How to get a girl to kiss you.
This one can be challenging!
Some men seem naturally gifted in the ability to score romantic, sexy moments with ladies. But for others among us, learning how to get a girl to kiss you is actually a lot more challenging.
Well, in this post, I’m going to take you through it… one step at a time.
Let’s start at the beginning.
[Note: Check out my post on dating during quarantine!]
Tip #1 – Understanding The ‘Kissing’ Dynamic
Kissing a girl you like is an interesting in-between goal.
In many ways, a kiss is a lot more ‘innocent’ than sex. And so, in pretty much every single way, learning how to kiss a girl is a lot easier than learning something like how to hook up with a girl.
But that doesn’t mean that it’s always easy, either!
The thing about kissing is that it is still a very intimate act.
So if you want to learn how to kiss properly, you need to understand the psychology behind it.
Tip #2 – Understand The ‘Psychology Of Kissing’ From A Woman’s Perspective
Men and women are actually very similar to one-another in most things… to the point where a lot of men just straight-up overthink about what women are thinking a lot of the time.
But that doesn’t mean that you and a lady are going to have the exact same ideas about kissing.
In fact, evolutionary speaking, men and women actually kiss for slightly different reasons!
Women are a lot more selective in who they kiss than men are, as a general rule, from a behavioral standpoint.
And this make sense.
Our Core Sexual Programming Is Different
A girl is going to have a different core sexual goal than a boy.
For men, the evolutionary goal is to create offspring with as many high-value women as possible.
For women, however, the evolutionary goal is to gain the commitment of the highest quality man possible, so that she will have his support and help in raising their children together.
Obviously, these are not always the goals in real-world settings. This is especially true when we are casually dating… where men and women alike are probably not going to want to have any children at all!
But, this speaks to our core evolutionary programming.
Men want sexual access to as many women as possible. They are the competitors.
Women, on the other hand, are the selectors. They are looking at their options, trying to secure the highest value man they possibly can.
Tip #3 – Understand What This Psychology Has To Do With How To Get A Girl To Kiss You
Here is what this is all leading up to.
Women and men are mostly alike when it comes to going after what they want… except that women are going to tend to be a little bit more conservative and selective than men, in a very generalized sense.
In other words… if a beautiful woman walks up to a man in a bar, and engages with him for 5 minutes before making the first move to go in for a kiss… the majority of the time, in a very general sense, men will be down with it!
Now, if we reverse the role, and a beautiful man walks up to a woman in the bar, and engages with her for 5 minutes before making the first move to go in for a kiss… well, the women, in general, are going to be a bit less likely than men to want to go in for that kiss right away.
Because women, as selectors, are a little bit more ‘selective’ than men.
Because even though they are not currently ‘hunting for baby-daddies,’ their core evolutionary programming kicks in… and they evaluate many different things before deciding to go in for the kiss.
Tip #4 – Don’t Over-Analyze This
Men and women both want intimacy. They are both sexual, they are both interested in adventure, fun, romance, and the feel-good chemicals that come from physical touch, intimacy, and sexual arousal.
Males and females are interested in kissing, and like how it feels to do it with someone they have great energy with.
Don’t overthink it men! We all love it, and women are probably more interested in kissing you than you realize! You just have to understand how to close the deal and make it happen.
Tip #5 – Understand What A Woman Is Actually Interested In When Evaluating Whether Or Not She Might Want To Kiss A Man
That is a very good question!
Several things will weigh into that discussion.
- Is he attractive?
- Is he pleasant to talk to?
- Does she like him as a person?
- Does she feel a connection to him?
- Does he seem desirable?
- Does he seem clean and hygienic?
- What would other people think of her if they knew that she had kissed him?
- Is he asking her in a romantic way, or does it feel awkward?
- Is he taking the lead and boldly going after what he wants… or is he acting timid about it?
- If he is acting timid, why?
- Is he being too pushy, and making her uncomfortable?
- Would kissing him have bigger implications? For example… if she has a husband, she might be less likely to kiss him so as to avoid a conflict within her marriage (the cheating issue).
And so, as you can see, there are many different things that will run through a lady’s mind before the first kiss.
And so, as men, the idea is that we want to try to check as many of these things off of the list as possible.
We want to put her mind at ease. And the best way to check all or most of these things off of her list is to simply be a high value man… because at the end of the day, that is what women are looking for!
Tip #6 – Be A High Value Man
This is why I keep going back to the idea of the alpha male journey, and being a high-value man.
Because if you are pursuing excellence in your life, and striving to level up every single day… then you will already be crossing many of these things off of your list.
For example… you will be…
- Dressing well
- Leveling up your conversation
- Putting her at ease
- Leveling up your attraction
- Not being pushy
But while this is a very important first step, let’s get into some more in-depth tips on how to kiss.
If you want to kiss a girl, here are some additional steps to make it happen.
Tip #7 – Engage With Her
Before you start kissing a girl, you need to make that the girl will want to kiss you as well.
And the only way to do that is to engage with her.
So, you are obviously dressed like a high-value man already. You are holding yourself with confidence, you are smelling great, looking great, your shoes are shiny and ready to go, etc.
So now, you walk up to the girl you like and start a conversation.
You should do this naturally. You don’t need a weird pickup line to make her want you. You want to make sure that the conversation feels organic and natural.
So don’t force it!
I like to find a random thing to ask her about… something that legitimately catches my interest, or that I would actually want to talk about.
“Hey, is that a tattoo of an alien on your shoulder?”
“This place is kind of dead tonight, isn’t it?”
“Hey, is that a pentagram necklace? That is super interesting… what does it mean to you?”
Tip #8 – Start Building Connection
Contrary to what many people believe, a first kiss should be early in the evening if you want to leave a strong, lasting impression.
Long game has a place, and it can absolutely work. But as a general rule, going in for the kiss earlier, more toward the beginning of the night, is the best idea… and is a better call than waiting until later.
Tip #9 – Because Kissing Is More Of A Stepping Stone, And Isn’t As Big Of A Hurdle As Most Men Make It Out To Be In Their Minds
Kissing is obviously a lot less intense than sex. It is less risky, it isn’t quite as heavy, and it is a fantastic closing-point to really build that engagement and connection with her early on.
It also gives her a direct opportunity to sample your sexual chemistry together.
Plus… it’s just a lot of fun, and very exciting!
Everyone loves kissing… as long as it is with a person they actually want to kiss!
If you plan to go for an early kiss, move right to flirting and building up that connection, as soon as you start talking.
Don’t let the conversation degenerate into small-talk.
Show her that you are interested by deliberately flirting and showing her some direct attention.
But balance this by showing her that you are your own man, and that you are not pining after her.
This is a subtle balance, and takes practice to master. Plus, if you want it to feel organic it is better to make sure to be yourself.
Forcing it is usually never a good feeling, and can really make things feel awkward.
Tip #10 – Don’t Be Afraid To Let Her Know What You Want
I’ve had a lot of success with just being totally honest and up front… but it is important to understand that you can sometimes be more honest with your body language than with your words.
Obviously you want to test the water and make sure that she is into it as well… and you don’t want to go in and try for a kiss too soon, and make it awkward.
But you also don’t want it to drag on forever.
After you flirt for a few minutes and start to build up some awesome energy, start getting ready to make your move.
You are both adults. You both know why you are here. This is a mating dance… and as an alpha male, you should take the lead.
If she is interested in you, she wants it to happen.
She doesn’t want it to be awkward. She wants you to be confident in it… she wants you to sweep her off her feet (not literally… just with your confidence).
Don’t come out and verbally ask her if you can kiss her.
Sometimes, depending on the girl, this works really well. But it will turn some women completely off.
You obviously want to know that she consents to it… but there are a million ways to do this without being super direct and verbally asking for a kiss.
Some women see asking for a kiss as a very ‘square’ thing to do, and I can understand why.
They have literally evolved to be drawn to powerful, high value men. And powerful, high value men are going to understand women enough to know without asking… because they will be able to read her body language without letting their insecurities or anxieties get into the way.
Most men really overthink it. It’s super simple. Just pay attention to her body language!
Tip #11 – My Favorite ‘Going In for A Kiss’ Move
My favorite way to go in for a kiss is to wait until both of us have been vulnerable with one-another in conversation, and I can really feel that sexual energy between us.
I work my way closer to her. I find a reason to whisper into her ear, so that she gets a chance to feel my body close to her and test out how that feels… so that leaning in to her is not jarring or ‘foreign.’
In other words, I let her acclimate to me first. This is a great way to get a girl comfortable with being in intimate proximity to you.
Then, I wait for the perfect moment.
This usually comes right after she has been vulnerable with me, at the energy-peak of the interaction.
I try not to talk when going in for a kiss. As men, we can ruin the moment by saying the wrong thing!
I raise a hand to her cheek, perhaps to push her hair back, and I lean-in toward her.
I make eye contact with her, and I very closely watch her reaction as I do this.
If she leans in at all, or makes eye contact with me, and/or doesn’t pull away… that is a very strong sign that she wants the kiss.
If she pulls back, finds an excuse to break eye contact, goes to disengage and take a drink of her drink, etc… it is probably true that this is too much for her, and that she isn’t into it!
But I find that, usually, if I have felt that energy, gotten her to open up and be vulnerable with me, and have been vulnerable to her in return… and have built up that chemistry and succeeded in making her feel comfortable, she is almost always at least interested in trying out a kiss.
Tip # 12 – How To Make Her Swoon With The Perfect Kiss
If you want to make a girl swoon with the perfect kiss, do not let much time go by between touching her cheek and moving in for the kiss.
Kiss her gently, but firmly. Don’t go in for tongue or anything too wild! Conservative is just fine.
Personally, I think that when men are learning how to kiss with lips, they tend to go too fast too quickly with the tongue.
Rather than using tongue, gently use your lips to place soft kisses onto her lips. If she moves in for a firmer kiss, meet her movement.
You can even give her lip a gentle ‘bite’ if you feel confident enough to do so. Let it linger for a moment, savoring it… then, release.
I also personally like to trail off a bit, kissing the side of her mouth, then placing one or two on her cheek, moving toward her neck, before breaking off.
I just really like this because I feel like it shows her that I am enjoying her skin and the feeling of kissing her, and would like to do more… but that I am a strong enough man to also pull back after just giving her a little taste!
This seems to work almost every time for me! It is pretty rare that things do not progress to a hookup after this, unless I am specifically waiting to go for a hookup for another time (like if she or I am already busy and have other plans, etc.).
Tip #13 – Shoot Your Shot
Fortune favors the bold! Unfortunately, most men don’t understand this, and they end up closing themselves off from women and not going for it… mostly out of fear that they will end up getting rejected.
But don’t fear rejection, men. I actually talk about this at great length in this YouTube video:
Do your thing. Go for it. If you’ve built up that connection and the moment feels right, try it! If it doesn’t work well, or if she pulls away… oh well!
Just say that you totally understand, and go about your business! No harm, no foul!
Hopefully this little brief guide has given you some insight into how I approach tips for how to get a girl to kiss you.
I think that kissing is super fun, and I love to kiss beautiful women!
But make no mistake… beautiful women also love to kiss!
They just want to feel assured that they are choosing a high-value man to do it with, and they want to feel comfortable and at ease!
In closing, I will leave you with the 17th vow from my personal alpha male code, the Oath of Kings.
I feel like this vow is especially pertinent to learning how to engage with women.
Because like any other skill, attraction takes practice to master.
So if you want to get good with women… you need to keep engaging with women.
It is super, super simple.
Well, that’s all I have for today, my friends. Go with grace… and never give up your power!
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus