I want a boyfriend.
The more I talk to women about their dating problems, the more I hear this phrase.
It’s universal.
Most single heterosexual women, to some degree, want to find a partner to share their life with.
Some want a boyfriend to cuddle with. Some are looking for a life partner.
Some are looking for a friend whom they can also be intimate with… and others are looking for a husband, or at the very least, someone they can trust and begin building a family with.
Some want to find a true king, who they can build an empire with, and find success in life as a team, leveling up together!
But most women want at least a little bit of all of these!
I Want A Boyfriend – So How Do I Make It Happen?
Why hasn’t it been working out for you thus-far, and what can you do to change it?
These are the tough questions that I’m going to answer in this post.
I actually talked about this recently in a YouTube video that I posted on my channel. Check that out if you want to hear me ramble a bit about this topic.
There is actually some really good stuff in it, so I suggest that you do that! Also, subscribe to my channel!
But in this post, I’m going to get a bit more in-depth, and talk very intentionally about what I consider to be the 4 most important tips women need to keep in mind while looking for a relationship!
So, let’s dive in.
If you keep saying to yourself I want a boyfriend, this is the post for you.
Is It Normal To Really Want A Boyfriend?
In a word – yes.
Humans are social, pair-bonding creatures. And as such, we have a strong natural inner-drive to search for companionship.
Women will feel this need for companionship as much as men will – and for good reason!
Our ancestors figured out early on that humans are much better at surviving and thriving in groups.
And so, we have a powerful drive within us to form social groups and engage with other humans. We also want to be well-liked, and it bothers us to be alone.
In some ways, being alone is a scary, anxiety-ridden experience. And I tend to believe that part of this is evolutionary.
Some people even suffer from a condition known as Autophobia, which is literally the fear of being alone or lonely.
Well, some of us may suffer more from this than others – but I think it’s safe to say that most humans feel a lot more comfortable when they have what they consider to be quality companionship.
And that doesn’t come as any surprise.
And of course, there are other reasons to want a boyfriend as well. Women crave love, friendship, conversation, intimacy, sex, sharing, bonding, and many of the other benefits that come from being in a secure relationship.
But – how do you get one if you don’t have one?
What does a girl have to do to land a boyfriend these days?
How Can I Get A Boyfriend Fast?
This is a question that I actually hear a lot. But whenever I hear it, I try to slow the conversation down and address a vital issue that runs rampant in our culture.
Far too many people get into relationships because they believe that a relationship will fix their problems.
But the truth of the matter is that a relationship will not solve your problems. You need to do that on your own, regardless of whether or not you have a partner.
I would much prefer for you to validate yourself in life first. Get happy on your own, start crushing it with work, making more money, and chasing your purpose.
Once you start to get your life under control, you’ll begin to level up and develop into a higher-value woman… the exact type of woman who is capable of attracting the type of boyfriend she actually wants to have.
If you rush it and just try to jump into a relationship fast, you’re going to end up settling for someone who is only ‘partly’ what you actually want.
Don’t make this mistake!
Don’t be afraid to take some time and work on yourself.
Alright. Now that we got that out of the way… if you have already been working on yourself, chasing money, and pursuing your purpose, how can you add a high-value man to the mix?
Let’s talk about that.
What To Do If You Really Want A Boyfriend
Alright. Let’s get into the steps.
I want a boyfriend!
Here are some tips that will actually help.
Tip #1 – If You’re Saying “I Want A Boyfriend,” Take A Break From Online Dating!
This may sound like a crazy step! But hear me out!
Online dating can be a great way to meet people, especially if you are busy.
But I am seeing that more and more women are growing dependent on it… and it honestly causes more problems than it solves.
If you feel that you are too busy to meet someone outside of online dating, then you are actually dealing with an entirely separate issue.
You are trying to accomplish something really, really good for yourself without putting in the time and effort.
I’m going to be real with you, ladies. A lot of women rely on internet dating because it is easy and convenient.
But does it yield results?
Unfortunately, for most women, it seems to deliver exactly what they are putting into it – the bare minimum!
So, if you put in the bare minimum effort – you are going to end up with the ‘bare minimum’ man.
He may be the least-shitty of your online options. But he probably won’t be ‘good.’
Why?
Because high value men aren’t interested in women who just play number games on online dating sites.
High value men are out in the real world, meeting women in real places, forming real connections, and investing time into the relationships and potential relationships that matter to them.
So really, this is a ‘time’ issue. You need to be willing to sacrifice something else if you want to start investing more time into dating. But that’s how it goes!
If we want something in life, we need to be willing to put a bit of effort into it.
But what should you do with that effort? That leads us to the next point.
Tip #2 – Expand Your Social Circles
This advice sounds cliche – but it works.
Here is what I want you to do. I want you to just try it.
Put down your mobile dating apps, and start saying yes to invites for in-person parties, get-togethers, happy-hours, etc.
Yes, you may be a busy woman who barely has time to make everything happen as it is. You may even be a single mom trying to juggle kids around!
But I’m telling you, there is a huge advantage to be had by women who are willing to actually go out, meet people, socialize, and expand their social circles.
So find a babysitter, drop the kids off at your mom’s house, put on a cute outfit that you feel good in, do your eye makeup (get your warpaint on!) and start socializing!
Some Women Never Expand Their Social Circles, And It Shows
Not too long ago, I started talking to a woman I met online who always online dated, because she ‘didn’t have time’ to meet people in real life. She also said that she was too shy and too busy.
She was an attractive girl and had a great personality. But I could tell right away that she was playing a numbers game online.
She would find the two or three ‘best’ (least-shitty) options on her radar, keep them around, chat with them, and meet up with them once she felt comfortable.
If she started to feel like one wasn’t panning out the way she wanted, she would drop him and pick up a new one.
Then, she ended up dropping all of them for a guy she really wanted.
Then, he flaked on her, and she tried to pick things back up again with me… and it was honestly just a mess!
I know this because she literally texted me and told me this. She literally told me that the guy she really wanted had ghosted her, so she was wondering if I was still interested in getting together… not realizing that, as a high value man, this kind of behavior was a big turn-off to me.
I’m not sure how it turned out for her, because I lost interest and stopped messaging her.
But I have a feeling that history is probably repeating itself for her.
Her entire process revolved around finding the least shitty options online, hoping that they would…
- Look like their photos
- Be telling her the truth
- Be as interesting as their bios suggested
- Be into her for long enough for it to go somewhere
- Be willing to meet up with her based on her own busy schedule
And all of it revolved around her not wanting to take the time, or put herself out there, to expand her social circles in real-life settings.
Whereas, when you go out and start expanding your social circles, you will build actual, real relationships and connections with people.
And even if you don’t end up dating, you may still meet new friends and colleagues.
The return on your investment is just so much higher!
The online dating world is full of lonely women who go to work, come home, swipe on dating apps, feel lonely, get discouraged, and then get depressed because nothing ever pans out.
And part of it is actually to be blamed on our culture’s over-reliance on dating apps to meet people.
If you must use dating apps, use the 25/75 rule. Use dating apps to make 25% of your dating effort, and put 75% of your effort into real-world social events.
Tip #3 – Don’t Get Desperate
This is the next most important tip, and it is so important.
So many women will settle for men who are less than what they actually want because they are desperate to get into a relationship, start a family, etc.
Let me put this into perspective so that you can understand how the dating market actually works for women who manage to score high-value men.
- A woman decides she wants a boyfriend
- She starts dating, and realizes that she is capable of gaining the attention of men of a certain level of value
- If this level of value is unacceptable to her, the next step is for her to start raising her own value
- She does this by hitting the gym, getting into shape, leveling up her attraction, focusing on her purpose, learning attraction skills, learning how to flirt, learning how to engage with high-value men, leveling up her mental health, pursuing her purpose, cultivating her passion in life, cutting out low-value dating partners, etc.
- As she raises her value, she starts getting attention from higher-value men. This is how women make themselves appealing to the types of men they actually want
So, if you find that you can’t attract your ideal man right away, don’t get desperate and settle for men who don’t meet your requirements.
Instead, focus on doing the work to level yourself up, so that the ideal man will have reason to be interested in you when you meet him.
This goes for men and women. If we want access to better partners, and if we want to gain and keep their attention, we need to level ourselves up and increase our value on the sexual marketplace.
Tip #4 – Be Quick To Cut Out Bad Options
My 4th and final piece of advice in this post for women who actually want to find a boyfriend is to stop spending time on the bad ones!
When you put even a little bit of energy into the wrong guy, you take about 10x that much energy away from the process of finding the ‘right’ guy.
How do women spend time on the wrong guy?
- They’ll keep a guy around as a back-pocket option
- They’ll try to ‘fix’ or ‘train’ a guy who is ‘almost’ what they want
- They’ll tolerate bad behavior from a man because they don’t think they’ll find anything closer to what they’re actually looking for
- They try to rationalize away the problems, and talk themselves into putting up with things they actually don’t want to be dealing with, because they are afraid of ‘making the wrong choice’ by letting this guy get away
Women, I’m going to drop a little nugget of wisdom on you.
When a high value man sees you wasting time on a low-value man, he is going to turn around and run the other way.
He won’t even want a part of that situation.
Why?
Because he doesn’t want to waste his time on a woman who is wishy-washy.
He wants a woman who knows what she wants.
But if you say you want one thing, while tolerating something else… what does that say about you?
It says that your life is chaos, and that you either don’t actually know what you want, or that it isn’t important enough to you to take action.
And all of these sound like red flags to high-value men.
So stop wasting your time on the wrong men. Level up and start engaging with high value men who actually have the kinds of attributes you are looking for!
If you need to ‘scratch the itch’ in the interim, find a decent friend with benefits who is safe and trustworthy, and scratch it with him while you search for the actual man you want to date.
You will get so much further so much faster that way!
In Conclusion
Hopefully this post has helped you to see the search for a boyfriend in a slightly different light.
What I really want to see are alpha women minding their business, getting money, and pursuing their own purpose.
Final tip – don’t rely on a man to validate you. Don’t rely on a man for money.
Validate yourself and get your own money – then stop tolerating men who don’t reach your value threshold.
This is how you revolutionize your dating life and start leveling-up to find the boyfriend you actually want.
Go with grace, my ladies – and never give up your power.
Until next time,
Joshua Sigafus