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how to be more attractive

How To Be More Attractive – 5 Mindset Shifts For Men And Women

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If you are wondering how to be more attractive, this is the post for you. 

I’m going to let you in on a secret. For the past 3 years, I’ve been digging deep into the subject of attraction, and I’ve uncovered some information that may just throw you for a loop. 

Despite what you’ve been made to believe about our beauty-obsessed culture, the foundations of attraction are actually built within our mindset, NOT our appearance. 

Of course, appearance plays a part in how attractive we are to potential dating partners as well. 

So does our smell, how we move our body, how tall we are, the frequency of our vocal tones, how intelligent we are, how we hold ourselves, how we interact with others, etc. 

But at the core, if you want to learn how to be more attractive, you need to understand basic human mating behavior, and how the proper mindset provides us with a solid foundation for building real alpha attraction from the ground up – regardless of if you are a man or a woman. 

Yes, men and women can be alphas. And in this post, I’m going to explain how to take 5 simple alpha thought processes and apply them to your life mindset

Once you start this process, you will see a dramatic increase in the amount of positive attention you get from potential dating partners. 

It isn’t magic… but it is science. 

What Makes Someone More Attractive?

what makes someone more attractive

Before we really dig into these 5 alpha mindset shifts, it is important that you understand why these mindset shifts need to happen in the first place. 

I’m going to give it to you straight. 

Not Too Long Ago, Humans Were Living A Very Primitive Lifestyle

Hunting, gathering, farming, and raiding/stealing from each other were our primary methods of obtaining food.

Yes, humans have had civilized societies, even in the ‘ancient’ past. But for the vast majority of our time spent on this planet, we have lived very much like slightly more intelligent wild animals. 

And so, humans have evolved and adapted to solve two big problems. 

  • How to survive
  • And how to reproduce

Men evolved to solve the adaptive problem of how to produce as many offspring as possible, thereby securing their genetic legacy. 

And women evolved to solve the problem of how to survive long enough to reproduce successfully and raise their children to adulthood, thereby ensuring that their children would be able to produce children of their own. 

And so, we see that, while men and women have played different roles in the evolutionary mating dance of humankind’s history, both parts were – and still are – important. 

And even though, on a rational level, our goals today may be different and more complex than the rather simple goals of our ancient ancestors… the instincts that drove those goals back then are still very much alive and well within us today. 

We Can Learn Valuable Lessons About Mating Behavior From Our Primitive Ancestors

valuable lessons about human mating behavior

In fact, if our goal is indeed to learn how to be more attractive, the first thing we should be looking at is the science of human mating behavior. 

But we also need to take into account how the world has changed… and we need to meet the new challenges of our advanced world with behavior that solves all of our major adaptive problems. 

This is where we arrive at the alpha mindset. 

The Alpha Mindset Works For Men And Women

Contrary to popular belief, men and women can adopt an alpha mentality. And while it might seem like this mentality would cause us to clash with one-another, that is actually very far from the truth. 

The truth is that life is quite peaceful, makes a lot of sense, and flows naturally when both members of the relationship embody true alpha characteristics. 

By contrast, those who exhibit beta characteristics are far more likely to run into problems. 

They are more likely to wander listlessly in life. They are more likely to self-sabotage their relationship opportunities. They are also, quite notably, much less likely to embody the type of alpha mindset that is going to increase their long-term attraction markers. 

And so, betas face a rather difficult dating problem. They may appear physically attractive on the surface. But they will also tend to notice that, once potential dating partners get to know them, things will tend to slow down, wind down, and peter out pretty quickly. 

People who suffer from this problem often say things like…

  • Everyone leaves once they get to know me 
  • I’m not good enough for anybody
  • I’m only good for a date or two. Nobody considers me wife/husband material

Shifting your mind toward an alpha mindset helps you to restructure your behavior patterns. 

Because once you get down to it, physical beauty or attractiveness is only skin deep. 

Yes, this may be an important factor. But without coupling it with the proper alpha mindset, you are going to struggle to keep the attention of high value potential partners. 

You are going to struggle to keep the man or woman of your dreams engaged and interested in you long-term. 


The simple truth of the matter is that both men and women have a finite amount of resources to spend on dating and relationships… and the more resources their dating partner brings to the table, the more worthwhile it is to pursue them. 

I’m talking about all resources, here… not just money. 

Some types of resources that people spend on dating include:

  • Time
  • Attention
  • Emotional energy
  • Sexual energy
  • Money
  • Social status
  • Tribal connections

Finding the right dating partner for you carries many benefits that may make it more than worth your while to invest in them. 

But some partners do not bring nearly as many benefits to the table. And once a dating partner realizes that you aren’t bringing as many benefits to the table as them, the odds of them continuing to engage with you with the intent to build a long-term partnership severely diminish

This is especially true if they are a high value mate with a lot to bring to the table.

So How Do You Change This? How Do You Level Up Your Attraction Levels So That Even High Value Partners Will Find You Attractive?

level up your attraction levels

This is a great question! And the best way to start is with these simple mindset shifts. 

Here are the 5 most important alpha mindset shifts that you need to incorporate now to start leveling up your true alpha attraction. 

Shift #1 – Start Validating Yourself In Life Instead Of Seeking Validation From Others

This is such a powerful mindset shift that it almost encapsulates everything else. 

So many people in our world today look outward for validation. 

They look for a purpose for their life within their dating partners. They believe that life will only be awesome and worth living if they are in a relationship and desired by someone beautiful and amazing. 

But this is such a dangerous road, and it will lead you only to suffering. 

And perhaps even worse, navigating the dating marketplace with this mindset will make you appear desperate, and will give you low-value markers that will cause high-value partners to steer clear of you. 

Why Does Self Validation Matter So Much?

When I was a younger man, virtually all of my sexual value was tied up in my wife. 

As long as she loved me and desired me, I felt like a confident man. 

The problem here was that I was giving away all of my power to her. 

Sure, it feels awesome to be desired by an attractive woman. But she quickly picked up on the fact that my confidence and validation were not real. It was all fabricated as a result of our relationship. 

This made me look weak, desperate, and very low-value to her. 


Because a man of high value will create his own incredible destiny and life. He will not depend on a woman, or anyone else, to create that life for him. 

And the same goes for alpha women. An alpha woman will work on creating her own incredible life, business, tribe, family, and community. She will not wait for a man or rely on a man to give her life meaning. 

When my wife and I broke up after 10 years of marriage, I only confirmed her beliefs. I crumbled and floundered… because I had lost everything that validated me! 

But now, in the aftermath, I have learned how important it is to validate yourself.

I have learned that if you don’t have all of your belief and confidence wrapped up in your own self, your own accomplishments, your own goals, your own purpose, and your own life, you are walking through life with a crutch… as an emotional cripple. 

And this makes you incredibly unattractive! 

The truth is that a high value man or woman doesn’t need a partner to feel complete. 

They must find peace with their life on their own, walking their own path. 

Only then will they embody the full attraction that self-validation brings. 

Shift #2 – Start Taking Responsibility For Your Own Life

start taking responsibility

There is truly nothing more unattractive than someone who does not take responsibility for their own life. 

Stop acting like a victim. Stop complaining. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. 

Instead, mind your business, chase your own money, and pursue your own purpose in life. 

Complaining only serves to help us give our power away. 

When we complain about taxes, we give our power away to the government. 

When you complain about men or women, you give all of your power away to them. 

When you complain about your job or your boss… guess who has all of the power?

Your job and your boss!

Instead of complaining, search for real solutions. 

One day, I got tired of renting my living space. I got tired of being told that I couldn’t hang up a clothesline, that I couldn’t hang up pictures, that I couldn’t have roommates if I wanted to, etc. 

But instead of complaining about it, I took action. 

I worked hard for an entire summer, and went through the process of buying my own house. 

Now, I live with my girlfriend and another roommate. We can all live how we want. We can hang up pictures if we want. I can do renovations if I want. 

I am still beholden to the bank, of course, because I have a mortgage. But this is just another avenue of life where I take responsibility, and always make sure that I pay my bills on time. 

Instead of complaining and being a victim in your life, take responsibility for yourself… and start solving problems! 

Shift #3 – Start Cultivating Confidence

cultivating confidence

Many articles and books that deal with attraction talk about wearing nicer clothes, doing your makeup, showering often, putting on cologne, wearing clothes that flatter your body, etc. 

But the truth of the matter is that, while these things are important, they only serve to make a superficial impression if you haven’t embodied true inner value. 

And cultivating true alpha confidence is part of this! 

I have seen many relationships ruined by insecurity. When a human’s insecurities are threatened, they tend to display all kinds of unpleasant and unhappy behavior. 

Being insecure in ourselves not only makes us unhappy… it also makes us very unattractive! 

It is pretty easy to see why confidence is an attractive thing. In fact, I discuss the topic at great length in this post

Cultivating confidence isn’t always an easy thing. But if you want to know the number-one best way to start leveling up your confidence, I’ve discovered the secret. 

If you want to have more confidence… start performing better!

Do you lack confidence in your body? 

Start working out!

Do you lack confidence at work?

Start showing up earlier, staying later, and putting in more effort than everyone else!

Sometimes, Low Confidence Is A Mental Issue

I know a woman who is extremely sexy. Like, drop-dead gorgeous. 

But she has the lowest self-confidence I have ever seen!

I used to find it hard to believe that she could have such a low opinion of herself. But when I started taking a second look at the rest of her life, it started to make more sense. 

  • She didn’t work out – so even though she is very sexy, she probably doesn’t feel like she will stay that way
  • She pretty much always just stayed home – she had no job, no goals, and no purpose
  • Her boyfriend, who paid for everything, treated her terribly. He was constantly on drugs, cheating on her, and putting her down
  • She didn’t seem to have any hope for the future

Low confidence can be caused by many things. 

I’ve had conversations with this friend about her life, and have encouraged her to change it. But alas, she doesn’t. She doesn’t really make any changes, that I can see… and every time I see her, she just looks and acts sad! 

But even in cases like this, increasing our performance can help. 

If someone like this would…

  • Get away from the terrible boyfriend
  • Get a job, start making their own money, and start chasing their own purpose
  • Start working out
  • Start investing in a future of success, happiness, and hope

… then I have no doubt that her confidence would start to return. 

If you are dealing with an issue like depression, then you may need to get therapy or counselling. 

But still… without confidence, you are going to struggle with attraction. 

So do what you need to do to start leveling it up! 

Shift #4 – Start Making Sure That You Are Improving As A Human, Every Single Day

improving as a human

Validating yourself is the first step. 

But if you don’t take responsibility for yourself, it won’t last. 

And if you don’t start cultivating confidence in your life, you are very unlikely to be filled with hope for the future. And so, you probably won’t continue to validate yourself or take serious responsibility for your life. 

But you also need to be improving yourself… every single day. 

You need to level up your mind, your spirit, and your body… and you need to make sure that you are focused on all three, every single day of your life. 

Even if you don’t make huge strides, making overall forward progress and momentum is so important to taking your life to the next level and increasing your value on the dating marketplace. 

I Have Had To Stay Focused Hardcore On This, Because It Isn’t Always Easy

Not long ago, I started to flounder with my goals. I started to plateau, and realized that I wasn’t really making forward progress

I was coasting, and not reaching my full potential as a human. 

So, I hired an accountability partner to help me. Every day, he texts me and makes sure that I am pushing myself and meeting my daily goals. 

And this has helped me to surge past the plateau!

Never before have I made so much progress in such a short time! 

But, I needed to set the goals, and stick to them, in order to make that progress. 

And the result? 

This makes us so much more attractive as humans!

You would be amazed at how this will affect how potential partners see you on the dating marketplace. 

Some of them – those who don’t understand true value – may overlook you when they see you spending so much time on yourself. 

But other alphas… and many other quality mates, will see what you are working on and LOVE IT!

Keep working on yourself, every single day. Level up your mind, body, and spirit! 

Learn… go to the gym… meditate… eat healthier foods.

Level up your attraction. Level up your lifting. Level up your flirting. Level up your money.  

For me, intermittent fasting, calorie counting, and daily workouts are revolutionizing my body confidence… and I’m feeling better about myself and where I am headed than I have felt in months! 

I am filled with hope. 


Because every day, I am performing just a little bit better than I was yesterday. And even if I DO face setbacks, which I do… they are not as serious, because they get more and more rare. 

Relentlessly level yourself up, invest in yourself, and chase excellence! 

This will raise your levels of attraction so much!  

Shift #5 – Find Your Purpose, And Start Pursuing It

find your purpose

Finding your purpose is so fundamental to living a fulfilling, successful, happy life. 

If you feel like you are struggling to figure out what your life purpose is, check out this post

The important thing about purpose is that it acts like a compass in your life. 

Without it, you will struggle to understand what you should do. 

You will struggle to find meaning. You will struggle to find fulfillment. 

An alpha will seek their purpose in life and commit themselves to it… and this gives them incredible strength, determination, and focus. 

But this also makes them extraordinarily attractive. 

We Live In A World Where Very Few People Understand Their Purpose

All around us, people are lost. They are confused. And this makes them much less effective. 

In a world where so many people are struggling to find meaning and motivation, an alpha who is on their purpose will shine like a glowing beacon of hope and inspiration. 

This will affect every area of your life, from your family to your career. 

But it is also extremely important for your dating, romantic, and relationship life as well. 

When potential partners see your passion and how focused you are on your life’s purpose, they will be so much more likely to see you as attractive. 

Even so, this isn’t something we do just to look more attractive

Our purpose is for us. Chasing it is our alpha mandate

We are born into this violent, brutal world, and we have but a scant 100 years to make a dent, leave our mark, and create a lasting legacy. 

Finding our purpose is the beginning of that legacy. 

But as a side effect, finding and pursuing it will also greatly increase your attractiveness.

In Conclusion – How To Be More Attractive

There you have it. Five mindset shifts that will teach you how to be more attractive, level up your dating life, and attract the types of high value partners you want to date! 

You may be surprised that I didn’t talk about doing your nails, losing weight, or wearing cologne!

Those things are also important. But as I said before, you need to build a solid foundation of value if you want to maximize your human potential. 

You must become truly alpha if you want to maximize your success, your tribal connections, your place in the social dominance hierarchy… and your success with potential dating partners. 

This is the alpha mandate. We must focus on building ourselves from the ground up. 

Brick by brick, the kingdom is built. 

Go with grace, my friends – and never give up your power. 

Until next time…

Joshua K. Sigafus