How to get over someone who doesn’t care about you.
This is a tough one.
Maybe you dated someone, or had a crush on someone… and it didn’t go very well.
Or maybe someone who once cared about you now doesn’t want to be in your life.
This is tough stuff to deal with, and I understand how it feels. I’ve been through all of these situations before.
Let’s dig right in and get started. Here is the alpha male perspective on the question.
Why Does This Happen?
As men, it is actually pretty easy for us to be attracted to beautiful women.
Make them likeable, friendly, and put them in close proximity to us… and odds are good that, at some point, we will develop some kind of crush on them.
That’s totally natural. It happens, and there is nothing wrong with it.
But some men want to take things further than simple flirting and friendship, and understandably so!
As men, when we meet a woman we are sexually interested in, it is literally our core sexual programming to want to have sex with her.
That is how we are. That is how we have been built and designed by nature.
And there is no shame in this.
Of course, there are also other feelings at work here too. We might develop a strong attraction to her. We may grow to feel attached to her.
And somewhere deep inside of us, we also desire for her to reciprocate our feelings.
There is truly no greater feeling in the world than wanting a beautiful, high value woman, and then learning that she reciprocates our feelings… or perhaps, even wants us more than we want her!
But It Doesn’t Always Go This Way
So here is the big question.
What happens when you put yourself out there and make your move, only to have her reject you?
What happens when you start the process, go on a few dates, exchange a few texts… only to have her suddenly back away, ghost you, or stop talking?
Learning how to get over someone isn’t easy… especially if you still desire them, or still have feelings for them.
Step 1 – How To Get Over Someone -Understand The Situation For What It Truly Is
You like her. But she doesn’t like you.
You want to be closer to her. She doesn’t want that with you.
This is tough to accept. And a lot of men will try to figure out where they went wrong, or what they can do to change it.
Well, let me break it to you the hard way, men.
If she wanted you, she would be all up in your business, texting you, messaging you, trying to get your attention, trying to get you to spend time with her, etc.
Sometimes, we screw it up by not acting like a high value man. Sometimes, it just happens, and it isn’t our fault at all.
Some Women Don’t Want To Date You, But DO Want You To Validate Them – And That Can Be Very Confusing For Men
Some women don’t make this super clear. And to be honest, I’m not sure that a lot of women understand what they are doing when they are doing this.
You take your shot and ask her out.
She rejects you.
Ok, no problem.
But… then, she may continue to engage with you, flirt with you, text you occasionally, etc… but then pull back when you try to develop something more than just friendship.
Some people call this the friendzone.
Well, the cold hard truth about this is that the number one thing women want and need from men are resources.
Being with a man will give women better options. They will have a two-income household, a better house, better cars, etc. That is the primary reason that women couple up with men.
But second, women want and need validation from men.
And guys, this is the whole thing with the friendzone.
If you are already validating her, why would she ever want to sleep with you?
If you already text her, tell her she is beautiful, tell her that you have feelings for her, etc… you are literally already giving her what she wants.
She can now enjoy those things from you, while diverting her sexual resources to men who are not yet validating her… men she is sexually attracted to, who are either too busy, or banging too many other women, to pay attention to her. And that drives her crazy!
It Is Fine To Want Sex With A Woman You Are Attracted To
If all you wanted was friendship, you wouldn’t be bothered by her not wanting more with you.
So you obviously want more than friendship. And that is totally fine.
As alpha men, we should embrace what we want.
There are very few women in this world who I want to be actual friends-only with.
These are high-value women who bring so much value to the table for me, that I literally don’t even need to sleep with them to be incredibly thankful for their existence.
Of course, there are also women in my life fulfilling other roles. For example… female teachers at my child’s school, I value and take an interest in because they care for my child, even though we are not ‘friends’ by any real definition.
I have work colleagues who are female who are very good at what they do, so obviously that is valuable as well.
It is not just friend or fuck with women.
But most of the time, my primary interest in women who do not bring any other value to my life is sexual.
This is not a bad thing. It is a good thing. I love it when beautiful women bring value into my life like this. This is part of what being a man is all about!
But what happens when you get interested in a woman sexually, but then get rejected by her?
Some Men Try To Rationalize Their Feelings For Her As Deeper Than Sexual
But men… let’s call a spade a spade.
The vast majority of women I am interested in only hold my interest because they are beautiful, and because we have a lot of natural sexual chemistry that I would love to explore.
But if a woman like this doesn’t reciprocate my feelings, it is obviously better to just accept it, walk away, and find what I am looking for somewhere else.
No harm, no foul.
Unless you have already developed feelings for her. In which case, you might be experiencing a heartbreak right now!
The point of this post is to tell men how to get over someone who doesn’t care about them.
So, I say all of this to arrive at this first-step conclusion.
If you want sex with a woman, and she doesn’t reciprocate it, learn to shrug it off and look toward the future. Accept the situation for what it is. Don’t pine after her. Don’t try to change her mind.
(For the record, to ‘pine’ after a woman means “to yearn deeply; suffer with longing; long painfully.”)
You are a high value man. You have a lot to offer, and if she told you she wasn’t interested, that is totally fine! She has every right to say no.
But you also need to take enough pride in yourself to learn not to give your time, attention, and feelings to women who don’t want you like you want them.
If her presence in your life is actually causing you distress, disconnect from her completely.
Don’t be mean or be a jerk… but lose her number, unfriend her on social media, and go about your business.
Let’s be real. You wanted sex. She didn’t. We have realized that this is not going to work… so it is now time to move on!
Step 2 – Realize That It Is Not Usually Possible To Change It – But Even If It Is Possible, You Need To Deviate Course Quickly
Usually, women who reject your advances are not going to change their mind.
But… sometimes, when you deviate course, and start pursuing other women, she will start to miss the validation you used to give her, and she will start to come around looking for it again.
Be very wary of women like this. They’re actually dangerous if you don’t know how to deal with them.
I’ve seen women like this play with men’s feelings, win his validation back, and then continue to say ‘no’ to his sexual advances… and it is honestly just a circus at that point!
But, this is how women are. This is how nature designed them. They want that validation, even if they don’t want you sexually.
Now, sometimes, if you learn how not to give in to giving them this validation, and you can manage to cultivate a more sexually-charged relationship with her that requires her sexual participation before you will deliver any validation, a girl like this will actually change her mind.
But man, be careful of women like this.
All women are like this to a point. But some of them can get really extreme. And that is just chaos, and probably best not to have it in your life.
To be honest… chase money instead of girls like this! Focus on higher value women who know what they want, who have a legitimate interest in you and who aren’t constantly trying to hold you at arm’s length at the same time.
Women Will Use Your Friendship For Their Own Validation
Friendship is a two way street.
When my friends and I spend time together, we both get what we want.
We get good conversation, we get motivated, we have some good laughs, and we lift each other up.
But some random woman isn’t the same as your friend! She hasn’t been there for you like your friends have. She hasn’t been there for you, through thick and thin, during your down times and your good times.
And so, women will try to use the line “can’t we just be friends?”
Well, this is up to you as a man. But personally, I usually see women using this in a one-sided kind of way.
What they are interested in at that point is the validation I can offer.
But you see, being friends with a woman doesn’t validate me. I validate myself. So this is not an even trade.
What I am interested in is having a sexual relationship with her.
So, there is just no possible way to meet on even ground here. We are obviously incompatible.
If she wanted to have sex, and receive my validation at the same time… well, that sounds like a fair trade, and the makings of a pretty positive arrangement!
Don’t get it twisted. No relationship is beneficial if it isn’t at least an equal trade in resources that you both care about!
Keep In Mind That This Is Not Evil… This Is Just How It Is
I am not trying to say that women are evil creatures who always use men for their own nefarious purposes.
I am simply trying to say that women and men are playing by slightly different rules because they have two different sexual motivations.
Women are motivated to try to win over the highest value man in her radar.
While men are motivated to try to have sex with as many different women as possible.
But listen, this is how it works with women. Quite often, her sexual motivation is manifested as her trying to win over the man who pays her the least attention!
Why? Because a man not paying attention to a woman signals that he has better things to do than pine after her… which is a powerful attraction signal!
Even better if he understands how to flirt, but keeps her at arm’s length. At this point, he becomes the player instead of her, and he dominates their dynamic.
He is in control, not her.
But women love that shit. They crave it. It drives them absolutely crazy!
For the majority of women, this type of man is truly irresistible! And the better he gets at leveraging attraction at the same time, the better off he will be.
Throw in some good looks, some decent money, and some decent seduction skills… and he literally becomes a god among men where women are concerned!
See the difference?
As alpha men, we need to be that man. Not the man who pines after her!
Once a man pines, he gives away all of his power.
Step 3 – Learn To Nurture Your Own Self Esteem
Self esteem and self-confidence are absolute superpowers for men.
When we learn to develop our own self esteem and self confidence, we become so much more desirable, effective, and attractive.
But we need to learn how to nurture this ourselves, without someone else doing it for us.
When we become confident because we are dating a hot girl or two… that’s false confidence.
Sure, we are achieving something, but if that is the entire reason we feel good about ourselves, that’s not the real deal.
I Found My True Confidence In My Little One-bedroom Apartment, After My Wife Told Me She Wanted A Divorce
I had never felt so low. I was alone, I was depressed, I was anxious, and my life was a wreck.
But I knew that I needed to turn it around. I knew that I was either going to spiral downward, or I was going to rise up and become stronger than I ever was before.
There was no other option. In this situation, stagnation meant certain destruction.
It was too late for anything but rise or die.
And so, I stood in front of my mirror, telling myself all of the things I wished that other people would say to me.
You’re good looking.
You can do this!
You WILL find happiness!
You are going to do huge things!
The first time I gave myself a speech in front of the mirror, I literally cried.
I was so down about myself and my situation. But talking to myself like that really jolted something in me.
For probably the first time in my life, I was seriously looking to myself for the love and appreciation I desired, instead of looking to other people.
And this super-charged my self confidence and self-esteem to a huge degree.
After even just a couple of weeks of doing this every morning in front of the mirror, I began to transform.
And even to this day, I still talk to myself while I am taking walks… pumping myself up, and steeling myself for the battles that lay ahead of me.
Step 4 – Alpha Men Are Going To Want To Pursue Women – So Go Pursue More Women. Forget About The One Who Doesn’t Like You Back
I can’t even count the number of women I’ve desired who didn’t desire me back.
But here is the difference between an alpha and a beta in this situation.
A beta focuses on that girl, and realizes that her rejection of him has the power to bring him down.
It’s all about ego at that point. He hasn’t mastered his own ego. He has also failed to master true confidence and love for himself.
That’s why he gets sad when she doesn’t want him. Because his self-worth, his love, his confidence, all of that depended on her, at least to a point.
But an alpha is different. He approaches that situation already secure in himself. He might ask the girl out, but if she says no, he is going to remember that he is his center… not the affection of a woman.
And so, while he might be a little disappointed, he is going to hold his head high, feel good about the fact that he tried, and he is going to go out and meet other women instead.
And that is super critical.
An Alpha Male Wants Women In His Life
He wants to have great sex, he wants those awesome cuddles, he wants the flirting, he wants the touching, he wants the naughty fun… he wants all of that!
Because it’s awesome! It’s an awesome addition to life!
So he goes out and he gets what he wants… if not from the first woman, then from the second, or third, or fourth, etc.
That’s why it is so crucial for alpha males to be meeting new women, expanding their social circles, etc.
Step 5 – Level Up Your Attraction Game To Decrease The Odds Of This Happening With Women In The Future
This is also why alpha men need to be leveling up their attraction.
We need to be dressed in clothes that make us look good! We need to be hitting the gym to improve our bodies. We need to be learning about pickup, flirting, and attraction so that we know how to close the deal when we do shoot our shot.
We also need to learn to be emotionally mature so that we can be good partners to the women in our lives, and we need to be getting some real money so that we can take these ladies out on dates, get rooms, flex a little bit with our nice cars, or do whatever we want.
Plus, leveling up and winning in your professional life will just make you a more attractive, more desirable alpha male.
But most of all, you need to be on your purpose.
You need to be focused first and foremost on your mission and your legacy.
I’m starting two new side hustles this month.
I’ve literally dropped chasing women for the time being to focus on my goals.
I’m teaching my oldest child, my son, how to blog. I’m focused on building a legacy with him. I’m focused on building something incredible to leave behind for him when I’m gone.
More than anything, I want him to learn the craft so that he will have marketable skills when the time comes to start getting his own money.
This is what I’m passionate about. I’m not worried about women. I have a fantastic girlfriend, and if I want to chase other women, well, I can do that… but I’m not concerned about it and I’m not stressing about it.
Women aren’t the mission, and they don’t want to be!
So we need to work on becoming high value men if we want to win with hot, beautiful, high-value women!
How to get over someone who doesn’t care about you.
It’s tough. It really is. I’ve been there.
But I can also tell you this… I am 1000% sure that if you chase high value, and level up in these areas, you will come out of it stronger and better than ever.
We need to cure the disease, not treat the symptoms.
The symptoms are loneliness, sadness, feeling depressed, feeling heart-broken, etc.
But the disease is a lack of true self worth, self esteem, and confidence.
And at the core, this is caused by a lack of self love.
Do you know what causes a lack of self love? A lack of being a high value man.
A high value man doesn’t have room or time for such feelings, because he’s winning and killin it, every day.
I truly love to say this about being a man of high value.
If you’re getting caught up in your feelings over a woman or some other situation, grab a broom and start sweeping!
Put effort into making your life better. Start getting money and leveling up.
That’s what it’s all about, my friends.
Until next time, go with grace… and never give up your power!
Joshua K. Sigafus