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my girlfriend broke up with me

My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me – How To Handle It Like An Alpha

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My girlfriend broke up with me.

This is something I’ve heard from many men. It sucks. It is a tough part of life, and my heart goes out to men who have had to go through this.

Heartbreak is a bitch. But today, I’m going to give you some real, actual advice for what to do with it.

Let’s dive in.

[Also check out this post: 5 Steps For How To Get Over Someone Who Doesn’t Care About You!]

Why Did My Girlfriend Break Up With Me?

Why Did My Girlfriend Break Up With Me

This is probably your number-one question. Of course, she may have told you all of the ‘nice things,’ that she thought were polite to say. But honestly, when you get right down to it, being told that ‘it was her, not you,’ doesn’t really help.

There is really only one reason for why women break up with men. This can, of course, be broken up into many different sub categories, with many different factors thrown in.

But men, I have to be honest.

Your girlfriend broke up with you because she just didn’t want to be with you… because you didn’t bring enough value to the relationship to make it worth it for her.

That’s a tough one, men. That can feel like a punch in the gut.

But… every man has been here. I’ve been there MANY times!

Please don’t let the bad feelings run away with you quite yet. As it turns out, experiencing a breakup is one of the best ways to reflect on your life, take another shot, and try again.

And if you can learn, move on, and level up after a breakup, this will give you an incredible chance to chase not only the life you want for yourself, but also the kinds of relationships, sexual experiences, and women that you really really want.

And that is awesome.

But how do you do it? Here’s what you need to know.

[Keep getting friendzoned? Check out this post: 11 Tips For How To Not Get Friendzoned – The Alpha Male Guide.]

Step 1: What Not To Do After A Breakup

Step 1 What Not To Do After A Breakup

I know that you’ve heard this advice a thousand times.

“If she dumped you leave her alone.”

But, it is actually good advice.

If your girlfriend, wife, or partner has just broken up with you, the first thing you may be tempted to think about is getting her back. You might feel like she is the love of your life, and you may really want to get back together.

But that is the worst thing you could possibly do.

Especially within 3 months of the breakup.

The fact of the matter is this. A true alpha knows his worth. And if someone breaks up with him, he is strong enough to know better than to run back where he is not wanted.

He simply moves on to better things.

So do not…

  • Call her
  • Text her
  • Message her on social media
  • Try to get her back

In other words, you and her are done. Done. If you try to get her back, or end up getting back together, for pretty much any reason, you are likely to only run right back into more misery. Plus, she will know that she has all the power… which is 100% true.

So practice telling yourself this. This is step 1.

She broke up with me. We are 100% done. She ruined her chances of fixing things when she ended the relationship. I will move on to better things, starting right now.”

Good. This is the first step to seriously leveling up and moving past the breakup as an alpha male.

Step 2: Work Through Your Grief In A Healthy Way

Step 2 Work Through Your Grief In A Healthy Way

If your girlfriend broke up with you, you might be tempted to explode at her, freak out, tell her how much of a bitch she is, etc.

And granted, you probably do not feel like she treated you fairly.

In fact, she probably didn’t.

But it is really important to start the grieving process, and to do it in a healthy way.

This means, as much as is possible, you ignore her existence. You do not talk to her, reach out, apologize, express your anger, anything… probably forever, or at least until you have worked through your grief.

If you lash out at her, you are in the wrong. Walk away from this breakup with honor, with your head held high, knowing that you just avoided a major conflict and defeated a lot of chaos in your life by not succumbing to the temptation to freak out.

If you already did freak out, forgive yourself. Learn from it. Decide here and now not to do it again.

Let it be a learning process. That is a good thing!

There are a lot of ways to go through the grieving process, but I have found that these are some of the best ways.

  1. Spend time with your good friends
  2. Spend time doing things that make you laugh
  3. Focus on your hobbies
  4. Don’t be afraid to cry, to talk about the breakup with trusted friends, and to take time to be sad about it. It is fine to be sad, at least for a little while
  5. Talk to your therapist or counselor about it. This is probably the number one best way to start getting over it

Get all of those bad feelings vented out, and start filling yourself up with positivity, happy things, happy people, and success.

Take on some new hobbies. Start hitting the gym. Start talking to other girls. Take a trip. Have an adventure.

Step 3: Realize That Complaining, Blaming, And Resentment Will Only Weaken You

Step 3 Realize That Complaining, Blaming, And Resentment Will Only Weaken You

I have heard many versions of this before.

“My girlfriend broke up with me. I gave her everything. I can’t live without her. What am I going to do? I wasted so much time. I didn’t deserve this. She is such a selfish person. Why me? Why would she break my heart like this?”

Alright men. This is where I need to get a little bit tough with you.

I want men to win. But this is not how you win!

This line of thinking will take away all of your inner power, and bring chaos into your emotions.

Yes, you used to have a lot of love for that relationship. Yes, you might even want your girlfriend back. Of course, trying to get her back would not be the right thing to do, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t sad, or that you don’t miss the relationship.

But now is the time to start reframing your thinking, and embracing the true alpha male mentality.

And it all starts with what you say.

The Easiest Way To Give Up Your Power Is With Your Words

The Easiest Way To Give Up Your Power Is With Your Words

Your girlfriend isn’t going to look back. She left. She chose not to be with you.

So now, you must do two very important things.

  1. You must come to terms with what you did wrong in the relationship, how you might have hurt her feelings, what mistakes you may have made, etc. You need to forgive yourself, and chalk it all up to a learning experience. Then you need to commit to a better future for yourself where you will not make those mistakes anymore.
  2. You need to learn that speaking weak words will make you weak.

Let’s look at this complaint one more time.

“My girlfriend broke up with me. I gave her everything. I can’t live without her. What am I going to do? I wasted so much time. I didn’t deserve this. She is such a selfish person. Why me? Why would she break my heart like this?”

I am going to break this down and describe why this is a very important time to start fixing your attitude.

The sooner you start to reprogram yourself to embrace an alpha male mentality, the sooner you can start to level up your life, take control of your relationship and sex life, and achieve exactly the kind of life you want for yourself!

This is what the alpha male journey is all about!

How An Alpha Male Deals With A Breakup – With The Proper Alpha Mindset

How An Alpha Male Deals With A Breakup – With The Proper Alpha Mindset

“My girlfriend broke up with me.”

Yes she did. And she is allowed to. Relationships end. It happens all the time. You can, and will, find someone else… especially if you commit to being a true alpha male and really level up your attraction skills, and seek to become a higher-value man!

You can even date multiple women if you want! The true alpha understands that he can create whatever destiny he wants for himself, as long as he is able to focus and work for it!

“I gave her everything.”

Hopefully, this will be a lesson to you.

Never give a woman, or any other human, everything you have to give.

Humans are always capable of walking away from you. You need to be selfish and selfless, in healthy, balanced amounts. You must always prioritize yourself first!

“I can’t live without her.”

Yes you can.

This is whining, complaining, and beta male behavior.

Your focus in life is on yourself, and on achieving your purpose. You are an alpha, pursuing excellence above all else. If women are the focus of our lives, we are not living correctly.

“What am I going to do?”

You are going to level up, become a powerful alpha, seek excellence, and go on to become such a high value man that, in the future, you will be able to have whatever kinds of sex or relationships you want!

If you are willing to do the work on yourself, you can create your own destiny!

“I wasted so much time.”

Not necessarily. A person is not just valuable for what we want from them in the future. Rather, we should try to appreciate what every human is giving us right now.

Did you have great sex with your girlfriend? Did you ever have great times together? Did you ever learn together? Did you ever look at her and think, “damn, I am so happy that this beautiful woman is going home with me tonight…”

If so, be thankful for these things, and then look forward to being grateful to your future partners for what they will give you in the future.

We must do away with expectations, and learn to be grateful for what we get from other humans in the here and now.

The only person we can, and should, expect certain things from is ourself.

“I didn’t deserve this.”

Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t. But it doesn’t matter.

As alpha males, we must take full responsibility for our experiences in life.

We live in a cause and effect reality.

We must realize that every choice, every relationship, every situation comes with a risk.

And we must be wise, and choose to either accept the risks, or not accept them.

If you choose to accept the risk, be strong enough in yourself to understand that if it doesn’t go as planned, oh well. You will rise to the challenge, overcome the obstacles, and grow from it.

“She is such a selfish person.”

Yes, she probably is… as she should be. She must, and will, prioritize herself in life… and you must do the same.

A lot of men fail at this. Why? Because men tend to have really big hearts. They want to love their girlfriends, give to them, and make them happy.

And often, men will give and give and give until they realize that the balance is unequal. And this will hurt their feelings.

But the cold, hard, brutal truth of this world is that if you do not prioritize yourself first, you will eventually get walked on… even by people who claim to love you, who claim that they would never want to take from you.

It is really, really simple. You need to learn to prioritize yourself first. Please, let this be a lesson. Don’t let it make you an asshole… but use it to understand that in the future, you need to think about yourself more first.

“Why me?”

Bad things happen to all of us in life. But if you complain ‘why me,’ or ‘why do bad things always happen to me,’ you will start to think with a victim mentality.

Sure, maybe your girlfriend broke up with you for no good reason. Or, maybe she had a reason. It doesn’t really matter at this point. You’re not going to try to get her back, because getting your ex back is not the alpha male way.

But you do need to make sure that you are not living with a victim mentality.

Say this to yourself, looking in the mirror.

“I am not a victim. I am a powerful man. I choose my own destiny. I make my own choices, and I accept the risks without complaint. As I learn from my mistakes, I become wiser and more powerful. If I want a good life, I alone am responsible for carving order out of the chaos that surrounds me.”

This is a powerful mindset for men, because it gets them thinking like a true alpha… not a weak beta.

“Why would she break my heart like this?”

This is an incredibly crucial thing for every alpha to understand.

People do not owe it to us to take care of our hearts or feelings.

We must take responsibility for our hearts, our feelings, and our emotions, and care for ourselves, first and foremost.

The problem with giving this power to someone else is pretty self-evident. You cannot control what other people are going to do.

Of course, we should always act with kindness and respect, and do our part to make the world a better place.

But at the end of the day, we are not responsible if other people get their hearts broken, and they are not responsible if it happens to us.

This is part of getting away from that victim mentality, and learning to create our own powerful destiny as alpha men, every day.

Step 4: Begin Leveling Up And Focusing On Yourself

Step 4 Begin Leveling Up And Focusing On Yourself

The first little while after a breakup is going to be difficult. But it is super important that you start focusing on leveling up your life and chasing excellence.

Kick your goal to be a high-value male into overdrive.

Here are some more direct goals to think about right after a breakup.

Stop Living Together

If you lived together, immediately start to work toward breaking that off. One of you needs to move.

A true alpha is not going to stagnate in the same house as his ex. So start saving up money, and make a plan for one of you to move. Obviously if the house is yours, she would need to move. If it is hers, you would need to move, etc.

Build Wealth

Start leveling up your wealth building. Maybe look for a better job, apply for a promotion, or start your own side hustle.

Start generating more wealth in life, so that finances can’t keep you down when things get hard.

Hit The Gym

Start focusing on health, wellness, and fitness. Hit the gym. Ditch candy and soda for fruits, vegetables, and meat. Start running every morning. Take up an active hobby you enjoy.

Cut Out Fake And Negative People

Start taking a close look at your relationships.

Right after a breakup, you might want to ‘clean house’ on relationships that only existed because of your girlfriend. Don’t be afraid to cut things off with friends who don’t add real, tangible value to your life. If you kind of dread seeing them… you should probably just cut the cord.

Educate Yourself And Stimulate Your Mind

Continue to better yourself. Read a new book. Watch some motivational YouTube videos. Start learning about something new. Stimulate your mind with a new class, or by joining a new group.

Do things that are going to contribute to your life and make you better.

Shift Some Of Your Attention To New, Beautiful, High Value Women

When you are ready, start dating again! Start flirting, hooking up, and having fun with high-value women, and use this opportunity to enjoy being single.

Being single can (and should) be super fun! Own it, and continue to level up and learn about women so that your relationship and sex life is always 1000% awesome!

Absolve Your Anger And Bitterness

Suffering from some residual bitterness, anger, or resentment?

DO NOT vent these to your ex.

You are not getting her back, you are not venting to her, you are not paying her any more attention. She had her chance with you. She chose to go somewhere else.

Trying to stay friends with your ex isn’t the alpha male way. Sure, you can treat her with respect and kindness when you must interact with her, but your relationship with her is over. Instead of venting to your ex, you may want to consider going to therapy to work through your anger.

Going to therapy can be an awesome way to work through your feelings of anger, bitterness, and resentment.

You can also read some good books on the subject.

But remember that it is your responsibility to absolve your bitterness and move on… just like it is her responsibility to absolve hers. You both have a responsibility to be self-reliant, fully mature, constructive, industrious, happy humans who have control over your own lives.

That is how adult humans are supposed to live, and that is what you must always strive to be.

Do Not Succumb To Drama

Do Not Succumb To Drama

An alpha male will avoid as much ‘breakup drama’ as possible. He is not going to get into fights. He is not going to scream and yell. He is not going to let her get him all riled up and angry.

If you feel that your ex is trying to start drama, immediately disengage. She is not worth it. Nothing is worth your happiness and peace of mind. Nothing.

Be a true alpha male gentleman, and with head held high, exit the relationship with honor and dignity.

The best is yet to come. You have the best years of your life ahead of you, my friend.

Stand Tall And Proud, And Move On

Stand Tall And Proud, And Move On

My girlfriend broke up with me.

If you are saying these words right now, it is very possible that you are about to enter an entire new and exciting chapter of life.

And if you can stick with it and put in the work to be a high-value man, you can make it exactly that.

Let’s recap.

  1. You are an awesome, strong alpha
  2. If you made mistakes in the relationship, forgive yourself, learn from them, and move on. This is a new chance to make your life great. No crying over spilled milk
  3. Your feelings are not her responsibility. They are yours. So work through them, and be proud of yourself in the process
  4. No matter how you feel, you do not want to get your ex back. She broke it off. Do not subjugate yourself by returning to her and showing her that she has so much power over you. Instead, give your attention to yourself, your true friends, and to other incredible women
  5. There are thousands of women around you to pursue. New, amazing, high value women to flirt with, have fun with, and explore with. Give those women a chance, and move on!
  6. Seek therapy if you need to work through a lot of anger. Also, do good things and have fun. Treat yourself well.
  7. Adopt an alpha male code, and keep leveling up. You can check out my personal alpha male code, the Oath of Kings, here.

Keep chasing excellence, men. You’re awesome, and you will come out of this stronger, better, wiser, and much more powerful than you were before.

I believe in you.

So hold your head up high, and take pride in being the awesome alpha that you are.

Life may be hard right now. But in just a little bit of time, it will get so good. Life is very, very good for alpha males who understand how to forge their own destiny in life.

Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.

Until next time…

Joshua K. Sigafus