Every life is precious.
This idea was really on my mind today, and I decided that it was time to talk about it in a blog post.
This morning, I went into my bedroom.
I had been working all night.
And I came across the cats. They were asleep, curled up next to my girlfriend.
There are three of them. A momma, a daddy, and their kitten.
I worked all night. So my girlfriend didn’t get the cuddles she wanted the night before. But the cats were there, keeping her warm.
That’s why she wanted cats to begin with, I think—because I often stay up all night working.
I like to work at night because it is peaceful and quiet, and because I tend to get a lot done. But on this particular night, I was working on some rather menial website development.
And so it wasn’t something that required my mind to be directly engaged.
My mind was kind of wandering a bit, as it does when I’m working late at night.
I Polished Off Half A Bottle Of Cheap Blackberry Wine…
And I was listening to some Christian music from the early 2000s.
And that combination often gets me thinking about things.
And today, what it made me think about was how important it is that we recognize that life is actually pretty precious.
At least, that’s what I think.
And I think that as someone who claims to be an alpha male, that’s a really important thing for me to be aware of and think about.
I also think it’s important for everyone else to think about.
We Live In A Pretty Dark World
On one hand, you could say that it’s rather miraculous that we get to live at all. It’s actually quite miraculous.
But on the other hand, there is something to be said for the fact that we live a scant hundred years, if we’re very fortunate, and then we’re gone. There’s no guarantee of where we go. We may go somewhere else—back to the source, back to God— or back to the bloody devil for all we know.
But what we can see is that this is our life.
I am pushing 35, so I hope that I’m not quite halfway done yet. I hope that I have a bit more to go.
And when I think about how fast my older age is creeping up on me—and the impending end that older age signifies—it really makes me think about how finite it all is.
And it makes me think about how we take a lot for granted.
This Ties Into Our Dating And Relationships. Because It’s A Human Thing
Life is too short and too precious to spend it afraid. We hold ourselves back in so many ways, because we’re afraid.
Who has time for fear?
You know, I’m gonna blink and be 60.
And when I take that into account, it just ceases to be reasonable to put my life on pause for however long out of fear.
I need to do the things I want to do. We all do.
Life is too short to bother with people who are not good for us, either.
As alphas, we need to pick out the people we care about—the people that we love.
And we need to take up some responsibility about that.
As Alphas, We Need To Pick Up The Burden Of Leadership And Start Committing To The Life And People We Truly Want
I live with my girlfriend and a roommate—and three cats and a dog.
Every other week, my girlfriend’s kids live with us.
And on the weekends, my kids are there.
And then I have a friend group who matters to me a great deal. It consists of about six really good guys who have been there for me in my life, who I’m invested in. My girlfriend also has close friends who mean a lot to her.
And of course, I also have family I care for, etc.
And there are more, of course. But for the most part, that’s my inner circle. Those are the people with whom I associate with on a regular basis in life. Those are the people that I hold the most dear to me on a daily basis.
And I have come to understand that there’s a lot of responsibility in that.
And It’s Not Always Easy. That’s Why So Many People Brush Off That Commitment And The Idea Of Serving Others As A Leader
I’ll be real with you.
It’s really easy to get stressed and frustrated—and to say, you know what? F*ck all this.
- I don’t have to share a living space with other people.
- I don’t have to commit to being good to other people.
- I don’t have to sacrifice whatever it is you sacrifice when you decide to pick up a burden for someone else.
Because leadership will always come with its fair share of burdens. You can take that to the bank. It’s as real as the day is long.
So you have to ask yourself if the relationship is worth the burden to you—if this lifeform is worth the burden to you.
Not that the people in my life are a burden. Quite the contrary, actually. All of these loved ones add a great deal of value, joy, and happiness to my life.
But being a leader in the context of a tribe absolutely comes with burdens.
Burdens of responsibility, sacrifice, and being willing to be the person who will do whatever is necessary to keep everything together.
And to be fair, it’s important that you ask yourself if you truly want to be a leader.
You can’t waver and be wishy washy.
I mean, if something really crazy happens that tips the scales with someone, or if a deal breaker happens—well, okay, you may need to make changes within your tribe.
But As It Is, We Live In A World That Is Already Incredibly Volatile
And so few people have any sense of stability in life.
Too few people have any sense of anyone committing to them to any substantial or consistent degree, in any semblance of selflessness whatsoever.
We’re really lucky if our parents do that. A lot of people don’t even have the luxury of counting on that!
As you probably know if you regularly consume my content, my goal is to help people win on the dating marketplace.
And I fully believe that the alpha mindset is how you win.
But people get really trendy about dating tips and advice.
They talk about how you need to use the right pickup lines, or you need to text back this often, or don’t text this many times, or you have to wear your hair a certain way, or you’ve got to be cool, or you have to be connected, or you have to engage, or you’re supposed to sexually escalate, or you’re not supposed to sexually escalate…
And there is certainly a place for this kind of advice, when you get right down to the details. There’s a place for that—but the problem is that so many people think that these things are the ‘be all, end all,’ when it comes to winning on the dating marketplace, and they’re just not.
We need to talk about something a lot deeper, that a lot of people just completely overlook.
It’s the alpha mentality.
It’s taking some of the responsibility of life, and putting it on your shoulders… and striving to make the world a better place than you found it.
Right? It’s about being the kind of person who’s not wishy washy—the kind of person other people can rely on.
It’s about using your power for good.
But Before You Can Use Your Power For Good, You Need To Gain Power
Because without power, status, and money, you can’t really do much, which is why minding your business, getting your money, and pursuing your purpose is so important.
People might say things like “well, I don’t need money to be a good person.”
Well, you’re right.
But you need money to be an effective person. You need money to do almost anything.
You can’t even provide your children with a place to live without money. And if you can’t do that, which is a very fundamental thing, then what do you expect to do that’s going to be of any use to anyone?
You need to put some effort into leveling up your alpha mentality. You need to take control of your responsibilities. You need to put them on your shoulder, and you need to carry them. Right?
This is very fundamental. This is very foundational.
And so many people get wrapped up in feelings-oriented stuff.
“Oh, I feel like I’m in love. Oh, I feel attracted to someone. Oh, I have this major crush on someone. Is this the person I want? I don’t know, I have all these options. I can’t decide… etc.”
There is nothing wrong with feelings. Feelings are awesome. But if we allow feelings to control our life, we will end up living in pure chaos.
We need to have some order in our lives. We need to have a plan.
We can’t just play around. We can’t just be content to be wishy washy.
Let’s actually decide what we want, and then commit to some kind of plan.
If You Want To Win On The Dating Marketplace, Do Something That Nobody Else Is Doing
And I’m going to tell you exactly what that is.
Build something useful in your life.
Build something that solves a problem in the world.
And do it right.
And if it doesn’t work, work at it until it is right.
And then, once you get the ball rolling, you’re going to come into some power, status, and money.
And with that, you can proliferate the things you’re building to accomplish even greater change. You can become a strong leader. You can become the kind of person who can actually help.
You can become the kind of person who isn’t so dependent on their nine-to-five hourly wage job that they can’t show up for anyone.
I’m not talking sh*t on hourly wage jobs. We all need them to at least get started. Hell—you may even need two or three of them!
There is no shame in working hard, that’s for damn sure.
But at some point, as leaders, we need to be building some systems and a tribe.
You have no obligation to show up for anyone.
You’re not obligated to do this to be a good person.
But I am telling you that there is a massive void in the world.
There is a massive void left by the people who are not picking up and shouldering their burdens, or taking on any sense of responsibility or commitment to anyone.
And I’m not even talking about money, specifically.
And I’m Not Talking About Taking Care Of People In The Sense That Allows Them To Be Lazy Or Irresponsible
I’m all I’m talking about is.
Responsibility—in a life sense.
Pay your bills on time. Work on creating a solution to a problem. Build something meaningful, right?
To say that you need to build a business or a side hustle specifically is not completely accurate. If you put it only in those terms, you are almost missing the point.
Sure, if you are solving a problem, you are probably going to end up building a business or a side hustle.
That would be a good thing.
But the more foundational part of the equation is that you need to build a solution or an answer to a problem that is going to help other humans to have a better experience in the world.
You need to build something that makes life better for someone.
For me, that is a dating coach business—to help people with their dating problems, and to tell people about the alpha mindset, which I think is so foundational and so important.
So what I’m getting at is this.
If You Really Want To Level Up Your Ability To Win In The Dating Marketplace, Stop Playing Tedious Childhood Games, And Create Something Meaningful
Then, once you have started building it, put out your beacon.
And people will come to you.
Because there aren’t very many people in the world who can help and are willing to help… who can be there for someone, and be willing to be there.
That’s how you create value. That’s a long way around the false narrative that says “if you have money, you can date anyone you want.”
That’s not an accurate way to describe what’s going on. What’s really going on is that when you build something effective, and you create solutions, and you provide a better way for people to live their lives and feel safe, that’s huge.
Combine that with constantly leveling up your attraction at the same time—and that’s truly the winning combination.
That’s how you become attractive to the highest level.
Not very many people know how to do that. And when you learn to be good to the people around you, and when you learn to be a true, effective, passionate, purpose-driven leader, that is really significant—because nobody knows how to do that either.
There are very few people within 10 miles of you who are experts at combining those two things together.
And even if they’re good at doing it at work, that is not the same thing. It’s much different to try to be something when you’re getting paid for it, than to be something because you care about it. Right?
That’s where it starts.
You Need To Be Good To People, You Need To Build Solutions, And You Need To Level Up Your Attraction At The Same Time
I have a house full of lifeforms (humans, cats, and dogs) that I care about.
And the reason they choose to walk alongside me in life is partly because they were attracted to me to begin with (with the exception of the animals).
My roommate is there because she trusts me, and because I have a room that she can rent… and it’s a fair agreement.
She knows I’m not going to f*ck her over. And that’s useful to her. It helps her to solve a problem in her life.
We can (and do) have a civil relationship. And at the end of the day, I care about her. And she knows that I’m going to take a certain amount of responsibility toward making sure that we have a good relationship, and that living as roommates isn’t going to be hell.
And that means something—because it makes our lives better.
And then there’s my girlfriend. Obviously we have a sexual and romantic attraction to each other. And we’re together for many complex reasons, because mating behavior isn’t simple. It is complex.
But at the end of the day, the primary reason that we are together is because, number one, we had mutual attraction to start off with. But then number two, I knew what I wanted when I met her, and I pursued it without being wishy washy.
I mean, I’ve learned a lot since then. But thankfully, even at that time, I was far enough along on the alpha journey that I understood the importance of knowing what you want and going for it.
And now, we’ve been together for almost three years. And no relationship is easy. But every day, I commit to solving the problems, and I commit to caring about her.
And I commit to trying to be the best leader, boyfriend, and human that I can be—and once again, that is useful to her, and makes her life better, and adds a little bit of value to the world. It also probably plays a significant role in her attraction toward me.
And I’m creating things (businesses, investments, solutions) that help to bring in money and make life better.
I have a place to live where she and her children can live, knowing it’s a safe place.
There’s not a bunch of bullshit and nonsense.
Life Is Precious – And If We Are Going To Be Living Intentionally In Life, We (As Alphas) Need To Take Control Of The Chaos, And Start Affecting Positive Change In life
My life may not be perfect. And our tribe may not be perfect.
But… we can be civil to each other, and we can treat each other like decent humans.
We don’t have to worry about some kind of tyrannical force coming into our lives and disrupting it, because it’s my house, and I control it.
And I can provide that. But the only reason I’m able to provide it is because I worked for it.
Because I built something.
I built my freelance business. And then I saved up the money and I put it into buying a house.
And I continue to build on that by making the payments, showing up for my responsibilities, and making sure my bills are paid and making sure that I get my work done.
It really comes down to just being a responsible human in-general.
And then we have animals, and they’re well taken care of. They’re cared for and loved. And that’s all a very good thing, really, despite the occasional problems.
And despite the fact that that my house, my life, and my tribe are not always perfect—that we don’t always have the best days, we don’t always get along, we all have our moments where we have challenges—but the truth is that it could easily be a hell of a lot worse.
And you don’t have to look very far, to see how it is a hell of a lot worse, for a lot more people. I don’t have to go a half-mile from my house to see a lot of people living in conditions that are 100 times worse than the conditions that my tribe and I live in.
And you don’t have to go very far to see people treated a hell of a lot worse than how we are all treated by each other.
And so, that’s a good thing.
It’s not perfect, but it gets better and better with time. And it makes the world better for each and every one of us.
And that’s a good thing too.
Because You Have To Improve. If You’re Not Improving, You’re Dying
And that’s something people need to learn. We need to be improving, we need to be getting better.
So at the end of the day, the message is this.
Life Is Precious Enough That It’s Worth Taking Some Responsibility For
And when you start taking responsibility, and you start leveling up that alpha mindset, and you start thinking about life in a grander sense, you start to realize how important it is to build and create something bigger than yourself.
To leave a mark on the world—a good mark in a dark, painful world.
And that’s no small mandate, but it’s a very good thing to do.
And if you can do that—well, that’s where it starts. Whether you’re a man or a woman doesn’t matter. There’s a lot of good that we can do in this messed up world. And so if we start doing that, that’s going to make you stand out not only in life, but also on the dating marketplace.
Like a lighthouse on a dark shore.
The only problem?
It’s just really hard work.
So nobody wants to do it. Everybody wants something for nothing.
Everyone wants it easy.
But do you know what you get when you try to do it the easy way? Well, you don’t get anything that lasts. When you cheap out, your solutions are cheap, and they aren’t strong enough to withstand the true tests of life and time.
So don’t cheap out.
Life is too precious for that.
Spend some actual time creating something useful.
You don’t have a whole lot of time as it is, so spend some of it building something worthwhile, that’s going to last and leave a mark on the world.
Build something that’s going to stand the test of time… and start by building and helping yourself.
Then you expand it out from there. You make life a little better for your tribe. And then you build on that. And you know what? 1, 2, 5, 10 years into that process, you’re going to look around and you’re going to be pretty glad you did it.
I can personally attest to that.
Life is precious, and it gets better when you make it better.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
Until next time:
Joshua K. Sigafus