How to treat your girlfriend.
Running game, hookups, and casual dating/casual sex are natural frames of behavior for alpha males.
But at some point, most men will enter into some kind of committed relationship.
But as an alpha male, what do you need to know about how to treat your girlfriend?
Some men might even want to get married (though I actually discourage this, for a number of reasons). But even so, in that case, the question becomes how does an alpha male treat his wife?
I was married for 10 years, and I’ve also had several other long-term relationships… and I have learned a lot of hard lessons during those times.
The good news is that my relationships these days tend to run much more smoothly, and are much healthier and more enjoyable than those I was in when I was younger.
Now, looking back on my life, there are many things that I wish I would have known.
Here are the main things I wish I would have done differently in my marriage and relationships.
[Not sure how to get a girlfriend? Check out this post: How To Get A Girlfriend – 11 Alpha Male Tips For Men!]
I Wish I Would Have Been More Kind
I have always been a pretty kind person. But I didn’t always make this a priority.
Truth be told, I’ve had a chip on my shoulder for most of my adult life. And while this gives me a lot of motivation and drives me to level-up constantly, in some ways it can also really hurt other people if I don’t make sure to prioritize kindness and respect.
This is why my personal alpha male code, the Oath of Kings, specifically speaks to this.
I believe that there is great power in being kind. And so, as alpha men, we should always strive to treat our girlfriends with kindness and respect… especially during conflict.
I Wish I Would Have Maintained Stronger Boundaries
I used to be a people pleaser. That was the beta male in me.
And so, when people treated me badly or disrespected me, I was always afraid to bring attention to it, because I didn’t want to start a fight or have conflict.
Because I was desperate to be loved and accepted. That is what I needed to feel good about myself.
As a result, I used to let people walk all over me until I couldn’t stand it anymore. Then, I would explode and lash out.
This is obviously not the way of the true alpha male. If you want to learn how to treat your girlfriend the true alpha male way, then you must constantly reinforce your own boundaries and communicate with people who violate them.
Nowadays, I am very quick to point out when someone is doing something that displeases me. But since I am not letting it build up, and not letting people walk on me, I can voice my feelings on the matter with rationality, kindness, and respect.
I also strive to be fair, while still maintaining a zero-tolerance policy for disrespect.
I also do not believe that a man should lie or cheat (if he wants to sleep with other women, he should be non-monogamous or refrain from entering a committed relationship). Check out this post to hear my thoughts on cheating and dishonesty.
Because I am honest and don’t hide the things that bother me, my girlfriend always knows where she stands. If there is a problem, I bring it up immediately.
If she violates a boundary, I immediately bring attention to it and engage in a dialogue to let her know that such a boundary violation is unacceptable to me.
We can then work together to figure out how to keep such an occurrence from happening again.
It might seem harsh to draw such strong lines in small, everyday matters. But this is how we maintain our peace and respect ourselves, while demanding respect of the people around us.
It is also a part of honest communication.
In doing this, we take care of our own mental health, and we completely eliminate the problem of people taking advantage of us or disrespecting us.
I Wish I Would Have Realized How Damaging It Was To Feel ‘Entitled’ To A Woman’s Time, Attention, Or Effort
My ideas about this have radically changed. As I have pursued the alpha male journey, I have realized how much damage we can do to other humans when we act entitled to their time, attention, and effort.
For example… I used to get upset when my ex-wife didn’t want to have sex with me.
Why? Because I felt entitled to it because I was her husband.
Instead of taking responsibility and solving the problem myself, I expected her to solve it for me… which was not the true alpha male way.
I should have…
- Been honest with her about how I felt
- Listened to her and realized that we were sexually incompatible
- Proposed that we either open up our relationship or separate
- Continued forward with my head held high, knowing that I prioritized myself while still being kind and respectful to her
Instead, I let these feelings bottle up, and I became bitter and resentful.
The truth is that regardless of whether we are a man or a woman, we are never entitled to someone’s time or attention.
If someone chooses to spend time with us, we should be grateful.
If we want something from them, we should kindly and respectfully communicate this.
If the person agrees, awesome! Problem solved!
If not… that is totally fine. We have discovered that either it is not the right time, that they don’t want to do that thing, that we must be patient, or that there is an incompatibility. We can then choose to spend our time or attention elsewhere, where we are more likely to find what we are looking for.
And in doing so, we avoid pressuring other people. And of course, we should demand that other people show us the same respect as well!
Speaking of gratitude…
I Wish I Would Have Been More Grateful For The Good Things My Partners Did For Me
One of the most powerful mindsets an alpha male can embody is the mindset of gratitude.
When I was a younger man, I tended to take it for granted when people did nice things for me. This included my wife, and later on, my girlfriends.
Today, I strive to make sure that I am always grateful for the nice things my girlfriend does for me.
Whether it is cleaning the house, paying me a compliment, spending time with me, preparing food, etc., I always try to stay present in the moment, and thank her for the good things she does.
I do not expect her to do good things for me. She obviously has a share in the household chores, but I never expect her to go above and beyond this.. And I do not feel entitled to her time or energy in such matters.
And so, when she does do things that please me, I feel grateful… and the more I show her that I am grateful for the good things she does for me, the better our relationship is.
This is a small shift, but it is so powerful.
Most people expect certain things, and get upset if their expectations are not met.
But the true alpha male path is to maintain healthy boundaries, exercise kindness, and let that person live how they want. And if they do good things for you, you react with gratitude, reward them, and bring them closer in your circle.
I Wish I Would Have Understood How To Choose A Partner
My method of choosing partners when I was younger looked something like this.
- I found a girl I liked
- I learned about her and got to know her
- I tried to be attractive to her so that she would like me and want to date me
But this is not the true way. When we choose partners like this, we obviously compromise ourselves… and we also lower our desirability.
We should, instead, choose someone who we find not only attractive, but someone who is also high-value, who has a lot to offer, who proves to us, in life, that they are loyal to us.
We should not seek to ‘win’ the attention of a woman. We evaluate and decide whether or not this woman is worthy of our attention.
Yes, it is true that men are competitors in the sexual marketplace. But as high value men, we always strive to be the best man in the room. And so, we do not tolerate nonsense, and we are not in the business of trying to prove our worth to women!
We already prove that, by winning in business, in our relationships, at life, in the gym, by mastering our craft and leveling up, etc.
As this person proves that they are high value and loyal, you reward them with loyalty in-turn, and you bring them closer.
If they betray your trust, they may get one warning. Or, if the betrayal is serious enough, they are out!
But many men are afraid to walk away from a partner. They do this because they are afraid of being alone, and it makes them weak.
This leads to my next point…
I Wish I Would Have Known When To Walk Away
My marriage and many of my other earlier relationships were filled with disrespectful, disloyal actions on the part of the woman.
But looking back, I realize now why they never respected me. It was because I didn’t respect myself, I didn’t respect my own boundaries, I didn’t treat them as well as I should have, and I just wasn’t a strong man… period.
Simply put, they didn’t respect me because I wasn’t a high value man… and it showed!
When you shift your focus and you start…
- Leveling up to become a high value man
- Respecting and loving yourself
- Practicing kindness
- Strictly enforcing your boundaries
- Practicing gratitude on a daily basis
… there is no reason for why someone should feel that they have the right to disrespect you.
But still, some women will do it anyway. Many women will even test you, to see how much they can get away with… which is why you need to be ready to walk away.
Once you start tolerating games and bullshit with a woman, they will realize that they can now get away with it… and it will never stop.
And they will absolutely lose respect for you.
I used to tell my wife that I would never leave her, and that I meant it when I said till death do us part.
And I realize now what a massive, foolhardy mistake this was.
Knowing that she could never lose me, why would she ever respect me again?
She could literally do whatever she wanted!
This is only one reason for why I encourage men never to get married. There is no reason for a man to marry a woman in this modern world we live in!
When I learned to walk away from women who disrespected me and my boundaries, I acquired a massive boost of power over my own life.
And as a result, the relationships I had entered after this point were much healthier, much less filled with drama, and much more enjoyable.
I was no longer a slave to everyone else’s whims. I could decide to go my own way if I wanted… and that is not only a good thing, but a healthy thing that every man should be willing and ready to do.
I Also Wish I Would Have Realized That I Was Not Responsible For Anyone Else’s Happiness
In many of my early relationships, I thought that my role as a boyfriend was to make her happy. But this is absolutely not true!
Now, I do not expect a woman to make me happy. I expect to make myself happy, and as a result, I can bring that happiness to the table for my girlfriend so that I am a positive person in her life.
And men, we must accept nothing less from women!
In the past, I had partners who were not happy people. And sometimes they would blame this on me.
Sometimes it was understandable for them to blame me, to a point… because I wasn’t taking self-responsibility for myself. I also wasn’t standing up for my boundaries, or working to make sure my own life was in order.
And so, it was all a big mess… and it is no wonder that these relationships didn’t last as long!
You must be able to embody and balance two very basic tenets.
- You need to have control of your life. That is your responsibility, and you do not blame your partner if you are failing in this.
- If your partner is contributing to making your life more chaotic, you walk away… you do not let their baggage spill over into your life.
You see, we all have a duty to be kind. But we do not have a duty to make someone else’s unhappy life happy.
That is their duty, not yours.
You are not a knight in shining armor, arriving to save your partner from a miserable existence.
You are a warrior who comes to stand beside your partner on equal footing. You should fight your own battles together. You are not responsible for fighting hers, and vice-versa.
But guess what… if your partner doesn’t pull their weight, you are obviously going to choose another shield-mate.
Why? Because you need to be able to rely on them and trust them, meeting on equal footing, to build a quality life and trust that they will not bring ruin to it from the inside.
This is why it is usually better for alpha men to just casually date. It is quite rare to meet someone who can meet us on such a high-value level. To be quite honest, a lot of women expect to be taken care of.
And as a result, they do not have the tools or the level of awareness required to come to the table on equal footing… to be a serious, high quality partner to a high value man.
Hopefully this post has helped you to understand how to treat your girlfriend.
I also hope that it helps you to understand how to treat your wife, as the situations in this regard are really quite similar.
Above all, we must be kind and respectful. We must also prioritizes ourselves first, always. And we must always maintain strict boundaries, never giving any woman the chance to disrespect us and remain in our circle.
As powerful men who are constantly leveling up, we have the power to go our own way. We also have the power to be incredible partners, and we should not tolerate any sort of dissent or weaker thinking a place in that inner-circle.
Alright, that’s all I have for today.
Go with grace, my friends… and never give up your power.
Joshua K. Sigafus