Ladies and gentlemen, today we are going to talk about a very, very important issue that everybody needs to be aware of.
The number one reason for your dating problems.
Now, we all have different levels of dating problems in our lives, right? Some are small, some are big, and nobody is perfect.
Nobody can get exactly who they want, whenever they want them, right?
That would be impossible.
Some of that is natural—you know, we’re born with it. We’re the wrong height, the wrong color, our hair is the wrong color, we have the wrong body type, our face is shaped a certain way, or whatever it is.
So some of it is natural, and the natural part really can’t be controlled.
Attraction is finicky this way. Some of it is simply beyond our control.
But… some of it (most of it) can be controlled.
And that is where the skills of dating and attraction come into the mix.
I recently published a video on this topic. You can check it out here.
And in this post, I’m going to double-down and explain exactly how important this is.
Here’s the thing. The number one reason that we all have dating problems, especially people who have objectively far worse dating problems than the rest of us, is because people don’t understand that attraction and dating are skills.
Now, people don’t always like to hear this.
They don’t like to think of attraction or dating as skills.
They like to think of these things as things that should happen naturally.
People like to believe that you have a soulmate or a twin flame, or that there is someone out there literally born for you—your one and only, the person you are looking for in life… the person who is also looking for you.
And we have this romantic idea that we’ll be drawn to the person we’re meant to be with, right?
We long to believe that the universe will bring us together, and that we will inherit perpetual happiness without having to do any of the work to make it happen.
Now Let’s Discuss The Reality Of It
Okay, so you can believe all of that ‘fairytale nonsense’ if you want.
But the real truth of the matter is that people who are better at increasing their attraction get a larger selection of people to choose from, because more people are going to be attracted to them.
Why?
Because they’re better at leveling up their attraction—which makes them more desirable.
Do you see what I’m saying?
This is really, really important. And it’s actually counterintuitive to a lot of things people believe today.
And the reason for the counterintuitiveness is that we have this romantic view of attraction and desire, which is not realistic.
We have an almost fairytale-esque view of it.
That’s not to say that there’s no such thing as romance.
Romance is very real, and it’s amazing.
It’s also really fun.
We also have other things to enjoy: chemistry, strong feelings of attraction, affection, companionship, infatuation—and even love.
These are all real and amazing things, right?
However, if you don’t understand the core dynamics of attraction, you’re going to miss out on a lot of that stuff.
And that is super sad.
And this is what’s so ironic. The people who care the most about the romance are often missing out on it the most, because they completely ignore the fact that attraction and dating are actually skills.
So the point I’m making here is this.
You Have The Power To Transform Your Dating Life, Starting Today
If you want to take your attraction and dating life to an entire new level, and if you want to actually engage in positive, healthy, fun, exciting relationships in your dating life, and if you want to be able to have the option to explore the dating life you truly desire for yourself—you need to take control of your destiny, level up the skills of attraction and dating, and make it so!
That’s it.
You literally have the choice to make your dating life whatever you want it to be.
It’s not necessarily easy, but it is really simple.
It’s a simple concept.
But it’s amazing how many people rule it out because they don’t like the idea of thinking about attraction and dating as skills.
They think it kills the romance.
They want to believe that the perfect person is going to come waltzing into their life without requiring them to do any work.
But the cold hard truth of the matter is this.
That is the lazy person’s way—and those types of people will likely never have the dating life of their dreams.
But that doesn’t have to be you.
Some People Do Come By It Naturally—But Only To A Point
You and I have both known people who were really, really popular, good-looking, and sought after on the dating marketplace.
You know—the popular kids in school, the hot girl at work, that drop-dead gorgeous guy tending the bar…
Those people are out there. And it’s true—they don’t have to work as hard as some of us to land dates.
They are beautiful, attractive, and magnetic… and everyone seems to dream of dating them.
Sometimes, these people win on the dating market because they do understand the skillset.
But more often than not, their seeming ‘good luck’ on the dating marketplace happens because they were born with a certain amount of charisma, charm, and freakishly good looks.
Not all of us are born that way though. Right?
For example, I was a decent looking young man back in my younger years. And I had some charisma, and I was pretty confident and outgoing.
I was just good-looking enough, and just good enough at conducting myself in social settings to get myself into a marriage that I had no business being in.
And I knew just enough to get me to a point where I had the potential to start a family and have that white-picket-fence life, right?
But this is where I got into trouble—and incidentally, this is where most naturally attractive people also get into trouble.
I had no attraction or dating skills whatsoever. I didn’t understand what I was doing.
And my relationship just crashed and burned. It’s like being smart enough to sneak into the cockpit of an airplane, and then not knowing how to fly it.
In the short-term, it seems like a great idea. But in the long run, it’s only going to lead to suffering and failure.
And that’s also usually the curse of beautiful people. They are so sought after for their beauty—but they still aren’t equipped with the dating, attraction, or vetting skills to find, and manage, the dating life that they dream of.
Sure, they have more options. But if you ask the average ‘beautiful person’ on the street if they have the dating life of their dreams, they will likely tell you ‘no.’
Here Is What You Need To Understand
Here is the ‘nugget’ of wisdom that everyone needs to really, really hold on to.
This is the most important part of all of this.
If you want to have an awesome dating life, all you have to do is level up your attraction and dating skills.
Those two skills are pretty much one and the same, though there’s a little bit of a difference.
Leveling up your attraction makes you visible and desirable to more potential partners.
And then, leveling up your dating skills helps you to engage with those partners in a positive, productive way.
You need both to build relationships, though.
First, you need to learn the basics of attraction and how to date successfully. Then, you need to build on the basics by changing your habits.
As you transform your habits and start building your dating life on the real science of attraction, your dating life will start to change—and you’ll start to get better results.
Knowing what to change is a bit more difficult. That is a deep well of knowledge, and that’s what dating coaches, books, blogs, podcasts, and YouTube channels are for!
But here’s the thing. If you want to make your dating life better, you can’t just wait for it to happen. You have to actually do the work.
Start building better habits as you learn. and commit to working hard to mind your business, get your money, pursue your purpose, and level up your attraction.
Once you start to do that, my friends, you will start to understand how much power we actually have over our dating lives.
We Have The Potential To Make Our Dating Lives The Stuff Of Legends
All it takes is the willingness to see the entire thing as a skill… not something that happens serendipitously or by happenstance.
Alright, that’s all I have on this one.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus