This post is for men and women.
A lot of people underestimate the strength and power of real, authentic, genuine sexual attraction.
When I was a teenager, I got my first real glimpse of what genuine sexual attraction felt like from the receiving end.
I remember going to the pool with my friends.
We used to go nearly every day in the summer.
Of course, this was back when I was younger—and while girls were certainly on my mind, I wasn’t really old enough to be pursuing them yet.
But that started to change when I hit the age of about 15/16.
I remember that on this one occasion (later on, after I had turned 18), there was a new lifeguard on duty at the pool.
This was my senior year—the last year I would hit the pool with my friends in my hometown every summer. It was the year before I left my small town home to start my new life at the job waiting for me after high school.
I still had my attractive, fit high-school body though.
My abs were defined and chiseled, and I was in great shape.
This lifeguard was a beautiful girl, probably close to my same age, if not a year or two older.
She was also in amazing shape.
How can you tell when someone is attracted to you?
See, you’ll be able to tell when someone is attracted to you because they’ll do everything they can to be close to you.
It will be obvious that they’re trying to spend time around you.
At the time that this story took place, I was already dating someone (the girl who would eventually go on to become my wife [now ex wife] about two years later).
But the magnetic attraction that I felt from this girl at the pool that day really stood out to me.
I ended up talking to her for quite a while.
It felt like she was drawn to me.
It felt like, no matter what I did, she found a way to get close to me and interact with me. She even gave me her number.
It felt truly effortless. It felt almost like a superpower.
Well, attraction may not be a superpower, but it certainly has a powerful effect on us as humans.
As a man who’s spent more of my adult life unattractive than attractive, I can tell you from experience that attraction happens more when you have maximized your attraction metrics.
For example, right after I got out of my marriage, I was pretty overweight.
I had zero sense of style.
And I didn’t really know how to carry myself or act confident.
But then I started hitting the gym. I was working out twice per day. I was leveling up my own personal style, and I was working on my social skills and ability to interact with women in a more confident manner.
I even visited a yoga instructor to fix my slouching, unattractive posture.
The results were quite noticeable. Seemingly out of nowhere, women started to hit on me.
The more athletic my body got, the better my sense of style became, and the more confident I was, the more I noticed that women seemed genuinely interested in interacting with me.
This didn’t happen by accident, of course.
Attraction metrics matter.
In fact, they’re so powerful that they’re often overlooked.
As humans, we like to subscribe to the fairy tale version of romance, where someone may fall in love with you despite you not being as attractive as their other options.
In these fantasies, beautiful people fall in love with us not because of our looks, but because we have a kind heart, because we treat them nicer, or because we care for them more than anyone else.
And therein, we find the reason for why so many people are so unhappy and unfulfilled in their dating lives.
Why?
Because it doesn’t happen that way.
People date, have sex with, and marry the most attractive option they believe they’ll be able to get at that point in time.
What are physical signs of attraction?
There are many technical signs of physical attraction.
But the greatest sign of all is that they’ll want to be close to you and around you.
Here’s the point I’m trying to make.
True attraction will feel effortless.
That magnetic pull between two humans who are attracted to each other is powerful and noticeable.
And when you learn to pick up on that noticeable pull, you’ll find that dating will become that much easier for you.
I’m not the type of guy who really believes that you can use game to talk someone into liking you.
My firm belief, and what I’ve seen evidenced in my own life (as well as in my research) is that the more you work on your attraction metrics, the better your chances are of finding a broader range of more attractive people who will also find you attractive.
And mutual attraction is the key to having fun, exciting, wildly memorable and beneficial dating experiences.
Now comes the hard part.
Increasing your attraction metrics takes a lot of work.
I won’t lie to you.
Some people have it easier than others.
The person who’s morbidly obese is going to have a much more difficult time dialing in their attraction metrics than the person who starts out near a healthier weight.
The man who isn’t making any real money is going to be at a disadvantage compared to the man who’s already rich and making real money.
Attraction metrics don’t lie.
The dating marketplace is filled with people who want to get the best deal they can get… outliers and fringe occurrences aside.
Most people don’t want to settle for a partner who is less attractive than the best they can feasibly attract.
But here’s the good news.
When you start working on your attraction metrics, and you start putting effort into improving your desirability levels by investing in yourself, you’re going to find that your dating opportunities are going to begin to increase.
What do I mean by attraction metrics?
For men, this means building:
- Wealth
- Status
- Power
- Tribal connections
- Leadership abilities
- An athletic body
For women, this means maximizing your:
- Youth
- Beauty
- Fertility cues
- Fidelity cues
- Agreeableness
And if you continue that process of working on yourself and improving your attraction metrics, you’re eventually going to come to a place where your options are going to get so good that you’re going to start taking them a lot more seriously.
You’re going to start feeling some genuine burning sexual desire for some of those options.
Dating is the most fun when both people involved have a crazy level of attraction for each other.
In this sense, I can tell you safely and from experience:
Beautiful people and highly attractive people absolutely tend to have the best time dating.
And the best way to ensure that other people are going to have crazy high levels of attraction for you is to crank up your attraction metrics, to the point where you’re maximizing and optimizing them as much as possible.
Now, full disclosure:
This is a lot of work.
But in my experience, I find that it’s highly rewarding, and one of the best reasons to invest in yourself.
Your attraction metrics are worth investing in
So next time it feels like pulling teeth to try to schedule a date with someone, remember that true burning sexual desire feels effortless.
If someone truly wants to spend time with you, is seriously attracted to you, and feels crazy potent chemistry for you, they’ll literally move heaven and earth to try to be beside you.
It won’t feel like pulling teeth. It won’t feel complicated.
It’ll feel like two opposite polar ends of a magnet pulling each other inward.
You will feel a gravitational pull toward each other.
It won’t feel like some kind of game, where you’re trying to say the right thing to get the right result.
Genuine attraction will feel effortless.
It’s a hard and fast law of human mating behavior, and you can take it to the bank.
Therefore, if you want more people to feel crazy attracted to you, all you have to do is continue to improve your attraction metrics.
Once you start that process, and you start making progress, you’re going to find that your pool of potential dating partners will dramatically increase.
Alright, that’s all I’ve got for this one.
Go with grace my friends, and never give up your power.
Until next time.
Joshua K. Sigafus