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how to find yourself again

7 Answers – How To Find Yourself Again After Being Lost

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How to find yourself again. 

This is a complicated question—and it’s not an altogether easy thing to answer.

In fact, it took me years to not only understand the implications of this question, but to also figure out how to answer it correctly.

To say that I’ve been lost during several key periods of my life would be an understatement. 

I’ve spent my own fair share of time wandering through this life, not sure of who I was or where I was going—and let me be the first to say that feeling lost doesn’t necessarily help you to sleep well at night.

So, if you’re here because you’re looking for an answer to the question—well, that’s definitely understandable. 

It’s my firm belief that as humans, all of us are going to feel lost at some point in life.

In fact, this may happen several times over the course of your lifespan. 

And it may cover different contexts, and happen during different periods of life as well. 

However, the good thing about this problem is that the methods for helping to find yourself again are pretty similar, regardless of the exact context of the situation. 

In other words, feeling lost because you’ve recently experienced a breakup isn’t so different, fundamentally speaking, from the problem of feeling lost because you’ve recently changed careers, lost a loved one, experienced a sudden change in worldview, or suffered an unexpected calamity of some other sort. 

But here’s the tough part. 

The only way to find yourself again after going through something that has resulted in you feeling lost is to brave the dangers of the unknown, to ask yourself hard questions, and to dare to leave your comfort zone (both in thought and in action) to discover the answers.

In many ways, finding yourself again after feeling lost is very much like a whole new, different type of discovery process. 

It’s like an adventure—not so unlike climbing a mountain that’s never been climbed before. 

When rediscovering yourself, you’ll basically be delving into a process that’s quite akin to discovering a new land that’s never been explored (or maybe to put it more accurately, rediscovering a land that was perhaps settled at one point in time, but has now long-since been lost and forgotten).  

And the truth of the matter is that this process is both terrifying and wonderful at the same time.

So now, let’s get into it and answer the question:

How to find yourself again after feeling lost…

The Basics: How To Find Yourself Again – Starting At The Beginning

What does it mean to feel lost? 

And why would a person ever have to ‘find themselves’ in life? 

These are the first questions to ask. 

And the answers are actually surprisingly simple, regardless of what you may be tempted to think in the fog or negative feelings of the present moment. 

At the core foundations of our innermost thought processes, we all have some kind of a hope or a dream for how we want our life to turn out.

If you’re capable of thinking about your future to any degree (which pretty much all of us are), then you probably have some kind of an idea implanted in your mind about what you hope your future will look like—and also how you hope you will exist within that future

This is very normal. 

In fact, this is part of what makes humans so unique. 

We have the creative potential to look forward, and try to determine our own path in life.

We tend to think a lot deeper about these things than the animals do—much more so, even, than our primitive base instincts and emotions tend to.

Of course, there’s a certain percentage of our life’s energy that’s characterized by the pursuit of resources—and while our overarching instincts certainly strive to point us toward the betterment of our survival, it’s also true that we have a great capacity for creative freedom within these instinctual constraints. 

But when things happen in life that cause us to veer off course, then it’s not so uncommon to experience feelings of loss and confusion. 

And oftentimes, these events serve as the beginning of the process of losing yourself. 

The Process Of Getting Lost

Sometimes we lose ourselves based on our own actions

Sometimes, we lose ourselves because things happen to us

Sometimes, or perhaps even more often, we actually end up losing ourselves based on some percentage combination of both of these things. 

In any case, something happens—and we get knocked off the horse, so to speak.

Our ship, once capable of sailing tall and proud, enters a dangerous storm.

Our masts get knocked down, and our hull gets battered and beaten. 

Before we know it, we’re lost adrift at sea—taking on water, and feeling the fear of possible disaster creeping in where we used to feel confident and safe.

This is, of course, a metaphorical picture comparing the ‘losing of one’s self’ to the disaster of getting lost at sea. 

It’s inevitable that this is going to happen in life. 

In fact, there’s a point where we need this to happen to us in life, for many reasons. 

In some cases, this is the conflict that ‘wakes us up’ and makes us realize that we could become more than we are in life—that we could become better—that we’re capable of making a more pronounced plan and pursuing that plan to fruition

And for many people, this gives them an opportunity to begin what I call the hero’s arc

Often, these feelings of being lost and wanting to find ourselves can spur us into action that will set us on the course of a great adventure. 

And as humans, it’s actually crucial that we live lives of adventure—to escape the traps of meaninglessness and futility. 

And so, this is the basis for why humans, at various points in their lives, will end up feeling quite lost. 

This is often the conflict (or at least the nature of the conflict) that causes us to lose ourselves to begin with.

What Does Losing Yourself Feel Like?

compass how to find yourself again

Losing yourself often feels like getting your legs knocked out from under you. 

It feels like one moment ago, you were standing on sure and steady ground, only to realize in the next moment that this ground has disappeared from beneath you—and has been replaced by dangerous, unsteady ground that threatens to knock you down and destroy you, all at the same time. 

It can also feel like a dull, lifeless haze that we only realize we’ve entered long after we’ve entered it. The sort of dull and lifeless lack of enthusiasm that characterizes a life without purpose or meaning. 

A life where we once felt the excitement of adventure, but where those exciting feelings have long since dwindled into a bleak, suffocating blanket of hopelessness and despondency.

And sometimes, losing yourself just feels like sadness. A deeper, more profound type of sadness than we tend to feel when we simply have a bad day, or when our feelings get hurt. 

It’s a more far-reaching type of sadness that lives deeply within your soul. 

It’s the type of sadness that can only be created by a complete absence of hope or purpose

If you’ve ever felt any semblance of these things before, then you’re probably well acquainted with what it feels like to lose yourself.

Why Don’t I Know Who I Am?

Thankfully, there’s a simple answer to this question. 

You don’t know who you are because you actually don’t know who you are. 

You may not know who you are because:

  • You’ve lost sight of your path in life. 
  • You’ve lost touch with your value system. 
  • The standards and philosophies that once held you upright have either failed you, given out, crumbled, or disappeared from beneath you.
  • The systems and processes that once sustained your belief system in life have, for one reason or another, either collapsed beneath you, failed you, or disappeared from your reach altogether.
  • You’ve come to dislike the person you see when you look in the mirror. 
  • You’ve stopped trusting yourself. 
  • You’ve reached a point where you’re no longer confident that you have what it takes to navigate the dangerous waters of life with competency and effectiveness. 

Or, of course, it is perhaps more likely that the cause is rooted in some blend of all of these different things.

7 Answers To Help You With The Question ‘How To Find Yourself Again After Being Lost’

feeling lost image joshua sigafus quote

All right.

Now that we’ve talked a little bit about what it means (and how it feels) to lose yourself, let’s talk about some of the most important questions you can ask yourself to help you find yourself again. 

First off, it’s important to understand that there’s a part of the solution that’s completely dependent on you. 

You’ll need to be creative and honest with yourself to actually find yourself again, and set yourself back upon a course that can instill the lost hope that once lived inside of you. 

And the good news is that once you get back on course, and you reinstate that hope, it’s going to live stronger and ring more true within you than it ever has before. 

The second thing that you’ll need to understand is that it’s going to take a lot of work.

You may have to brave a bit more unpleasantness before you arrive at your destination and find yourself again.

In this context, it’s likely true that Thomas Fuller‘s famous quote from A Pisgah Sight of Palestine may invariably ring true…

“It is always darkest just before the day dawneth.”

Such is the nature of adventure though, right? 

And finding yourself, if nothing else, is most definitely a great adventure—as it should be.

This is the true way.

And of course, I believe wholeheartedly that the alpha mentality can help us with this as well. 

When you reach a point in life where you feel lost, and you’re not sure who you are anymore, it’s more important than ever to embrace a truly alpha mentality—and to decide within yourself to take radical self-responsibility for your own life. 

Of any time in one’s history, this is the moment when it’s most important for you to decide to take action for yourself—to get into the driver’s seat of your life, and make the choices necessary to intentionally create your own destiny

Another good thing to realize is that once you get pretty good at this process, it’ll begin to serve you in other areas of your life too. 

And while it may not completely protect you from losing yourself again in the future, it will, at the very least, help you to start on a solid footing when the time comes to find yourself again. 

Alright, now let’s talk about the seven questions that you should begin asking yourself, and seven answers to those questions that may help to shed some light on what to look for as you begin the process of learning how to find yourself again. 

1. Is It Possible To Find Yourself Again?

socrates post

Yes, it is always possible to find yourself again. 

In fact, when we fall down or lose ourselves in life, this often sets us up for a period of our journey that’s going to be better, more hopeful, and more rewarding than any we’ve previously gone through. 

So never give up. 

Always remember that you have the power to create hope and a future for yourself. 

And this is where it starts—by realizing that it is possible to find yourself again, regardless of what you’ve been through or where you’ve been.

2. How Do I Become Myself Again?

This is actually a trick question. 

The answer is that you’re not the same person you used to be

It’s also true that you shouldn’t want to be the same person you were before

When you feel lost, broken down, and defeated, you’ll know that the time has come to transform yourself into something better. 

So finding the person you used to be isn’t the answer. 

The answer is to say goodbye to that person, and to cast off to sea—allowing yourself to set out on a journey to create and discover a new, more powerful identity for yourself. 

Let the old ‘you’ sink into the ocean, and bid it farewell. 

You needed to be that person for a time. 

But now it’s time for you to evolve and grow into someone else. 

This should be something to be celebrated. 

This means that you’re growing into the person you’ll need to be in the future to accomplish your goals—the person truly capable of creating the success you dream of.

3. How Do You Begin To Find Yourself?

The best way to begin to find yourself is to let go of all the preconceived ideas that got you to this point

You may need to ask yourself some very tough questions. 

You may need to question some of your values, standards, or principles—and figure out if any of them have failed you or proven to be false or unreliable.

If so, how can you improve them? How should you change them? Which ones should you let go of, and which ones should you keep?

Maybe you’ll come to discover that the way you used to view the world is not actually correct. 

Maybe you’ve come to find that the things you thought to be true aren’t actually true. 

It’s very important to give yourself the space to reinvent yourself from the foundations upward. 

I had to completely reinvent my own belief systems when my marriage fell apart back in 2017.

I realized that I was operating with an entire worldview that was simply false. 

And because of it, I was causing myself and other people a lot of pain and misery. 

So I had to let go of all of it, and reestablish a new set of standards, principles, and philosophies that actually worked. 

This was the beginning of me creating my own alpha code, and I found this to be a difficult, yet radically transformative process that truly changed my life for the better. 

You can read it for yourself here. It’s called The Oath of Kings and Queens.

4. Why Don’t I Know Who I Am?

You don’t know who you are because your life, for one reason or another, has been knocked off-kilter.

You were on a ship, sailing in the ocean. 

And either you made a mistake, or you got hit by a deadly storm—or possibly (maybe most likely), you experienced a combination of both. 

Suddenly, the ‘ship’ and the ‘ocean’ that you had previously come to believe in both proved to be full of danger that you never anticipated. 

You realized that the things you used to believe about the world simply aren’t true. 

This is a hard thing to realize—because it can shake you and make you feel powerless and weak. 

But the truth of the matter is that this realization is going to come for everyone. 

It doesn’t make you a bad person, and it doesn’t make you stupid or foolish. 

In fact, realizing how you used to act foolishly can help you to become even stronger and wiser for the future. 

This is a moment to reinvent yourself and to evolve—not to cling to the past or to allow the past to continue to defeat you.

5. How Can I Find My Self Identity?

feeling uncomfortable

I was once watching a video on YouTube featuring the world-famous author of The God Delusion, Richard Dawkins, talking about purpose

Now, I don’t exactly remember which video it was—and it’s been a long time since I watched it. 

However, I remember him saying something very similar to this in the video, and it has always stuck with me. 

“The universe doesn’t owe you a purpose. However, you can create one for yourself.”

This was such a profound realization, and it really changed the way I thought about the world. 

See, I used to think that I needed the world (or someone in the world) to approve of me in order for my life to have value. 

And as a result, my life was out of control. 

But when I began to decide my own identity for myself, developed my own understanding for what I believed was valuable in life—and I started to validate myself instead of giving the world the power to validate (or invalidate) me—I came to realize that I actually held true power within myself that I had always grossly underestimated. 

This is called taking your power back from the chaos

To put it simply, you find your own self-identity by creating that identity for yourself. 

Of course, I’m not talking about developing a ‘false persona’ either. 

You are a unique blend of different types of attributes, a distinctly unique personality type, your own history, your own thoughts and belief systems, your own talents and gifts, etc. 

These things are important.

You shouldn’t try to be someone you’re not. 

Rather—you should embrace the person you are. 

You should also identify the things about you that should probably be changed. 

For example, faulty belief systems, negative habits, problematic philosophies—these types of things (the types of things that just won’t serve you in life) should be adapted so that you can put new, better things into their places. 

You should also lean into your own natural talents and personality, to develop them into strengths that will help you in creating your destiny in this world. 

Each one of us has an amazing toolkit for life and success readily available right inside of us. 

And it’s your job, as you discover your own identity, to use all of these tools as efficiently and as effectively as possible. 

Embrace who you are, but also work to become better. 

This is truly a recipe for success in life.

6. Do I Know Who I Truly Want To Be?

Do you know who you truly want to be? 

  • Do you have some goals set for your life?
  • Can you look 10, 20, or 40 years into the future, and imagine what kind of person you’d like to be—and what kind of life you’d like to be living? 
  • Can you imagine what kind of work you’d like to be doing? 
  • Can you imagine what kind of difference you’d like to be making in the world?

See, you may not believe this right now…

But all of these things—these ‘hopes’ for the future—are completely within your control. 

I’m not saying that you can wave a magic wand to create a magic palace, or spontaneously pull gold from thin air to become rich. 

What I’m talking about is making a plan for your life and living with consistency

I’m talking about showing up with a diligent work ethic to create that life for yourself in the future—every single day. 

This is the power of goal setting, and speaks to how working toward your goals can help you to plan out a powerful roadmap to success. 

This is about creating hope for yourself. 

See, if you’re not sure who you really want to be in the future, you’re always going to be operating at a disadvantage. 

You’re always going to be open to the chaos of the world tossing you wherever it wants you to go, which is probably nowhere good. 

And it’s definitely not going to toss you anywhere that’s planned out or orderly. 

Therefore, setting some goals and making a plan for your future are absolutely essential pieces of the puzzle, and are crucial components to the process of finding yourself and re-creating yourself.

7. How Do I Begin The Journey Of Finding Myself Now That My Life Is Different?

For me, this is exactly what the process started with. 

I had to embrace the alpha mentality. 

I had to leave behind the victim mentality, and I had to embrace radical self-responsibility in my own life. 

I had to decide for myself that I was going to create my own destiny in this world—and that nobody was going to stop me. 

I also had to stop allowing the chaos of my emotions and the outside world to throw me off course. 

Don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days.

  • I still feel sadness. 
  • I still feel remorse, regret, guilt, and fear. 

I still feel all of those things

However, the difference between me now and the me who lived back then is simply this: 

Nowadays, I keep my mind set upon my purpose—and my eyes set toward my destiny. 

When I feel those negative emotions threatening to throw my life into chaos, I deal with them—but I don’t allow them to throw me off course. 

Why? 

Because I know myself, because I’ve found myself

And granted—sometimes I do still feel a little bit lost from time to time. 

But it’s so much easier now to get myself back on course than it used to be.

And it’s all because I chose to embrace the alpha mentality in my life. 

Other things you can do right now to begin the journey include:

  • Minding your business
  • Getting your money
  • Pursuing your purpose in life
  • And choosing to level up every day in mind, body, and spirit—to become just 1% better today than you were yesterday. 

If you follow this plan, you’ll be hard-pressed not to make progress. 

In fact, you might be amazed at how amazing your life can become if you just work every day to create the destiny you desire for yourself.

Final Thoughts On How To Find Yourself Again After Being Lost

Hopefully, this post has helped to explain the core fundamentals of the process of finding yourself after feeling lost.

But I’d still like to give you one final word of encouragement. 

I’ll just say this. 

We are all going to end up feeling lost in life at some point. 

This doesn’t make you a loser, and it doesn’t mean that you don’t have hope. 

It just means that like all other humans in life, you’ve reached rough waters and lost your way. 

But here’s the important part. 

You have a choice in how you react to it. 

You can either let those waters continue to push you around—which means that you’ll be perpetually stuck in chaos. 

Or, you can choose to stand up, set yourself against the current, and push back to create the future you actually want for yourself. 

You can find your way to dry land, build your shelter, and begin the process of creating the life you actually desire for yourself. 

You have the power to begin creating the destiny you actually want. 

But in order to do that, you’re going to have to do some hard work. 

You’re going to have to brave the elements of life, and you’re going to have to endure a little bit of pain and suffering along the way. 

But in my way of thinking, that’s a hell of a lot better than enduring the pain of suffering of hopelessness for the rest of my life. 

And so, every day, I’m going to choose to create my own destiny in life, even if it’s very difficult. 

How about you? 

The great thing about life is that you get to make this choice yourself

Are you going to choose to do the work to find yourself, or are you going to allow yourself to continue to be tossed and turned by the waves of chaos?

That’s all I’ve got for this one. 

Go with grace, my friends—and never give up your power. 

Until next time…

Joshua K. Sigafus