So… you want to learn how to hook up?
Hooking up can be a lot of fun… and while it isn’t for everyone, you may find that more women are into it than you realize!
But how do you do it?
Let’s dive right in with my simple 13-step guide.
How To Hook Up With A Woman – Step 1 | Prepare Yourself
It’s Friday evening. You’ve decided that you want to hook up with an awesome lady!
But you also know that this is easier said than done.
So step 1 is to do a bit of prep work.
Plan out your outfit. Make sure that you get some great cologne, some solid accessories (a watch, some rings, a necklace, a tie, etc.), and a rockin pair of shoes.
You need to look good from head to toe. But just as importantly… you want to look like yourself.
You want to adopt your own sense of style, and rock it with confidence!
If in doubt, go conservative! A nice suit and tie never hurt anyone!
But try to make the style your own. If you need to, go out and buy some new clothes that you feel great in!
That is really the key.
Do you feel great in those clothes?
If not… toss them aside and try a different outfit!
Step 2 | Make A Location Plan
Where are you going to hook up?
Car sex is fun… but risky!
Plus, putting your partner at-ease is sometimes a bit more difficult when you don’t have a fun, safe, tidy, romantic place to get it on!
So… clean up your apartment, or have some money set aside to get a hotel room.
Having a place of your own is a lot better than an apartment, though… as it is a lot easier to invite a woman back to your place than it is to say ‘we can get a room.’
Also, if you’re driving to go out, make sure that your car is nice and clean!
If she ends up coming home with you in your car, you don’t want to have to clean up wrappers, empty bottles, and trash on-the-spot!
Make sure that your car is looking, smelling, and feeling great!
Step 3 | Get Some Friends Rounded Up To Go Out With You
If you want to learn how to hook up and truly be successful at it, you will find that your odds are often far-better if you are with your own group.
Round up some of your attractive, successful friends, and hit the town together!
Walking into a bar or club with a group of fine ladies and gents by your side will only increase your attractiveness and desirability… especially if you are the alpha of the group, and seem to be the one they are following!
This ties closely into the alpha male journey, and having a loyal tribe around you at all times is always a benefit.
Step 4 | Go Where The Ladies Are!
Where are you going to go?
Well, if you want to find what you are looking for (a lovely lady to hook up with), then you are going to need to go where the ladies are spending time!
This will probably include going out to the most popular bars and clubs. Larger establishments that are hosting lady’s nights might be an especially good idea, as women are going to be more likely to want to go to these types of events to save money, get free cover, get free drinks, etc.
In other words, find the most popular bar or club in your area, and stop by. If it ends up being dead, you may have to switch locations.
The livelier, the better!
Another important thing to understand is timing.
In your area, things may be different. But in my local area, 9 PM is pretty early to go out. Hitting the bars or clubs by about 10 PM is usually a pretty safe bet. But, you need to work fast… as last call is at 1:10 AM in most places!
Step 5 | Keep An Eye Out For Women Who Catch Your Eye, But Don’t Make It Obvious
This is where a lot of men start to run into trouble!
They go out on the town because they want to hook up. And so, they become goal-oriented… and end up looking like trolls, just standing around eye-balling all of the attractive women!
Well, don’t fall prey to this mentality!
If you want to learn how to hook up successfully, you need to learn to do your own thing. Focus on your group. Talk to your friends. Have a great time!
But also make it a point to scan the room occasionally, looking for someone you might want to introduce yourself to.
This mindset is very important.
You are not here to troll for a woman. You are here to spend time with your friends. If you happen to spot a lovely lady? Well, of course… you may decide to make a move!
Step 6 | You Locate A Lovely Lady. Now What?
You’ve spotted a beautiful specimen across the room.
Should you walk up to her and buy her a drink?
Well, not so fast!
Give yourself some time to watch her for a moment.
Is she out with a man who just stepped away for a moment?
Is she with a group of other women?
Is she looking around the room, or is she focused on someone or something specific?
This part can be really tricky… because a lot of men will try to figure out what she is thinking, whether or not she might be looking for company, etc.
But my approach to these situations is really, really simple… and it seems to work rather well for me!
I will generally find a reason to make my way over to where she is. One of the best ways to do this is to go for a drink, and choose the spot next to her at the bar.
At any rate, you want to watch her for a few moments to learn what you can… and then, make your move.
Step 7 | Get Into Your Alpha-Male Headspace
If you want to learn how to hook up successfully, it is vitally important to get out of the ‘I hope she will like me,’ mode and into the ‘I am my own man and I have a lot to offer’ mode!
When approaching a woman, we might be a little afraid of rejection. We might be trying to think of a clever thing to say to her, or we might be looking for a brilliant opener that will get her to notice us!
But in all honesty, I find that oftentimes, this is just overthinking.
Here is the thought process I embody when I walk up to a beautiful woman at a club or bar.
I am a powerful, effective, attractive, high value man.
I am interested in learning about this woman, because I find her very attractive.
I am going to find a reason to start a conversation with her, and put my best foot forward.
I will be kind, respectful, polite, and socially tactful. But I will also be 100% my genuine self.
I will flirt a little bit, learn a little bit about her… and just generally engage her in some pleasant conversation to try to build up a little bit of connection.
I am not looking for acceptance. I don’t need a fancy pickup line to trick her into liking me! I am gauging my own interest, and trying to form a small connection with her to gauge HER potential level of interest as well.
Get into that headspace, and don’t overthink it!
Women are people too. They like sex too. They like to hook-up too. They like attractive people, and adventure, and they love to be seduced… just like anyone else!
So, as men, we really need to avoid defeating ourselves with our own mind-games before we even make a move!
Step 8 | Talk To Her
This might be the second-scariest part of the entire process.
Walking up to a girl and striking up a conversation isn’t always easy. But it is an essential step in the process of learning how to hook up… and the more you get comfortable doing it, the better off you will be!
Once again, don’t overthink this.
Personally, I like to check out the vibe and start a conversation based on something that feels very ‘normal’ and ‘in place.’
For example… Once, I happened to be at a bar during trivia night. And I ended up talking to a girl seated next to me at the bar.
“Are you here for trivia night?” I asked her?
“No!” she said, then laughed. “I suck at trivia!”
“Ah… so you’re not a random facts expert?”
And bam. We started a great conversation!
The thing to understand here is that you need to think about it from the reverse perspective.
If an attractive woman suddenly started a conversation with you, how would you respond?
Well, guess what. Women are exactly the same.
If a man starts a conversation with them, and they are into it… they are going to act into it.
If they don’t want to talk, that will also become quite obvious.
And that leads us to our next point.
Step 9 | Don’t Force It If It Isn’t There
Some pickup artists and dating experts can teach you how to create chemistry and opportunity.
And this is absolutely doable!
In fact, the better you get at understanding people, communicating effectively, and generating an interesting conversation, the better you will get at turning a ‘meh, I’m not that interested’ into a ‘yes, please, let’s go to your place!’
But, there is a fine line between learning how to build a connection and generate interest, and beating a dead horse with a woman who just isn’t interested!
So, learn how to accept that some women may not want to talk to you.
Realize that there is nothing wrong with that. And learn how to walk away from those situations with your head held high, in a good mood.
Rejoin your friends, and keep an eye out for the next girl! There is no shame in walking away from a conversation that didn’t hold any energy.
Step 10 | Don’t Be Too Eager
So you’ve walked up to the lady, and you’ve managed to engage her in conversation!
Now, you need to be your genuine self… without seeming too eager.
If you suddenly jump to ditch your friends and focus all of your attention on her, that will make you look really eager… and honestly, it will come off as being desperate!
One of my favorite things to do in such cases is, after chatting for a couple of moments, and getting to know her… I like to invite her to join me and my friends.
This can work equally well if she is with a group of her own!
“Hey, why don’t you ladies come and join my friends and I? We are just hanging out, enjoying the night! Please join us… I would love to continue this conversation!”
To me, this does two important things.
First, it lets her know that you are an important man who takes his friends seriously. You’re not just going to drop them to hang out with her!
And two, it offers her an air of legitimacy. You are an alpha in your group, and are showing her that by taking the initiative to invite her along.
Plus… it shows that you are not trying to sneak around and/or not be noticed. You are willing to return to your friend group with her beside you.
So here, you are giving her a really good chance to continue the conversation and come along with you.
If you’ve done this correctly, she will most likely take the invitation if she is at all interested!
Step 11 | Escalate
Once she joins you and your friends, it is important to continue to escalate with her.
If you ignore her and only talk to your friends, she will get bored.
If your conversation suddenly gets dry and stale, she will get bored.
Either way, it won’t be long before she is looking for an excuse to leave.
So, continue to flirt with her and talk to her.
Ask her about her life. Make some jokes. Tease her a little bit. Show her some attention, sit next to her, and initiate a bit of harmless physical contact.
Brush her hair out of her eyes… give her a gentle ‘poke’ in the shoulder while teasing her… lean in and whisper into her ear, telling her secrets about your friends, letting her in on inside jokes and keeping her in-the-loop.
All of these things will make her feel like she is a part of your experience… and that will do two things.
First, it will help her to feel more at ease.
And second, it will show her that you are legitimately interested in her!
But if you let this energy peak and then drop-off, the odds of scoring the hookup will drop substantially.
But then again, if you go for it too soon, before the night’s festivities have started winding down, it will seem really out of place… and may come off as desperate.
If she is having a great time, an ill-timed hookup attempt can feel like you are trying to ‘jolt’ her away from the fun evening she is having!
Step 12 | Be Aware Of The ‘Magic Moment,’ And Make Your Move
As the night winds down, there will be an obvious ‘magic moment’ to close.
At this time, the friend group will begin to disperse, and the opportunity to invite her to go back to your place with you will quickly arrive.
If you’ve played your cards right, she will be super-ready to say yes and go home with you to have some fun!
But… you can’t get nervous and let this opportunity pass you by!
Be bold and make your move. Because once the moment passes, the odds of her changing her mind and deciding on something else will be super high.
Of course, you also can’t make the move too early, either. That could come off as desperate and/or too eager.
Step 13 | Remember That Practice Makes Perfect
If you are like most men, you will face a certain number of hookup failures before you start to get the hang of it.
And even then… I have never known a man good enough with women to take a lady home every single time he tries.
But we must be careful not to start feeling down, and fall into a victim mentality when we get rejected.
I am definitely not a wizard! But… I have had some incredibly awesome experiences. And if I can do it, so can you!
But it is really important to keep trying.
If you enjoy the hookup experience, and want to have more of them in the future, then it is important to do two things.
- Learn from your mistakes whenever you fail, and do better the next time
- Always try again, with a positive attitude, with a different lady on a different night
Do Not Get Discouraged And Quit If It Doesn’t Work!
Remember. As alpha men, we do not let the fear of rejection (or any other fear) control our destiny!
Just try to figure out where things went wrong, adjust next time, and go again!
You would be amazed at how normal this kind of thing becomes once you have done it a lot!
Personally, for me, I used to have horrible luck with women.
Why? Because I just didn’t understand them, and I would defeat myself with my own attitude before I ever started.
But I kept trying, and kept on practicing. And eventually, I got to the point where my sex life was truly a massive success!
I only got good with women, though, because I was willing to practice, take the risks, and learn from my mistakes!
Go with grace, my friends… from this day until your last day… and never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus