How to be more masculine.
This is an interesting question to me. I think that men have a tough time with this one in today’s culture.
Why? Because the term ‘toxic masculinity’ is thrown around like a buzzword. Many people are decrying ‘traditional masculinity’ as a set of traits that make men emotionally unavailable, violent, aggressive, and abusive.
In fact, I think that some people even go as far as to try to make men ashamed for the fact that they are male… which to me, is utterly ridiculous.
Men are fucking incredible. Having a penis does not make you a lesser member of society, and it certainly doesn’t make you a ‘lesser gender.’
And today, I want to give you one simple truth that you need to hear, regardless of whether you are a man or a woman.
Masculinity is not toxic. Toxicity is toxic.
Men and women deserve to take pride in what gender they are. There is nothing at all wrong with that, and it should be a normal part of life for both our genders.
Masculine humans are not the problem. Evil humans are the problem… and they can be men OR women.
Masculinity is very much tied to your identity as a man. And by ‘masculinity,’ I certainly don’t mean that you need to adopt a specific set of ‘manly traits’ to be considered masculine.
Masculinity has much more to do with who you are and what you do than with what is between your legs, or what chromosomes you possess.
Let’s talk about that.
Masculinity Means Being Strong
If you want to know how to be more masculine, start practicing inner strength. Start standing up for yourself, your ideas, and for the people you care about.
This was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn on my own alpha male journey.
Be strong enough to get up in the morning, seek excellence at work and at home, and do your best to carve out a thriving, heroic existence for yourself. Find meaning in life, and go after it with courage.
Many people don’t understand that getting up early, showing up for work, and being kind to the people around them are all heroic acts.
And masculinity, in my way of thinking, is being strong enough to do all of those things.
Masculinity Means To Have Control Of Your Life
One of the biggest mistakes we can make as men is to give our power away to other people.
This happens when we start to compromise on who we are, what we want, and how we want to live.
It is so easy to compromise on the little things you want, not to mention the big things. But as men, we have a responsibility to carve out our own path in life, and to seek the kind of heroic existence we feel passion for.
I spent years of my life relying on family members to help me do things, when I should have had the strength of mind to walk away from the ‘help,’ and stand on my own two feet.
Since I took the help people were offering, it made my life easier… but I also had to compromise on what I really wanted.
And this ‘compromise’ is the beginning of the end of true, alpha masculinity.
Life Is Difficult When You Stand On Your Own… But You Also Grow Stronger
Yes, life is more difficult when you choose to stand on your own two feet. But when you go out and do exactly what you want, live the way you want, and have the courage to do it all yourself, you inherit an incredible amount of power.
This is what I call ‘taking back your power from the chaos.’
In this life, it is so easy for men to give away their power. But we shouldn’t do it.
We should keep our power within ourselves, even if it is difficult and dangerous to do so.
For many men, this translates simply into normal, everyday things…
- Pay your own rent instead of living with your parents
- Pay your own car payment, or don’t own a car
- Pay for your own cell phone, or don’t have a phone
- Eventually, make your own money with your own business, instead of taking money from a ‘boss’ to do a job that you don’t care about, or where you are asked to compromise on things that are important to you
Walking away from these things can be scary. But it is this danger that breeds strength, determination, and character.
Speaking of danger…
How To Be More Masculine: Stop Shying Away From Danger
In our modern world, it can be easy to get into the habit of living in a ‘pillow fort.’
We are afraid of everything. We’re afraid of running out of money, of being alone, of taking risks… and we can get to the point where we are focusing more on avoiding disaster than conquering through achievement.
But great men never became great by shying away from danger. Great men became great by taking risks, facing danger, and allowing that danger to mold them and make them stronger.
We grow so much when we face fear head-on. We grow so much when we knowingly walk into danger to achieve what we desire, believing that we are strong enough to overcome it.
Danger Isn’t Safe: But As Men, We Need To Learn That Safety Often Breeds Weakness
Danger isn’t safe. That is the entire idea.
And if we are too afraid to take risks to get what we want, then we’re never going to achieve anything worthwhile.
It felt very dangerous to me to leave my job back in 2009 and start my freelance writing business.
It felt very dangerous to me to buy my first house.
It felt dangerous the first time I walked up to a girl and asked her for her number.
But guess what? These dangerous circumstances, while not easy, were huge opportunities for growth. And in facing them, I become so much stronger than I ever used to be.
Now, I can face even greater dangers with courage.
Because I trust myself and know that when I put my mind to it, I am more than capable of overcoming the odds and winning.
How To Be More Masculine: Stop Complaining
The third vow of the Oath of Kings, my personal alpha-male code, is as follows.
I cannot even tell you how this rule has transformed me and made me stronger.
When we complain, we absolutely give our power away to whatever or whoever it is we are complaining about.
Please stop complaining!
Instead, if you feel the need to complain, realize that what you need to do is to take decisive action to fix the problem.
Complaining is for beta men. It is for weaker men.
Alpha men do not complain… they take action, and they fix it.
They go to war, and they defeat their demons. They face their problems and finish the battle.
If this means walking away from safety, so be it. If this means having healthy confrontation and saying what needs to be said, so be it.
Masculinity is all about being strong enough to face your battles and overcome them. It is biological only partly. Yes, masculinity is tied to gender and sex, but it is so much more than that.
Our Ancestors Fought And Died For Their Survival
Think of the cavemen, warriors, and men who came before us.
Back in those days, if the men didn’t take up their weapons and fight for their survival, extinction was inevitable.
And the truth is the same today. Sure, our weapons are different, and we are fighting a different kind of fight… but it is still a battle for survival.
Our battle is against people trying to take our power. Our battle is against people who try to goad us with insults and words. Our battle is against our own laziness, overcoming our desire for safety to venture out into danger.
Why? Because danger is where victory hides. And if we can’t go out and face that… well, there isn’t much ‘masculine’ about us anymore.
Our battle is to remain kind and respectful, even in the face of disrespect and rude behavior.
Our battle is to turn a deaf ear to haters and whiners, and to only face forward on our path to victory.
Our battle is to protect ourselves, our loved ones, and our tribe from harm… but it is also to be consoler-in-chief… to be a shoulder that someone can cry on, or a resting place for a loved one who needs protection or safety.
As true, powerful alphas, our calling is to be a wise, strong, and capable leader to those around us.
What About Toxic Masculinity?
These things are what masculinity is all about. So to all of those who keep screaming ‘masculinity is toxic…’ well, I say that’s fine. I’m not listening to you anymore… and I hope that every other man will level up in himself enough to ignore those things as well.
And even more than that, I hope that every man and woman screaming ‘toxic masculinity’ learns to heal their trauma, so that they can start to lift-up other people instead of trying to put an entire gender down based on the sex they were born with.
Masculinity is not toxic. The truth of the matter is that most of the world has lost its way, for many reasons. Men and women are struggling to find some sense of identity in themselves, perhaps now more than ever before.
If you want to know how to be more masculine, start being strong enough to take responsibility for yourself and your life. That’s how it starts.
Beyond that, it is just about leveling up, and not being afraid to be who you truly are.
That’s all I have for today, my friends. Go with grace, and never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus