How to deal with rejection.
This post was suggested to me by one of my very good friends, and I have put a lot of thought into it.
From reading my blog, you may notice that I claim to know a lot about women.
Well, I do.
But my specialty is rejection!
Why? Because I have pursued a lot of women over the course of my life. I have had some great experiences with women.
In fact, I regularly say that I am so grateful for my life… because I have actually succeeded, in many ways, in living the kind of life that most people believe only happens in porn films!
In other words… I have had a lot of success with amazing women in my life, and have had some incredible experiences.
But on the flipside, I have probably also been rejected more than most men have even tried!
And so, I learned very quickly how to overcome rejection as I pursued my alpha male journey.
And I have some very specific things to say about it.
Let’s dive in.
What NOT To Do…
You ask a girl out, or go in for a kiss, or ask for a number, or invite her over to your place.
But then, it happens.
You get the dreaded ‘no.’
She has rejected you!
Men react to rejection in many different ways. But we are going to cut to the chase.
Should you be sad about it? Should you be angry? Is she a ‘dumb bitch’ for rejecting you? Do you have an excuse to hate her now? Should you continue to act needy, badger her, and try to get her to change her mind?
No, no, no, no, and no.
Instead, you thank her for the honesty, politely excuse yourself, move on, and follow these 7 tips.
Let’s get down to business.
Build Up Self Love Every Day
The most important way to learn how to deal with rejection is to work on yourself every day.
As high value men, we must be constantly building ourselves up, practicing self-love, and growing our own confidence.
We cannot rely on other people to do this for us. That is what betas do!
They are totally fueled by what other people think of them.
Alphas, on the other hand, enjoy positive interactions with other people, and know that they are important.
But they strive not to be dependent upon what other people think of them for happiness.
And so, as alpha males, we want to constantly be investing in our own self-esteem.
That way, when we do get rejected (and we will… all of us will, at some point), we won’t think of it as the end of the world.
We will understand it for what it is… one person deciding that we are not the best match for them!
That is all it is!
Here are some ways that I cultivate self-love in my own life.
- I work out
- I dress to impress
- I strive to look and perform better every day
- I work to build my business and accomplish my goals
- I make short term goals and crush them
- I invest in the people who do choose me… my friends, my girlfriend, other women with whom I share mutual desirability, my valuable work colleagues… I invest in these people and focus on them every day and/or week
- I am looking forward to the future, planning and executing on longer term goals
- If I feel down, I talk to myself and talk myself back up. Or, I talk to a trusted friend who I can confide in
Widen Your Social Net
When guys tell me that they are constantly getting rejected, one of the first things I look at is their social net.
Are they actively bringing new people into their lives every week? Or are they continuing to socialize with the same people over and over again, and just going around and around in circles?
I always make sure that I am bringing new people into my life.
I go to business networking events to meet new people.
I use Tinder to meet women.
I host game nights at my house to make new friends.
I host dinners at my house that I can invite people to.
Widen your social net, and start spending more time with different people! If you never do this, your prospects will dry up and you will suffer for it!
Remember That It Is Almost Never Personal
The vast majority of the time, we are not being told ‘no’ because the woman believes that we are a bad or undesirable person.
They are saying ‘no’ because we are not their type of person, or not what they want right now.
And that is much different.
Remember this, and take it to heart when learning how to deal with rejection.
Remember that everyone has a right to say no. But also, remember that this is not usually a reflection on you! It is usually just a representation of you not being exactly what this person wants.
And that is 1000% ok! There is no shame in that. That doesn’t make you an undesirable person.
Even If It Is Personal, Remember That This Is Only One Isolated Incident
Sometimes we legitimately get rejected because someone actually does dislike us.
I am non-monogamous. And sometimes, women admit that they are not interested in me because I am not a single man.
But sometimes… women actually react to my non-monogamy pretty negatively. They might say that they are looking for a ‘real man, not a fuckboy,’ and basically tell me that since I am not a one-woman man, I am not a ‘real man.’
Well, first of all, these women are just reacting emotionally. So that is actually not about me.
Secondly… there is no point in getting upset over these small, isolated incidents. They are literally 1 out of 500!
For the vast majority of women, it isn’t negative and it isn’t personal. They are just saying that it isn’t for them.
So there you have it. Why get upset over one isolated incident?
Just move on and keep living your life!
Become A Higher Value Man, And Rejection Will Simply Happen Less
Before I began the alpha male journey, I used to get rejected a lot more than I do now… almost always!
And in learning about how to deal with rejection, I actually figured out that there were some valid reasons for why women were rejecting me.
- I was overweight
- I didn’t wear clothes that looked good on me
- I put no effort into any sort of personal style
- I didn’t make very much money, and so, had very little to offer
- I was a beta male and a sad boy. I actually wanted women to desire me so that I would feel better about myself… but this is actually very narcissistic and selfish
And so, once I realized these things, I started to work on myself… and I fixed the problems.
As I became a higher-value man, I started to notice that more and more higher-value women were acting interested in me.
It was like clockwork! It became so obvious to me that I couldn’t believe I didn’t realize it before.
I remember the first time I hooked up with a high-value woman who I met out on the town. I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me! It was so much fun and I had such a good time!
Why had this never happened before? And why was it happening now?
Well, I had been working on myself! I had leveled up, and I just became more attractive as I did so!
- I was working out
- I was dressing better
- I was figuring out a style that worked for me
- I was working harder and had my life together
- I was beginning to become a true alpha. I didn’t need this woman’s attention to feel good about myself. Instead, I was legitimately interested in her because she was beautiful and fun, and I wanted to invest my time into her because I thought she was worth it… and she was!
This all matters! So start leveling up today!
Practice Acceptance In Your Own Life As You Build Your Tribe
As you build your tribe and grow in influence, you will begin to rise to the tops of your social dominance hierarchies.
This comes with great power, but also great responsibility.
As you earn more, become a higher value man, learn how to seduce a woman, and begin to level up your attractiveness, don’t forget to also contribute to the people around you in positive ways.
Contribute to your friends and your community. Build a family and a tribe, and help to grow it.
Learn to become a true, effective leader. This will absolutely grow your desirability, and will make you a much higher-value partner.
Continue To Pursue What You Desire… Just With Different People
Most importantly… do not give up.
If a woman tells you no, bid her good day and thank her for her honesty.
Keep working on yourself and leveling up. But also continue to pursue other women as well.
If you are currently on the lookout for a girlfriend, a play partner, a date, a potential relationship, a hookup, etc…. There is NO reason why you shouldn’t be asking 3 to 5 women every week for their number.
Are you actually trying? If not, you have nobody to blame but yourself!
So actually ask, and continue to pursue what you desire.
When one says no, move on to the next one. There is no shame in being rejected. The only shame comes from not moving on and trying again!
In Conclusion: How To Deal With Rejection
There you go! My top 7 tips for how to deal with rejection.
Hopefully, this post will help you.
Rejection can be a tough one!
But don’t beat yourself up over it.
Follow these 7 tips, and you will be well on your way toward leveling up, attracting higher-value women, and growing your own desirability.
Go with grace, my friends. And NEVER give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus