How to meet someone in real life.
Dating has become a somewhat complicated thing.
With the advent of online dating, a lot of people are putting the majority of their ‘meeting new people’ effort into online devices.
However, it’s also obvious that we lose something in this transaction.
There’s a ‘magic’ that comes from meeting people organically in the real world and in real life.
This isn’t to say that online devices and dating apps aren’t useful, or that they shouldn’t be another tool in our ‘dating funnel’ arsenal.
However, it’s also true that if you rely completely on dating apps to meet potential dating prospects, you’re going to put yourself at a pretty significant disadvantage.
So I decided to create a guide to help people with the step-by-step process of meeting potential dating partners in real life—without seeming weird, creepy, clingy, or desperate.
This guide will work just as well for men or women, though there are some notes specifically intended to help men and women navigate their own unique respective challenges when it comes to meeting and greeting potential dating partners in the real world.
So let’s dive into it!
How To Meet Someone In Real Life – In 5 Simple Steps
1. Start Being Around More People
The first rule of learning how to meet someone in real life is to do things that will bring you into contact with other people.
Preferably, you’ll choose activities, events, and/or hobbies that’ll bring you into contact with people within your age group, who may also have similar interests and values as you.
Of course, this isn’t an exact science.
This step definitely doesn’t need to be executed perfectly in order for it to work.
You just need to make an effort to try and boost your social numbers by casting as wide a social net as possible.
For example, you could join the gym and work out around other people—you could go to concerts, dances, community events, etc.
You could join a church (or two or three), you could start a small side hustle and go to local networking events, or you could join hiking groups or discussion groups.
The key here is really just to find activities that’ll bring you into contact with other humans.
Now, with that being said, it’s also true that we’re often around other people even when we’re doing less specifically fun tasks.
Every day, you probably go to places like:
- The gas station
- The grocery store
- The post office
- The hardware store
- The local park
- The antique store
- The dry-cleaner
- The mall
And these types of places can also serve as great places to meet people.
Here’s the key thing to remember:
Whenever you’re around other people, in any type of situation, it’s always in your best interest to keep an eye out for potentially eligible, attractive dating prospects.
This Is Something You’ll Need To Do Intentionally
If you want to widen your social net, you’ll need to intentionally start interacting with people more.
(I know that this is probably bad news to the very shy and introverted among you.)
However, it’s true.
If you want to meet real people in the real world, you need to go out and have real social interactions.
So it’s important to make a point to put some energy into this every single day.
Socializing And Meeting New People Will Also Take Up Some Time…
Another thing to keep into account is that you may need to sacrifice some other stuff to make this happen.
It takes time to go out and socialize—hence, why so many people get so dependent on dating apps.
But here’s the thing—if you want that awesome relationship with that awesome, attractive, special person, you’re going to need to meet large volumes of potential candidates in order to stir up some actual datable prospects.
This may require you to sacrifice some things.
This summer, you may need to ditch TV/movie streaming and ‘quiet nights at home alone’ to go out and meet people.
But hey—this is also a tenet of the alpha mentality.
If you want to change your destiny, you need to get up, get in the driver seat of your life, and take intentional action to make it happen.
Make It Organic By Doing Things You Enjoy
Another thing to keep in mind when branching out, spreading your social net, and socializing more is this:
It’s always in your best interest to find things that you enjoy doing, that are organically in alignment with your life and purpose.
In other words, don’t just go to hot yoga because you heard that there are a lot of hot women who go to hot yoga classes.
Rather, ask yourself:
“Do I think that hot yoga could contribute to my life in a positive way? Do I feel like this could be an enjoyable or enriching activity that could bring me some extra happiness, experience, learning opportunities, or adventure?”
See, it’s always in our best interest to be focused on our purpose rather than on dating.
The reason for this is simple.
People who are focused on their purpose are generally self-actualized.
They are people who have created an amazing life for themselves, who are already self-validated and self-sufficient.
In other words, they’re healthy, productive, positive people.
They’re not people walking around with a validational or emotional deficit.
When we walk around with a validational deficit and/or with a lack of purpose in our life, we broadcast low-value markers.
This will hurt your attractiveness, regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman.
Therefore, whenever you’re choosing to socialize, make sure that you’re focused on your purpose—and that you’re a self-actualized, self-validated human who’s simply out for an adventure…
The kind of person who’s not looking for an answer to their ‘empty life’ problem—but the kind of person who’s wanting to engage with dating prospects along the way to add a little extra ‘flair and oomph’ to their already amazing life journey.
Need some help with this? Check out this guide: How To Get Someone To Love You – In 20 Magnetic Steps.
2. Talk To People
This is the tough part.
As you go out and spend more time around more people, make sure to engage.
Note that the more people you engage with, the wider you can cast your dating prospects net.
If you only engage with one new person a week, you’re going to be at a severe disadvantage compared to someone who engages with four new people a week.
And that person is going to be at a severe disadvantage when you compare them to someone who’s engaging with ten new people a week, etc.
To a point, dating is a numbers game—especially in the part of the process where you’re bringing people into your dating funnel.
So keep that in mind as you navigate this process.
With that being said, here are some tips to help you navigate this step of the process.
Don’t Start With Any Preconceived Ideas Or Agendas
Personally, I’m not a huge fan of the ‘bold approach’ to hitting on people.
Not that this technique doesn’t work.
It’s just that it’s not my personal technique.
You can, in theory, walk up to someone, compliment them, tell them they’re beautiful, ask them for their name, introduce yourself, and then go for the number (or the date) right away.
And to be fair, this can be a perfectly valid technique that can definitely work.
With that being said, what I’m going to do in this guide is explain my technique for how to meet someone in real life.
Personally, I’ve had a lot of great experiences using this technique.
And I believe that it’s fairly bulletproof for anyone who isn’t quite interested in learning some kind of sophisticated pickup game or technique.
This is what I call ‘the normal human approach.’
You start by just approaching people to have normal conversations.
Don’t think to yourself, “I’m going to ask this person out,” or “I’m going to flirt with this person,” or “I’m going to ask them for their number.”
Don’t even think about all that stuff quite yet.
In my experience, if you put too much thought into that stuff before you approach the person, you diminish the natural authenticity of the engagement—and you may also just pile up the anxiety on yourself.
So just walk up to people with the intent to engage them in a normal, positive, friendly human manner.
Find A Totally ‘Innocent’ Reason To Start A Conversation
When you start conversations with people in this manner, try to find an innocuous, innocent reason to be talking to them.
For example, if I notice that the cashier at the grocery store is particularly attractive, I may ask her, “how’s your day going?” as she’s ringing me up.
This is a completely innocent way to start an engagement.
It’s not too forward.
It’s not going to ruffle any feathers.
It’s not going to cause me a bunch of anxiety and make me feel weird.
In asking her this simple question, however, I’ll open up a dialog and give her an opportunity to respond—and to show me how she behaves as she responds.
And this can give me a lot of information to use to figure out whether or not there may be any ‘shared attraction’ between us.
If she responds favorably (leans in, smiles, laughs at my joke, volunteers additional information without me asking her to do so, etc.) I may continue the conversation.
Sometimes this leads to a bit of friendly bantering back and forth.
This is exactly what you want—normal, positive, friendly human engagement.
Then, while you’re engaging in it, make eye contact and smile.
And don’t be afraid to let your personality shine through.
Show Your Personality
Sometimes, when we’re trying to talk to people who we find attractive, we just overcomplicate it in our mind.
We think to ourselves, “how can I get this person’s number?” or “how can I get this person to ask me for my number?”
However, what we should actually be doing is just enjoying the interaction with that person.
We should be enjoying the back and forth.
We should be asking them little questions and sharing little tidbits of information about ourselves.
Be witty and funny.
Let your personality show through.
This is when you’re going to be at your most attractive—not when you’re internally freaking out over how to ask them out, but when you’re just being you and letting your personality shine through.
Most of all, make sure that you’re having fun when you’re talking to new people.
When I was younger, I used to approach women and hit on them—and I used to feel miserable the whole time because I would be wracked by anxiety, worry, and fear of rejection.
Does that sound like fun to you?
It definitely wasn’t.
Don’t get me wrong—after I got more used to approaching women, this became a fun challenge.
However, I’ll admit that I have the most fun talking to people when I just let me be me, and I don’t burden myself with a bunch of preconceived bullshit from the beginning.
Now, with this being said, you may think to yourself, “well, this all sounds fine for making friends or just chatting at the grocery store. But how is this going to lead to more dates or dating prospects?”
That is a fantastic question. And that leads us right into step 3.
3. If You Sense A ‘Spark’ Of Attraction, Flirt A Little Bit
As humans, we all have a few different social modes.
We all have a professional face, a friendly face, and a flirty face. We also have a sexy, seductive face (but let’s save that one for when you’re actually on a date).
We obviously have other faces as well—but the point I’m trying to make is this:
When you initially engage with someone, you want to be using your friendly face.
You want to be showing them a bit of your personality, and allowing the ‘genuine you’ to shine through in the interaction.
And sometimes, once you begin this process, you’ll notice that they’ll start doing the same thing in return.
They may make eye contact—or lean into you, smile, laugh a little too much at your jokes, etc.
In other words, you may realize:
“There’s a spark of attraction here. I can feel it between us.”
This is really important.
And to be honest, this is the biggest thing that’s missed with online dating.
With online dating, there’s absolutely no way to figure out if there’s any kind of real ‘spark’ until you meet the person in real life.
But when you’re meeting people in the real world, you can learn to detect this right away.
If you don’t detect any sort of spark of attraction—hey, that’s okay. You just continue your friendly conversation, and then excuse yourself with a “goodbye, have a nice day,” when it’s time to leave.
However, if you do sense that little ‘spark’ of attraction (especially if you sense it coming from the other person as well), this is a prime time to turn on your flirty face and engage in just a little bit of playful, flirtatious banter with this person.
Don’t Go Overboard
You don’t have to go overboard with this.
You don’t have to super escalate or throw yourself at them.
Maybe you just smile a little bit more, or you lean in a little bit more, or you tell a little joke, or you tease them a little bit, or you remark on how witty and funny they are.
Or maybe you make a comment about their style and how great they look.
Maybe you even get to the point where you lean in and you give them a playful little ‘nudge’ with your shoulder, or an innocuous innocent ‘touch’ on the forearm.
Learning how to flirt is an art form all in itself.
However, the best way to learn is to just practice.
If in doubt, head out and just start flirting with attractive people when you meet them.
It won’t always lead to a date, but it will definitely help you to practice your game a little bit.
Plus, if you’re doing it correctly and you’re not going overboard, you’ll never have anything to regret or to feel embarrassed of.
There’s no shame in flirting a little bit, especially if you don’t take it too far—to the point where you either embarrass yourself or you make someone feel uncomfortable.
The Best Flirting Tip: Ask If They’re Single
Personally, my absolute favorite tip for leading into the part of the conversation where you may start to think to yourself:
“You know what? Maybe I’ll ask them for their number?”
Or for women:
“You know what? I really want him to ask me for my number…”
…begins with this question:
“So, are you single?”
You can ask this question in a very innocent way.
It could be incorporated into a part of the discussion where you’re asking them about their friends, family, hobbies, etc.
“So do you have a wife/husband at home? Or maybe a fiance or a girlfriend/boyfriend?”
Asking this question really takes the conversation to a new level of intimacy without going overboard or being too upfront.
This is a very reasonable thing to ask.
However, most people who are socially savvy will realize there’s probably a reason for why you’re asking.
In other words, asking this question is kind of like saying, “Hey, I’m flirting with you. I think you’re attractive,” without actually saying it out loud.
Regardless of what they say, this absolutely primes the setting to give you some great information to work with—as well as providing you with your best odds of successfully closing (or for women, eliciting a close) in the next step.
(Note: Do you need a refresher on the individual dating skill steps? Check out this post: The 5 Core Overarching Dating Skills.)
Speaking of closing, let’s talk about that.
4. Go For The ‘Close’
So you’ve started a conversation with an attractive stranger.
- You’ve introduced yourself.
- You’ve gotten to know them.
- You’ve even flirted a little bit.
But before you know it, your groceries are all scanned—and it’s time to pay your bill and depart.
What do you do now?
How do you actually go for the close without ruining this great interaction you’ve had and making things weird?
This is a fantastic question.
Before we dive into the specific techniques, it’s important for you to understand something.
Engaging with people and having great conversations is awesome.
This is how you widen your social net and bring new people into your life.
However, when it comes to dating, it’s really important to understand that the more often you choose to take the risk and go for the close, the better your results are going to be in the long term.
You want your experience of learning how to meet someone in real life to be a specific blend of authentic organic adventure and calculated strategy.
You want it to be mostly organic, but you want to deploy just a little bit of strategy to help push yourself towards success when it really matters.
In other words, what I’m telling you is this:
Take the risk and go for the close—especially if you feel like you’ve sensed that attraction, and if you’d like to potentially go on a date with this person.
Be brave, shoot your shot, have your adventure—and do it.
If they say no, that’s okay.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
Sure, it may feel bad for a minute—and it may hurt your feelings.
But at least you can walk away knowing that you put yourself out there.
With that being said, let’s dive into some specific techniques that men and women can use to secure a close in these fun/flirtatious social situations.
Top Technique For Men: Get Her Number
When it comes to closing and securing a number, the responsibility falls on the man’s shoulders.
As an alpha mentality man, you want to show the woman you’re talking to that you’re capable of taking the lead and holding the frame of the interaction.
This means it’s your responsibility to ask for the number.
Don’t ask for social media.
Go right for the phone number and show her that you mean business—that you don’t mess around with social media stuff like a thirsty beta who’s afraid to make a move.
You don’t have to make it some elaborate crazy pitch.
You can simply say:
“Hey, it was so great to meet you. Let me get your number real quick. I’d love to continue this later.”
Once again, this is very innocent and innocuous.
It’s not a super huge, weird ordeal.
And it’s not something that’s gonna make you sound creepy or aggressive.
This is a very normal way for humans to exchange information and get to know each other better.
At this point, it’ll be pretty obvious that you’re hitting on her.
Asking for a woman’s number is pretty much the universal symbol for “I’m interested in you and want to date you” in our culture.
So to me, this is the absolute best move that you can make.
How To Get Her Number
When you do go for the number, do it with confidence.
Pull out your phone, and tell her that you want to get her number—as if you’re expecting her to say ‘yes.’
Remember—you’re an alpha mentality man with a plan.
You’re in charge of your life, and you have an abundance mentality.
Therefore, you’re used to women saying ‘yes,’ when you propose that they give you their number.
Also, remember… don’t ASK for the number like some thirsty beta who’s putting her on a pedestal.
Be a man and tell her that YOU’RE GOING TO GET HER NUMBER.
This will display confidence and make you appear much more abundant and high value.
Top Technique For Women: Prolonged Goodbye (With Handshake/Touch)
Here’s the tough part for women.
If you make it too easy for the guy, you may end up accidentally offering yourself up as a free ‘backburner option’ for a guy who doesn’t have the guts or the desire to make a move on his own.
This can set you up to be in a bad situation with a beta mentality man who was never going to ask for your number to begin with.
Instead of being a man and going for the ask, he’s going to be a thirsty, opportunistic little beta bitch and just go along with the free ‘opportunity’ that came with your advances.
This is absolutely not what you want.
Therefore, your goal as a woman is to elicit a ‘close’ from the man—not to actually engage in a ‘close’ on your own.
This is a little bit tricky.
But for the most part, these steps will help you to give you your best odds for making it happen.
Step one. Engage with him.
Step two. Have a friendly conversation.
Step three. Flirt with him.
Step four. Ask him if he’s single, and inform him that you’re also single—while also making eyes at him and twirling your hair seductively with your fingers.
Step five. As the conversation winds down, go in for a handshake or a hug, and give him a prolonged goodbye with a very slight amount of innocent physical touch, and say something like:
“It was so nice to meet you—I hope we can continue this conversation sometime!”
Try to linger for a minute (in other words, don’t ‘rush’ off) and make it super easy to ask you for your number, just in case he’s shy and trying to work up the courage.
When you take these steps, and you perform them with your own amazing flirtatious feminine energy/power, you’re basically handing the opportunity over to him on a silver platter.
It would be so easy for any guy with even a little bit of alpha mentality to seize this opportunity and ask you for the number.
Therefore, if he doesn’t ask you for the number, the best recourse is just to walk away and remind yourself that it’s not going to work out with everyone.
Either he wasn’t brave enough to go for it, or he didn’t like you enough—and neither of those outcomes is going to be good for you as a woman in the long run.
In such cases, walking away is a better outcome than volunteering your number to a guy who’s either too scared or lacks the desire to make a move.
Like I said before, in that case, there’s just far too much of a risk that you’ll offer yourself up as a free backburner option—and no woman wants to be in that position.
5. Set A Weekly Quota
Now that you know the steps, you need to give yourself plenty of opportunities to practice them and put them into action.
For this, I recommend setting yourself a weekly quota.
Start out by making a goal to make 1 approach/engagement every day.
As you get more comfortable, you can increase this to 2, 3, 4, etc.
Remember—the more approaches/engagements you make on a daily basis, the more dates you’re going to schedule.
And the more dates you schedule, the better your odds are going to be of actually finding more high-quality potential mates to choose from.
This is going to put you at a significant advantage!
The goal is to stick with it on a daily basis, and stay consistent.
Keep working on your funnel, even as you meet people and schedule dates.
Never get so ‘caught up’ with your current dating schedule that you stop approaching people!
In fact, the more ‘options’ you currently have, the more confident you’ll tend to be, and the ‘better’ your approaches will get—and this will just further compound and snowball your confidence and success.
Because you’ll literally be operating in actual abundance.
A Note About Rejection
I know that the idea of getting rejected can sometimes keep you from feeling like approaching and engaging with other people is a good idea.
But here’s the truth of the matter.
You want a great dating life, right?
You want dating abundance, right?
You want an amazing relationship, family, and dating experience—right?
Well, here’s the truth.
The people who have these things, for the most part, all have one thing in common.
They overcame their fear. They took their shot. And they did it enough times, and racked up enough ‘wins’ on the board, that they were able to succeed.
In order to do this, you’re going to have to overcome your fear of rejection.
You may get rejected 9 times for every success you have.
You may get rejected 19 times for every success you have.
But here’s the thing.
Once you succeed at it, that’s a huge win.
Plus, as you get more practice, you’ll get better at it—and you’ll start to succeed more often.
Plus, as you work on yourself and embrace the alpha mentality, you’ll also increase your dating marketplace value—and this will also increase your odds for success.
It’s a long-term game, and you need numbers on your side when it comes to the dating marketplace.
So shoot your shot.
If you let the fear of rejection stop you, you’re going to continue to live in dating scarcity for the rest of your life.
You cannot create abundance without putting numbers on the board.
And you can’t put numbers on the board without facing the fear of rejection.
You just have to put in the reps.
You just have to get out there and do it.
Don’t let rejection get you down. Don’t let it discourage you. Don’t let it fuck with your brain.
Rejection happens to everyone.
Hell, I’ve been rejected more times than I can count.
But I’ve also had more ‘yesses’ from women than most men have had in their entire lifetime.
But I wouldn’t have gotten a single one of those ‘yesses’ if I had allowed my fear of rejection to stop me from trying.
That’s just the truth of the matter.
Is it possible to meet someone in real life?
You just have to be willing to get out there, meet people, engage with them, and have friendly conversations.
If you feel that ‘spark’ of attraction, start flirting a little bit—and then go in for the close (ask for the number/elicit a closing response from them).
This is a simple mindset shift.
But it’s so powerful for actually meeting people in the real world.
How do you meet someone in life?
You meet people by putting yourself in social situations where you’ll be around other potentially eligible, attractive people.
Then, you just have to be brave enough to open up and engage with them.
Just start a conversation and see where it leads.
You really can’t go wrong with this.
If you sense a bit of attraction sparking between the two of you, crank up the flirtation a little bit—and then go for the close.
You might be afraid of rejection.
But hey, fear only holds us back.
Face it and shoot your shot.
How can I meet someone naturally?
The best way to meet people naturally is to go on your own adventures in life—adventures that bring you joy, fulfillment, satisfaction, and happiness.
Then, engage with the people you meet along the way.
Don’t overthink it.
Live your amazing life, embrace the alpha mentality, and be authentically you.
And then, when you encounter other attractive people on your journey, talk to them, flirt with them, and ask them for their number.
People love to be invited to go on adventures with other amazing people.
And the more amazing you are, the more amazing your adventures will sound to other amazing people—and BOOM! This is how you create dating success in the real world.
What is the best way for me to meet someone?
The best way for you to meet someone is to just walk up to them, find a good reason to start a conversation, and be yourself.
If you sense that spark of attraction, ask them out or ask them for their number.
Don’t overthink it.
You don’t have to be fancy or smooth.
Just go for it.
Even if you don’t do it right or perfectly, it doesn’t matter.
Just be yourself.
Let your amazing personality shine through and invite people to go on adventures with you.
There you have it.
I hope that this guide has helped you to understand the basic essentials of how to meet someone in real life, get more dates, and find abundance in the modern dating marketplace.
Don’t be afraid of rejection.
Follow these steps, don’t worry about making it perfect, and just be yourself.
The biggest thing that can go wrong is for you not to try.
That’s really the greatest danger.
It’s so much better to try and to do it all imperfectly than to never try it all.
The more you try, the better you’ll get at it—and the better your odds of success will be.
Before you know it, you’ll have a calendar filled up with amazing dates, and you’ll be living in true dating abundance, like a real alpha.
You’ve got this.
Get out there and make it happen.
That’s all I’ve got for this one.
Until next time, this is Joshua K Sigafus signing off.