How to start a conversation with a girl:
The best way to start a conversation with a girl is to immediately walk up to her, find a context-relevant reason to start a conversation, and transition quickly into a greeting and introduction. You should ask her for her name, give her your name, shake her hand, and then continue on with the reason you approached her as you begin building connection and flirting as you work your way up to either getting her number or asking her out on a date.
The idea of learning how to start a conversation with a girl during a cold approach can give a lot of men anxiety.
But… you’ll actually find that it’s a lot easier than you might think!
First, let’s define exactly what a cold approach is.
What is cold approach?
A cold approach is when you approach a woman you have no previous social connection with, specifically with the intent to engage with her (to start a conversation, flirt with her, get her number, ask her out, etc.).
So in other words… walking up to a random woman at the grocery store to ask her for her number would be considered a cold approach.
Whereas, asking out a co-worker who you’ve worked with for a year would be considered a ‘warm approach’ or ‘tribal dating’ approach (dating within the context of an existing social circle).
Let’s get into it.
Note: If you’re interested in the content matter of this post, then you’ll definitely be interested in our master guide to dating. Make sure to check that out to get a complete rundown of the entire dating process, from beginning to end.
Cold Approach Game Is A Lot Of Fun, Once You Get Over The Approach Anxiety!
I love cold approach game, and I believe that every man on the alpha journey should be confident enough to walk up to attractive women and engage with them… wherever he may be.
This can be done very well, I think it can be extremely tactful when done correctly. Plus, women love it!
But what do you say?
Learning how to start a conversation with a girl is probably one of the hardest parts of this entire process.
But… no fear! In this post, I’m going to share 9 of my favorite cold approach conversation-starters with you, so that you can back-engineer them and use them in your own cold-approach scenarios.
These are all either conversation starters that I have used, different versions of openers that I have used, or openers that are still in my reserve… waiting to be used at the opportune time!
This post is not actually about seduction technique. You can find my seduction technique post here.
But… if you’re looking to start the conversation and get it rolling, here are 9 openers to help you figure out how to start a conversation with a girl.
9 Best Openers For Cold Approach
1. I Really Like Your Tattoo! What Is It?
I’ve used this one several times, and I like it!
I like it because I legitimately think that tattoos are sexy. So I tend to notice them, and I feel like this makes starting a conversation sound easy and organic.
2. What Are You Drinking Tonight?
I have an interest in drinking… to a point! I don’t drink as much as I did in my party days, but I am still usually down to try a new craft beer or mixed drink.
So at a bar, I may ask a lady what she’s drinking. It’s a genuine inquiry that can really get the conversation started.
3. I Like Your Piercings! Which One Stung The Worst?
I’m also really into girls with piercings. So, this is a pretty natural question for me most of the time.
If in doubt about how to start a conversation with a girl, and she has a couple of facial piercings, I’ll compliment her on them… and then ask which one stung the worst.
4. Hello, My Name Is Josh! What’s Your Name?
This is super basic, but actually takes a great deal of confidence.
With this opener, you literally just introduce yourself.
I like to use this one during those moments when you’re sitting or standing near someone, catch their eye, and smile at one another.
I like it because I feel like it takes the lead and kind of breaks the ice where it feels the most natural.
Of course, you want to make sure to act confident, though. Introduce yourself like you own the place.
This is also a great approach in settings that are more professional.
5. This Place Is Kind Of Dead Tonight, Isn’t It?
Stuck finishing a drink at a slow bar? Find the prettiest girl and sit down next to her.
Don’t be shy. Open up by stating the obvious. After all… you’re in this together, right?
This is what I call an ‘observational opener.’ And honestly, it’s one of the best ways to start a conversation.
6. Is Your Name Really (fill in the blank)?
I like to use this opener with women who are wearing name tags.
So… waitresses, girls who work at convenience stores, saleswomen, etc.
It usually elicits a laugh, and can be a great ice-breaker.
I sometimes follow it up with something like… “Ah good, I wasn’t sure if that was your name or you just stole the tag!”
7. How Is Your Day Going? Very Good. But How Is Your Day Really Going?
I actually got this idea from Wingman T.V., and though I’ve never tried it… I also think that it’s a really good idea!
First, you ask ‘How is your day going?’
She answers, probably with a more typical answer.
Then, you lean in and ask, “Ok. But now, how is your day really going?”
This is giving her permission to be a bit more open, and can be a fantastic opener that has built-in flirtation and connection potentially happening from the very first sentence.
8. Hey, My Name Is Josh! I’m Really Digging Your Style! What’s Your Name?
This is actually a really standard opener that basically involves you doing three things.
- You introduce yourself
- You pay a limited compliment, which conveys your interest (just be careful not to pedastalize her too much)
- You ask her for her name, showing her that you’re confident and high-value by requiring something from her immediately
As a cold approach opener/conversation starter, this one is really basic, and it can obviously be switched up and changed to fit the situation.
Be a little careful, though! One compliment, in the beginning, is probably enough. You don’t want her to start putting herself on a pedestal.
When it comes to paying women compliments, I’ll generally compliment something she’s wearing so that the comment isn’t quite as direct.
For example, instead of saying, “You’re so beautiful!” I’ll say, “Wow, I love that jacket!”
The problem with paying women direct compliments is that it can really come off as cringy and weird. It can also convey the message that you think she’s better than you, which obviously isn’t good for the ‘attraction’ side of the equation.
9. So Are You A (sports team, movie, band, etc.) Fan?
I like to use this one when there is some kind of entertainment going on.
So, at a concert, I might say “So, are you a (opening band name) fan, or are you here for (the other band’s name)?”
This is super easy because it references the entertainment that you’re both here to see, and uses that as common ground to start a conversation. In other words, it’s another observational opener.
It also works well at sports bars, sporting events, clubs where a live DJ is performing, etc.
How To Cold Approach A Girl
You cold approach a girl by being decisive about the fact that you want to approach her, and then taking the leap to actually walk up to her. Then, you engage her in some brief conversation to break the ice.
Here is a step-by-step play of exactly how this works.
1. Decide To Approach
Women can always tell when men lurk around them indecisively. So if you’re going to approach her, do it boldly and with confidence.
2. Find A Reason To Start The Conversation
While you can walk right up to a woman and ask her out (or ask her for her number), you’ll find that your odds of a successful interaction will increase if you use one of the cold approach openers listed above.
The reason for this is pretty simple.
Women need some kind of emotional investment in you to be truly interested in dating you (at least, in most cases). And in order to create emotional investment, you need to create just a little bit of emotional impact.
This generally happens by making sure that you’re using the 5 core overarching dating skills, and that you’re engaging in a small bit of ‘connecting conversation’ and ‘flirting’ with her before moving in for the ‘close.’
The 5 overarching dating skills are:
To learn more about generating connection in your dating life, read this guide: 5 Ways To Create More Genuine Connection In Your Dating Life.
3. Once You’ve Connected With Her, Start Flirting
Men who are too afraid to flirt are usually doomed to get friendzoned. Plus, men are just plain boring when they don’t sexually escalate the situation!
To learn more about flirting, read this guide.
4. Don’t Shy Away From Making Your Move
Whatever you intend to do as a ‘close,’ make sure that you follow through with it (unless you learned that she’s married, or figured out some other reason for why you want to abort the mission).
You’ve already successfully cold approached her. You’ve used one of your best cold approach openers, and you’ve built some connection by talking to her. Heck, you’ve even pushed the envelope by flirting with her a little bit!
So exercise some boldness and ask her for the number!
What To Say When Cold Approaching
Sometimes, you may not be sure exactly what to say when walking up to a woman. And hey, that’s ok! Don’t sweat it. The honest truth is that you don’t really need to have any perfectly rehearsed cold approach lines prepared in order to walk up to a woman and leave an amazing impression.
Honestly, it’s more about just being confident and self-assured in your own skin as a man, and being willing to take action to talk to a beautiful woman you might be interested in.
Nowadays, a lot of men are literally afraid of beautiful women, mostly because they fear rejection. But as an alpha-mentality man, you don’t want to cave in to this fear. Even if you walk up to her and seem a little bit nervous, just be yourself and say whatever seems most appropriate to the context.
You can even make it as simple as saying:
“Hey, my name is Josh. What’s your name? Well *name, I saw you over here and I just had to say hi. I like your style. What are you up to on this fine day?”
How To Ask A Woman For Her Number
To ask a woman for her number, you actually don’t want to come out and ‘ask’ for it. Instead, you want to pull out your phone (after already engaging in some connecting, relevant, flirtatious conversation), and say: “Hey, I really enjoyed talking. I have to get going, but let me get your number really quick…”
Then, you just hand her your phone and/or prepare to type in the number yourself.
When you use this approach and ‘assume the yes,’ she’s going to feel more comfortable and at ease with the process, and this will increase the odds that she’ll actually give you the number.
Starting A Conversation With A Beautiful Woman
Starting a conversation with a beautiful woman can be difficult, especially if you tend to be nervous and/or anxious about talking to women in general.
And a lot of men also fall victim to the ‘sex shame trap,’ where they believe that showing sexual interest in a woman is inherently perverted, wrong, or weird.
But this is a MASSIVE lie that has really permeated our society.
The truth of the matter is that it’s healthy and proper to have a healthy sexual interest in beautiful women. And there’s nothing wrong with walking up to women and starting respectful, context-relevant conversations with them in the hopes of getting a number (and possibly leveraging that number into a date, sex, and maybe even a relationship).
If she tells you she’s not interested, or if you sense that she’s not super eager to give you the number – that’s ok. Just thank her for her time and move on.
But you never know. She may be looking for a guy just like you, and you may be exactly the type of man she wants to date!
Remember: It is the man’s responsibility to pursue dates and sex. As men, we can’t expect women to do this for us. We need to take the initiative to seek these things out as men. This is the true masculine way.
How To Start A Conversation With A Random Girl
To start a conversation with a random girl, you just want to walk up to her, find a context-appropriate reason to start a conversation, introduce yourself, and move along with the process of talking to her like a normal human being. Then, you can ask her about herself to build some connecting conversation, and eventually transition into doing a little bit of flirting as well before eventually asking her for her number.
What Are The Best Alpha Male Conversation Starters?
Here are my favorite alpha male conversation starters:
- Ask her about something she’s wearing
- Use an observational opener that’s relevant to the context
- Introduce yourself by name, and ask her for her name
- Boldly tell her that she seems like the kind of woman you’d like to meet
- Ask her how her day or night is going – then, respond to the question to continue the conversation
Remember, the whole idea of an alpha male conversation starter is starting a conversation that’s intentional, and straightforward.
A lot of men will try to act like they’re not hitting on a woman because they’re afraid to let her know that they’re interested. But this is actually a beta mentality. As an alpha, you should want her to know that you’re hitting on her and that you’re sexually interested in her. That’s the whole point!
You just want to make sure to do it respectfully, tactfully, and like a true alpha-mentality gentleman.
Books To Help You Master Your Dating Life, Starting Today
By David M. Buss
If you truly want to understand the foundational principles of human mating behavior, this book is an alpha mentality MUST READ.
By Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss
This book is a MUST READ for anyone who wants to understand the complex nature of female mating behavior from a scientific and real-life perspective.
By Helen E. Fisher
If you want to truly understand the brain chemistry behind stuff like love, lust, attraction, desire, infatuation, etc. Then this book is a MUST READ.
By Vanessa Van Edwards
Every alpha must learn how to be charismatic – and this book is a MUST READ due to how well Vanessa Van Edwards teaches these skills within it. If you want to master your own charisma and level up your ability to succeed with people, this book is crucial!
By Kezia Noble
My favorite all-around dating book for helping men to understand how to interface with women – with plenty of awesome insights that’ll doubtlessly help you with your dating game.
By John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams
If you want to learn how to interface with women successfully – both in a dating capacity and in relationships, then this book is a MUST READ.
In Conclusion – How To Start A Conversation With A Girl
Remember, women are a lot like men.
They want to meet cool people. They want to have sex. They want adventure. They want to be hit on, and they want to be desired.
And they love the idea of an attractive, confident person walking up to them and starting a conversation.
But… They also want a bit of mystery.
When we cold-approach women, we need to appear confident. We want to be high-value, and we want to make sure that we use our body language, tonality, and overall image to sell them on our value right away.
Also remember this… practice makes perfect.
At first, approaching women is a little bit scary for men.
But as alpha men, we must learn to defeat this fear.
In fact, this is exactly what the 5th vow of the Oath of Kings, my own personal alpha male code, speaks to directly.
It isn’t rocket science, men. So get out there, meet some attractive women, and start some conversations!
Until next time, go with grace my friends… and never give up your power.
Joshua K. Sigafus