Learning how to get a girl to chase you is an important part of pick up and alpha male game.
The ironic thing about it, however, is that once you understand how to conduct yourself as a high value man, you will find that all of these steps will come naturally to you.
Please keep in mind that not every single one of these steps is going to be necessary in every single situation. These are all steps, however, that will help to improve your odds of getting attractive women to desire you.
I Enjoy Being Pursued By Women!
As a powerful, effective alpha, this is by far my favorite way to engage with women.
As a busy man with a lot going on, a woman who pursues and chases me is going to have a much greater chance of getting me to invest in her with my valuable time and effort.
But… the thing about women is that they don’t just chase men willy nilly.
They chase men for specific reasons. And if you want to truly learn how to get a girl to chase you, you need to figure out how to get those reasons to work for you.
Let’s get started.
Step 1: Get Into Better Shape
This one is a no-brainer. When I was in my early twenties, I put on a lot of weight. I developed a ‘beer gut,’ and just wasn’t very physically fit.
Well, I still did alright with women, for sure. But after my marriage ended, I started hitting the gym, and ended up losing all of that extra weight.
The difference was probably 10 pounds or so… but the effects were drastic. I got so much more attention from hotter, more attractive women when my body was in healthier shape.
So the absolute best way that you can help yourself if you want to learn how to get a girl to chase you is to lose the extra weight, build a little muscle, and just overall level-up your physical fitness levels.
Step 2: Dress Better
This is another important step.
You need to look good!
Figure out what your own personal style is. Figure out what compliments your body. What types of clothes do you feel the best in?
I’ve tried all kinds of things, and have found a style that I really like, that also works well for me.
But every man is a little bit different.
The important thing to remember, though, is to try to look your best and to put effort into an actual personal style for yourself!
Step 3: Update Your Style Every Season
Whether we like it or not, aesthetics are an important part of the grand human mating dance!
For this reason, I make sure to go out and do some shopping every season, to update my wardrobe, replace clothes that I don’t feel as good about, and level-up my own personal look.
It costs a little bit of money and takes some time. But it is imperative that we put effort into looking our best, every day!
Step 4: Stop Focusing So Much On Online Dating
Does online dating work for a lot of men?
Yes, to a point.
But guys… I’m going to be straight real with you right now.
The highest value women are not putting sincere effort into their online dating profiles or activities, and there is a good reason for that.
High value women have no problem finding men in the real world who want to date them.
And by comparison, men who use dating apps generally tend to look a little bit less authentic than the men these women are meeting in day to day life.
I am to the point where I have ditched online dating completely. You don’t have to do that if you don’t want to… but do put some effort into cold approach and learn how to meet women in real life.
Step 5: Start Getting Some Money
In our modern day world, getting money and building wealth is super important to the process of building status and becoming a high value man.
In fact, I would say that wealth building is literally essential to the alpha male journey. And if you want to truly win with women consistently, you need to be making some.
Get a great job. But that’s only the beginning.
Start a side hustle or a side business and earn some more.
Start saving up, and then invest that money to help you build assets.
Eventually, the goal is to have self-sustaining businesses and assets that will continue to earn you money, without requiring you to work hour by hour for it.
I talk about wealth building for alpha males in this post. Check it out to see why it is so important.
Step 6: Have Your Own Place
Some men still live with parents or family members. Well, that’s fine, especially if you are facing economic hardship or are just trying to get on your feet.
But you’re going to find that women are going to be a lot more interested in a man who has his own place.
You can absolutely get away without it. But it is powerful enough that I am including it as a step because I have literally seen this firsthand. Women love a man who owns a house or has his own apartment!
Step 7: Own Your Own Car
Once again, this is not a necessity. But I have found that women take you far more seriously when you own one!
I spent a year living intentionally car-free. And during that time, I definitely noticed a difference in how women perceived me, versus how they perceived me after I became a car owner again.
It’s just another thing that signals that we are high-value, high status men who have it together.
If you don’t have one, make the most of it. If you do have one, use it to your advantage. Offer to pick her up for the date. Offer to drop her off at home. Offer to swing by and get her before going out, etc.
Step 8: Mind Your Business And Level Up
So now, you’ve covered some basics. You’re getting fit, you’re making some money, you’ve maybe got a house and a car sorted out.
These are all awesome things to have under control.
But now, you need to start minding your business and chasing your purpose.
What do you care about? What do you want to achieve in life?
If our only goal is to bang hot women, we’re going to appear a lot less attractive to women.
Why? Because that’s not the true alpha male way.
The truth is that women are attracted to high value men. They instinctively want men who are destined for greatness.
Well, chasing money, building your business, pursuing your purpose, building a tribe, learning a skill, leveling-up your assets… These are all activities that will tend to increase your odds of greatness in life.
And if you are busy doing these things and minding your business instead of chasing women, that will signal to women that you must be a confident, effective man with a lot to offer.
Don’t forget, you can’t let women chase you if you do all the chasing!
With that being said, you still need to get their attention. Which leads us to step number 9…
Step 9: Start Spending Time In Places Where Women Spend Time
If you want to learn how to get women to chase you, you need to actually spend time around women.
So start spending time where the beautiful women are spending time.
I find that going out to bars and nightclubs is cool. But you can also keep an eye out for beautiful women in other places, such as the local supermarket, restaurants, in class, etc.
If you realize that you don’t spend much time where women are spending time, change your habits and start intentionally spending time in those places.
Step 10: Learn Cold Approach And Practice It
Cold approach simply means approaching and engaging with women who you have no previous relationship with.
So, in other words… hitting on a woman at the supermarket is considered cold approach, whereas hitting on your co-worker is classified as warm approach.
You actually generally tend to have better chances with women you already know… but that definitely shouldn’t rule out cold approach. There is something really attractive about a man who isn’t afraid to walk up to a woman and start a conversation with her!
It conveys high-value, and can be extremely effective.
Check out this post for some tips about how to cold approach women.
Step 11: Start Building Your Tribe
As an alpha male grows and levels up, he should also be surrounding himself with other high-value men and women, and investing into their lives to grow his tribe.
I firmly believe this!
My tribe includes…
- My two children, first and foremost
- My girlfriend
- My parents and siblings
- My very close guy friends
- Some awesome high-value work colleagues
- Some outstanding high-value women I’ve met throughout the years and enjoy spending time with
These are people I make an effort to invest time and energy into.
Obviously I don’t have enough time/energy to spend time on everyone I meet, so I keep my circle small, tight, and well maintained.
I try to give back to my circle and add to their lives in a number of ways. Some of these include…
- Trying to find time every two weeks or so to grab a one-on-one drink or coffee
- Hosting weekly group dinners and events at my house and inviting everyone over so that we can build community together
- Being available to listen if someone in my circle needs to talk or vent
- Being ready to help with life stuff when it comes up (for example, I helped a friend move a few months ago, etc.)
To be honest, these people all feel like family to me, and I feel like we do a really good job of fostering a spirit of loyalty and community.
This is a good thing for life in-general, and every alpha man needs to be focusing on it.
But as it turns out, men with a large and powerful tribe are also incredibly attractive to women as well.
This is instinctive, and throws back to the woman’s evolutionary instinct for survival.
A high-value, powerful man with a large tribe would offer her the best chances of survival… and so, today, that is what high-value women are the most attracted to!
Step 12: Don’t Be Afraid To Start The Conversation
Sometimes, a woman will approach you to get to know you.
Sometimes, you might want to approach them.
I usually default to the following mindset.
Mind your business. I treat every woman as I would treat a professional colleague or a friend. If a woman expresses more interest than that (messages me often, wants to hang out more, etc.) then I will say yes if I’m interested.
On the flipside, if I’m interested in a girl, I will put it out there and initiate by asking her out. But… I don’t chase her. I do not constantly text her or try to spend all kinds of time with her. I invite her on a date. If she says yes, I put it on my calendar. We may exchange a few texts if she initiates them.
Otherwise, we go on the date, and see what happens!
I’m a busy man. I don’t have a ton of time, so I need to keep things simple. And it works!
Step 13: Don’t Overcommunicate And Show Your Hand
Once you start to engage with a woman and realize that you are really attracted to her, the mistake that most guys make is that they start chasing her.
But this is a big mistake.
They may adopt bad habits, like texting her every morning, replying back within a few seconds every time she texts, double texting, expressing to her how beautiful they think she is, tell her how interested they are in seeing her again… etc.
But all of these types of activities show her that your primary focus is on her, instead of on your business.
And that, by default, makes you less attractive.
This was a hard habit for me to break, because I like to be communicative.
But I found that I was ruining my chances with women by showing my hand too quickly!
You’ve got to keep your nose to your purpose, and cultivate some mystery.
Don’t let her know everything you are thinking.
When she reaches out and initiates contact with you, reward her by drip-feeding her some of your inner thoughts.
Then, leave the conversation on a high point, and get refocused on your work!
This is the kind of mystery and power that women crave!
Step 14: Keep Your Feelings Out Of It
If you start to catch feelings for a woman, it is more important than ever to keep your actions under control.
Keep minding your business, investing in your tribe, pursuing your purpose, and treating her like a fun activity on the side.
If you cave-in to your feelings and start getting clingy or needy, you’re going to destroy her attraction to you and ruin your chances.
Read this post to learn how to not be needy!
If you start to get the urge to double-text her, to act salty when she spends time with other people, or to control the situation so that she spends more time with you… you are very close to destroying her attraction to you.
The reason she was attracted to you in the first place was because you were a high-value man who minded your business and focused on your purpose!
That is what women want! They want a man who is on a mission… they do not want to be the mission!
Step 15: Always Pursue Other Women
This is such a rookie mistake, and I see so many men make it.
When you meet a cool girl and you start to vibe with her… ask her out! By all accounts, spend time with her, especially if she prompts it by initiating the contact.
But never give up your freedom to pursue other women as well.
Women might not like the idea of you pursuing other women. But at the same time, ask yourself this.
Has this woman committed to you? Has this woman proposed an agreement where both of you stop seeing other people? Has she done the work to eliminate other men from her life for you?
Most women are not going to do this, especially at first.
And if you forgo spending time with other women, you are just playing right into that needy, low-value idea.
Yes, women might get salty if you see more than one woman at a time. But at the same time, it drives up your value and makes you more attractive.
Just be tactful about it. Don’t disrespect her by telling her all about the woman you banged last night!
Be a gentleman… but continue to date and be open to meeting new women unless you enter into some kind of committed, monogamous relationship.
Step 16: Don’t Get All Mushy-Gushy With Her – It Might Seem Cute, But It’s Not
As an alpha male, you’re a man committed to the battle in front of you.
These women you see? They are pleasant distractions.
- “You have my whole heart.”
- “I am nothing without you.”
- “You are my everything.”
- “I would be so lost without you.”
And so on… bury this shit with a shovel and never come back to dig it up.
None of this bullshit is true. And if it is, you really need to reevaluate your principles and your purpose.
An alpha male, by contrast, is going to say things like…
- “I appreciate you. Thanks for hanging out!”
- “You are a very pleasant distraction!”
- “You always tempt me with trouble, don’t you?”
- “I will admit… we have a lot of fun together!”
These may seem like subtle differences. But in truth, this speaks directly to our self-value.
We do not need a woman to complete us or make us happy. We do that for ourselves.
A high-value woman is just a little slice of extra awesome on top of an already full, confident, and satisfactory lifestyle!
Step 17: Be Yourself At All Costs
As I level up and become a higher-value man, I find myself trying less and less to impress women.
But, I get more and more successful with them as well!
Want to know why?
Because as I embrace my own values, and refuse to compromise on them just to please a woman, I am sending out powerful signals.
I’m a powerful, effective, strong alpha leader. I’m not here to say what women want to hear or do what they want me to do.
I’m here to fulfill my purpose, grow my business, invest in my tribe, and leave a lasting legacy.
Can a woman help me with that?
Yes, she can… by being a pleasant distraction, a good friend, someone who invests time into me, etc.
If we have awesome sexual chemistry, then indulging in that with a beautiful woman is a fantastic way to blow off steam, have fun, feel good, get some skin-to-skin human connection, and satiate my primal needs as a man.
In return, I’ll give her exactly what she’s giving me. Skin to skin contact, sex, good feelings, orgasms, etc.
It is a win-win, but not if someone makes it complicated.
And so, if I start to pick up on the fact that a woman is starting to make this complicated, I have no problem walking away from that.
I just don’t have the time for it. And as I grow stronger in this mindset, I find that I cut through the bullshit and get more attention from higher-value women who want the same thing.
Step 18: Avoid The Temptation To Partner Up Quickly
Some men get really clingy when they start to like a girl, and want to ‘pop the question’ quickly in an attempt to ‘lock her down.’
But men… be willing to take your time.
I’ve gotten into some bad relationships in the past because I wasn’t patient.
This is based on the need to be loved.
Well, fuck that. Love yourself first, and high-value women will follow closely behind.
Don’t jump right into a relationship with the first woman who pays attention to you.
Step 19: Always Seek To Be High In Value, First And Foremost
In closing out this post, I just really want to reiterate and double-down on this.
Be your own man. Pursue your own purpose. Add good men and women to your life as you build your tribe. If you have chemistry with a woman, don’t be afraid to ask her out… but don’t get clingy!
Mind your business. Pursue greatness. Keep leveling up, making money, and building a legacy.
These are super fundamental steps. And if you build your life like this, brick by brick, the building will get taller and taller… and more and more women will become interested in being a part of it with you.
In closing, I will leave you with this quote. It is the 11th vow of my personal alpha male code, the Oath of Kings.
Go with grace, my friends… and never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus