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how to pick up women

How To Pick Up Women – 11 Tips That Men Need To Deploy

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If you want to get better at learning how to pick up women, it is very important to understand a few key concepts. 

But the number one concept you need to understand is that women should never be the focus of your life

This is a very important thing to understand, and a fundamental building-block that is required to build actual, real success with women. 

Alpha men see high-quality women as a complement to his already excellent lifestyle

They are fun, they can offer companionship, they are sexy… and to be fair, pursuing quality relationships with women, both sexual and non-sexual, should be seen as a definite priority in the alpha-male social spectrum. 

In other words, the true alpha male does not swear off women unless he actually has no real interest in them

But this is pretty rare. 

Joshua Sigafus Consulting

Most heterosexual men desire quality sexual experiences, and most men also enjoy the companionship of high value women. 

And this is perfectly natural. It is even healthy! 

The key, of course, is not to depend on women for your sense of self-worth. 

Also, making women the focal point of your life is one of the fastest ways to become a beta.

If you want to be a true alpha male, then you must learn to prioritize your own purpose and mission in life. But you must also learn how to date with confidence, level-up your ability to pick up women, and practice attraction as the essential skill set that it is

Let’s get started. 

How Do You Actually Pick Up Girls?

dating advice for men about women

A lot of men struggle with how to actually pick up women

To be really specific, I see 5 crucial problems that a lot of men struggle with when it comes to this

  • I see a lot of men struggling to have enough confidence to approach women
  • I see men not treating attraction as a skill
  • I see men relying only on luck and surrounding social constructs to put them into contact with high-value women
  • I see men being intimidated by women on a regular basis
  • I see TOO MANY MEN not leveling up their lives to maximize their effectiveness as men

These are often issues that come about out of deep-seated confidence and competence issues on the part of the man. 

But even deeper than this, they are born from the fact that most men are not pursuing their purpose in life as their primary mission! 

And very near to this is another problem… that the man has probably not put in the time to master the skills of attraction and seduction in his life as he is leveling up his mindset. 

When you learn to get good at something, you get more confident

The reason why so many men lack confidence with women is because they don’t know how to win with them

In other words… unless you have some kind of horrific physical deformity that absolutely makes you look like a monster in real-life, your inability to find high-value dates whenever you want them is 100% your problem… one that you can fix!

A lot of men get defensive when they hear me say this. They blame society, they blame women, they blame their parents, they blame their bad luck, they blame rich people, they blame shallow people, they blame good-looking people… etc. 

In other words, they bitch and whine about not being able to win, while pointing fingers at everyone else

A Powerful Alpha Male Solves His Problems Instead Of Complaining About Them

A true alpha male sees the problem, and comes up with a solution. 

And in this case, the solution is to learn dating skills that will give you the power, confidence, and talent to date and pick up women on your own terms… on your own timeline… whenever you want! 

If you don’t think this is possible, then just listen to my own personal story for a moment. 

My Personal Story 

Develop Self Confidence

I used to be the biggest beta-male in the world. I was so unhappy with myself. I had no power over my own sex life, and while I had a little bit of natural game and usually ended up getting a girlfriend, I still struggled to navigate the dating world the way I wanted.

I had no knowledge about game, and knew nothing about how to deploy real attraction skills!

I pretty much had to rely completely on luck, and my own natural ability to talk to people to find an attractive girl to spend time with. And even when I did, I would often ruin it by being desperate and clingy!

I was, perhaps, reasonably attractive. But I was so awkward and shy that I came off as being severely insecure once things started to progress.

But I have literally transformed that side of my life. 

Over the course of the alpha male journey that led to me discovering what it means to be a true, powerful alpha male, I ended up learning about attraction, practicing it, and getting much better at it

I could tell you some wild stories about going out to clubs, practicing pickup lines, practicing flirting, getting shot-down, and learning all kinds of valuable lessons. 

At first, these adventures were disasters! 

Most men would get discouraged by this. But I had a great time, and I looked at it as a valuable learning opportunity to level-up my life. 

And even as I got shot down, laughed at, joked about, etc. I felt so alive!!! Because for the first time in my life, I was taking responsibility for my own sexuality and dating destiny—and it felt incredible!

Every time I got shot down, I went back to the drawing board to figure out where I went wrong. 

I didn’t give up. I kept at it. 

For years, almost every weekend, I would dress up, go out, meet women, and practice the subtle, but powerful skill of attraction. 

I would also read articles and books during the week about how to level up my dating life. 

I studied the science of attraction, sex, and why men and women behave the way they do. 

I inhaled every bit of information I could get my hands on. I wanted to crack the code to female attraction. 

I also started hitting the gym. I started developing a healthier body. I quit drinking sugary energy drinks and soda. I started taking vitamins. I started working out more. 

I also studied fashion, hairstyles, and how to look better

Eventually, I developed my own style that worked for me. I even started going to a tailor to get my suits fitted for me, so that I could look my best at all times! 

And in time, with practice, slowly but surely, I started to learn. I started winning. All of that hard work and effort started paying off.

At first, I was super surprised when hot women started saying ‘yes’ to me. But then, it started happening more. And this gave me confidence, which made me better at the game… and everything was elevated.

Eventually, I came to understand women and attraction enough to know what I was doing, and I learned that I had almost complete control of how successful I was, based on how well I was able to stick to everything I learned. 

I also learned that women LOVE true alpha men. They cannot get enough of them. 

The true alpha male is like a drug that women crave. 

You just have to learn how to tap into this mentality and learn how to use it the right way. 

Are Alpha Males Pick Up Artists?

alpha male pick up artist

I have studied the art of pick-up quite a bit. My own take on it is that game and pick up are good for men who really struggle with women—but eventually, you won’t need them. 

If you become a true high-value man and learn legitimate attraction skills that you can use to level up your interactions with women, you won’t need to rely on routines or games to score dates and have sex. 

There are some great pickup artists out there. But there are also people who are trying to sell quick gimmicks to make money off of desperate men. 

At the end of the day, leveling up your pick-up game mostly relies on developing yourself as a true, powerful alpha male… not learning a ‘bag of tricks’ to ‘trick’ women into dating you

Personally, I find that Kezia Noble is probably my favorite. I think that her techniques are very helpful, and she has a LOT of knowledge about the game. 

But at the end of the day, there is no substitute for practice

If you want to be good at something, you need to do three things. 

  • You need to practice as often as possible
  • You need to learn about it through studying
  • And you need to adapt when you experience failure

If you can follow this formula for anything, you will eventually get better at it. And if you keep practicing, leveling up, and learning, you will eventually start to see positive results. 

And if you never stop practicing, you will become a master

How To Get With The Most Women

alpha male strategies

Different men want different things. Some men want to get married. Others just want to hook up for fun. 

But regardless of what you want, it is imperative to your health and success as an alpha male to learn how to play the field and date as many high-value women as possible. 

Alpha male men do not settle. They have fun with all kinds of women as they seek for what they truly want. 

  • They do not ‘wife up’ quickly
  • They do not stop playing the field just because they meet one really cool girl
  • They realize that pursuing quality sex and casually dating quality women is something that every alpha male should strive to do if he wants to
  • They are also not ashamed of being sexual beings and wanting to have awesome sex with beautiful women

The true alpha male does what he wants, and he does not allow the opinions of other people to upset him or throw him off. 

With that being said, it does take some skills to attract, hook up with, and date high-value women. 

So let’s go over that. 

Here are 11 tips for how to pick up women. 

These are very basic steps, but they are all important

Let’s start with the basics. 

Step 1… Develop Self Confidence

alpha male confidence

Self-confidence is the precursor to succeeding with women. 


Because women can sniff out insecurity like a hound can sniff out a rotten bone! 

But developing self-confidence requires more than just telling yourself that you are awesome. 

Sure, you should tell yourself this, and you should believe it. 

But you must also back it up with action

Here are some of the best ways to gain confidence as it pertains to women. 

  • Start hitting the gym
  • Start dressing better
  • Start getting serious about developing and refining your own personal sense of style
  • Start eating better and taking better care of your health
  • Start studying attraction and seduction
  • Start getting adequate sleep
  • Stop acting needy, clingy, and desperate
  • Start practicing attraction, flirting, and hitting on women

As you get better at these things, you will doubtlessly grow your confidence level.

The best way to grow your confidence is to become better at what you want to do.  

Confidence comes from actually taking action. 

It is like preparing for war. If you just jump into a war, you’ll get decimated by an enemy who is well prepared. 

In this case, the enemy is your own ignorance and lack of knowledge

So if you study, and come to the battlefield prepared, you will be much more likely to see victory. 

“Every battle is won before it’s ever fought.”– Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Step 2… Realize That Your Success With Women Is Completely Up To You

You can complain about how women do not treat men fairly. You can complain about how men are demonized in the media. You can complain that feminism has ruined sex for men in the modern world. 

But as you are sitting alone at home, complaining and being sad, there is an alpha male somewhere taking two ladies home at once, and a dozen more women wishing that they could find and meet a man who could actually hold their interest. 

Third vow of the oath of kings

Women aren’t stupid. They are complex creatures with complicated needs. 

And part of learning to get better at dating women is learning to pick up on these needs when they arise, how to deal with them, and how to build a connection with her while doing it… all while resisting the urge to become a beta. 

This is a process that requires a great deal of balance. You must be firm, yet gentle… rough, yet soft… firm, yet understanding. 

You must be equal parts monster and gentleman

This is a balance that only comes through understanding and knowledge. 

But you will never achieve it if you blame other people for the problem. 

Take it from me. This is a glorious time to be a man!

Women are starving for real alpha men. A man who knows how to treat women right, while still staying true to himself and remaining strongly autonomous, is a huge turn-on. 

But you will only learn it if you let go of your habit of complaining! 

Step 3… Learn To Be Completely Comfortable And At Peace By Yourself

Success with women is up to you

Alpha men date because they want to

Beta men date because they can’t be happy alone

This is a huge difference, and even if you tell women that you are comfortable alone… trust me. The truth will come out. 

Women can sense this as well, and it reeks of desperation, sadness, and loneliness! 

Don’t be that guy. There is nothing alpha or strong about being afraid to be alone. 

I strongly suggest getting comfortable with your own company. Learn to enjoy yourself as company. Start doing work that you truly care about. 

Cultivate your own priorities, and work toward a purpose that you see as bigger than just you in the world. 

Chase excellence. 

These are the things an alpha male prioritizes. 

Then, when he feels like entertaining a lady or having one over to sleep in his bed with him… he does it. 

To the man who does not understand women, or to a man with a beta/scarcity mindset, this may sound impossible. 

But trust me. 

Before you can learn to understand women and level-up your dating game to a significant level, you must first learn to not just become comfortable with solitude… but to remove the element of ‘being lonely’ from your algorithm altogether. 

Yes, we are social creatures. And to a point, we all need companionship. 

But as an alpha, you must become a powerful leader who is fully capable of walking alone. You must become like a leopard, and willing to hunt alone to seek what you desire. 

You must learn to transform your desperate need for companionship into indifference for it, and then add onto it the skills required to find companionship on your own terms, whenever you feel like it. 

In doing this, you will add something very strong to your inner-self. You will take control of this element of your life back into yourself, and away from the chaos of your emotions and the outside world around you. 

Above most other things, an alpha is ruled by reason and rationality… not by his feelings or emotions. 

Step 4… Get To Work, And Start Earning More Money

14th Vow, The Oath Of Kings

This might seem like an odd step, but it is important to understand that women are hypergamous by nature

Wealth is very attractive to high value women. 

There are many complex factors that women use to assess the quality of their male sexual companions. 

Some of this is subconscious and is run through the filter of their evolutionary instinct to find a provider and a protector

Some of it has to do with their own proclivities and sexual preferences. 

And some of it has to do with how their male partner will be perceived socially by other people in their social circles. 

Read The Evolution Of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating, by David M. Buss. 

It is fascinating to understand how men and women have evolved to select mates. 

You’ve probably heard it said that women wait at the finish line and bed the winners of the race

Well, it’s true. This is because women are much more likely to be attracted to a man who is at the top of as many social dominance hierarchies as possible. 

Women are attracted to good looks, high charisma, intelligence, high social status, empathy, leadership qualities, and money, among other things… mostly because these are all elements that tend to manifest themselves in men that are at, or near, the top of many different types of social dominance hierarchies

And money is absolutely a part of this

So get to work. Grind and hustle. Start making more money, start saving, start making wise investments, start side hustles, and find ways to intelligently generate more resources for yourself. 

If all you do is sit around and play video games, the quality of women you are going to have access to is going to be much lower than the quality of women you will gain access to if you are using your time to generate more wealth and power for yourself. 

Some men don’t like this… but it is true. 

And again, money isn’t the only factor. It is just one factor. But it is still an important one! 

Step 5… Learn To Be Strong In Yourself

When you start going out to pick up women, hook up with them, and date them, you are quickly going to be exposed to what I like to call dominance tests

Women will test your dominance in a number of ways. They might make fun of you, belittle you, poke fun at you, try to get you to go back on things you’ve said, try to get you to do things a certain way, and basically try to gain the upper hand in the conversation/situation.  

This is almost always going to happen, though you will also quickly notice that it seems to happen more when a woman is interested in you, but isn’t sure what kind of person you are. 

For women, this is a method they use to gather a lot of information about you as quickly as possible. 

They want to see how you are going to react to these tests… and that very well may determine whether or not they want to continue talking to you. 

How To Handle Dominance Tests

The best way to handle these tests is to treat them like flirting. As an alpha male, you should never allow a woman to intimidate you. 

You are your own person. You do what you want, and you are not affected by how a woman might be challenging you. 

Never get mad or aggravated when women start testing you. Also, never succumb to their attempts to get you to change your mind or back down on something you said. 

There is a subtle art to maintaining a light-hearted tone in such conversations. 

It is always best to keep the spotlight on her. 

If you allow her to frazzle you or even to take away from you having a good time, she will smell the ‘beta blood’ from a mile away—and will either dismiss you or start thinking of you more as a friend than a sexual partner. 

Why Do Women Test Men Like This?

The key to all of this is that women love to challenge men, and have that challenge stopped in its tracks. They love it when a man is so strong in himself that they cannot penetrate his barrier of self-worth and self-confidence. 

They also love it when the man is better then them at flirting, game, and understanding the dynamics of the conversation. 

In essence, most women simply love it when a man is not only willing to take control… but is also so good at it that he does it effortlessly and naturally. 

And finally… nothing is more attractive to a woman than a man who is so confident and strong in himself that he is 100% willing to walk away from her if she loses his interest. 

Women love to fight for a man’s interest if they are truly interested in him. But they will only fight for it if it is deemed worthy enough to be worth the effort. 

A Technique For Crushing Dominance Tests

If you can flip these tests back on her and put her in the spotlight instead, and turn it into an opportunity for her to tell you something new about herself, you will not only be getting her to open up… but will also be building a bond with her, and showing her that you are above the petty games she is trying to play. 

And it will absolutely make her panties wet

Here is an example. 

You are at a bar, drinking with a girl.

You notice that she suddenly starts to get very bossy, and she tells you to order your next drink with a lemon. 

Now, she didn’t suggest this as a nice possibility. 

She ordered you to do it. 

What do you do? How do you deal with this situation?

A beta male move is to go ahead and do what she said. 

Don’t do that… at least, not right away

Instead, call the behavior out right on the spot. 

You: “Ooohh, very interesting. You’re telling me how to order my drinks now? Are you a bartender?” 

She might act surprised. Regardless of how she answers, keep the conversation on her. Keep it light and fun. Maybe she says something like this…

Girl: “Um, actually I USED to be, thank you very much!”

You: “Ah, very good. I’m actually impressed! So tell me… why would you choose a lemon for this particular drink?”

This flips the question back onto her. You are not assuming anything. You are not being disrespectful or rude. You are just asking her a question and acknowledging her behavior without acting out emotionally. 

You are also giving her a little bit of credit for her knowledge—But are also challenging her playfully!

This gives her a chance to back up her statement, and shows her that she does not have any power over you. But if she is attracted to you, it may also engage her subconscious desire to impress you.

And that is a very good thing!

Use this opportunity to study her and to listen to what she has to say. Treat it as a cry for attention, and give her the attention. But decide for yourself, after you have proven that you are not swayed by her tests, whether or not you want to take her suggestion. 

If she wants to suggest something, make her prove it and earn it before you alter your course!

Step 6… Meeting Women

women are attracted to danger

Now that you have done a lot of the prep-work, and have learned how to deflect dominance tests, it is time to start actually meeting women and putting yourself out there. 

But to do this, you need to start spending time where women are spending time

This could mean online dating, going out to clubs, going to bars, joining groups, taking part in classes, engaging in new activities, and generally expanding your social circles. 

Here are a few tips, though. 

To Meet Women, You Have To Go Out To Where Women Are

First off, do not rely completely on online dating. For a true alpha male, online dating is only something he does for fun… not because he relies on it. 

Online dating can be a very easy and time-efficient way to meet women for hookups and casual dating. 

But if you really want to level up your skills and start making progress, you should be physically attending events and going to places where attractive women congregate. 

This may vary, based on what type of woman you want. But going out to bars and night-clubs can be a great way to get started. 

One thing to keep in mind, though, is this. 

The true alpha male is always enjoying his life, regardless of whether he has a woman with him or not. This is so important to learn, and sets the tone for everything else! 

Because of this, he only does what he wants because he wants to do it. 

So when you go out, go out with friends and have a good time. And if you happen to see some ladies you are interested in, then go for it! Introduce yourself! 

You should always be doing things you want to do, because you want to do them

You are not out chasing women because you are desperate. 

In this way, the alpha male is always ready and willing to enjoy flirting whenever a beautiful woman might present herself to him. 

But that’s not what his mission is. 

This mentality is very important. 

Try not to be goal-oriented with women. 

Alphas, betas, and even omegas are all very different this way. 

  • Alphas live their own life and find self-fulfillment, but are always on the lookout for attractive women and are more than willing to engage with them when they get the opportunity
  • Betas make women the focal point of their goals, and tend to do what they do because they think that it will make them more likely to get dates… because they feel like they need a woman to actually be happy
  • Omegas are so intimidated by women and so unhappy in their social lives with women that they don’t even try anymore, and likely choose not to go out or pursue anything that challenges them at all… mostly because they are paralyzed by fear and are stuck in a negative cycle of self-loathing and a lack of self-confidence

Be goal-oriented for yourself, and allow women to be a compliment to this… not the focal point! 

7… Do Not Be Afraid To Introduce Yourself

Learn How To Interact With Women

There is an incredible amount of power in simply introducing yourself to women in such a way as to not come off as intimidated or disrespectful. 

This may sound like an easy thing. But trust me—a lot of guys get this wrong! 

Do not allow beautiful women to intimidate you. 

  1. Approach with confidence
  2. Make eye contact
  3. Shake her hand, or offer a brief hug… whichever seems more natural
  4. DO NOT act like you are trying to win her or prove yourself to her
  5. Make polite conversation, based mostly on her

There is nothing as boring as a man who only talks about himself! 

You should be comfortable enough with yourself that you are perfectly content to listen to her talk about herself

The first introduction makes a big difference. You don’t need to do some crazy, elaborate thing to get her attention. 

Just walk up to her, display genuine interest in meeting her, and don’t be afraid to start a conversation. 

Sometimes, girls will start the conversation. And if this happens, awesome! 

But as a general rule, it is up to the man to do this. So overcome your fear, and get out there! 

8… You Are Studying Her And Evaluating Her… Not Trying To Win Her Approval

Male attractiveness

The alpha male knows that his life is 100% awesome with or without this woman in it

He also knows that if this woman says no to him, he will have many, many other chances with other women to get a ‘yes.’ 

Therefore, do not get caught up in trying to ‘win’ a girl’s approval. 

Do not chase a girl, or get so caught up in her that you put her on a pedestal. 

Instead, evaluate her. Don’t be too quick to agree to a date, sex, or something else. 

Ask her some questions. Show her that you have standards, and evaluate whether or not she meets them. 

You also need to balance this with genuine kindness and respect. 

These are very subtle things. Anything too extreme is going to be a bad thing. 

Most of all, remember that a true alpha male is at peace with himself. This is the biggest thing to remember! 

9… Never Focus On Just One Woman

This is a mistake that so many men make. And it is absolutely destructive to their efforts with women.

Never, EVER, put all of your focus on one woman. 

You are an alpha male. You are an apex male. You are constantly on the lookout for the next thing that catches your interest. 

Do NOT be too quick to get into relationships. 

In fact, I would almost never advise that men enter committed relationships that are monogamous until they are 1 million percent sure that they are done chasing women, hooking-up, and meeting girls. 

This is one of the fastest ways to becoming a beta and succumbing to domestication!

Always be flirting, getting numbers, meeting incredible, beautiful women, and having a good time. 

If a woman crosses your path who seems absolutely incredible, and you are super-sure that she is wife material, DO NOT stop seeing other women just to appease her or keep her happy. 

Make her prove that she has enough interest and maturity to stick around in your life first. 

All too often, women will ‘move in’ on a guy and try to get him to give up everything but her. 

And then, the ironic thing is that when it works, she starts to immediately lose attraction for him. 

This is a complicated dynamic that we aren’t going to get super-deep into right now, but the idea here is to keep living your best life as an alpha. 

Don’t settle, and don’t stop doing what you want with other women until this woman proves 1,000% that she’s worth it for the long-term. 

Many women will get attached for a few months, and then bail. 

Don’t put the rest of your life on hold for a woman like this!

Keep your emotions in check, and keep playing the field. 

10… Practice Flirting

Flirting is a skill that anyone can learn. 

If I was going to break it down and get really specific with exactly what flirting is, here is what I would say. 

Flirting is a process through which… 

  1. You make the woman laugh
  2. You get playful with her and challenge her
  3. You goad her gently into proving herself to you
  4. You build up a bond
  5. You establish the beginnings of intimacy, touching, sensuality, and sexual tension
  6. You make subtle sexual advances to make your desires known, without giving her the signal that you are a ‘sure thing’ until you are 100% ready to close the deal

The thing about flirting with women that men need to understand is that women tend to lose interest in a man once they know they’ve got him. 

This is a classic trope, but it’s true! 

So through flirting, maintain your power over the situation. 

Give her a little bit of playfulness, then challenge her… then pull back a bit, leaving her wondering if she could actually get you if she tried. 

Never be a sure thing for her. 

This is actually really over-simplistic… but it is an important thing to get right. 

And the only way to learn how to flirt, beyond reading tips or books about it, is to practice it!

11… Level Up Every Aspect Of Your Life, And Attraction Will Follow

Should Alpha Men Talk About Their Feelings

The most important step that any man can take on the road to succeeding with women is to build up his own life to a point where it is completely and purely awesome

Hit the gym. Make some money. Dress better. Get better at the skills you care about. Become a stronger leader. Learn to be self-sufficient. Stop being clingy and submissive. 

Become a powerful alpha, and conquer the parts of your life you care the most about. 

Create a well-balanced life for yourself, characterized by self-responsibility and self-fulfillment… and you will become that much more attractive to the women around you

I really cannot overstate this. 

You do not need a woman to be happy. 

But… the alpha male journey dictates that we prioritize social relationships… and that we also prioritize our sexual appetites as well. 

This means that an alpha male is perfectly happy on his own, but that he also enjoys sex with high-value women whenever he wants it. 

And he also develops the skills and habits necessary to make that happen for him on his own terms

And so, this is how the alpha male takes control of his sex life, becomes skilled with women, and becomes completely self-sufficient in the area of dating and sexuality. 

And as he levels these things up, he gets better and better at being able to understand how to pick up women successfully. 

If you truly don’t want women (for example, if you are gay or asexual), then instead, learn to cultivate quality friendships with high-value women instead

One of the most important alpha male strategies is not to neglect prioritizing and seeking out quality women in your life. 

But at the same time, do not allow your need or desire for a woman’s attention to dominate your life or take away from your power, either. 

What Does It Mean To Be Alpha Male?

Learning to be a powerful alpha male is no easy task. 

If you want more information about alpha male personality, alpha male strategies, and the alpha male journey in-general, check out this post.

At the end of the day, never forget that being an alpha male is all about becoming self-sufficient, self-responsible, and self-fulfilled. 

We must chase excellence, level up our lives, and take back our power from the chaos outside of us. 

With that said, hopefully these tips will help you to go forth and succeed in learning how to pick up amazing, incredible high value women! 

Go with grace, my friends… and never give up your power! 

Until next time:

Joshua K. Sigafus