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how to get out of friendzone

Why The “How To Get Out Of Friendzone” Question Is Wrong

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“I’ve gotta keep this brutally honest and to the point guys… The friend zone doesn’t exist. It’s an imaginary place men made up to cope with rejection!

Shane, a member of Kezia noble’s team, via her Blog

How to get out of friendzone questions are quite popular on almost any board, forum, or comment section that is anywhere near dating tips for men. 

And lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this question. 

What is the friend zone? Does it actually exist?

I’ve heard a lot of men and women discuss this topic. 

And in this post, I’m going to go ahead and give what I believe to be the true alpha male perspective on the subject. 

What Does It Mean To Friendzone Someone?

First of all, let’s talk about what this means, exactly. 

According to most popular sources, when a woman ‘friendzones’ a guy, it means that she has, under no uncertain terms, made it known to him and everyone around her that a particular guy she spends time with is just a friend to her, not someone she is interested in having sex with

In fact, I rather like the dictionary definition of the term. 

“A situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other.”

How Do You Know If You Are Friendzoned?

Some men will invest a lot of time and energy into a woman because they like her and hope that they will be able to spark something deeper or more sexual than friendship. 

But then, they might be quite disappointed to learn that she actually does not share this interest. 

Some men, in fact, can feel quite angered by this. 

And for the most part, guys who are bothered by this also seem a bit perplexed as to why it happens. 

They feel that they would be perfectly good to her. They might say that they care for her a great deal, and have every intention of treating her right. 

Why, then, does she not recognize this and reciprocate their interest? 

Alright, let’s get down to it. 

Here’s what you need to know. 

First Of All, There Is No Such Thing As The Friendzone

Sometimes women just aren’t going to want to have sex with you. 

This can definitely be disappointing, especially if you are really into a girl and really want to date her. 

But… with that being said, a true alpha male does not place his happiness, hopes, or dreams in a woman. 

Instead, he places his happiness, hopes, and dreams within himself. 

If I ask a woman on a date, to hook up, or to go to dinner with me… and she says no, she would rather just be friends, that doesn’t mean that I have been put into the friendzone. 

It just means that she isn’t interested in me sexually. 

Now, there might be a number of reasons for this. But the reasons are only relevant if your plan is to fix them in the future to increase your chances of succeeding with other women


  • she didn’t like your style
  • you failed to build a strong-enough connection with her
  • she is not into the type of guy you are
  • you aren’t skinny/muscular/good looking enough
  • you don’t make enough money
  • you aren’t in good enough shape
  • she didn’t feel any chemistry
  • she just straight up didn’t like you as a person
  • she disagreed with your beliefs
  • she saw what she considered to be ‘red flags’ in your behavior, regardless of whether you actually exhibited ‘red flag behavior’ or not

Sometimes girls will drop the ‘friend’ line just to get out of needing to say “I don’t like you like that.”

Or sometimes, they will legitimately want to be your friend.

In either case, the same constant is at work. She doesn’t want to have sex with you.

Some of the factors listed above could be fixed over time. You can absolutely level up any number of these to increase your chances with other women like her in the future. 

But please take this following statement very seriously. 

As an alpha male, one of the worst things you can do is pine over a woman who has said that she doesn’t want you in a sexual way. 

This is why alpha males should be putting effort into keeping a number of quality sexual partners in their life. It is also why I highly discourage the idea that men who wish to be alpha males should walk a monogamous path. 

The best way to take control of your sex life is to level up the number and quality of your sex partners, so that your sex life continues to get better and better as you become better and better as a man, and get better at winning with women

That is another conversation, though. So let’s get back to the ‘how to get out of friendzone’ discussion! 

What To Do If A Woman ‘Friendzones’ You

If a woman you are interested in tells you that she would rather just be friends… don’t get mad. 

Don’t be upset. 

Don’t get hurt or be a sad boy.

You should especially make sure not to get angry with her, insult her, or think badly of her because of it. 

Women cannot control what turns them on (or doesn’t turn them on) any more than you can. 

And to be quite honest, their decision to date you is dependent on a number of complex factors. 

If you want to win with women, the best thing you can do is to level up as a powerful alpha male.

You can also take control of your life, and learn how to get dates with beautiful women on a more consistent basis. 

Then, when a woman tells you that she would rather be a friend, your first thought isn’t how to get out of friendzone… but rather, that’s fine! I am meeting so many other awesome women that even if a few of them aren’t interested, it literally doesn’t matter

Even deeper than this, though, should be this thought.

I do not need women to complete me. I want to win with women because they are a positive compliment to my already incredible life. I do not need love or acceptance from other humans to feel great about myself, because MY opinion of myself is far more important.

A true, powerful alpha male puts effort into meeting beautiful women. And since he is constantly leveling up his skills of flirting, attraction, etc. he is that much more likely to be successful as time goes on. 

And of course it is important to be accepted. of course we want to be chosen, wanted, and desired by women.

It feels incredible, and this is a very important part of life.

But when we take control of this process and we become self-sufficient in it, that is when we become the most powerful. And incidentally, that is when we also become the most attractive.

How To Get Out Of Friendzone With A Woman

The best way to deal with the how to get out of frienzone question is not to ask it. 

Simply take her answer for what it is, and move on. 

You can absolutely say something like “thank you so much for the offer, I will consider it,” and then just move on.

Or, you might actually want to be her friend. Either one is fine.

The things you don’t want to do are…

  1. Question her
  2. Judge her
  3. Try to change her mind
  4. Act out angrily about it
  5. Act like she owes you something
  6. Pine after her
  7. Pay any more attention to her unless you actually want to be her friend

Continue to level yourself up as a powerful alpha, and these types of things will probably tend to happen less and less often. 

You might also want to consider being her friend if you think that she is a quality, high-value person, as every powerful man should have a good, positive group of female friends around him.

This is actually just as important as having male friends. 

This makes for a well-rounded life, and can bring a great deal of value and perspective. 

Plus, having quality girl friends can help to give you perspective and insight into how to win over other women at the same time… so don’t neglect this vital area of life. 


This post was brief. But hopefully, it helped you to understand the true alpha male perspective on questions regarding the ‘friendzone.’ 

Remember. As alpha men, we are responsible for ourselves. 

We are not making excuses. We are leveling up, getting better, meeting and beating challenges, and conquering our weaknesses. 

Above all else, we are striving to be the best men that we can possibly be. 

Check out the Oath of Kings, my own personal alpha male code, for more insight into how to begin this journey for yourself. 

Until next time, be well gentlemen… and never give up your power. 

Joshua K. Sigafus