How to talk to the girl you like.
In some cases, this can be quite daunting!
Imagine this. You are out and about, getting coffee, perusing your favorite store, or even walking at the park.
And you see her. A beautiful woman. She catches your eye, and your heart skips a beat.
You are obviously attracted to her. But walking up and talking to her, without sounding silly or embarrassing, can be a real source of anxiety!
Or maybe you already know her? Maybe there is someone who works with you, goes to school with you, or attends the same events that you attend… and you want so badly to ask her out!
How do you do it? How do you walk up to this girl and talk to her?
In this post, we’re going to talk about that!
Let’s dive in!
A Quick Story For Context
I was once standing in line at a bookstore, waiting to purchase a book.
When it was finally my turn, I walked up to the counter… and suddenly realized that the cashier this beautiful, red-haired, fair-skinned, freckled-faced young woman with an amazing smile.
She was stunningly beautiful!
As I purchased the book, I made small-talk. I wondered if I should ask for her number… but I chickened out.
I paid and I left.
As soon as I got out to my car, I realized that I had made a mistake. I regretted not asking her.
So I put my book in my car, and went back inside. I stood in line (with no book in hand), until I got back up to her register.
She looked at me curiously, as if wondering why I was coming back through so quickly.
I leaned forward and spoke quietly.
“You probably get this all the time, but I was just wondering if I could get your number?”
She smiled so big, and her face turned red.
“Wow, that is so kind of you to ask. I have a boyfriend though, and I doubt he would be happy if I gave my number out to someone else!”
I nodded my head in understanding.
“That is very understandable, I just had to ask! Have a great day!”
Then I waved goodbye and walked out of the store, feeling much better about myself.
I didn’t get a number… but at least I asked. I took my shot.
That gave me a huge boost of confidence, made me feel good, and got my heart pounding.
I will also never forget the goofy, beautiful grin on her face. She seemed legitimately flattered… and that alone was worth it to me!
[Can a trans man be an alpha male? Check out this post for my official answer!]
How To Talk To The Girl You Like, Step 1: The Context
The first thing I like to pay attention to whenever I’m thinking about talking to a girl is context.
Now, keep in mind that this is very subjective, and very much based on your own interpretation of what is going on… but hear me out.
First of all, if I see that a girl is very busy with something that seems really important, I may opt not to walk up to her and talk to her.
Because I want to be genuinely courteous.
Have you ever been right in the middle of something, only to have someone walk up to you and try to strike up a conversation?
Well, I have. And sometimes it can be frustrating.
But At The Same Time, Don’t Invent An Excuse Out Of This If It Isn’t Happening
It is pretty rare that a woman seems so busy that I cannot walk up to her and introduce myself.
It does happen… but it is also really easy to get into a complacent mindset and use that as the excuse for why you aren’t doing it!
So try to balance this out. You need to be bold, but you also want to be courteous.
Step 2: Figure Out What Is Holding You Back
If a man is afraid to approach a woman, there is usually some kind of fear holding him back.
So if you want to learn how to talk to the girl you like, you need to learn how to identify, and overcome, your fear.
It is often the fear of rejection that keeps a man from taking such a risk.
But it can also be a fear of looking foolish, a fear of embarrassment, a fear of what she may think of him and tell her friends later, a fear of looking weird… or strangely enough, a fear of ‘what will I do if it works?’
Try to figure out what is keeping you from engaging with women in the real world.
Remember that, for the most part, nobody is going to be offended or weirded out if you walk up to them and start a conversation… especially if you make sure to do so in a kind and respectful manner.
In fact, if you are kind and polite, it will probably be a very good experience for both of you… regardless of whether you get a number or establish any sort of connection.
Dating Apps Are Cool, But Should Not Replace Authentic Real-World Encounters
It is super easy to hide behind a dating app to meet women. But this also closes us off from incredible opportunities to meet real, genuine, awesome people in the world around us!
Dating apps can be a great way to meet people too… but I believe that every man should also try to meet women in the real world around him as well.
Step 3: Walk Up To Her And Introduce Yourself With An Opener
Opening with a girl is probably the second most nerve-wracking part of the entire ‘approaching women’ experience (closing usually freaks people out more, and understandably so!).
But… this is a super fun part of the experience. You can use your opener to show her your personality, be yourself, display your interest in her, and make her feel at ease with the conversation.
One of my favorite ways to open with a woman is to compliment any facial piercings she might have.
Why? Because I have a number of piercings. I think they’re super cool. I think they look good. I have a genuine interest in body art, so it is really authentic for me to walk up to a girl, and say something like…
“Hey, your septum piercing looks awesome! Where did you get it done?”
But your opener can also change with the situation.
Once I was at a bar, and this girl sitting next to me had this super cool alien spaceship tattoo on her shoulder.
I complimented her on it and asked if I could see it. We talked for a bit over drinks, and I ended up getting her number… though not a text back the next day, unfortunately. (Hey, I love to talk to women, and I’m pretty experienced at it… but even I am not a wizard! It never works 100% of the time!)
Another time, I was sitting in this restaurant, waiting on some tacos, when this lovely girl sat down across from me to wait for hers as well.
I asked her if she came here often… and that sparked a very nice little conversation that lasted for about 15 minutes!
The point is this. Openers need to be natural. You can’t force them, or they’ll sound weird.
But you also need a legitimate excuse to talk to her… even if it is just to ask her if she likes the weather!
So use your personality and your own unique manifestation of yourself as a human, and come up with the best you can on the spot.
Don’t worry about sounding awkward. If she’s feeling the vibes, she won’t care if the opener isn’t perfect. In fact, she will likely appreciate that you are being genuine and 100% yourself, and that you are not putting up some kind of fake front.
The more real we can be, the more at-ease people will feel when talking to us. And that is super important!
Step 4: Turning An Opener Into A Conversation
This part can be a bit tricky.
Some people can turn an opener into a situation without any sort of guidance. They just come by it naturally!
But if learning how to talk to the girl you like is a process that causes you a certain measure of fear or anxiety… well, that can be a bit more challenging.
You may be afraid that the conversation will fall flat due to you not being able to think of something to say.
Here are some tips to help you transition from an opening to a real, genuine conversation.
- Ask questions! That is the best way to get to know someone!
- Ask questions that require more than a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer! This will prompt more conversation, and give the other person a chance to show you their personality as well
- Practice confident body language while talking. Smile, make eye contact, put your phone away, and face them. Also, try to avoid fidgeting or crossing your arms.
- Make sure that the conversation stays equal. If you only ask questions and never share, they might start to feel self-conscious. But if you only share and never ask questions, they will probably get bored
- Don’t tell super long-winded stories! Try to keep your contributions to the conversation short and concise.
- If you feel like you aren’t sure what to say next, focus on the last point the other person was making, and then ask them something a bit more in-depth about it.
With practice, this process can be extremely fun… especially once you get past the awkwardness and the anxiety of it.
[If you really want to learn how to keep a conversation going with a woman and never run out of things to talk about, grab a copy of The Noble Art Of Seducing Women. Kezia Noble is actually a wizard at this!]
Step 5: Close By Asking For A Number, Date, Kiss, Hookup, etc.
You may want to ask this person if you can have their phone number. Or, you may want to ask them on a date.
You might even want to invite them back over to your place for a hookup!
In any case, as the energy of the conversation increases, you will want to start to transition into a closing.
And you need to make that move before the conversation starts to lose steam.
Once again, I’ve found that the best way to do this is just to be honest, up-front, and 100% yourself.
Try to close using your own authentic personality. But also try to be confident about it at the same time.
One time, I met this lovely lady at a bar. Our conversation was fantastic, and there was a lot of chemistry. Here is what I said to her as the energy levels reached their peak…
“I’m not sure if you are usually a ‘play on the first date’ kind of person or not, but I’m having a really good time, and I feel like this energy between us is really good. Want to get out of here and get naughty?”
Honestly, from a pickup-artist or dating coach perspective, this is probably not the method that will give you the greatest odds of success. In fact, looking back on it, it was a bit cringy.
My approach here could have easily been interpreted as ‘nervous,’ and it was very possible that this would have thrown most women off.
Plus, it was just kind of a ‘square’ thing to say!!!
But… I did my best. It was 100% honest, and it was 100% me.
I’ll spare the more intimate details… but that ended up being a very memorable evening, and I am very glad that I took the chance and put myself out there, even if my approach was not perfect.
Chasing perfection really isn’t the point. Being your authentic self is really more important than that.
You Won’t Get A Yes Everytime… And That Is Ok
There is no such thing as a man who gets a ‘yes’ every time with a woman.
Every man gets told ‘no’ at some point. And that is totally fine!
The official alpha male perspective is this.
A powerful, wise, effective man would rather overcome his fear, put himself out there, and get shot down 100 times than to succumb to fear and never ask!
You only fail if you don’t try.
The only way to learn how to talk to a girl you like is to do it.
If you try, and get a ‘no,’ you have not failed. You’ve just learned another lesson… and next time, you’ll do even better!
And that is what it is all about.
Attraction Is A Skill
Just like woodworking, singing, cooking, or knitting, attraction is a skill.
And the only way to learn it is by practicing.
That means getting out of your house, doing cool things with cool people, meeting women, striking up conversations, and asking for numbers, dates, or hookups.
You have to actually try if you ever want to succeed.
Hopefully this post has given you some real, actionable tips that you can use today to help you learn how to talk to the girl you like.
The most important thing to remember here is that trying is the number one best thing you can do.
Nothing will teach you more about women than actually going out and having experiences with real women!
Overcome your fear, practice, learn a little bit, and try again.
That is the formula for success.
That’s all for today.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus