As a young man, I used to struggle with the concept of being high value.
I didn’t really believe in myself. And as a general rule, people didn’t tend to respect me or treat me like I was worth anything.
When my marriage ended, I felt like I hit rock bottom.
In my mind, nobody would ever leave a husband who had any kind of value.
A man of ‘worth’ would never be ejected from his own family, right?
Well, needless to say, I learned a hard lesson that day.
I was looking at a set of evidence that told me that I literally had no value as a man.
Of course, this is only partly true, and partly untrue.
The truth of the matter was that I hadn’t yet learned how to be a truly effective high-value man in my life.
And this was perhaps the biggest reason for why my divorce happened in the first place.
A lot of people want to be valued by others. A lot of men in this world want women to desire them.
They want their children to respect them and admire them.
They want their coworkers and colleagues to treat them with the kind of respect and admiration they display when they interact with someone they see as ‘truly admirable.’
So how do you make it happen?
Why do some men seem to receive positive treatment in life, and why do some always seem to get disrespected, beaten up, and left behind?
I’m going to tell you the truth, but it’s not easy to hear.
See, in my life, I’ve come full circle.
I used to be the kind of man that other people disrespected, used, and cast aside.
But nowadays, I command respect from the people who interact with me—and I get it. I also command desire from women, and I get that as well.
My dating life has never been better. My relationship with my kids has never been better. I’ve also never had stronger friendships and better work relationships than I have now.
So what’s the secret? How do you do it?
Well, it all starts with understanding where men derive their value from.
Let’s get into it.
How Do You Become A Man Of Value?
The very first thing you have to understand is that men are not born into this world with a set amount of value.
As a child, you’re going to be valued by your parents, hopefully, because you’re their child.
But when you grow up and become a man, you’re going to have to make your own way, and create your own value in the world.
Unlike women, who are considered valuable because they’re women, you do not have this luxury.
A woman, due to her unique ability to be able to create offspring, is always going to be seen as valuable just because she’s a woman.
And the more attractive and valuable she is, the more likely this is going to be true.
But as a man, this is not your destiny.
Your destiny is to go out into the world and to create value for yourself and others.
This is how you begin the process of earning (and eventually commanding) respect and admiration from your tribe, circle, and community.
Men create value in the world by solving problems and generating resources.
You could also say that men create value in the world by building safety and security for the people who trust them—the people in their family and in their circle.
Of course, this takes a lot of work.
As a man, you can’t afford to be lazy and not be constantly working to make your life better.
You have a strong incentive to work tirelessly to make life better for yourself and for the people you choose to keep around you.
This is how you create value.
This is also why men are considered ‘the gatekeepers to relationships,’ while women are considered ‘the gatekeepers to sex.’
To a great degree, women decide who gets to reproduce, while men, to a great degree, get to decide who gets access to the safety and security of the tribe.
But see, creating this value can’t be accomplished while you’re sitting on the couch and wasting time.
It can only be accomplished by virtue of a hard work ethic, a substantial amount of elbow grease, and ‘the sweat of your own brow’ as you toil diligently to create something (safety and security) from nothing.
Of course, for modern men, this mostly means making money.
In modern terms, making money is the equivalent of being a successful hunter-gatherer.
(To read more about my thoughts on this hunter-gatherer concept, check out this blog post: We’re All Hunter-Gatherers In The Sexual Arena.)
But it also goes deeper than that.
It’s about cultivating the proper mindset, and about establishing a firm foundation of what it means to be a powerful man so that other people will understand how they are and aren’t allowed to treat you.
And then, by virtue of how the people around you choose to act respectfully toward you, this is how you decide to whom you will dole out your precious resources.
Women may be seen as inherently valuable. But they also, to a great degree, rely on the men in their life for safety and security.
This is how it’s always been, and is likely how it will always be.
For you, the most direct application of this will come from your children and from your spouse, wife, or partner.
Your daughters and sons will need your protection until they get older.
Your wife or partner will require not only your physical protection as you walk through life with her, but also your help in generating resources and solving problems.
She’ll also require your emotional investment, as she’ll rely on this to find the pair bonding that she craves in life.
You have many responsibilities as a man. It isn’t easy to do them all well, but it’s a process that is in your best interest to learn.
Because when you become adept at the process of learning to contribute to the survival of your circle, family, and tribe, you will also become a man who is highly valued, desired, respected, and seen as ‘worthy of loyalty.’
What Does It Mean to Be A Valuable Person?
To be a valuable person in this world means to do your part to make the world a better place.
It means to diligently see to the foundational needs of the family, tribe, and community, to help create a living situation where the humans you care about can thrive instead of suffer.
This is at the core of what it means to be a high-value man—to take the leadership role in this process, and to do your best to see it done well.
To learn more about what it means to be a truly effective leader, read this post: How To Be A Leader – 21 Alpha Leadership Qualities That Truly Matter.
With that being said, I’ve made a list of 16 traits for this particular blog post that give a more all-encompassing look at how men can develop these things in their life.
So take a close look at all 16 items on this list. And then ask yourself in a very honest fashion:
“Am I doing everything I can to maximize these traits in my own life? Or am I falling short in some way?”
Of course, we should also constantly be seeking to improve these traits in our lives. This is very important, and speaks to the crucial mandate of striving to be better today than we were yesterday.
To learn more about this concept, read this post: Make Yourself Just 1% Better Every Day.
There’s no such thing as a perfect man.
But we do have a responsibility to constantly be working on improving ourselves, to become better for not only our own family and for our tribe, but also for our own pride, happiness, and fulfillment in life.
As men, we will be happiest and find the most fulfillment when we succeed at the responsibilities placed before us in our great evolutionary plight for survival.
Survival is the primary business that men must be engaged in.
And this is not a business to take lightly.
What Does It Mean To Be A Man Of Value In This World? 16 Traits To Level-Up Today
- Build wealth
- Take care of your family, circle, and tribe
- Amass power through merit and responsibility
- Build social status
- Be competent
- Increase your physical athleticism
- Become an effective leader
- Develop inner strength and emotional fortitude
- Be formidable (not weak, helpless, or spineless)
- Be a warrior for your family and circle
- Be mysterious (there’s no reason to tell everyone all of your business – be a man of few words)
- Be radically self-responsible
- Develop your masculinity and find peace in it
- Be kind (not nice or harmless – you must be a controlled monster. A ‘warrior in a garden’ as opposed to ‘a gardener in a war.’)
- Leave behind the victim mentality
- Create a lasting legacy of greatness
There you have it.
16 traits to level up today if you truly want to learn how to be a man of value.
Hopefully, this has helped you to understand the nature of the problem, and also to understand how to implement the solution.
I’ll leave you with one more piece of advice.
The journey of the high-value man isn’t accomplished in a single day. It’ll take you weeks, months, or maybe even years to learn what you need to learn to shift your behaviors enough to start seeing massive results. But that’s ok.
Keep striving to be 1% better every day. That’s what matters.
Go with grace, my friends. And never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus