Ladies and gentlemen, I have a really important question for you today.
Are you a prisoner of chaos?
Now, you may not understand right away what this is, so I’m going to explain it.
This so perfectly describes what so many people are doing. And it is destroying their dating lives. It is absolutely wrecking them.
And I’m also going to tell you why.
And perhaps most importantly—I’m going to explain how to fix it if it is happening to you.
Let’s jump in and talk about it.
What Does It Mean To Be A Prisoner Of Chaos?
Have you ever met someone whose life is so out of control, and chaotic, that they are obviously not ready for any sort of relationship yet?
- Maybe they’re in and out of a relationship that just isn’t going anywhere
- Maybe they’re half-in, half-out of marriage, and can’t decide what to do about it
- Maybe they keep messing around with their baby daddy or their baby mama, and they say that they want to move on, but keep going back, etc.
- Maybe they make plans, but flake all the time
- Maybe they don’t really respond to messages, send mixed signals, etc.
If you look closely, you’ll realize that there is no security in their life. They don’t have a plan, they’re not working to better themselves, etc.
They’re just treading water in a crappy situation, and seem to keep repeating the same destructive behaviors—over and over again.
This is what it means to be a prisoner of chaos.
And it is a one-way ticket to disaster in your dating life.
Alright. Now that we’ve identified the term, let’s talk about it.
Number One – You Need To Stop Messing Around With People Who Are Prisoners Of Chaos
If you are trying to date, engage, and get to know people—and you detect that someone has this problem in their life, the only way to deal with it is to just leave it be.
Walk away, and find someone else to date.
Yes, it’s that simple.
Because you can’t successfully date someone who is a prisoner to the chaos of their life.
The thing you need to understand about people who embrace chaos is that it is literally a self-destructive mindset.
We all need a little bit of chaos in our lives. But getting swamped by it is something different.
If you try to rescue someone who’s in this mindset, they will drag you into it. They will pull you into the vortex along with them—and your life will become chaotic as well.
I know that this sounds a bit harsh, and I’m not trying to knock people who are in a bad situation.
But you need to understand that people exist like this only when they have no plan and are not working toward a stable solution.
When Your Life Becomes Chaotic, You Have Two Choices
You can either wake up and start getting your sh*t together.
Or, you can keep treading water—and allow the chaos to continue to build up and overrun your life.
A lot of people think that chaos is freedom.
And there’s a truth to that.
But if you embrace too much chaos in your life, or you let things get too out of control, you become a prisoner to it.
You start falling behind on bills. You start flaking on friends you should be loyal to. You start to lose sight of the important priorities in life, and you become the kind of person nobody can trust or rely on to bring any kind of consistent value to the table.
Your resources are always depleted. You’re like a leaky boat filling with water. You’re trying to remove the extra water with a bucket—but more and more just keeps pouring in, because your boat (a metaphor for your life) is just full of holes.
People who embrace chaos don’t understand that they need to fill the holes. They aren’t thinking ahead. They aren’t planning for success.
They are chasing whims, feelings, and emotions—and they are not living intentionally.
Truth be told, this is an exhausting way to live. And anyone who gets into that boat is going to sink right into the misery with you.
It is so important that you don’t go down this road. It is so important that we get control of our lives, and that we don’t just chase our whims down chaotic pathways.
You Can’t Successfully Date Someone If They Are A Prisoner To Chaos – Here Is Why
If you meet someone who is a prisoner of chaos, leave them be. Don’t even mess with him.
The first time the chaos rears its ugly head—abort mission.
I’m telling you, there is no future in it for you (beyond maybe a casual fling)—and this is why.
This person’s life is in chaos because they do not have structure or order in their life.
The symptoms are clear.
Maybe they’ve recently gone through a tough time. Or, maybe they are irresponsible and don’t want to take control of the factors that are making their life a living hell.
This type of person is usually not very happy. They may act manic. They may face ups and downs. Their life will probably not have much structure or security.
They may be sad one minute, and happy the next.
They will probably spend a lot of time escaping from their problems, and not as much time working toward long-term solutions.
I’m telling you, I’ve been down this road. Back in my drugs, sex, and rock ‘n roll days, I lived like this for a solid year—and I paid a heavy price for it by losing virtually everything I had.
Maybe if you reconnect with this person a year, two years, three years down the road, they will have had time to get their sh*t together.
If so, awesome.
But I’m telling you—and please listen—that trying to date someone who’s life is like this will only get you a one-way ticket to disaster.
Are You A Prisoner Of Chaos? If So, Then You Need To Fix It
If your life is gripped by chaos, I have bad news for you.
Your dating life is going to suffer dramatically.
High-value partners won’t want anything to do with you, because they will see the whirlwind of chaos and destruction surrounding you. They’ll understand that this way of living is bad news, and they will understand that you will not be capable of coming into the relationship on equal footing.
They will see how people get hurt around you. They will see how your constant inability to maintain any sort of order or structure will lay waste to your relationships.
Long story short—you can’t afford to live this way.
If you want to succeed on the dating marketplace and have fulfilling, satisfying, exciting, secure relationships… you need to fix the chaos problem.
Let’s talk about that.
How To Solve Your Chaos Problem And Take Back Power Over Your Life
The best way to get this problem figured out and solved is to start cutting loose the dead-end nonsense in your life.
For example—are you in and out of a relationship with the same person over and over again?
If you break up with someone once, why get back together with them?
If things were so bad that they caused you to break up to begin with—why would you entertain the notion of trying again?
Are you that short on options? Do you have that little respect for yourself? Do you have such limited security in your life on your own that you need this person, or you can’t survive?
None of these are good situations.
By the way, I’m not saying this to be a dick. I’m saying it because this problem in-particular makes people so stuck, miserable, and unhappy. I see it every day—and it sucks.
It happens with men and with women.
Women will get into these situations where they’re in and out of relationships with their baby daddy, they’re in and out with a guy they like, but who doesn’t like them them or just uses them for sex.
And they’re hoping that it’ll work out. But they don’t really know what to do about it—so they just stay in this limbo.
They may go on other dates, but then they’ll flake and ghost people if that guy, the guy they ‘really like’ comes back around and offers them a little bit of attention.
It is just pure chaos, right? It’s chaos because they don’t know what they want. They don’t know where they are, and they don’t have a plan.
People in this cycle are basically slaves to their surface level feelings and emotions.
But women aren’t the only ones. Men do this as well.
I know so many good women who have tried to date these types of chaotic men… men who are clueless about what they really want.
They think they want to put down roots, but then they get into a relationship and they get cold feet, so then they jump back out again.
Then, a week later, they change their mind and want to get back together.
He’ll get in his feelings and want her to f*ck and comfort him. So she’ll do it because she thinks that this will get her the relationship she wants. Then, the guy will ghost her the next day and go sleep with a handful of other women.
Or he will go back to entertaining his ex wife, ex girlfriend, or baby-mama the minute she starts paying him a little bit of attention, etc.
People have the right to be wishy washy.
In fact, you’re not going to be able to stop it.
Most humans behave like this.
But whose fault is it if we entertain them more than once?
It is ours.
And guess what?
The healthier and more rational you become in this life, the more you will recognize this behavior for how destructive it is and choose to distance yourself from it.
And that reveals a very important factor.
This means that people who are actually ready to be ‘good partners’ will walk away from you if you are still a prisoner to the chaos in your life.
We have to bring some order into our lives. We have to learn that chaos will only bring destruction and suffering into our frame.
As men and women, we want to be powerful. We want to have order in our lives. We want to happen to life instead of letting life happen to us.
We want to be on top of it.
We need to be working hard to bring good things into our lives, to stave off the chaos.
Because chaos doesn’t care about you. It will come into your life, spread discord, cause suffering, and lay waste to your hopes and dreams.
This is the nature of chaos. Everything decays. Everything dies. Everything falls apart.
And if we want to stave off the chaos in our lives, we need to build a bulwark of order.
The First Step To Escaping Chaos In Your Life – Make A Plan
Set some goals for yourself and start working toward those goals.
Get a stable place to live, get a stable ride to work, get a stable job with a secure income coming in, and work hard at that job.
Commit to creating security and order in your life.
You may need to ‘go monk’ for a little while to do this.
You may have to swear off sex and dating while you get your life in order, right?
This is important for men and women.
I had to do this back when my marriage fell apart.
I had to go monk for a little bit.
I wanted a girlfriend so badly. I wanted sex so badly.
But you see… my life was pure chaos. And what I was truly looking for was outside validation… when I should have been validating myself.
I had to get some stuff figured out, because my life was just a downward spiral. Any high-value woman who even got a taste of that would just distance yourself from me—and for good reason.
Because what other choice did she have? What good was I going to bring into her life when my life was in such a chaotic state?
I was going to pull her into that chaos with me. And there’s no security or happiness in that.
Sure, chaos a little exciting. But man… a little too much excitement goes a long way.
And then it just breeds discord. It breeds suffering and sadness, because there’s no security in a life of chaos.
And as humans, we desperately need to have a little bit of security in our lives.
We need to be able to offer that to the people we love and care for. It’s important!
Start Setting Some Better Habits For Yourself
Stop drinking yourself to sleep at night, and waking up with hangovers that make you late to work.
Start going to bed early and waking up filled with energy.
Stop eating fast food. Put good foods into your body instead.
Adopt a workout routine.
- Take a walk
- Start jogging
- Do some yoga
- Throw some heavy stuff around the gym
- Join a dojo
- Play some basketball or tennis
Do whatever it’s going to take for you to get on top of your life in all three vital categories: mind, body, and spirit.
The Second Step To Escaping Chaos In Your Life – Listen To People Who Are Better Than You
Every single day, I make sure to plug a podcast into my ears so that I can learn from someone better than me.
Today, I was doing some research about how women can attract men—and I listened to this podcast.
As a dating coach, I’m always trying to stay ahead of the game.
I want to learn from people every day.
So I’m constantly listening to people—trying to see if they know anything I haven’t learned before.
And you know what? We all need to do that.
Listen to some good speakers. Read some good books. Be humble enough to learn from people who simply know better than you.
And make sure to do it every day.
It’s really, really important that we learn how to structure a successful life. And the foundation of that life starts with you… with what you’re doing, who you are listening to, and how hard you are working to build structure and order into your existence.
It starts with your habits.
And sometimes you, may not know exactly what to do to start that process.
But trust me. Start by listening to people who are better than you. And then do the work.
In Conclusion – Improve Your Dating Life By Escaping From The Chaos
Bring some order into your life and get control of it.
No, it’s not the sexiest, spiciest dating tip.
But it’s a dating tip that far too many people aren’t listening to.
That’s how you win at the dating game in the macro.
That’s how you level up your attraction.
That’s how you attract people to you who are going to add value to your life instead of taking away from you.
All right, that’s all I got for today. Go with grace, my brothers and sisters… and never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus