This guide is for men and women. And I created it to answer one vital question:
How do you date with a busy schedule?
Dating with a busy schedule can be incredibly difficult.
Of course, being busy is a good thing. It means that you’re pursuing a greater purpose in life than just chasing tail, chasing dick, and trying to get laid (not that there’s anything wrong with these things. It’s just good to be focused on our purpose first in life, and then to enjoy these things as a second or third priority to that).
But it’s also true that human relationships are important to us.
We are, after all, very social creatures. I often say that we’re more like ants than leopards.
And at the core, romantic relationships are simply a more intimate type of social relationship that we choose to have with someone with whom we share a certain amount of sexual chemistry and attraction.
And just as with friendships and family relationships, having great dating relationships is also important to a healthy, happy, fulfilling, and satisfying life.
I often say that the state of your dating life will impact every other area of your life.
And it’s true.
If you feel like you’re too busy to date, and if your dating life is suffering because of that fact, then rest assured that that is going to have negative implications for other areas of your life as well.
I don’t believe that the key, in such a situation, is to forgo dating altogether.
If you’re an incredibly busy person, I believe that it’s still possible to date, even with a very busy schedule.
In fact, I know this to be true, because I’m an incredibly busy person, and I still find time to date.
So let’s break it down and talk about how to do it.
This post will give you everything you need to learn how to date with a busy schedule.
Can Someone Be Too Busy To Date?
I suppose that it is possible to be entirely too busy to date.
However, I find that this is highly unlikely to actually be the case in the vast majority of people’s lives.
Most of the time, when people feel that they’re either too busy or don’t have enough time to date, I find that it tends to be more of a time management issue than an actual ‘too busy to date’ issue.
However, that doesn’t necessarily make it an easy problem to solve, either.
Part of the process of developing a true alpha mentality is that we need to replace bad habits that are no longer serving us with healthy, positive, powerful, productive habits that’ll help us to make our lives better and move us forward toward our goals.
And if you feel like you don’t have time to date, or that your life is too busy to meet new people and engage with romantic partners, then it’s possible that you may need to change a few of your habits and rearrange some things to start prioritizing the process of dating in your life.
At the end of the day, learning to increase your attraction and date successfully is more of a life optimization process than anything else.
So it’s possible that you’ve got some ‘life optimization’ opportunities that you’re about to discover for yourself.
Being Busy Is Good – But You Should Still Prioritize Your Dating Life
There’s nothing wrong with being busy and pursuing your goals with enthusiasm.
In fact, that’s actually a very alpha-centric way to live.
People who put far too much of an emphasis, and spend far too much time, on their dating life… to the point where they prioritize it over their goals and purpose… face a different problem.
They struggle with the low-value markers of sexual scarcity.
Being busy, by contrast, actually gives you high-value markers associated with sexual abundance.
- It shows that you’re a human on your purpose.
- It shows that you’re working hard to make your life better and to create a better future for yourself.
And together, those things make you a much more attractive potential partner.
But of course, there’s also a downside to this.
The busier you get chasing your purpose, the less time you’ll have to devote to creating a dating life for yourself.
And so, as with most things in life, moderation is truly the key.
Being too busy to date certainly isn’t the worst problem you could have,
But it’s still important that you prioritize your dating life.
Because it has such a powerful, drastic impact on the rest of your life.
We’re humans. It’s in our core social nature to want:
- Pleasurable feelings
- To desire
- To be desired
These are all very good and healthy things to want.
And to be quite honest, even for the busiest people, there’s no reason to go without them.
As I also often say:
Life is far too short to have a dating life that sucks.
So let’s jump in and fix it.
9 Step Guide to Dating With A Busy Schedule
1. Commit To Making Dating A Priority
This is all about mindset.
A lot of people give up too easily on dating.
They get jaded, they accept defeat, and they end up believing some version of the following statement:
“It’s just not going to work for me, so why bother?”
But this is the wrong mindset.
The alpha mentality demands that we take action to create the life and destiny we desire for ourselves.
And in the case of trying to date with a busy schedule, this means choosing to do everything you can to make your dating life a priority, despite the busy nature of your schedule and the challenges that you’ll have to overcome to make it happen.
2. Start Investing In Yourself To Increase Your Attraction
This is another mandate of the alpha mentality.
To continue to work on ourselves, to make sure that we’re always increasing our value.
The sad truth of the matter is that most people aren’t actively trying to improve themselves.
They end up stagnating, which actually means that they’re deteriorating.
In other words, their attraction doesn’t get better over time.
It gets worse.
To counter this, make sure that you’re prioritizing self-improvement.
Level up your mind, body, and spirit to become 1% better every single day.
Mind your business, start getting real money, and make sure to always be pursuing your purpose in life.
Once you get this shit straightened out and you start leveling up your attraction, it’s only a matter of time before you’ll enjoy a higher level of success.
But you have to be willing to put in the work, every day, to make this happen.
3. Start Expanding Your Social Circles
Once you start working on yourself to level up your attraction, you’ll be faced with one of the harder dating problems to plague those with super busy schedules.
How do you do this when you’ve got so much busy stuff already going on?
Well, the answer is that it actually depends on your life.
But the baseline is this.
You have 24 hours every day.
You’re going to sleep for 8 of them.
You’re going to work for 8-10 of them if you work a normal job.
If you’re super busy, you may even work super long days (15-16 hours).
This means that you’ll need to be really strategic in how you make plans to be around new people.
Start thinking outside of the box.
Plan ahead to go out and find ways to be around people when you finally do get off work.
Layout your social clothes, sign up for events, make travel plans ahead of time… do whatever you need to do to get out and get around people.
This may mean going out to clubs or bars. This may mean going to concerts.
If your schedule is really abnormal, you may not be able to commit to specific days or times. This means that clubs, bars, and other ‘static’ social situations are going to work better for you.
You can also use online dating to meet people in your downtime.
Using Online Dating To Meet People
Online dating isn’t my favorite method for meeting dating partners.
But we live in the 21st century, and dating apps are here to stay.
So you may as well use them to plug those extra ‘open time slots’ you end up with during the day.
Swipe through some profiles while you’re riding the subway, waiting in line for coffee, during your break at work, etc.
When you’re super busy, it’s all about optimizing your life and making every minute count.
Here are some quick tips for how to maximize your online dating success.
- Make sure to get some high quality dating profile pictures taken. Have a friend help you take some, or hire a cheap local photographer and pay them $100 to get some actual, good photos. This is the most important part of succeeding with online dating.
- Write a good, positive bio. Avoid leading with ‘no’ or ‘negative’ statements. Just talk about yourself, your passions, your purpose, what you love, and what you’d like to find.
- Once you get signed up, try to swipe pretty often, and follow up with matches in a timely fashion. At first, try not to be too shallow. Explore the options you get, and remember that online dating profiles don’t always do people justice.
- For men: Remember that women don’t want text buddies. Ask her out within the first 6 to 10 messages.
- For women: If he asks you out and you can’t make that place or time, but you do want to meet him for a date, suggest an alternative that works for you. If you don’t, he’ll assume you don’t want to, and he’ll move on.
Note: Ladies, to learn more about the psychology of how to attract a high-value man, check out this guide.
4. Start Engaging With People As You Meet Them
While online dating may yield results, it’s important to keep putting effort into meeting people in real life.
That means starting, nurturing, and maintaining engagements with real people.
For men: when you meet attractive women, use the 5 overarching dating skills to approach them, engage them, have a friendly conversation, flirt a little bit, and then close by asking for a number or asking them out.
For women: when you meet attractive men, use the 5 overarching dating skills to attempt to elicit an approach, engagement, and close. If you like him, reward him with happiness and excitement when he makes an advance. This will send clear messages, and encourage him to continue pursuing you… which is what you want!
Are You Afraid To Approach And Start Conversations?
This can absolutely be a scary thing to do, for both men and women.
But here’s the real truth of the matter.
Humans actually love to meet new, awesome people.
And even if the ‘ask’ isn’t successful, you’re not going to look stupid or foolish (or at least, you’re highly unlikely to) if you just walk up, be cool, and just introduce yourself and start a conversation.
For Men: Check out this post for tips on how to cold approach women.
For Women: Check out this post for some tips on how to attract men, not just with your looks… but with your life energy and inherent feminine value.
This may be out of your comfort zone, but it will exude confidence, and it’ll really make you seem more attractive than you probably feel.
Plus, if you never actually make a move, nothing will ever change.
It’s super important to put yourself out there, overcome your approach anxiety, and start getting to know people in real life.
5. Practice The 5 Overarching Dating Skills To Increase Your Dating Life Success
We already mentioned this in the point above, but here’s the thing.
If you want to really increase your odds of turning ‘engagements’ into ‘dates,’ then it pays to study and practice the 5 core overarching dating skills.
Watch the above-embedded YouTube video to get an idea of how they work, and start practicing these skills when you meet attractive people.
It’s not rocket science. But it does take some practice.
Learn to transition through the stages seamlessly and with relative quickness:
Once you get the hang of it, this sequence (and transitioning from step to step) will become second nature, and you’ll become a pro at it.
Just remember that you need to be confident as you go through these steps.
So make sure that you quiet your mind, be sure of yourself, and just do it.
If you get a ‘no,’ oh well. Move on and try again with someone else.
Check out this post for some tips on how to deal with rejection.
But once you start practicing, you’re bound to start getting a few ‘yesses.’
You can do it! You got this!
6. Try To Figure Out How To Merge Your Dating Life With Other Activities
When trying to date with a busy schedule, it’s in your best interest to make use of every available moment to further your desire to move your dating life forward.
Therefore, it may be in your best interest to get used to combining parts of your life with dating that you’ve never considered before.
Some examples of this may include:
- Asking a date to ride along with you while you do errands
- Taking dates to business functions
- Combining some of your friend hangouts with opportunities to bring a date along
- Asking your date to do mundane things with you: like grocery shop, paint your living room, get your suit fitted, etc.
These are obviously just ideas.
But combining more of your real life with more of your dating life, while perhaps difficult and not something that you would normally do, opens up two strong possibilities that can actually contribute a great deal to your dating success.
- It sends high value markers, because it shows that you’re not afraid to let people into your life
- It gives you the power to add some ‘adventure’ into your dating life
By adventure, I mean finding something meaningful that you and a date can do while walking side by side, as opposed to doing something ‘couple centric,’ where the two of you are just focused on each other the whole time.
In fact, doing normal life activities with people really helps you to get to know them better.
The hard part of this is that it may force you to come out of your comfort zone a bit, and force you to date in a rather unorthodox fashion.
But the payout could be really big. It’ll make you stand out. And people who enjoy your company just for the sake of getting to be in your company will find these types of activities just as enjoyable (if not more so) than actual formal ‘dates.’
7. Understand That Busy People May Need To Sacrifice Things To Create A Dating Life
At the end of the day, you only have so many hours to work with.
If you truly can’t find the time to fit dating into your schedule, you may need to give something up.
For example: Lately, even though I’ve been incredibly busy, I’ve been trying to put more effort into my own dating life.
But in order to do that, I found that I had to blend some things together.
So now, it’s really common for me to invite women to go on walks with me.
I sacrifice my ‘walking alone’ time, while still getting that exercise, by inviting women along for the ‘ride’ (or walk, in this case).
Some women turn their noses up at it. But some really seem to enjoy the idea.
This is one creative example of something I’ve found in my own life that I could sacrifice/blend together to make room for dating in my own hectic, busy life.
8. Do The Best With What You’ve Got
Your situation may not be perfect. And this guide may or may not have given you solutions that’ll actually technically work to help you date more with a busy lifestyle.
But here’s the thing.
The alpha mentality demands that we take action to create the life we want for ourselves.
So if you truly want to date, it’s up to you to do the best with what you have.
It doesn’t have to be perfect. You just have to keep working at it, and do your best.
9. Never Give Up
You should also never give up on the things that truly matter to you.
I know that this sounds cliche. And sometimes, when you get really frustrated, you may need to take a break.
But here’s the thing:
If I would have given up when I was at my lowest point, I never would have achieved the awesome dating life I enjoy today.
Today, I get to date several beautiful women on a schedule that works for me. They work around my schedule, and we get to see each other when time allows.
It’s not perfect. It could be a lot better.
But I’m also pretty damn happy with it. And it feels pretty damn awesome to know that I could get a date pretty much whenever I want one.
But had I given up on it back when I was at my lowest, I never would have achieved it.
And I’m just a regular guy.
If I can do it, all of you sexy ladies and gentlemen can definitely do it.
Once gain, I believe in you.
You got this!
My 9 step guide for how to date with a busy schedule.
All that’s left is to get out there and get to work.
Go with grace, my friends. And never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus