Sometimes, the rules to be a gentleman can get a bit lost in translation.
I don’t think that this is a new problem, though. I think that men throughout history, in all of its various stages, have been faced with this great dilemma.
What does it mean to be a gentleman? What are the rules to be a gentleman?
And perhaps, most importantly… why should men care if they are a gentleman or not?
These are great questions. Let’s dive in.
What Are The Qualities Of A Gentleman?
As we discuss the rules to be a gentleman, one of the most important mandates of the discussion is to first define the term.
The dictionary definition for the word gentleman is as follows…
“A chivalrous, courteous, or honorable man.”
I like this definition. But even further than this, I like to think of a gentleman as a man of value, who displays pretty much all of the alpha male characteristics as a general rule of law in his life.
But how can a man start down the path of becoming a true gentleman? And how does it help him to win with women?
These questions are actually very near the heart of the alpha male journey itself.
So let’s dig into them.
What Is The Gentleman’s Code?
My personal alpha male code is called The Oath of Kings. There are 18 vows in this code, and I strive to live my life by them every single day.
I believe that every man should adopt his own alpha-male code. And I think that this code should go hand-in-hand with helping that man to become not only a powerful alpha… but also a true gentleman.
One misconception about alpha male gentlemen is that gentlemen will not desire sex from a lady, because wanting sex makes you sleazy and immoral.
Well, that is a total lie, and I wish men and women would stop believing it.
The truth is that a powerful alpha male is very capable of desiring sex and being a complete gentleman, all at the same time.
Why? Because sex is not sleazy. Treating people with a lack of respect is sleazy.
So, a man who speaks his mind, treats people kindly, and lets women know when he is interested without violating personal boundaries… he would be a man who was acting with what could be considered gentlemanly behavior.
(Trying to handle a breakup? Check out this post… My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me – How To Handle It Like An Alpha.)
A man of low social tact, however, who violates boundaries in his pursuit of sex… well, he is not a gentleman. And he is certainly not an alpha male.
Here is a simple example.
Example 1: A Sleazy, Ineffective Man
The man walks up to the woman, smacks her on the butt (without knowing if she wanted him to or not), and says in a very loud and rather obnoxious voice…
“Wow, those are some pretty titties. Sure wouldn’t mind putting my dick in between them!”
Alright. I am going to unpack this and explain why none of this is a good idea.
- He touched her in a fairly sensitive area without her consent
- He called her breasts ‘titties,’ which in my personal opinion, is a little childish… though probably not technically sleazy. At the very least, it makes him look immature. This is a social-tact issue that will hurt his chances with her, for sure
- He is speaking loudly and obnoxiously. True alpha males are going to be paying attention to their tone and volume of voice. They aren’t going to be shouting obnoxiously. Women are quite sensitive to this, and it will hurt your chances with her, period.
- He is asking for sex, but he is doing it in a backwards kind of way… implying a potential scenario without coming out and asking her directly if she would like to do this. This can work in flirting and during escalation with a woman… but when the time comes to close the deal, you need to be direct enough that she knows what is being asked, and that you are indeed seriously asking it.
Now, let’s explore a slightly different scenario.
Example 2: An Alpha Male Gentleman
The man walks up to the woman.
“That dress was a great choice. Very classy. I like it.”
He gives her a smile. He moves in a little bit, his face drawing closer to hers. He lowers his voice to almost a whisper, maintaining their privacy in the moment.
“And right now, I’d really like to kiss you. Would that be alright?”
If she says no, he respectfully obeys her wishes.
If she says yes, he kisses her passionately, and like he means it… like a powerful alpha male, not a timid school boy.
Then, he might propose that she come back to his place.
“I do like that dress. I would be especially interested in seeing it on my bedroom floor. Want to get out of here and come over to my place?”
Alright. Let’s unpack this a little bit and talk about what went right.
- He complimented her based on something she chose. Not her eyes or her nose… her dress. This is a well-placed compliment, because it compliments not only her looks, but also her choice in style.
- He makes sure that she is ok with his touches before he goes in and makes his move to kiss, but he is also bold, and doesn’t mince words. He is not ashamed to ask, or afraid of rejection. He is enjoying himself and is curious about her
- He respects her if she says no, and doesn’t get mad. Why would he? A powerful alpha male will have access to many women. If one of them isn’t interested in him, that is not a big deal to him. If he wants, he can take another woman home that night. He is asking her because he is choosing her. And even if he doesn’t take another woman home with him (which will not happen 100% of the time. Alpha males are good with women… but they are not wizards), he is totally fine with it. Because he is comfortable in his own skin and is content with his awesome life no matter what happens! He is not reliant on a woman to make his evening memorable! He simply wishes to add a woman if he feels like having her company, because a high-value woman can be an incredible addition to an already memorable, positive evening!
- He closes and asks her to come home with him. He does it tactfully and makes his intentions clear without being crude, shy, or acting like ‘sex is bad.’ He is a gentle man… but he is a lustful man, and he has no qualms about showing that to her in a way that is tactful and respectful to her.
What Is A Modern Gentleman?
A modern gentleman understands that he needs to balance tact and social grace with a strong, alpha male presence at all times.
This is actually a tough line to balance sometimes, and it really takes practice.
This is why I encourage men to follow a set of rules like the Oath of Kings, practice them daily, and continue to level-up and get better.
This is also why, as alpha men, we should continue to practice flirting and engaging with women, as often as we can.
As men, we are never done learning. We can always increase our value!
What Makes A True Gentleman?
A true gentleman can still treat others with kindness and respect, even when he is prioritizing his own needs, desires, or plans.
I see so many men struggle with this balance. I used to struggle with it a lot as well.
We need to be aware of the fact that we have two relationships with the world. We have our relationship with our inner self, and we also have relationships with those who exist outside of ourselves… other humans.
We must prioritize ourselves, but we must also learn that kindness and respect are always important. This is where the rules to be a gentleman are really focused and honed.
How Do You Know If A Guy Is A True Gentleman?
I think that a true gentleman is easy to spot. Among other things, he will…
- Be kind and respectful to others
- He will be powerful, at least within himself
- He will be confident
- He will be honest and bold about who he is
- He will not shy away from a challenge
- He will balance social graces and tact with ambition, industriousness, and the pursuit of his goals, whatever they may be
- He will always seek to be leveling himself up and making himself better
How Does A Gentleman Treat A Lady?
With kindness, respect, and honesty.
He won’t play games with her. But if he is interested in her, he may flirt with her, pursue her, and explore the possibility of sexual chemistry or interaction.
He will not try to put her down or be rude to her.
He will not try to subjugate her or ‘assert dominance’ over her. He will, of course, have a respect for gender equality, and won’t assume, think, or act like he is superior to women in any way.
He is also confident in himself, and does not need a woman’s validation to understand that he is awesome.
But he will also maintain healthy boundaries. Obviously, he would not stand for any woman to mistreat him, just as he would never stand for it with a man.
But in such cases, he would rather speak his mind respectfully and walk away than to get into some sort of senseless argument or conflict.
Being an alpha male requires us to treat all humans with common decency.
But we must also be strong in ourselves… strong enough to walk away from toxic people without acting upon them in a harmful manner.
And according to the rules to be a gentleman, a true alpha male knows this.
He is above petty drama. He is focused on what he wants, and he isn’t afraid to boldly pursue it.
The Great Irony Is That This Powerful Alpha Attitude Is Very Attractive To Women
Women are very attracted to powerful, strong men.
And when you can embody these rules to be a gentleman and manifest them in your life, you can crush it in your dating goals and really level-up the types of women you are able to attract.
It is so simple. You focus on becoming a high-value man. And then, high-value women will become more and more interested in you.
It is so simple. And yet, so misunderstood by so many people.
Hopefully this post has helped you to understand basic rules to be a gentlemen, and how these rules can contribute in a positive way to helping you win with women.
Go with grace, my friends. And never give up your power.
Until next time…
Joshua K. Sigafus