No one wants to date me.
If you’ve ever said this to yourself, rest assured that I understand the feeling.
Let me rewind time a little bit, and I’ll tell you a story.
Early in 2017, my marriage ended.
I was single again for the first time since since high-school!
And I didn’t have a clue what to do.
I tried as hard as I could to find a girlfriend… mostly to cure the loneliness and sadness I felt, and to fill the void left from my failed marriage.
But I had zero luck. And every day, I found myself asking this exact question.
No one wants to date me… why?
And now I know why.
Let’s talk about it.
[Check out my “What is an Incel” post to learn what I think about that topic as well!]
Being Confident And Strong Are Two Of The Most Attractive Traits We Can Embody
When my marriage ended, I was not in a healthy place.
I was sad, lonely, had low self confidence, and felt like the only thing that could make me happy again was finding someone who loved me.
But this was 100% wrong.
The truth of the matter is that, as an alpha male, you need to be emotionally healthy in order to be loveable.
That may be a tough pill to swallow… but it is true.
But it also goes beyond this.
The goal isn’t to be loveable. The goal is to become a high-value alpha male. You do it for yourself and for the good of your tribe… because you believe in it, have a purpose, and believe in pursuing a higher meaning.
And as a result, ironically, this also tends to make you insanely attractive.
This is how we win.
I know that there are a lot of unhealthy people out there who are loved. And I know that we can’t be perfect.
But I’m not trying to tell anyone to be perfect. I’m trying to tell you to be self-responsible… because learning to be self-reliant during this phase, a phase where you feel like nobody wants to date you, is extremely important.
We can’t just keep complaining, looking for a quick fix to the problem.
We have to pick ourselves up and fix the root cause of the problem… our own inner negativity and lack of self-love.
What I Did To Fix My Dating Problems
No one wants to date me… I guess I’m just not desirable!
I eventually came face-to-face with the truth.
I was trying, but nobody was biting. I was trying to meet girls, get numbers, and start my life again.
But nobody seemed interested.
Well, now I understand why.
I was so obsessed with finding a girlfriend to fix my sadness that I was running head-first into a band-aid fix to a larger problem.
The truth is that I didn’t love myself. I wasn’t comfortable with myself. I didn’t believe in myself.
But instead of trying to fix this problem, I was trying to get someone else to do it for me.
Instead of taking time to learn to love myself the right way, I was trying to find a girlfriend to do it for me. I was trying to take the easy way out.
It’s easier to just stay broken and trust someone else to fix us. That way, we don’t have to change and level up.
Leveling up is hard work… but as alpha males, we all need to do it!
This is where self-responsibility comes into the picture.
Here Are The Steps I Took
When I figured out what the problem was, I quickly realized that only I could truly fix it.
If I wanted to go from no one wants to date me, to being the guy who beautiful, high value women desire, I needed to overhaul myself, fix my life, pick myself up, and start laying one brick at a time… rebuilding my life the right way, with me at the center as a healthy foundation.
Here are just some of the steps I took.
I Started Working More
I took control of my work and started growing my business.
I made it a huge priority, because I knew that I needed to get my financial life under control.
I Started Going To The Gym
I hated how I looked. I didn’t like my body, and I didn’t like how I felt.
So I started hitting the gym. I started working out twice a day. I also changed my eating habits.
As a result, my body quickly began to transform… and I started loving the way I looked and felt.
I Slowed Down With Trying To Date, And Focused On Having Positive Experiences
In many ways, I was desperate to find a girlfriend.
I ached to be touched, loved, desired, and cared for.
But I also knew that being desperate was not attractive.
And so, I took a break from trying to date women… and instead, tried to make new friends and have new experiences.
Some of these experiences led to very memorable times with beautiful women… and some of them didn’t. But I tried to just be myself and focus on having a good time, and being a good person.
And as a result, I started building better habits. Instead of always being goal-oriented about relationships, I became self-sufficient and just started to enjoy myself.
I started learning that I didn’t need a girlfriend to have fun, love myself, and have a happy life.
And this really helped me to transition into a healthier state of mind.
I Spent More Time By Myself, And Started To Enjoy It
Don’t get me wrong, social interaction is a good thing, and we need it.
But I was at a point where I couldn’t stand not being around people.
Why? Because people were the only distraction I had for how I didn’t love myself.
And so, I started spending more time alone. I became a bit of a lone wolf. And as I practiced this, I started to enjoy my own company more.
I exercised. I watched movies that I liked. I cooked myself awesome food. I worked hard, made more money, and started to generate more wealth for myself.
I read good books. I went wherever I wanted and did whatever I wanted.
And as I did this more and more, I came to realize that if I put time and effort into myself, I became a more likeable and worthwhile person to spend time with.
I Stopped Complaining, And Adopted A More Positive Mindset
One of the best things I did was to ban myself from complaining.
I literally stopped allowing any complaint to come out of my own mouth. And when this happened, I quickly realized how much my own complaining, whining words were dragging me down.
In fact, this is so important to me now that I created a vow in my own alpha male code specifically addressing it!
My happiness improved. I started to believe in myself. Instead of being a whiny, complaining loser… I started turning into a positive, productive, hopeful, purpose-driven winner.
The negativity we create when we complain is so destructive.
Purging my system of all of this complaining was radically transformative! It literally changed my entire worldview!
I Stopped Spending Time With Negative, Controlling, Unhealthy People
As I became healthier, I realized that I needed to stop spending time with unhealthy people.
This was especially true of people who were negative, people who complained a lot, people who tried to control what I did, people who tried to guilt-trip me for moving on and leveling-up, or small-minded people who refused to better themselves.
Eventually, as I leveled up in my choice of people to spend time with, the better people I was spending time around caused me to change my mindset… and they pushed me to be better.
They say that in 5 years, you will become the people you spend the most time with.
And this is 10000% true!!!
In Conclusion: No One Wants To Date Me, The True Alpha Male Perspective
If you find yourself saying this, take a step back and try to realize the truth.
- Nobody is perfect
- If you can’t find a date, it might be because you need to level up
- Start putting in the work. Level up as a high-value man
- While you level-up as a man on the alpha male journey, also level up your attraction skills and start engaging positively with women
- Level up your money, your emotions, your self-love, your positivity, your body, your mind, and your soul… and as you do this, you will absolutely become more attractive
You will also heal, and get better, and as a result… more and more women will start to notice you and pay attention to you.
It isn’t easy, men… but nothing worthwhile ever is.
Keep checking back and reading my blogs. This is exactly what I am trying to help men accomplish.
This is what I call the alpha male journey.
I want men to win with women by leveling up and becoming the kind of true, high value, top-shelf men that women crave.
And it all starts here… with these steps I just talked about in this post.
Now, 3 Years Later… I Have A Wonderful Girlfriend, I Am Building An Incredible Tribe To Surround Myself With, And I Also Spend Time With Many Other Incredible Women As Well
I have truly succeeded… and I am so thankful that I put in all of that work back then in 2017, leveling up and reprogramming my mind.
And as I continue to level-up, life only gets better!
I’m so thankful that I didn’t just try to take the easy way out.
I laid this foundation for my life brick-by-brick… one gym visit, one learned lesson, one less complaint, one positive thought, one hard-day’s work at a time.
It all adds up, and it all counts.
Go with grace, my friends… and never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus