. Play the devil’s advocate.
When she does well explaining herself, acknowledge it. Let her know, in a subtle way, that you are impressed.
Remember… as an alpha, you are in complete control over yourself at all times.
You are not ‘taken aback’ by anything she says. You are studying her, testing her, and gently challenging her… to see what kind of woman and human she is, to gauge whether or not you may be interested in her.
You are also checking out the vibes.
Most women want the man sitting or standing across from them to be strong, powerful, and dominant. But they don’t want him to belittle them or act arrogantly.
They want a strong, but wise man. A man who knows how to be dangerous, but who restrains himself from being so because he can, and chooses to.
Step 5: Make Eye Contact And Practice Proper Body Language
Being willing to make eye contact with her while either one of you are talking is a powerful move.
It signals many good things. It tells her that you are paying attention, that you take her seriously, that you are listening to what she has to say… and also, that you are not intimidated by her.
Most women secretly love it when a man is not intimidated by her.
And if you are talking to a particularly confident and attractive girl, there is a good chance that she is accustomed to men being intimidated by her.
If you can hold your own, and not falter while talking to her… you may have a better chance with her than you think!
Step 6: Be Genuine, But Do Not Divulge Too Much About Yourself
In speaking to women, you want to use your genuineness to your advantage.
When you share your authentic self with a woman, and do it at the right moment, you can create a moment of vulnerability that she might find quite appealing.
And even better, in doing so, she might be willing to enter into that moment with you and become vulnerable as well.
This can be a very pleasurable experience, and can really work toward establishing awesome chemistry and a connection.
Vulnerability is also what causes men and women to feel magnetic attraction for one-another.
But it is also important that you do not divulge too much of yourself. This can quickly cause the effect to fizzle, and can leave a woman feeling like you are just spewing feelings.
Alpha men do not spew feelings to the women they sleep with! If they need to spew some feelings, they do it with their therapist, or with a trusted friend during a conscious rant.
In other words… don’t be afraid to lean in closely and tell her that you have a weakness for the occasional video game… following it up with a question about one of her guilty/nerdy pleasures.
But DO NOT continue along that vein, telling her about how video games are the only thing that make you feel validated because your ex broke your heart and ran off with your dog!
You’re an alpha. If you have ex girlfriend or ex wife issues, here is how to fix them.
- Work hard
- Make a bunch of money
- Use that money to pay a therapist
- Go to therapy until you resolve your feelings about your ex
Women are fun. They are supposed to be a wonderful, exciting part of a man’s life.
But if you want to sleep with a woman, make her your girlfriend, or have any sort of sexual relationship with her at all… she needs to stay in that zone with you.
She is not in the ‘therapist’ zone. She is in the ‘female interest’ zone.
Step 7: Do Not Be Goal Oriented – Instead, Focus On What You Want
A lot of men who do not quite understand how to attract women will walk into dates thinking about how they are going to get the woman to hook up with them.
Fair enough. I get it. I really do.
Women are hot… and as alphas, we are definitely motivated by lust, to a certain extent.
And that isn’t a bad thing. It’s completely natural.
(Note: You can absolutely be gay or bi and be an alpha male! But I happen to be primarily interested in women. Hence… that is what I am speaking to.)
And lust can be a powerful motivator!
But when you walk into a situation with a hot woman, whether you are just getting to know her, going on a date, asking for a number, etc. Do not make the mistake of trying to be goal oriented with her.
Instead, just slow things down.
Live in the moment.
Follow these steps. Pick up on her vibes. Use what opportunity you have to actually get to know her.
Crack a few jokes.
Give yourself time to figure out if this is actually a woman you are interested in.
Then, when you figure out what you are interested in, don’t be afraid to move on it.
An alpha focuses on what he wants… not an arbitrary goal.
He is intentional. This is a very important distinction!
Be bold and ask her for her number. Tell her you have a wonderful bed at home that she should check out with you. Tell her that her dress is beautiful… but you would rather see it on your bedroom floor.
Tell her that you would love to continue this conversation… but over dinner on Saturday at 7 at that Italian place downtown.
(Always give her a specific day and time. Women like it when men plan. Many women, if asked when they want to meet, will blank out and instantly start to feel like this is going to be more work than it is likely worth. You need to take the lead on this.)
Step 8: How To Attract Women: Close With Confidence
When you propose a plan to a woman, ask her for a number, ask her to go home with you, ask her out on a date, etc… you are essentially trying to close the deal.
There are a few things that you definitely need to keep in mind at this point.
- You need to be 100% sure of what you are asking
- You need to be bold and actually say what you want… do not ask her to ‘come over and cuddle’ and expect that to be code for sex. You’re a goddamn man, not a school-boy… so say what you mean. Sure, you can transition into sex while cuddling, and move ahead with it if she wants to… but always be intentional about what you are asking. If what you actually want is for a girl to come home with you and ride your face… by the gods, ask that girl if she wants to come over and ride your damn face!!!!
- Ask it in a simple way, and let her respond. Do not explain yourself! Do not act ashamed. You are a powerful alpha, and you do not owe explanations to anyone for what you want and enjoy
- Ask as if you expect her to say yes, always
- Do not start talking fast, don’t look away, don’t act nervous, don’t fidget, etc. Your body language is more important now than ever! If you act scared, she will sniff it out a mile away… especially if she’s used to beta guys hitting on her
- If she says ‘yes,’ do not make a big deal about it or act surprised. Act as if you expected it, and end the conversation there. Say “Great, I’ll see you Saturday at 7…” and never text her to make sure the plan is still on! If she stands you up, she has lost her chance with you. You, however, are confident that she will keep her plan, because you are a great catch… so you don’t need to check in.
Step 9: If She Says No, Remain Graceful And Respectful
You want to ask her out to dinner.
You start up a convo. You get brave, and you ask.
“Sorry, I’m not really looking for a boyfriend right now…”
It’s ok. Don’t try to talk her into it. Don’t get desperate. Don’t get your feelings hurt.
You say something like this.
“It is all good! I hope you have a very pleasant evening, and thank you for the conversation! Hit me up sometime if you’d like to continue it…” and then take your leave, and find another girl to take to dinner!
Only weak beta men who don’t understand how to attract women get angry about women telling them ‘no’ to dates.
Alpha men don’t need to be angry. They don’t even really care about getting a no!
Because they know that with a little bit of effort, they can take home a beautiful, attractive woman pretty much any time they want!
And if they get a ‘no’ from one or two, that’s no big deal!
Even if you get a ‘no’ from many women, you should not despair.
Just level up your skills of attraction, and try again next time with different ladies!
Single or non-monogamous men on the alpha male journey also know better than to get stuck on one woman. They spin plates, and are constantly engaging with multiple women, unless they are monogamous and already have a girlfriend or wife.
They know how to win with women, and how to treat women properly… so if a woman says ‘no’ to their advances, they actually accomplished something successful. They figured out that this woman is not interested… so they can either just be her friend, or they can move along and find what they are looking for!
I believe that it is important for alpha men to pursue quality sexual and non-sexual relationships with women.
A powerful alpha man should be surrounded by powerful, supportive men, intelligent high-value women as friends, and plenty of potential dating partners or bed partners for when he decides that he wants to pursue sex, intimacy, or companionship.
Just keep these steps in mind, practice them, and keep living the alpha male journey!
For more information on my own personal alpha male code, check out the Oath of Kings… the alpha male code I live by every day.
Go with grace, my friends… and never give up your power!
Joshua K. Sigafus