How to be a strong man.
This is a question that men throughout the ages have wrestled with.
I would like to share one of my favorite quotes with you. I will admit that I have never read this book, but the idea of the quote in its own limited context, is quite enlightening.
“Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And, weak men create hard times.”
― G. Michael Hopf, Those Who Remain
The simple truth of the matter is that there seems to be a true lack of ‘strength’ among many men today.
This is not to say that all men are weak, or that the majority of men are ‘not strong.’
It seems more accurate to say that strength is ‘half realized’ in most men today.
But I believe that we can change that. I want men to realize their full potential. And more importantly… I want men who believe in the alpha male journey to level themselves up to the point where they are actually living strong, powerful lives as men.
But what does this take? What do you need to change to get there?
Let’s talk about 7 different steps you can take to learn how to be a strong man, and ascend to true masculine greatness.
Step #1: Start Standing On Your Own Two Feet
I know that I give this advice often, but it’s true. Standing on your own two feet, trying not to accept free help from people unless you truly need it, and learning to provide for yourself and solve your own problems are HUGE, monumental steps that you can take on the alpha male journey.
So strike out on your own. Get out of that apartment your parents are paying for. Get a phone and pay for it yourself. Take over your own car payments. Get your own insurance and pay for it yourself.
Learn to stand on your own two feet in life.
Step #2: Start Speaking Your Mind
If you want to learn how to be a strong man, one of the most important things that you can do is to start speaking your mind.
Timid men who are afraid to speak up often get walked on by everyone around them. This could include your boss, your coworkers, your wife, your girlfriend, your parents… or even your children!
Create Healthy Boundaries And Enforce Them
You don’t have to be mean to stand up for yourself and create healthy boundaries.
Simply engage in ‘healthy confrontation,’ calmly telling these people that you love them, but that you will exercise a zero-tolerance policy in regard to them disrespecting your boundaries.
If they do it again after one warning… my best advice is to walk away from them.
Yes, walk away from your parents, your wife, and/or your job.
These changes are hard to make. And of course, you need to do them wisely.
But the sooner you start standing up for yourself, the sooner people around you will start to realize that treating you disrespectfully is not even an option… and that is where you will start to level out the playing field.
Step #3: Adopt Rules For Your Life, And Follow Them
My rules consist of the 18 vows of the Oath of Kings. But your rules can certainly be your own.
If you don’t currently have a set of rules to live by, I would 100% suggest that you pick up a copy of Jordan Peterson’s Book, 12 Rules For Life: An Antidote To Chaos.
This is an incredible book that will really help you to find more strength, whether you are a man or a woman.
But regardless of whether you follow my 18 vows, Jordan Peterson’s rules, or some other set of rules, the fact remains… if you don’t have rules in your life, you will succumb to chaos, stagnate, and begin to move backwards.
You cannot make forward progress in life without adopting, and following, some set of rules to help you keep order.
This is absolutely fundamental.
Step #4: Be Honest With Yourself About Who You Are
When I was a younger man, I felt a lot of friction between who I was trying to be, and who I actually wanted to be.
And this friction pulled me apart. It made me weak.
Why didn’t I just become who I actually wanted to be?
Well, the truth was that I had a bunch of excuses. I was worried about what people would think of me. I was worried about what society would think of me. I was worried that I would fail. I was worried that I wasn’t ‘good enough’ to be who I really wanted to be.
But the day I committed to being exactly who I truly wanted to be, unapologetically, was the day that I actually started to succeed in life.
This was one of the best choices I ever made, and I’ve never looked back.
So be honest enough with yourself to be open about who you truly want to be, be brave enough to be true to yourself, and seek out the real you in your life.
Step #5: How To Be A Strong Man: Walk Away From Negative Situations And People
When I was younger, I used to think ‘how can I help to change this negative situation?’
But the older I get, the more I realize that my attitude should actually be different.
Here are the basic steps that I use to solve negative situations now…
- Step 1: I can try to fix a negative situation by drawing healthy boundaries and letting everyone know that
- Step 2: If people obey those boundaries, awesome! The situation is fixed
- Step 3: If they don’t, I walk away and create a positive situation instead
You cannot control people. You can only control yourself. And that leads me to my next step…
Step #6: Stop Trying To Control People
Many men feel the need to control other people because they are afraid of what they will lose if people don’t act a certain way.
The stereotypical example is a man who tries to keep his girlfriend from speaking with other men because he is afraid that she is going to leave him.
But if you want to be a true alpha male, you must learn to supersede this beta-level thinking, and start holding yourself (and the people around you) to a higher standard.
This is part of the reason for why I can never really endorse monogamy for men who wish to be true alpha males.
Monogamy is for men who are afraid to lose their partner.
If my girlfriend flirts with other men, I do not find it disagreeable.
Why?
Because I honestly have very little, if any fear that my girlfriend will leave me. I actually believe that I am a strong and powerful enough man that she will stay with me, even if she does develop a crush on someone else.
But also, even if she wanted to leave, I’m not really worried about that either.
Why? Because I believe that I am a strong and powerful enough alpha that finding a replacement mate would be neither difficult, nor unpleasant for me.
Honestly, for alpha men, finding girls who like you is never a problem.
I’m simply not concerned with controlling other humans, because I really don’t have fears wrapped up in losing anyone or anything.
If something someone does is not to my liking, I always have the choice to cut them out and walk away… and that is a powerful option to have! But you don’t have that option if you are afraid of losing everyone!
Overcoming fear is a huge part of how to be a strong man. Speaking of that…
Step #7: Work To Overcome Your Fear
One of my favorite quotes is from Star Wars.
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
― George Lucas, The Phantom Menace
I believe this quote 100%! I have literally lived out this sequence… and I can tell you from personal experience that facing our fears and learning to resolve our fear is one of the greatest, most powerful things you could ever do for yourself.
It isn’t easy. But if you can learn to identify what you are afraid of, identify why you are afraid of it, and then level up to surpass that fear, you will find an incredible amount of strength in your life.
It is very, very difficult to be stronger than a man who has no fear. The best, most effective man in any room is very likely to be the man who has the greatest control over his fear.
Conclusion
If you want to learn more about how to be a strong man, check out my post on the alpha male journey here.
It is a great honor to be an alpha. But it is also a great struggle, and it requires us to constantly be evolving and bettering ourselves.
As alpha men, our goal is to become strong, powerful leaders who can transform not only our own lives, but also the lives of the people we love and care for.
Hopefully, this post has helped you to learn how to be a strong man in today’s confusing world.
Go with grace, my friends. And NEVER give up your power!
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus