How to be an alpha male

How To Be An Alpha Male – 23 Steps To Begin The Alpha Male Journey

“True masculine power happens when courage, integrity, vulnerability, compassion, awareness, and the capacity to take strong action are all functioning together. Such power is potent but not aggressive, challenging but not shaming, grounded but not rigid, forceful but not pushy. Again, it requires head, heart, and guts in full-blooded alignment.”

― Robert Augustus Masters, To Be a Man: A Guide to True Masculine Power

I talk a lot about the fundamental philosophies involved in how to be an alpha male

But in this post, I’m going to get right down to business with 23 step-by-step instructions for actually getting started on this journey

Do you want to be a powerful man that other people look up to and admire? 

Are you tired of feeling like a doormat for other people?

Are you tired of walking on eggshells, and not choosing your own path and destiny?

Are you tired of women not taking you seriously? 

Are you angry or frustrated toward women?

Wouldn’t you rather be a ‘king’ than a ‘little boy?’ 

Well, I’m going to give it to you straight. This isn’t easy stuff. 

But these steps can do a lot to help you level-up to a powerful start on the path of the alpha male.

To gain even more clarity on how these steps lead to the path of the alpha male journey, check out The 18 Vows of the Oath of Kings… the personal code by which I live my life.

Enough beta bullshit. It’s time to become the man that nature created you to be

Let’s get started. 

Step 1 – How To Be An Alpha Male: Stop Blaming Other People For Your Problems

The number-one place to start is to stop blaming other people for your problems. 

Sure, bad things happen. But alpha men never blame their problems on other people

If I lose my job… I need to work harder next time. 

If I lose my girlfriend… I must need to level up my attraction skills

If I can’t manage to pay a bill… you know what? I should have put in more hours at work, found a second job, or found some way to hustle that money around. 

No excuses. It is always your fault… not someone else’s. 

Step 2: Start Working Harder

Be the hardest working man in the room. 

Show up earlier than everyone else, and stay later. 

Always be trying harder, striving harder, and giving more. 

Alpha men are the opposite of lazy. They are leaders. And that doesn’t mean that they point fingers and give orders… it means that, above all else, they lead by example. 

Step 3: Get Control Of Your Life

Start taking more direct control over your day to day activities. 

Do you waste time doing things that aren’t progressing you along the path to success? 

Are you wasting time on movies, video games, shows, etc.?

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying yourself… but alpha males chase excellence and greater levels of success

You need to wake up on time, work hard, dress well, clean your house, clean your car, get your bills paid… just generally get your life in order and start progressing to the next level

A true alpha never stagnates. 

Step 4: Become More Self-Reliant

If you are constantly relying on other people to survive, you need to get out of those situations and stand on your own two feet. 

This is incredibly important! 

So if you are… 

  • Living rent-free in your parents’ house
  • Borrowing a car
  • Getting free childcare from someone
  • Getting a bill or two paid by someone else who is helping you out

You need to get out from under these things! 

Why? Because when you do not live a self-reliant lifestyle, other people will start to try to control what you do because they will have leverage for the stuff they are doing for you

Get out of it. Level up. Find a way to stand up on your own two feet, even if the process takes some time. 

The important part is to get started. 

Step 5: Seek Help For Any Mental Illnesses You Have, And Get Them Taken Care Of

If you suffer from a mental illness, get help for it. 

Go to therapy. Read good books. Get medication. 

Do whatever you have to do to get it taken care of. 

Then, stay on top of it. Continue doing what you need to do to fix it. 

Personally, however, I will also say this. 

Most of my mental illness problems disappeared when I started taking the alpha male lifestyle more seriously

I realized that when I stopped ‘being needy,’ and started standing on my own two feet, that I gained a ton of confidence… and life started really shaping up. 

I didn’t get depressed nearly as much. I wasn’t nearly as anxious. 

Why? Because I was in control of my life, and I wasn’t relying on anyone else for me to survive. 

I was responsible for my success… and that felt really, really good

Step 6: Stop Making Excuses

This one is pretty self-explanatory. 

Stop making excuses. 

Instead, produce results

Don’t spend hours thinking about how you are going to explain that you didn’t get that homework done. 

Get the damn homework done

Be responsible. Take ownership of your life. Show up for yourself. Stop failing and then trying to blame it on other people, circumstances, or events. 

Step 7: Start Taking Better Care Of Your Body

Personally, I find that going to the gym is one of the most important things a man can do for himself

Don’t neglect your physical body. 

Start watching what you eat. Start getting some exercise. 

Stop gaining weight in front of the TV. 

Get out there and constantly improve your health, leveling up to become the best man you can possibly be

Step 8: Start Living With An Attitude Of Gratitude

It is amazing how much better life gets when you stop complaining

So every time you are tempted to complain, shove that negative idea right back into your brain, and transform it into a positive. 

Instead of complaining about how high your car insurance is… say “I am so grateful that I have a car to drive.” 

Then, take the initiative and go find some cheaper car insurance! 

This small mindset shift is so powerful! 

Step 9: Get Tougher

Do your feelings tend to get hurt a lot? 

Toughen up

Do you tend to feel lonely a lot?

Toughen up. 

As masculine men who desire to be leaders, we need to grow a thicker skin. That’s what alpha males do. 

That is what leaders do

We must be strong enough to take some pain and still handle our business

We need to be strong enough to shrug off some casual rudeness without letting it ruin our day. 

Cultivate a spirit of toughness

Get stronger. Get harder to hurt. 

Grow a thicker skin. 

Step 10: Read Every Day

Reading is so important for every alpha male

I actually believe that men and women should always be reading awesome books that help to encourage, inspire, and motivate them. 

Listen to awesome books that will motivate you to succeed and push yourself in life. 

Personally, I love to read biographies of people I admire. 

I also love to read fantasy books about epic warriors and interesting worlds. 

It is all good! Just make sure that you read for at least 20 minutes every day! 

Step 11: Start Earning Your Own Money

If you work an hourly wage job, you are unlikely to ever create true financial independence for yourself

I personally believe that the alpha male journey is never complete without learning how to create your own wealth

I started my own freelance writing business… but I eventually started investing my money into other things to help create assets that would pay me every month as well. 

Find out how to create more money without spending a ton of it. 

Start businesses. Buy an investment property. Start a side hustle… and keep building until your assets out-weigh your expenses

A true alpha male needs to have some money in the bank. He knows how to create wealth, and he knows how to re-invest it to create even more. 

Step 12: Get Control Of Your Emotions

As alpha men, we must always strive to be in control of our emotions at all times. 

If you are…

  • Freaking out a lot
  • Crying a lot
  • Getting upset a lot
  • Experiencing a lot of rage
  • Feeling anxious a lot
  • Feeling overwhelmed a lot

… something needs to change. 

It is natural for these things to happen once in a while

But if they happen often… then either you need to separate yourself from the drama in your world, or you need to get control of your emotions and become the solid pillar of strength and power that every alpha male must become to reach the pinnacle of their potential. 

Strong men are not men without emotion. They are just men who have learned to master their emotions, instead of allowing their emotions to master them. 

Step 13: Learn To Be Proud Of What You Are

Nothing will reduce you to the status of beta-male faster than shame

If you are truly ashamed of yourself for some reason… try to figure out why.

Do you really have anything to be ashamed of? 

If so, fix it… and stop feeling ashamed. 

If not… then stop feeling ashamed

If people try to shame you… banish them from your life. 

Grow a healthy sense of pride. You don’t have to be arrogant… but you do have to be prideful

This is not a ‘maybe.’ If you wish to be an alpha and have a true alpha personality, you must grow a healthy sense of self-confidence, and you must truly learn to be proud of who and what you are.

Step 14: Learn To Love Yourself And Put Yourself First

Nothing will destroy you faster than self-sacrifice. 

Nothing will make you weaker or more vulnerable in life than mindlessly putting other people ahead of you. 

Own your own life. Take care of yourself. Level up. Do the work. Put in the effort. 

If someone else needs help, take stock of where you are. 

Can you truly help them? Should you prioritize this person? 

If it is worth it to you to help this person, then do it. 

But do not senselessly help people, especially if you cannot afford to do it

You must keep yourself afloat. That is the first way to become strong. 

Once you become strong enough to stand on your own, you can start looking around for someone else to help. 

Step 15: Strive To Act With Wisdom, In All Circumstances

It is easy to make rash decisions. 

It’s easy to react emotionally. 

It’s easy to get upset and quit. 

It’s easy to lash out at someone because you don’t like them.

Being truly wise, on the other hand, is much more difficult. 

But it is not a ‘maybe’ for a true alpha. 

A true alpha male will learn to be wise and strategic in all of his business

He will not react emotionally. He will make sure that every day, and every decision, is part of a well-thought-out strategy where he wins at the finish line

He makes sure of this, and calculates everything accordingly. 

Step 16: Write Down Your Priorities

What are the most important things to you in life?

  • Your job?
  • Your family?
  • Your relationships with your friends?
  • Your business?
  • Women?
  • Power?
  • Money? 
  • Your car?
  • Your dog?

Is your wife more important than your job? 

Are your children more important than your mortgage?

Is your health more important, or is making more money at a stressful job more important?

If you don’t know what your priorities are, you will never know how to act. 

A man with a set list of priorities will always be better-equipped to make decisions than a man who doesn’t understand his own priorities. 


Because a man without priorities doesn’t know what he truly values in life!

He is more prone to acting emotionally… which is chaos. 

This makes it so that others cannot rely on him or depend on him… because he simply acts and reacts differently as he feels differently. 

Step 17: Always Say What You Mean, And Be Honest

Never fall into the trap of just saying what other people want to hear. 

Instead of saying “I don’t have time,” say “I would rather do this other thing.” 

Be honest. Say it with conviction. Be authentic. 

And, as a good friend of mine often says… “Say it with your chest!”

If someone doesn’t like what you have to say, that is their problem. 

If you are constantly changing your words around to try to please the people around you, you will never achieve the kind of independence it takes to be a strong-willed leader and alpha. 

Your job isn’t to make people happy. Your job is to chase excellence and create a masterpiece out of your life

Trust me… catering to people who don’t like how you are choosing to spend your time is not the answer to finding success and purpose

Speaking of purpose… 

Step 18: Figure Out What Your Purpose Is

Your purpose should go hand-in-hand with what you are passionate about, and finding out what your purpose is will be an integral part of your own alpha male journey. 

This is how you adopt an overall goal for your life. 

My passion is to help men become better men by sharing what I have learned about the alpha male journey. I also love to help men win with women and find greater success in their relationships

So it is a no-brainer that my purpose would be to build a blog and try to get my message out to the world to help people. 

That is what I believe in. That is my true purpose in life. 

Find your purpose, and start chasing it. 

Even if you only have an hour or two every day to dedicate to it, do it!

An alpha male never wastes his life floundering without a purpose. 

Find a goal, find a reason to live, create an idea of what you want to accomplish in life… and then pursue it. 

Step 19: Be Kind 

With true strength comes true kindness. 

Learn how to draw healthy boundaries, but to enforce them with grace, kindness, and respect. 

Don’t let people walk over you… but do not disrespect them or act rudely to them, either. 

It takes no strength to lash out and be unkind. 

It does, however, take great strength to treat even your enemies with decency and respect. 

An alpha male is not a miserable jerk who treats everyone badly. 

A true alpha is a leader… a man who other people can rally around and feel safe with. 

He is a man who places himself at the center of his community, as a pillar of support and respect for those around him. 

He supports and encourages others, while forcibly, yet respectfully, maintaining his own boundaries… he doesn’t tear other people down. 

Step 20: Take Risks

An alpha male is not afraid to take risks. 

If you want to read about an incredible man who took incredible risks and won HUGE in life, read about the life of Arnold Schwarzenegger in his book Arnold: The Education of a Bodybuilder.

Weaker men sit along the sidelines, thinking about everything that can go wrong. 

The alpha male, however, is different. 

He charges in. He takes a few hits. He wipes off the blood and attacks again… each time, learning new lessons and gaining new strength. 

He learns by doing. If he fails, he picks himself up and tries again. 

More than anything, he knows that success never came to anyone who never took action

Step 21: Invest Time Into The Things You Care About

Do you care about your children?

Invest time into them. 

Do you care about painting?

Invest time into it. 

Do you care about having a nice beard, a manicured lawn, or a super-clean car?

Then invest time into these things

Be a man of intention. Be a man who does what he cares about

Be a man who takes things seriously enough to take action. 

Don’t just idealize about+ the kind of life you want to have or the things you would like to do. 

Figure out what is important to you, and take action in investing time and effort into it. 

Step 22: Practice The Art Of Never Giving Up

You are going to get knocked down over and over again in life. 

You might go through divorce. You may lose a loved one. You may lose a job. You may face failure in any number of ways. 

But a true alpha always gets back up

He will not stop fighting until his life is done. 

There is one thing that you can always count on a true alpha male to do. 

You can count on him to never give up on the things he cares about

You may not always do it perfectly. 

But if you never give up, and you keep trying, and you keep improving… that won’t matter. 

Step 23: Be Ready And Willing To Walk Away From Things That Are Not Good For You

A true alpha male is strong, tough, and able to take a beating without giving up. 

But he is also wise… and knows that he needs to save his energy and resources for battles that actually mean something

Don’t allow yourself to get drawn into petty drama, arguments, or problems. 

Be ready to walk away from people and situations that are not good for you. 

Cultivate a culture of power… a culture of kindness, respect, wisdom, and higher-learning. 

Don’t associate yourself with needless problems and nonsense. 

Your life is far too short to give time or attention to people who just don’t get it. 

And don’t let guilt keep you from walking away. 

If you are wondering whether or not you should walk away from someone, then odds are good that they are not good for you, and that you should probably do it

In Conclusion

I hope that this post has helped you to learn a thing or two about what it means to be a true, powerful alpha male. 

I also hope that it has given you some insight into the next step or two along the journey. 

This is not something a person accomplishes overnight. 

This is a journey that will take many years, and even decades to make

And even then, we never stop learning. 

I learn so much every day that it literally blows my mind! 

But I love it. And as I continue in it, I grow stronger, happier, and more capable of becoming the ideal man… the man I have always wanted to be. 

And you can do the same, my friend. 

Go with grace. And never give up your power! 

Until next time… 

Joshua K. Sigafus

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