Note: This is the transcript of the following podcast episode, titled “How To Be Bold – Important Truths For Men And Women.” I hope that you enjoy it!
Hello, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of the Joshua Sigafus YouTube and podcast.
Today we’re going to talk about how to be bold, and why it’s important.
And it is important.
It’s important to the alpha mentality. It’s important if you want to make something of your life, and it’s important if you want to do big things.
Stop Hunting Mice…
So I heard this analogy the other day that I really liked. And it was that a lion has to stop chasing mice.
Lions can chase mice, and they can catch them.
And they can eat them.
And this is, in fact, quite easy for lions.
But the problem is that the lion spends more energy chasing the mice than they’re worth.
Why is he chasing mice?
In the analogy, he’s chasing mice because they’re easy… and because he’s not bold enough to chase the bigger, more dangerous game.
See, it takes more effort and work to bring down the bigger game. It’s more dangerous.
It’s a risk.
Boldness Is An Attribute That We Should All Strive To Embody
Yes, being bold is more difficult… and it’s riskier.
But we also stand to gain the most by acting in a bold, straightforward, fearless fashion.
Yes it’s more dangerous. But it makes things better in the long run.
See, if the lion stops chasing mice, and he starts chasing antelope, then when he scores a win, it’s actually going to nourish him and carry him forward.
It’s not going to be a useless, petty win like the mouse would be.
And that’s what a lot of people get in life.
A Lot of People Are Too Afraid To Be Bold
Most people settle for useless, petty wins… little wins.
And there’s nothing wrong with little wins.
In fact, when we’re going through hard times, we must celebrate the small wins.
But for some people, that’s all they ever push for.
And as a result, that’s all they ever get.
And it’s a shame… because they could be doing so much more.
Why Don’t More People Act With Boldness?
Part of the reason for why more people don’t go for the big wins is because they’re afraid of the risks.
In fact, this applies directly to not only the alpha mentality… but also to your dating life.
This actually affects every aspect of your life.
It affects your friendships, your business, your sex life, your tribal hierarchies… everything.
Here’s why it’s important.
Because when we act boldly, face conflicts, attack problems head-on, and deal directly with our challenges… what happens is that we end up giving ourselves a massive chance to succeed.
People who are conflict-averse, they have this fear of being bold… of going outside of the box, challenging things, or causing waves.
And the reason is because they’re afraid they’re not going to be liked or accepted once they embrace that boldness.
They’re afraid of failure. They’re afraid of rejection. They’re afraid of looking foolish.
Playing Not To Lose Instead Of Playing To Win Is A Loser’s Game
Playing to win is the alpha mentality.
Playing not to lose, on the other hand, is a frightened human’s game.
Because a play-not-to-lose mentality is based on doubt and the scarcity mindset… versus the attitude of playing-to-win, which is based on the belief of success and an abundance mindset.
Here’s the thing.
When you try to avoid causing waves or ripples, fail to act boldly, and instead, just try to conform and go along… well, that isn’t going to get you those big wins in life.
You’re going to trickle along with little wins that people feel like giving you, because you’re constantly going to be giving other people power over you.
Because you’re conforming to things, whether it be their expectations, their rules, or whatever it is.
You’re conforming to the wishes of others, instead of relentlessly attacking your destiny.
This Is Also Bad For Your Dating Life
See, the thing is that men were not put on this earth to please people.
Men did not evolve to earn acceptance.
Women evolved to be loved, to be beautiful, to be cherished, to nurture.
Men evolved to be effective, to get results, and to solve problems.
Men evolved to hunt and bring down big game. Men evolved to be primate predators, right?
Men evolved to fight and protect their resources, which included their food, their water, their tribe, their women, their children, their territory… all of that.
Men evolved to solve adaptive problems and to get results.
They evolved to be effective.
They evolved to be able to hurl a spear, and figure out how close they needed to be for it to hit their target.
They evolved to look at a problem, to calculate how many enemy cavemen were coming at them, and how they could position themselves to win that fight.
Men Did Not Evolve To Appease Their Bosses, Kiss Ass, Or Subjugate Themselves For Raises
Men did not evolve to walk into a social setting and try to be well-liked by everyone.
Now, some men are well liked by everyone. And there’s nothing wrong with being well-liked.
Just like some women are extremely effective, and are really good at problem solving.
Neither gender has a monopoly on their uses or virtues.
But the thing is, you’ll find that the people who are often the most liked are the people who care the least about whether they are truly ‘liked’ or not.
And there’s a reason for that.
It’s because men who take on the alpha mentality, and men who take charge in their lives and destinies, give off the signals of men who get results… and people are attracted and drawn to that, because people have also adapted to understand that those are the types of people who usually succeed.
People Want To Be Close To Other Effective People
They want to be close to them because they want to be included in that success, right?
It’s really a survival instinct.
But, you know what’s really interesting?
Men who try to please other people are usually not as popular… and they’re not as well-liked.
Because everyone picks up on that, and it feels weak.
It’s rare that a man is bold enough to point out something and say “you know, this sucks… and it doesn’t work… So you can either fix it, or I’m going to leave… because this is dumb. And I’d be better off on my own rather than putting up with this.”
Men who are afraid to ripple the waves will often find themselves trapped in circumstances beyond their control… circumstances that actually aren’t optimal, right?
And the people around them are no better off because of it, either.
These types of men tend to play it safe. And as a result, they’re flagged with low value markers.
Whereas a man who’s willing to be bold, and willing to say “you know what? Screw this, this doesn’t work, we need to change it.”
That’s the kind of man who takes charge.
And of course, hopefully he knows what he’s doing when he takes charge.
But in any case, people see that he has this willingness to put that burden on his back and carry it.
It’s that willingness to help the tribe succeed, and to help the hierarchy succeed, that gives him those tribal, attractive high-value markers.
People Recognize Boldness – It Truly Stands Out
People recognize boldness.
They may not like it all the time.
And once you adopt a certain level of boldness, you may get into arguments, you may have people judge you, you may have people disagree with you, and you’re going to live a very conflict filled life.
There’s no way to avoid it, really.
All you can do is manage the conflict, and do your best to deal with problems as they come up with kindness, wisdom, and empathy.
And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that.
And what is even more interesting is the fact that that’s good for you, and you need to start doing more of it.
And honestly, it doesn’t even matter if you’re a man or a woman. In fact, the difference between how men and women need to act in our culture is disappearing more and more by the day… and women almost need to be even bolder than men if they want to truly survive and thrive.
If you’re a woman, you need to be bold as well. And it favors you to be so, albeit for slightly different reasons.
Men And Women Both Need To Be Bold – But For Slightly Different Reasons
Men are not necessarily attracted to women for the same qualities that women are attracted to men for.
For men, it actually fits into their sexual strategy to be bold, and to go against the grain… because that attracts women in a certain type of way.
Now, women, when they are bold, they’re doing it for a different reason.
In the dating marketplace, the reason a woman wants to be bold is because she doesn’t want other people to take advantage of her.
She doesn’t want her time wasted.
So what she’s going to do is be bold, straightforward, and honest. This is going to facilitate her vetting and filtering her potential partners better, and will prevent her from wasting time putting up with nonsense, right?
How To Be Bold
How do you be bold?
If you want to learn how to be bold, you’ve got to stop trying to be so nice.
You can be kind and respectful, of course.
But you’ve got to call out nonsense, and you have to grow bold enough to stop going back to it.
If I work for a particularly troublesome client, and when I work for them, I lose money because their processes are so bad… then I have a choice to make.
I can either continue trying to please them and work with them. Or, I can say no, this is not good for me… and then walk away.
In my life, when I realized that I had that choice, I reached a certain level of self-awareness and situational awareness.
You see, this is a problem solving skill.
And in bad situations, my problem solving skills have helped me to determine when I was in situations that weren’t conducive to my survival.
So What Do You Do To Become Bold?
So then, what do you do?
Well, you have a choice to make. And this is where it gets dicey.
Because as it turns out, people are pretty good at realizing when something isn’t right.
Because they get angry, and they get frustrated.
And you know, we have a lot of natural senses that help us to pick that up, right?
If someone makes you angry, there’s a reason for it.
If someone makes you frustrated constantly, there’s a reason for it.
And the reason for why we have those feelings is because our situational awareness is kicking in.
And you’ll notice that a lot of people are good at picking up when there’s a problem.
But people suck at solving the problem and being willing to disengage from it.
Number one, they’re trying to be nice.
Number two, they’re trying to please people.
And number three, they’re afraid.
Fear Based Mentality
They’re afraid of walking away, because they think that the devil you know obviously must be better than the devil you don’t, which is usually always false.
That’s a fear based mentality.
The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t? Don’t be so quick to believe that, because it’s usually not true.
Generally, when you leave a devil, you find a better situation.
People Also Grow Conditioned To Being Treated Badly
Why else are they afraid to leave that bad situation?
Because they’re conditioned.
They get conditioned to being treated badly. And they start to think of it as normal, which is nonsense.
It’s easy to say, “oh poor me, I don’t feel like I’m worth anything because of how badly I’m treated.”
But at some point, we have to take responsibility for our lives and realize that if we do not take power back and enact change in our lives, then we’re not going to have a better life.
Nobody is going to come and give you a better life
You have to claim it for yourself. And so, if I’m working for a bad client, and I keep returning to that client and trying to work with them, what am I doing?
I’m hurting myself.
And that’s no good. I need to be bold enough to walk away from that situation… to say, “I’m not afraid of the devil I don’t know, that I may find along the way… I’m bold enough to go ahead and face that difficult situation.”
It might be scary to walk away from that money.
Leaving a bad situation can be very difficult.
You need to be self confident enough to know… to have the situational awareness to know… that you deserve better, and that you can demand better.
And then, you have to make it happen.
But it is YOU who must decide it.
What If You Don’t Believe You Deserve Better?
And if you don’t think you can demand better, why is it?
Is it because you’re not good enough to demand better?
In that case, you need to start getting good enough.
We all need to work on these things.
All of this facilitates the action of being bold, which we have to be if we want to win… not only at dating, but also in life.
You see, this all ties together. Dating, business, relationships, leadership… it’s all connected, and it all goes back to the alpha mentality.
Men and women have to be bold… as I said before, for different reasons.
But it’s important for both of them.
So… how to be bold?
The best way to be bold is to start leveling yourself up.
Start working on your life, and becoming a high value man or woman.
Because as you start to gain that confidence, and as you start to realize that you have a lot to offer, then you’re going to start to be less and less inclined to accept nonsense.
And then, as you become less and less inclined to accept nonsense, situational awareness develops.
And you start to realize that this is not something you want to be a part of, and then you can get brave enough to walk away from it.
You’ve got to just level up.
You’ve got to be reading good books, you’ve got to be learning high value skills, you must strive to be the best person in the room, you’ve got to be the hardest worker… These are all things that matter.
But you have to take responsibility for yourself.
If you’re unhappy with your job and afraid to walk away from it; but your job sucks, and you’re just afraid that the alternative is going to be worse, but you don’t know… the first step you need to take is to start getting really good at that job you’re doing.
Just crush it, even if it sucks.
Become better at that job than everyone else in the building… better than everyone else in the company.
Become a champion at it.
And then, you start looking for another job at the same time.
And then, when you find another job, you say to your boss, “I need a raise or I’m leaving, because I have another job lined up, because I’m proactive, and I rock… and if I leave, your business is going to suffer.”
See? In either case, you’ll be covered.
It takes harder work… but then you hold the cards.
That’s how being bold rewards us.
Leveling Up Takes A Lot Of Work
If you are saying to yourself, “but Josh, I don’t want to fix it. That’s a lot of work. Can’t people just treat me nicely?”
In a perfect world, yes. But our world is not perfect.
Here’s the thing.
If you’re going to put that on other people, you’re going to constantly be giving away your power, when you need to demand it for yourself, and filter for yourself.
If someone is not treating you right, they go. If someone treats you right, they stay.
You have to filter it. You have to take that control over your destiny.
You can’t control what other people do.
In Conclusion – How To Be Bold – Important Truths For Men And Women
Hopefully this post has helped you to understand some of the reasons for why men and women need to act with boldness.
It isn’t always easy to be fearless… but it’s always the path that offers the greatest reward, and the truest way of being.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
Joshua K. Sigafus