How to not get friendzoned.
This is a question that I see a surprising number of guys ask. And in this post, we are going to get right to it.
The main problem with the ‘friendzone’ issue happens when men build their relationships with women as friends first, and then try to upgrade into relationship territory.
But my friends, women do not work this way!
Once they realize that you are a good male friend, if they are truly a high value woman with many potential suitors, they are highly unlikely to want to date you.
Why date you and ruin that friendship and validation they are already getting when there are 15 other hot guys blowing up their phone and trying to get laid on the daily?
At that point, they can continue to gain the benefits and validation of being your friend, while also getting all the sex they want from other men.
It’s the perfect setup, and you can’t blame them for liking it!
I’ve talked about the friendzone before, in this post. But today, we’re going to talk a little bit more about some specific tips to help you avoid it.
So let’s shift your focus and give you some tips to approach women from a slightly different perspective.
You’re about to learn how to not get friendzoned!
Tip #1: Why Do I Always Get Friend Zoned? Because You Need To Stop Acting Like You Want To Be Friends, And Start Acting Like You Want To Fuck Her
A lot of guys are straight-up afraid to act like their primary interest in a woman is sex. Then, they get confused and want to know how to not get friendzoned at the same time.
There is nothing wrong with being sexually interested in a woman and making it known. In fact, if done tactfully, it can be a huge turn-on.
So try to shift your perspective. Do not approach her acting like ‘you want to be friends.’ Approach her like a powerful apha male who is interested in one primary thing… fucking her.
Get over the fear of being honest about this!
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you come right out and say it without any tact or balance. That could come off as a bit shocking.
But this mentality must guide your behavior and your attitude. And you need to stop being afraid of it.
[Dealing with a breakup? Check out this post: My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me – How To Handle It Like An Alpha.]
Tip #2: How Do I Get Out Of The Friend Zone Quickly? Make It Known That You Already Have Friends. It Needs To Be Difficult To Become Your Friend
You are a powerful, successful alpha. You have a very close friend group, and they are your solid rock.
You are not approaching this girl because you think that she could be a good friend. And honestly, you don’t even have time for that!
This woman is a sexual interest. So keep that attitude at the front of your mindset.
You have friends. True friends need to earn their loyalty and respect. That is not the goal here. The goal here is to flirt, talk, date, hook up… maybe even to have a relationship.
This is your mindset. You are not even looking for a new friend. You noticed her, and she caught your eye because you are a sexual being, and because she appeals to you that way.
So act like it! Albeit, in a tasteful way, of course… like a gentleman!
Tip #3: How Do I Stop Getting Friend Zoned Over Text? Easy… Stop Texting So Much!
This is a hard habit to break.
Remember, you are not necessarily here to make a friend. You are here exploring a sexual interest in someone.
That makes you a little dangerous and mysterious, but girls are really into that sort of thing if you can do it well, while still making her feel safe and being tactful.
But once you start really opening up via text message… that sends all kinds of friend signals.
You cannot do what you want with this woman over text. So why text?
Texting is only good for two things… planning an in-person meetup, date, or hook up, and texting a very little bit to keep her interested between meetups.
Calling her on the phone is alright as well. That will form a better connection faster than over text.
And in my opinion, messaging over social media is just as bad.
Use texting as a vehicle to set up a meetup. Then, flirt and talk in person.
[Want to learn how to get a girl to like you? Check out this post: How To Get A Girl To Like You – The True Alpha Male Way.]
If she won’t meet up, oh well. Move on to another girl.
You’re not in the business of trying to persuade people to meet up with you. You are in the business of being an awesome, powerful alpha, and chasing excellence every day of your life.
[Need help getting started on the alpha male journey? Check out this post: How To Be Alpha – 7 Steps That Every Alpha Needs To Take.]
You don’t have time to play games with girls who don’t know if they want you or not… especially over text.
Tip #4: Don’t Focus On Her So Much
When you are with a woman who you are interested in, flirting with her and spending time with her to build up that interest is an awesome, fun thing to do.
But aside from dates, meet-ups, or hook ups, one sure-fire way to get into the friendzone is to pay too much attention to her.
Have a date planned? Stop texting her. Wait until the date to talk to her.
Don’t blow up her phone. Don’t message. Don’t call.
DO NOT text earlier in the day to confirm. If she is so disrespectful or disorganized in life that she isn’t going to show up… you do not want her in your life. Period.
You have plans to see her, so wait until them. Live your own awesome life, build wealth, invest in your friends, and go to the gym in the meantime.
And along with this, put some of your focus into other women. Speaking of that…
Tip #5: Always Be Pursuing More Than One Woman
This is a concept that many ‘monogamous’ men in our culture have an aversion to.
But I see it as an essential part of learning to win with women in the long-term.
If you find yourself with some extra time on your hands that you would like to be filling up with a woman’s company, resist the temptation to send a text to that girl you’ve already planned a date with.
Instead, go out and meet another girl.
When you spread your time between two, three, four, or even more women… odds are good that you are always going to have a lady to talk to if you feel like it, but you can also avoid blowing up any one woman’s phone so much that she starts to think of you as a friend.
Key Tip: Women who are attracted to you crave your attention and your validation. But if they get too much of it, they will instantly lose interest in you.
That’s why you need to drip, drip, drip it to them…slowly, and intentionally.
Give them enough to keep them interested, but don’t overdo it. That leads to you becoming a friend.
Tip #6: Develop The Self-Confidence To Walk Away From Women Who Don’t Want What You Want
You meet a sweet girl. You get her number. You start texting or talking on the phone, trying to set up a date.
But she seems a bit hesitant. It seems like she always has an excuse. She’s working, she has bingo that night, she was going to dinner with her friend that night…
But she still keeps talking to you.
If a woman fails to work with you to make a solid plan, she doesn’t want one.
If you propose a date on a certain night, and she says that she is busy… she will propose an alternative to you if she is actually interested in meeting up.
If you are feeling like she really isn’t helping to solidify a date, then she’s not interested.
She doesn’t want what you want. Walk away and spend your time on another girl.
No matter how much talking or flirting you do at this point, this girl is not going to gain any more interest in you based on talking or texting. Odds are good that you are just a time waster for her.
She will stop texting as soon as she jumps in bed with the guy she really wants.
So move on. Go meet more girls, until you find one or two who are actually enthusiastic and work with you to plan successful meet-ups.
Those are the types of women you want to pursue!
Tip #7: Don’t Be Needy
This is super important.
You do not need this woman’s attention to make you feel good about yourself.
If you act insecure, get hurt feelings, or act salty because something didn’t go your way… she’s going to smell a bitch from a mile away and lose 100% of any interest she might have had.
Women desire powerful men. Powerful men have their pick of the hottest, high value women on the marketplace.
But… if a woman does reject a powerful man (which absolutely happens), he just laughs it off and is not bothered by it. He wishes her well, and goes about his business… because he knows that he can just meet another woman who is equally as hot as her, and start the process again.
This really comes back to self-reliance. We must be emotionally self-sufficient. If we try to put our emotions onto women to solve for us… we are going to lose 1000% of their interest and respect.
Tip #8: Be Bold
Some men are too nervous to come right out and say what they want.
Don’t be like these men.
A true alpha male would rather say what he means, and get shot down 10 times… than to fail 10 times because he was too timid to say what he really wanted.
If you want to have her over for a hook up, ask.
If you want her to come over and let you go down on her, ask her!
If you want her to come over, climb into bed with you, and cuddle… followed by some animalistic love-making, well, tell her that!
But if you ask her if she wants to come over and watch Netflix… make your move, and then get offended when she says that she thought this was just to watch Netflix… well man, that’s on you.
Be bold! Be honest. Be the man who says what he means.
This is instrumental in learning how to not get friendzoned.
Just do it tactfully! Be a little mysterious about it, but make it pretty damn obvious when the time comes to actually ask for what you want!
Tip #9: Don’t ‘Friend Talk’ With Her
If she wants to vent to you about her day, awesome. Listen.
If she wants to tell you about her hopes and dreams, awesome!
Flirt, tell jokes, and have fun together.
But if it gets to the point where you are becoming her therapist, and there isn’t some intense, dirty, nasty sex going on between therapy sessions… break it off, man.
The best time to listen to a girl’s problems is right after you’ve banged it out, and she’s cuddling naked in your arms while you play with her hair and rub her butt.
You’re not a therapist (unless you are… in which case you probably shouldn’t be banging your patients anyway).
If you want this girl to be your friend, not your lover, then talking to her about her problems at the coffee shop is probably the best way to go about that.
But if you want this girl to get naked and freaky with you… well, I’ve pretty much already said it.
You’re not her therapist. You are interested in her sexually… and there is nothing wrong with that.
If that sexual chemistry leads to real friendship, or even an emotional relationship, awesome… but it doesn’t work the other way around!
Very, very rarely does a high value woman develop sexual feelings for a man who is fulfilling a ‘friend’ role in her life. She is much, much more likely to try to stay friends with him and fuck someone else… someone she doesn’t know as well.
Tip #10: Overcome The Temptation To Appear ‘Available’
This is another reason why I would always encourage men to be seeing more than one girl at once.
When we really like someone, we can have a tendency to get really focused on them… so much so that we might try to spend time with them, even when that means rearranging our plans or moving things around to fit their schedule.
Don’t fall to this temptation, men!
When I start talking to lady I’m interested in, I ask her if she wants to get a drink or hang out on a specific night, at a specific time that fits with my schedule.
I am also a very busy man. I have friends, I have close members of my tribe I spend time with, I have a girlfriend I make sure to spend time with (I’m non-monogamous), and I also have children that I prioritize very highly… so days that I spend with my kids are obviously off-limits to pretty much anything else.
If a woman starts to act finnicky about the fact that I have a busy schedule, or always seems unavailable at times that work for me, I just stop texting and talking to her.
Why? Because my time is very valuable, and I am not going to rearrange everything to make room for one woman I just met… even if she is really hot or really high-value.
The fact of the matter is that my friends have been there for me for years. My tribe has been there for me. My kids are a huge priority. The girlfriend who is always present in my life, who ads incredible value to my life, comes first. My work is a huge priority.
I’m not going to move my gym, work, or friend activities around for a woman I just met. Why? Because those are for me. And that is more important.
But at the same time, when we, as men, prioritize our lives and work toward excellence, we also become more attractive to women.
And if we rearrange everything just to spend time with a girl, it really comes off as desperate and unattractive.
Tip #11: Recognize That For A Strong Alpha, There Is Nothing Wrong With Being Rejected By Women. It Happens
We are strong, powerful alphas… not wizards!
We are going to take shots, and we are going to miss sometimes.
There are going to be women out there who are just not interested in you… and that is ok. There is nothing wrong with it.
Hold your head high. Remain kind and respectful. Don’t take it personal.
Learn from your mistakes, move on to other women, and try again.
I have been rejected so many times that I cannot possibly keep track.
But I also am usually the guy in the room who has the most experience with women.
I didn’t get those experiences by being afraid of rejection. The simple truth of the matter is that when I meet a woman I’m interested in, I go for it.
Sometimes she’s into it, sometimes she’s not.
But I have had some awesome times, and continue to do so. Because I am always growing, and I don’t let rejections mess with my mindset.
A true alpha male doesn’t fear a ‘no.’
His only concern is that he wants to keep growing, developing, and getting better.
The biggest part of learning how to not get friendzoned is to adopt a true alpha male mindset, and work on developing a true alpha male personality in life.
Check Out My Personal Alpha Male Code
If you want to learn more about what it means to be a true alpha, check out the Oath of Kings, my personal alpha male code that I strive to live by every day.
If you want to know how to not get friendzoned, the true answer is that you need to become a super high value man.
You also need to level up your attraction skills, learn about women, and level up your life to become the best version of yourself.
Seek and chase excellence for yourself, first and foremost, and always make yourself your highest priority.
When you learn to do this, winning with women falls into place almost naturally.
You just have to level up your skills of attraction to go along with it. Learn how to talk and flirt with women as a proper, powerful alpha!
Go with grace, my friends… and never give up your power!
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus