I hate how I look.
I’ve heard these words countless times. I have even spoken them to myself.
As men, we can sometimes end up in a weird spot where physical attractiveness is concerned.
I feel like there is less attention paid to men than to women for how they look.
People say things like “women are so beautiful, while men’s bodies are just awkward.”
I’ve literally heard this said by women, to my face, standing right in front of me!
Plus, an ‘average’ looking woman will still have people telling her she looks beautiful on social media. They will be liking her photos, heart-reacting, telling her she’s sexy… while average guys, it seems, are lucky if their mom comments and tells them that they are handsome!
So how do we deal with this, as men?
In This Post, I Am Going To Share Two Crucial Tips For Climbing Out Of The ‘Low Confidence Trap’ Of Male Physical Attractiveness
Obviously, if we compare ourselves to women in terms of social media… well, there isn’t a whole lot to feel good about!
But you see, the key is actually something different. Men and women are very different in this way, and female beauty is a much different thing than masculine beauty.
If you truly hate how you look, how can you improve your self image and find more self-love?
And even better… How do you grow your own self-confidence and self-esteem?
I’m going to give you the big answer right now, because it is vitally important for you to understand this
Take pride in what you are! As a man, hold your head up high. Don’t fall prey to vanity metrics on social media. Be the powerful, effective man nature intended you to be, and remember that we are all a work in progress.
If you want to learn how to improve your attractiveness, keep reading. Toward the end of the post, I give two steps that men can take to help this.
But please stop hating how you look. If you can’t stand looking in the mirror, stop doing it… and instead, start talking positively to yourself.
Realize that we must take on the responsibility and validate ourselves! We do not seek the validation of other people as a primary need!
Alright. Now let’s get into the specifics.
First Of All, Let’s Talk About The Difference Between Men And Women
Men, I’m going to shoot it to you straight.
We evolved differently than women.
Female evolution required women to look a certain way to solve the problem of attracting a high-value mate, while men evolved a certain way in order for them to perform a certain number of actions effectively, some being hunting prey, protecting their tribes from enemies, and gathering resources.
Obviously this is a huge oversimplification. But it is relevant, because when you start to compare men and women too closely, you run into a situation where you are expecting the fish to climb the tree.
Men literally evolved to do different things than women!
Women, among other things, evolved specifically to catch the eye of their high-status male counterparts. The more beautiful a woman is, the more likely she is to catch the eye of the highest value men in the tribe.
So right there, you can see that women have literally evolved to be sexually alluring and beautiful… and to be honest, they do it rather well!
But Men Evolved A Bit Differently
Men evolved for many things… but chief among them was survival.
Women evolved for this as well. But keep in mind that a key survival strategy for female humans, all throughout evolutionary history, has been to attract powerful men to aid them, protect them, and father healthy children with them.
Whereas, men’s survival strategies focused more on being physically large enough to overpower their enemies.
So women literally relied upon their beauty, at least in part, to survive… while for men, their survival was almost entirely predicated upon things like intellect, physical strength, physical size, athleticism, their ability to strategize, and their ability to assimilate well into the tribe and rise to the top of the social dominance hierarchies.
On the flipside, these tended to be the things that attracted women to men.
Women, throughout history, have favorited men with status, resource potential, physical athleticism and strength, etc. Women even tend to favor taller men!
If you take a moment to look at this picture from the outside perspective, you will see that men and women approach the evolutionary concept of beauty from two very different angles.
Women evolved to literally be so beautiful that men would be drawn to them and want to mate with them.
Men evolved to be physically powerful predators and protectors. And as men and women evolved together, women relied on this for their survival… especially when it came to the survival and safety of their young.
Women and children have generally always been more at-risk to disaster and danger than men. And so, women literally evolved to be attracted to a certain type of man… The type of man who would tend to give her and her young the best chances of survival.
This Worked Really Well For Men And Women
It is really a miraculous feat of nature!
Men want to father children (not all men, obviously… but most men throughout history have wanted to do this, to leave behind a genetic legacy).
Women evolved to be beautiful so that the highest-value men would want to become their mates.
Men evolved to be powerful and effective predators and protectors, which would earn them access to the most beautiful females.
Women evolved to be the most attracted to the most powerful men, because these types of men provided the most protection.
Since the women who mated with high-value men would have had a higher survival rate than women who didn’t, and since children born to high-value men had a much greater chance of survival than children born to weak men, frail men, or men who weren’t interested in keeping their children safe… women literally evolved, over time, to learn to select the types of men who would be most likely to keep them safe.
Nowadays, A Lot Of People Try To Lump Men And Women Into The Same Category
I’m going to shoot you straight on this, men. I’m not going to bullshit you.
The lust that a man feels for a beautiful woman is exceptionally powerful.
Women also find other women very physically beautiful.
On the flipside, women can absolutely feel incredibly powerful lust for a man. But… it is a different thing, because while physical looks DO play a role, women are attracted to men, mostly, for different reasons than men are attracted to women.
Read The Evolution Of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating by David M. Buss. His book delves very deeply into human mating behavior.
When it all plays out, the numbers look something like this (these are not precise numbers. They are meant only to draw you a roughly accurate picture of what the physical beauty landscape looks like.)
- The most beautiful 80% of women get the vast majority of the attention from men, with the lower 20% mostly being overlooked because they are not as physically beautiful or attractive.
- The most beautiful 20% of men get the vast majority of the attention from women, with the lower 80% mostly being overlooked because they are not as physically beautiful or attractive.
Now, some men may look at these numbers, and think “Well damn… I’m probably not in the top 20%, so I’m probably not attractive enough to get attention from women!”
But This Is Not Entirely Correct – Because Physical Beauty Is Not Only Not The Most Important Metric For Determining Male Attractiveness, But It Is Also A Relatively Easy Metric For Men To Move
As a man, you are judged on a different kind of scale than women when it comes to sexual attractiveness.
Women are trying to achieve a certain number of physical characteristics in order to be beautiful. And when they are young, these things are fairly easy.
For example… women with ‘perfect breasts,’ an ideal waist-to-hip ratio, a nice full head of hair, nicely done nails, well-done makeup, flawless skin, a perfectly symmetrical body, fresh luscious lips, bright and wonder-filled eyes… These are the types of physical attributes, among others, that strike that cord of ‘attractiveness’ among other men.
Obviously there are exceptions to this rule. There are always exceptions to the rules.
But for men, people are looking at slightly different things.
Obviously, men with tight abs, a perfect v-shaped torso, nice muscles, beautiful skin, thick hair… These are all desirable traits.
But women will usually be the first to tell you that physical attraction plays a much smaller role in male attractiveness than in female attractiveness.
In fact, this ties into the ‘double standard’ that women often feel stifled by when they try to achieve professional or intellectual status over the status earned from simply ‘being sexy.’
A woman may be very intelligent, very professional, and very talented. And yet, the first thing men will notice about her is still her breasts, or her ass, or her sexy legs… Or of course, the lack of these things.
It is pretty widely accepted that beautiful humans have an advantage in life. But it is also true that men are usually judged for different things than physical beauty.
Look at President Barack Obama! Women all around the world consider him an incredibly sexy and attractive man. But while he is a very attractive male specimen in his own right, I don’t think anyone would disagree that one of the most appealing things about Barack Obama is his professionalism, his status, his leadership attitude, and his powerful demeanor.
Barack Obama is literally a casebook example of a successful, effective, leadership-driven alpha male and high-value man, in literally every sense of the word.
It is little wonder, then, that so many women would find him so attractive!
But, this same standard is true for all of us. For example… a male lawyer and a female lawyer may walk into a room. The make lawyer may be identified, first and foremost, for how much money he makes in a year, how many cases he has won, how successful he is, how good his courtroom banter is, etc.
While the woman may be identified, first and foremost, especially by the other men in the room, for how her hips are shaped, how revealing her shirt is, how her hair is done, how sexual her voice is when she talks, etc.
This interview with Scarlet Johansson is a perfect example of how the first thing that men tend to notice about a woman is her sexuality. In the interview, she is asked about whether or not she was wearing underwear under her Black Widow outfit during the filming of the Avenger’s movie.
Needless to say… Barack Obama would never be asked such a question by an interviewer! And yet, Scarlet Johansson is a very talented, multi-faceted, intelligent woman with a lot to bring to an interview.
You see, even in modern times, men’s and women’s attractiveness is not only interpreted differently, but is also judged by a different set of criteria.
And it absolutely makes the case for why men and women can not, and should not, be judged by the same type of ‘standard’ when it comes to attractiveness.
This is especially true for men who are displeased with how they look.
In other words… looking at the number of likes a woman gets on social media, and then comparing it to the number of likes you are getting for a picture… Well, those are two different games that are played by entirely different sets of evolutionary rules.
But There Is A Reason For This
You see, the male lawyer is not necessarily judged on his physical appearance first because his appearance is not the attraction metric that stands out the most.
People are much more likely to judge a man by how much money he earns, or how successful he is, than by how physically attractive he is.
An incredibly attractive woman who makes no money may be the most sought-after woman at the party. In fact, all of the rich and powerful men at the party may even compete to spend money on her, because doing so brings them gratification.
But if the most attractive man at the party lives in his mother’s basement, and has no income aside from his unemployment check… well, there is going to be this attitude amongst both the men and the women that he is just not as attractive as the other men.
As a general rule, the men who earn more than him are going to be perceived as higher-status men, and therefore, may be more attractive overall, even though they do not have as ‘beautiful’ a body as the beautiful man!
Take a look at Donald Trump. He is not necessarily considered to be a beautiful man by almost anyone’s standards. And yet, he has had very good experiences with objectively beautiful women!
His wife, Melaina, could probably choose to be with any number of ‘objectively more attractive,’ men. And yet, she chooses Donald Trump.
It may have something, at least in part, to do with the fact that he is a very high-status and successful man… and in being so, is actually very attractive by the metrics that matter the most.
I Hate How I Look – So What Does All Of This Have To Do With Anything?
Alright. We’ve talked a lot about how men and women are judged differently in terms of attractiveness.
But now, I want to talk specifically about how you, as a man, can not only increase your attractiveness, but also learn to measure your own attractiveness using natural male attraction markers!
You see, most men judge themselves like women are judged. There is only the physical beauty.
But the problem is that this metric is far more important for women than for men!
(Physical beauty is obviously not the only metric to judge women by. But it is by far the most powerful metric – much to the continued frustration of women who want to be perceived as being valued for their intelligence, professionalism, skill-sets, etc.)
But trying to judge ourselves this way is literally like trying to judge a fish for not being able to climb a tree.
Women have literally evolved to be beautiful. That is why they are getting all of those likes, getting tons of DMs from guys, and can pretty much get sex whenever they want it.
But just because beautiful women always have access to sex does not mean that the sex will always be with men they want.
Men and women have different struggles.
As average men (men who are not exceptionally beautiful), we are at a disadvantage where physical attraction is concerned. But you will quickly see that, by following two very simple rules, we can actually downplay this disadvantage so that it is barely working against us at all!
1 – We Must Learn To Judge Ourselves In Terms Of What We Are Capable Of Accomplishing Over And Above How We Look
Men, our evolutionary role is not to post selfies and get a bunch of thirsty likes from girls.
Our role is to become high value men. We are here to mind our business, get money, and pursue our purpose.
We are here to accomplish things, build a tribe, construct an empire for ourselves, and change the world through our efforts and actions.
We build things, design things, solve problems, protect others, seek out solutions, earn money, climb the status hierarchies, and work to become the most effective humans that we can possibly be.
There is nothing sexier than a man who is pursuing greatness. There is nothing sexier than a man who is passionate at what he does, and skilled at what he is doing.
There is nothing more attractive than a man who has mastered his craft.
You see, these are the things women notice far more than physical looks!
This is why you will often hear women jokingly say that they want to bang the hot guys, but marry the professional men.
Because those hot guys may be hot… but they also tend to have a reputation for being vapid, lazy, less intelligent, less serious about life, etc.… while the professional men have a future.
Women know that looks can’t compete in the long-term with a man who pursues excellence, works hard, shares his resources, and treats her well.
And the more that a man learns to mind his business, get money, and pursue his purpose above chasing women… well, that just makes him even more attractive!
The most effective men understand that women and sex are not the focus of life. They are an incredible cherry on top of an already awesome, amazing, fulfilling, happy life.
That is as it should be… and that, men, is how we win!
2 – We Must Learn To Do What We Can To Level Up Our Looks – But We Must Also Avoid Becoming Distracted By This
We definitely want to take care of our bodies.
We should be hitting the gym, lifting weights, staying active, playing sports, and doing what we need to do to stay fit and healthy.
Lose that beer gut! Grow those muscles! Build up some endurance.
But… do not obsess over these things. Do them slowly. Work out a little every day. Eat well every day.
Make a little bit of effort at this every day. That is really all you need to do!
Go hard at it if you want, but don’t burn out. Settle in for the marathon, and remember that it takes time to shape your body.
In the meantime, work on your own personal style. Buy some new clothes. Get a haircut. Trim your beard.
Shower, shave, and put on cologne!
But at the end of the day, remember that these things are only so important. Because if you aren’t minding your business, gettin money, and pursuing your purpose… then honestly, it is all for nothing.
Because without a purpose, a man will always struggle to be attractive.
Without a craft, a man will struggle to be attractive.
And we must also learn to level up as we grow older.
Would Barack Obama be considered as attractive as he is today if he were a homeless bum shooting up drugs under an overpass, even if he had the same athletic body?
Absolutely not. Some of the most powerful attraction metrics at work for President Obama are his social status, powerful demeanor, alpha male body language, cool collected confidence, professional attitude, social graces, and success.
Don’t stagnate at the same job for 30 years.
Set goals, and strike out to accomplish them!
When You Look In The Mirror, Take Stock Of Your Entire Self – Not Just Your Body
Do you think that President Trump wakes up, looks in the mirror, and hates himself for how he looks?
I can’t say for sure. But he doesn’t seem to be a man who suffers from a lack of confidence!
Why is he confident? Well, for one, he is a wildly successful businessman. But I have a feeling that he also does not compare himself to other people in terms of physical attractiveness.
Men and women are so much more than how beautiful their bodies are.
Women have it tough in this department, guys. They are judged much more harshly for their looks than we are!
But remember that you do not have to succeed based on your looks!
Instead, judge yourself for the entire human you are.
- Are you good at what you do?
- Are you creating something?
- Are you succeeding at something?
- Are you setting goals?
- Are you striving to become a high value man?
See, these are the metrics that matter for men.
Own These Things – Because That Higher Self-Esteem And Confidence Will Make You Even More Attractive
The world is full of examples of men who are not necessarily ‘incredibly physically attractive,’ but who still manage to always be spending time with amazing women!
Want to know the secret? I can tell you!
They have high self esteem. They walk into a room and own it. They are totally and completely comfortable with themselves. And this gives them a powerful, magnetic energy that emanates high-value man!
If you want to cultivate this for yourself, start doing these two simple things.
- Work to become a high value man
- Work little by little to improve your attractiveness without burning out or obsessing over it
When women run into this energy, they love it!
Women love a man who is at peace with himself.
So work every day to better yourself, and accept your imperfections for what they are.
And choose to be comfortable with yourself. That extra boost of confidence will look better on you than anything else!
Shine your shoes, do some push-ups, work on your side-hustle, and walk into the room like a boss… and you’ll have it made before you know it!
Remember. We validate ourselves from within. We act high-value because we are high value.
We embody that. That is what attracts other people to us. It’s not the other way around!