How to stop being needy.
This is something that I see a lot with men. They get hung up on a girl, get into a relationship, get married, or even just meet a nice girl, and all of a sudden they are acting needy!
They get upset if she doesn’t message back. They get hurt feelings if she doesn’t meet their expectations. They act desperate, clingy, etc.
And it is super unattractive, for many reasons!
Well, today you are going to learn my 5 most crucial tips for learning how to stop being needy.
Let’s dive in.
I Have A History With Neediness
When I was a younger and less experienced man, I used to be pretty needy toward the women I dated.
I used to do all of the ‘classic’ needy guy things.
- Get hurt feelings if she didn’t pay attention to me
- Mope if things didn’t go the way I wanted
- Get really frustrated if a woman didn’t text me back
- Act salty if she spent time with other men, even if we were not officially ‘together’
- I was very insecure too… so I would try to dig for reassurance all the time, to the point where it was exhausting!
- I was constantly afraid of being rejected… and this made me a very anxious and socially dysfunctional person
- I would get salty if I didn’t get the making out, sex, or intimacy I wanted
One thing that I CAN tell you is this… these behaviors brought me nothing but unhappiness… and any of the fine women who gave me a chance were often driven away by them!
But when I started the alpha male journey, and I started figuring out how to be confident on my own… I started to learn how not to be so needy.
And like clockwork, the ladies around me started to really dig it.
It’s just so much better! Neediness is straight-up unattractive.
And as men, it is not only going to make us happier to be self-sufficient… but it is also going to give us a better shot at being attractive and desirable to the women we would like to engage with!
My goal on this site is to help men win with women.
I want to see all of us succeeding, leveling up, and bettering our lives.
So I have put together some thoughts that may help.
Here are 5 tips for learning how to not be needy that really helped me to turn around this massive problem in my own life!
And I have a feeling that at least one or two of them can also help you!
#1 – Overcome The Urge To Control Everything
If you stop and think about it, you will realize that neediness actually comes from a desire to control things.
Why do we want to control things?
Because we are afraid of what will happen if they do not go our way.
For me, this was the fear of being alone.
I was so afraid of ending up alone that I would try to control what other people did around me. But this only led to me pushing people away.
So when I started understanding this, and starting to realize that this was not the best way to live, I started to realize that I was going to need to overcome my fear in order to learn how stop being needy.
And that leads us to tip #2…
#2 – Overcome Your Fear
Neediness pretty much always stems from one of two fundamental problems.
- A lack of motivation
- Or a fear that we have
What are you afraid of? Why do you feel compelled to keep reaching out and trying to get people to pay attention to you?
If you can figure out what you are afraid of, and what you are trying to protect yourself from, you can focus on the actual problem.
Your problem is not that people do not pay enough attention to you. Your problem is that you are afraid and are overcompensating for that fear by being needy towards the women around you.
#3 – Start Loving Yourself Instead Of Needing Other People To Do It
One of the most important steps you can take in learning how to stop being needy is to learn to cultivate true self-love instead of searching for love in other people.
Obviously it feels really good to be loved. But when we feel like we need someone else to fill a void within us, that isn’t healthy.
As alpha males, we must be strong enough, confident enough, and healthy enough to be happy, fulfilled, satisfied people on our own.
Then, if someone super cool comes along and adds to our life, we can just be grateful for that, and treat it like an unexpected gift!
This is almost impossible, though, if you do not love yourself.
Here are some of the things I do in my own life to continually develop my own self-love.
- Pursue my goals
- Work hard to achieve success
- I focus on my alpha male code, the 18 vows of the Oath of Kings, to help me guide my thinking and bring order to my life
- I pursue my purpose in life, which gives my life meaning
- I invest in the lives of people I love and care for… my friends, my children, my girlfriend, close work colleagues, etc.
- I continue to level up and try to better myself. I work out, I try to eat right, I am constantly building my business, and I stay focused on my plans and goals for the future
All of these things help me to grow and love myself more. These things give me meaning and purpose, and that is what life is all about!
I am busy building a legacy to leave behind when I am gone, and trying to be a capable, wise leader for my tribe in the here and now.
But do you know what is ironic? As I do all of these things, I actually become more desirable… and more and more people actually want to invest in me and spend time around me.
It is really awesome how cultivating self love also makes you more loveable to the people around you!
#4 – Learn To Stop Complaining
This is one of the best and most important lessons you will ever learn.
When I learned to stop complaining, my entire outlook changed.
My attitude went from “poor me, nobody is treating me right,” to “instead of complaining, I am going to take action and change my life.”
I literally got to the point where I banned myself from allowing any complaint to come out of my mouth.
It is amazing how much power we give away while whining and complaining!
Don’t whine and complain. Instead, take action!
Are people not treating you well in life? Walk away from them, get comfortable by yourself, develop some self-love and self-respect… and then, when you meet new good people, invest in them first and bring value to their lives without expecting anything in return.
It works!
#5 – Take Control Of A Situation In Your Life And Start Making It Better
When you feel the urge to be needy, complain, double text, act clingy, reach out for reassurance, etc… instead, focus on leveling up as a man, and chase excellence.
Start a business and generating wealth for yourself. Start volunteering for a non-profit. Start a group activity. Start a meetup and invite people to it.
Start helping people in your tribe and community. Start pursuing something important, and use your skills to make life better for people!
Focus on a higher purpose or reason for being. This will not only build you up and give you something better to live for, but it will also give you confidence and keep you busy!
(As a bonus side effect, this will also tend to make you more attractive!)
We Need To Level Up And Take Control Of Our Lives
Men, it is time to stop being needy.
We must be strong in ourselves. We must learn to self-soothe, and to be our own comfort and friend.
We must learn to be enough for ourselves.
We must have an attitude of gratefulness toward people who are good to us… and learn not to be needy toward them.
Let people live. Be happy for them without feeling like you are entitled to their time or energy.
Trust me. If you are living the alpha male journey, leveling up as a man, and striving to be the highest-value man in the room… then you will have no problem finding excellent humans to spend time with, build intimacy with, and have great relationships with!
It is so amazing how well it works! I can tell you this from experience!
Well, that’s all I have for today, my friends.
Go with grace, and never give up your power!
Until next time!
Joshua K. Sigafus