How to improve your self esteem.
The more I learn about walking the alpha male path, the more I realize how incredibly devoid of self-esteem the human race is.
Most humans only see value in themselves based on what other people think of them.
The problem is that pleasing other people requires a lot of resources.
But even deeper than that, needing to please other people sets you up for failure right from the beginning, because it throws your value system out of order, and reduces your priority list to a state of utter, reactionary chaos.
And so, living with the need to please other people is not only a serious handicap in life, but it is a serious foundational directional flaw.
It’s like having a compass that doesn’t point straight north, or a ship that may or may not go in the direction you’re steering in.
Having a deep set need to please others is a fatal flaw that will destroy you and keep you from realizing your true potential.
But how do you improve your self esteem? And why do I call this an alpha male super power?
Let’s dive into it.
If You Want To Seriously Win With High Value Women, You Need To Deploy Massive Self Esteem
This is an absolute statement. You need to employ self esteem if you wish to become an alpha male.
Some men fake it, but that isn’t the same. And at some point, the true colors always come out.
For the record, self respect is defined by Marriam Webster’s dictionary as… “a confidence and satisfaction in oneself: self-respect.”
And this is really simple to recognize in yourself.
Alpha males have self-esteem. They do not need the approval of any singular person or group of people to feel good about themselves, or to respect themselves.
Beta males, on the other hand, live for the approval of other people.
This can quickly become a very deep topic, but never forget that these are the key fundamentals. This is truly what separates a beta from an alpha… and it is just super, super simple.
Does This Mean That Alpha Males Never Care What Other People Think?
To a point.
But it is also important to understand how this mechanism functions socially.
Alpha males are still social creatures, and they still want to have positive experiences with other humans.
But they also understand that other humans respond very well to individuals who have a purpose that aligns with making life better, pursuing value, and lifting others up.
And so, the alpha male does not decide to do things because it will make other people like him.
He chooses to do things because he believes in doing those things, and because those things fall in line with his purpose and mission. He is also passionate about the things he does, and seeks to leave a lasting legacy based on his hard work and effort.
When the alpha male behaves in this fashion, some people might not like what he is doing.
But those who have similar purposes will come out of the woodwork to support him.
This separates the wheat from the chaff, and shows the alpha male who is true to his cause, and who is not.
But it also inspires great respect and admiration among those who believe in what he is doing.
And so, alpha males actually end up being well liked, respected, and looked-up to by other humans.
So, alpha males pursue value, and incidentally, that makes people like them even more.
Whereas betas seek to get people’s approval, which skews their focus.
As a result, ironically, some people will really like the beta at first. But after a time, they will realize that there isn’t really a mission or a true purpose behind most of what he is doing. This causes people to lose respect for beta males in the long run.
In the long run, there is literally no comparison between the two.
Alpha males are more desirable, earn greater respect, work their way up to a higher status, and have much better short and long term odds with high value women.
Whereas betas will tend to struggle with women, especially in long-term relationships, because they are driven by people pleasing, not by true purpose.
How To Improve Your Self Esteem
Being an alpha male requires you to have higher self esteem.
You can try to fake it. But until you learn to move beyond faking it to truly actualizing it, you will forever be stuck in that ‘faking it’ frame of mind.
Here are some steps for how alpha males can actually learn to improve their self-esteem.
Step One: Watch For Situations That Make You Feel Uncomfortable, Inadequate, Or Self-Conscious
If you want to develop true self-esteem, it is important to understand how to be self aware so that you can identify when you have reached your self-esteem limit.
And the first sign of this is usually found in situations where you do not feel comfortable.
Become aware of this, and search your feelings.
Why aren’t you comfortable in this situation? Why do you feel inadequate? Why are you self-conscious?
When I was a younger man, I used to feel very inadequate around men who made more money than me.
Because what I actually cared about was what THEY thought of me!
But over time, I learned to identify this for what it was… a simple lack of self-esteem.
And so, I started working on it.
Step Two: Force Yourself To Accept The Truth – That These People Do Not Care Enough About You For You To Worry About It
There are so many reasons to stop getting caught up in what other people think of you.
- Most people are a lot more concerned with their own lives than yours
- If these people judge you, so what… they don’t make the rules
- If these people doubt you, so what… prove them wrong
- If these people make fun of you, so what… prove them wrong
- If these people make you feel bad about yourself because you are not as successful… realize the truth. That you want to be more successful. Take it as a lesson, and start working harder.
So many people avoid situations that make them feel inadequate.
But this is not the alpha male way.
As alpha males, we strive to play ball with bigger, better players than we are.
This challenges us and forces us to adapt… partly so that we don’t look like lazy fools when we come to the table, and partly because we should always be expecting more of ourselves than what we are currently achieving.
We level up. We get better. We face our fears, and we conquer them.
As you can see, there is really no reason to care about what other people think.
Chase your purpose and remain committed to that.
If all we care about is our purpose, judgement from other people won’t even be on our radar.
Step Three: As You Remain Self Aware Of Situations That Make You Feel Inadequate, Also Remain Aware Of Your True Purpose And Mission
Personally, my mission is to help men win with women by helping them to become higher-value men.
This is what I am thinking about whenever I am working on anything else.
This is the filter that I run all other things through in my life.
And so, when I am talking to other men who are more successful than me, my focus is no longer on what they think of me and my mission.
Because my mission is my goal. I am so focused and committed to becoming successful in my own life, following my own path, that I literally do not put any stock in what other people think of me.
When you level up your self-esteem, you will start to realize the truth… that when you start to become committed to your life’s purpose, and you start to fulfill yourself in life, and you stop focusing on what other people think of you, two major things will happen.
- Your confidence in yourself will skyrocket
- You will also find that more people will like you for the right reasons
And this is super powerful.
Step Four: Start Succeeding
Self esteem is a mindset that must be grounded in reality.
You can tell yourself to have high self esteem all day long.
But until you actually prove that you are a high value man, you will struggle to embody true self esteem.
So start doing things, taking risks, and accomplishing things.
For me, a big step was to quit my 9 to 5 and become a freelance writer.
This frightened me. But in making this choice, I was putting my money where my mouth was.
I was proving to both the world and to myself that I meant what I was saying.
And every year, I strive to earn more and get better. I’m not faking it. I truly am committed to my purpose.
And as I get more serious about my life’s purpose, I find that I care less and less about what other people think of me.
This Also Gives Me More Power Over My Life
As I continue to level up and grow, I also find that I gain more and more power over my own life.
For example. Early-on in my freelancing career, I was very eager to please my clients.
Because I didn’t want to lose my income!
But now, I have learned the true way to work.
I work hard to meet my own expectations of myself. It is all about my purpose! This makes clients want to work with me even more… but it also means that I am not worried about a client walking away.
I have proven that I can rise above that. I can find new clients, and my dedication to mastery in my craft makes me a valuable asset!
And other humans recognize this!
In Conclusion: How To Improve Your Self Esteem
Hopefully this post has helped you to understand my views on self-esteem, how I remain aware of it, and when I know that it is time to level up.
Remember… feeling inadequate, feeling self-conscious, feeling uncomfortable in situations where you do not feel ‘good enough…’ These are all situations where you are being openly presented with an opportunity to level up.
Do not ignore these things. Instead of avoiding them, seek them out, and use them as powerful learning opportunities to practice self-esteem building.
That’s all I have for today.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus