“Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle. ”― Phillips Brooks
What will it look like to be a modern man in this new world?
This is a really good question. And in many ways, I do not have all of the answers for it.
But I do see some trends that I think will continue. And my biggest fear is that most men simply aren’t ready for it.
The way I see it, masculinity… and how men will need to live in our modern world, is changing in two big ways.
First, you cannot rely on a marriage/partnership.
And second, you cannot rely on a job.
Let’s talk about how these things affect us in the long run.
As men, we must embrace the way of the modern man. And in this post, I am going to try to cover both of these topics.
(Note: I talk a little bit about legal issues in this post! I am not a legal professional, and cannot give anyone legal advice! These views are only my own personal views, and should not be taken as quality legal advice! For true legal advice, talk to your lawyer!)
First Off, Why Does It Matter If Life Is Different For The Modern Man?
I see a lot of men who want to live like their father, grandfather, or great grandfather lived.
They want to meet a nice girl, fall in love, and raise children together in a house with a white picket fence. They want to get a career in a job that pays them well, and they want to raise a family.
But I do not see either of these as being sound ideas anymore. And I think that there is more than enough evidence for the fact that alpha men must rise above and beyond these more primitive social infrastructures if they want to truly leave their mark upon this world.
I want to see men succeed with women by becoming high value men. And for better or for worse, the times are changing. And as men, we must change with them.
We Cannot Rely On Relationships To Be Forever
In times past, it was very taboo for a marriage to end. And there were many elements to this that were not particularly good… but there were also elements to it that were useful and helpful.
A couple was very likely to stay together forever… even if their relationship was toxic! It was literally for better or worse, richer or poorer!
This gave the family unit a lot of advantages.
But today, men and women alike are saying ‘enough’ to marriages that they do not want to be in. And while divorce rates have actually gone down since the 1980s, they are still alarmingly high… too high, in my opinion, to justify the risk.
Today, it is believed that 42 to 45 percent of marriages end in divorce.
And it is no secret that a divorce has the full-blown potential to ravage your life… emotionally and monetarily.
This is especially true when you bring children into the picture.
Is it true that there would be fewer divorces if men learned how to be high value men?
Yes, probably. But that would not make enough of a difference, I don’t think, to safely remove the needless risks associated with entering into a marriage contract.
It is not a popular opinion… but I believe that marriage in this new world is completely unwise for a modern man.
Date women. Have her over to spend the night. Invite her to spend the weekend with you. If you really feel strongly about it, invite her to move in with you.
But why get married? Sure, if you want to father children, marriage seems to be a safe place where you have some reasonable amount of security.
But that security is not real. Either of you could leave that marriage for any reason. Any property you own together, any children you have together… anything that you have accomplished together will then have the potential to be spoils in a bitter, toxic, and expensive legal battle.
I simply cannot understand why any modern man would choose to get married with the world being what it is. I just don’t see it as wise, and I don’t see it as being beneficial or needed for men, in any way.
If you want to have children, find a woman who is committed to doing that with you, and get a lawyer to draft you an agreement of how that child will be cared for until they reach the age of 18 (I am obviously not a lawyer, so I am not totally sure what this would look like. It just seems like a pretty sound idea to me).
Cover your legal bases. Do not put yourself into a position where family court is deciding who is going to pay for what!
That adds an entire level of complexity to the matter that could be avoided.
We Cannot Rely On A Steady Job For A Successful, Comfortable Life
Take one look around you. Look at the pure chaos going on in our world.
Look at how the middle class is disappearing. Look at how wages aren’t rising along with the cost of living.
There are a select few professions that pay enough to give you a livable wage, and there are even fewer that guarantee you any sort of retirement.
Those things are quickly becoming a myth for the vast majority of men and women.
And so, as a modern man, you must rise above this by seeking out better ways to bring money and wealth into your life.
You start with a job… but that isn’t enough.
At night, cultivate a skill. For me, this was freelance writing.
Start a side hustle (for me, this is my blog). Then, eventually, start freelancing or start your own business.
After you have garnered some success for yourself, start investing in more businesses, rental properties, websites, or something that is going to be an asset, that will bring cash-flow into your life on a regular basis.
(I rent out a spare bedroom in my house to a roommate to help me offset my mortgage payments! This gives my roommate a secure place to live, and helps me out with the bills.)
As a modern man, you must become financially self sufficient. It is my firm belief that, as alpha males, we must conquer our circumstances and generate more wealth for ourselves than a simple job will provide us.
That is the only way to be financially secure in this new world. It is also the only way to guarantee that when you are too old to work, you will have built-up a lifestyle business that will be capable of sustaining you long-term.
Is There A Silver Lining For The Modern Man? Yes, I Believe There Is…
When I was younger, and felt lost in this world as a man, these things really discouraged me. In fact, for a while, I even sank into a victim mentality.
But I quickly learned that this was not the true way.
Since I’ve been on the alpha male journey, I do not see them as a negative.
The truth is that being a man is still an incredible experience. And the fact that these things are changing is not cause to be worried or concerned.
Rather than see these things as a negative, I firmly believe that the true alpha-male path is to embrace these changing times, and adapt to them so that we can make our lives as incredible and as successful as possible.
For me, a few simple adjustments in my thinking have made all the difference.
- I do not plan to marry again. I will date and have whatever relationships I want without the pressure of getting married. If I were to ever want to have children again, I would make an agreement with the mother, and we would go to a lawyer to get it made official.
- Instead of getting a job that seems ‘safe,’ I am building my business and putting my money into assets that will earn me more money in the future.
That’s it. We practice more freedom in our relationships, and pursue wealth-building beyond just having a job.
I actually really love what the world is becoming. I think that with the rise of feminism, women have been given more power to live the lives that they really want to live.
Some men have been frustrated by these changes. But I see them as very positive, because I want men AND women to live how they want!
I want to see humans living the way they truly want to! Why would I ever want someone to be married to me and stay that way just because society is telling them to?
I would rather just empower myself to be comfortable without ever being married. I do not feel insecurity in this. I feel a personal sense of responsibility, freedom, and empowerment in it.
This Is All A Matter Of Perspective
Instead of remaining frustrated with the way of things because they do not align with how I used to want to live, I adapt and I refocus. I choose to see the world as a place of opportunity… not as a place of hopelessness.
I believe that we can find great purpose and meaning in life by pursuing the goal of becoming a high value man.
Some men are very angry at women right now. But I am not.
I love women, and I want them to live exactly as they want to live.
I will just adapt, and will continue to conduct my business with wisdom and purpose.
This is how the modern man must live.
We must not fight against the truth of life.
We must, instead, rise up to become strong enough to face our challenges.
And that brings us back around to the quote I used at the beginning of the article.
“Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men.”
Let’s all level-up and become stronger men… men capable of making the world a better place, and leaving a lasting legacy of greatness in our wake.
Go with grace, my friends… and never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus